Chapter 30

Tiffany

Jason’s door was open, so I walked around the corner and stopped in his doorway, looking over at him sitting at his desk. He looked angry, and he had several cuts and bruises on his face. I knew I should ask what the hell happened to him, but I already had a feeling that I knew. Everyone had been talking about a fight the night before in the parking garage, but I didn’t listen long enough to find out who it was between. Now, looking at Jason’s battered face and not being able to find Jordan made me think I missed out on more than after-work drinks when I had gone home after work. I cleared my throat, grabbing Jason’s attention.

“Where is Jordan?”

“He quit,” Jason said, looking back down at his file. “Why?”

I took two steps into the office and closed the door, lingering there for a second before turning back around. I walked over, squinting my eyes at Jason, wondering when he was going to look up at me. Whatever happened when I wasn’t here had put him in a foul mood, and to be frank, I was just completely fed up with everything going on. Right or wrong, I needed to work through these issues with Jordan if I ever wanted to have a chance at a happy relationship with Jason.

“Things will never be okay between Jordan and me if he and I can’t figure out our own shit,” I said sitting down on the edge of the chair.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“It means that I want to be on okay terms with Jordan. Not for me, not for the baby, but for you. If you and your brother continue like this, you’re going to end up hating each other. And then one day, you are going to end up resenting me for driving a wedge between the two of you,” I explained. “I don’t want to be responsible for that.”

“That’s just not true,” he said angrily.

“It is,” I replied. “Whether you can see it or not.”

I stood up and walked out of the office, shutting the door behind me. I grabbed a cup of coffee from the lounge and went to my desk, leaning back in my chair and closing my eyes. The last thing I wanted was for Jordan to quit. He loved this job with every fiber of his being, and I did not want to be the reason he walked away from