Chapter 24

Ava

The drive over was quiet but comfortable, and I was ecstatic that I had my father sitting in the passenger seat. He had come over to make things okay with me, even though he didn’t have to, and it meant the world to me. I knew that I had Tanner in the other room, and I felt terrible for him, but it was kind of humorous how the situation had reversed itself. I had a conscience. I knew that my father would have been upset knowing Tanner was there, so I had lied, but for some reason it made me feel really bad, and more because I was hiding Tanner than because I was lying to my dad again. I didn’t know what I wanted from him, but I now knew it was harder to stay away from him than I had thought.

I looked up across the table and watched as my father looked over the menu. We had decided on a Cuban restaurant in Brooklyn, a place he and I used to go to when I was younger. My mother hated Cuban food, and though it wasn’t my favorite, I knew it was something that would make my father happy. It was obvious from earlier that I couldn’t make everyone happy, and I was starting to think the situation I was in was useless. Someone was going to get hurt. It was inevitable, and I was afraid it was already Tanner.

We had an amazing time when he’d stopped by the apartment, something that was unexpected and wild. I had let go, yet again, even though I knew I shouldn’t have. However, the person who was pushing back this time was me, and I knew that Tanner had heard the conversation between my father and me. I knew that he heard me tell my father we weren’t seeing each other. I was put on the spot, and I’d answered without thinking, without realizing what kind of damage that could do to our relationship, or whatever it was that we had. I shouldn’t care. I never had before, and just two weeks ago, I wouldn’t have given a damn, being more worried about my future at MJ than of my feelings toward Tanner. However, as I sat there thinking about it, I could feel a giant lump in my throat, and I couldn’t help but be worried about what he was thinking.

There had been other men in my life but nothing that I ever thought of as serious. I never thought, when taking the job at MJ, that I would end up feeling this intense about my boss. My emotions were all over the place, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get Tanner off my mind. He was this crazy sexy man with no inhibitions, a direct path in life, and a past that made even me blush, but there I was, sitting across from my father, thinking about what he was doing at that moment. It was obvious and clear, no matter how much I didn’t want to admit it to myself, I was in love with this man. Completely and utterly head over heels in love.

I could feel my cheeks blushing and my stomach flip flopping as I finally accepted that I was in love for the first time. Immediately, I felt warm inside, butterflies flowing through my chest, and a smile trying desperately to push through. My father was ordering his food, and I hadn’t been able to concentrate on the menu at all. I wasn’t like other girls growing up. I never had that high school sweetheart or that college love. I was too dedicated to my future to mess with things like that.

Now that I knew how it felt, and how intoxicating it was, I had probably made a wise choice back then. How did people function normally when they fell in love? My palms were sweaty, my heart was racing, and I had this overpowering want to scream it from the rooftops. However, staring across the table at my father, I realized that I couldn’t tell a soul, not even Tanner. There was too much at stake at that moment, and I didn’t want to hurt my dad.

After he was done ordering, I just picked an item and told the waitress. He looked at me funny since it wasn’t the normal, and I shrugged, handing the menu back to the server. I didn’t even know what to say at that moment and I felt like I was losing my mind.

“I wanted to try something new,” I said smiling.

“I love you,” he said with a smile. “I know things have been very messed up lately. I feel terrible that I showed so much hatred toward Tanner over the years that you felt like you had to lie about working for him. His company is amazing. He’s really done a great job, and you will learn a lot from there.”

“I know, but I’m not sure I want to stay,” I said looking down at my salad. “Everything got really crazy really fast, and I don’t know if it’s a good atmosphere for me.”

“Personal feelings aside, you have to admit that working for MJ during the merger will be an amazing resume booster,” he said shrugging. “Don’t give up on your career because you’re uncomfortable. Those things will sort themselves out, but your career needs constant vigilance.”

“Do you regret splitting off from him?”

“Regret? No,” he said shaking his head. “I loved every moment I got to spend with you growing up. I wouldn’t trade that for anything. As a human being, though, I do wonder from time to time what our lives would have been like if I was a CEO of my own company, but then I remember what Tanner had to sacrifice and I just forget all about it.”

“I’m sorry for lying to you, Dad,” I said, feeling guilty.

“I’m sorry for reacting the way I did,” he replied, reaching out and taking my hand. “I love you. Let’s move on from this.”

“I like that idea.” I squeezed his hand.

We continued to talk, changing the subjects from work to Mom and back around again to my job. As I listened to him talk, I couldn’t help but feel distracted. While I looked, like I was in tune, listening to everything he said, my mind was whirling wildly, thoughts of Tanner intruding at every turn. My mind was racing with questions and worries, hoping that he wasn’t too upset with me. I could feel myself starting to get anxious, and I really wanted to focus on my time with my father.

There was something calming about his presence, but since I couldn’t even tell him about how I felt about Tanner, it was hard to sit there in front of him. I wondered if Tanner had the same feelings as me, or was it easy for him to just turn them off and move on without another thought? Just the idea, just the thought of him moving on made me sick to my stomach, and I knew I would eventually have to be honest about the way I felt. Right at that moment, though, I needed to take my mind off of him, and start focusing on my dad, making sure that relationship was stable once again.

By the time dinner was over, I was able to multitask enough to hear what my father was saying and still have Tanner floating around in my mind. I tried to pay for the food, but as always, my father insisted on treating me. It made him feel good to take care of me, since he no longer was able to do so on a regular basis. I drove him back to my place, and he walked me up to the door, not wanting to really talk about what his next moves with Mom were. I stood outside, leaning in and squeezing my father, loving how safe I felt when I was wrapped in his arms. I felt safe with Tanner, too, just as safe as I did with my father, which was a huge revelation.

“I’ll see you soon,” Dad whispered. “And remember, don’t make any rash career choices, especially not when there’s emotion behind it. Do what is best for you, search out what you want the most, and don’t ever tell yourself you can’t achieve it.”

“Thanks, Dad,” I said as he pulled back and headed back toward the street. “I love you.”

“Love you too, sweetie.” He waved as I walked inside.

I shut the door behind me and looked around, realizing that Tanner had been hiding in my room. I sprinted back, but the place was empty, Tanner already gone. My heart sank, even though I knew it was insane to think he had waited there for me. I had left when the situation was flipped, and after what I had said, it would be hard to believe he wasn’t hurt. I picked up my phone and dialed his number, but he never picked up. I didn’t want to leave a voicemail since I wasn’t exactly sure what I wanted to say. I needed him to get in contact with me, to tell me everything was okay, but in reality, I wasn’t sure if it was. I sent him a text and closed my phone, waiting patiently for a reply that would never come.

He may be able to ignore my calls and texts, but that didn’t mean he could avoid me in person. I knew where he worked, and I would make sure to go in tomorrow and show up at his desk. I wasn’t going to let him push me out of his life, not after I realized how much I cared about him. I needed to apologize, I knew that, but my problem wasn’t my inability to apologize, it was the stubbornness I knew he had in him. He always talked about how stubborn my father was, but what he didn’t realize was when someone challenged him outside of his comfort zone, he was just as stubborn and frustrating. It was definitely going to be tough. Knowing that, I had to brace for a fight. Hopefully, I could get to him before he completely cut me out of his life.

I mean, he couldn’t ignore me when I laid it all out on the line. At least, I hoped that he couldn’t. No matter how many times he walked away, he would still hear the words, and that was important. Once they were in his mind, they couldn’t be erased, and no matter how much he was ignoring me, he really did care. I saw it in his face when he came over to check on me, I heard it in his voice when he gave me the week off, and I read it in his eyes as we made love on my couch. He could deny it to himself all he wanted, but he couldn’t fool me. There was no hiding himself from me because I’d grown to know him, to love him.

I went into my bedroom and picked out my clothes for the next day, wanting to look as good as possible. When I was done, I jumped in the shower and let the hot water run over me, washing the stresses down the drain. Finally, after so many days of worrying, I had my father back in my life, but it came at a price. I had lied to him and to myself about my feelings for Tanner, and now I had to fix things with Tanner before it was too late. My father told me I could do and have anything I put my mind to, and I wanted a relationship with my family and a relationship with Tanner at the same time. I just wasn’t sure if it was possible anymore.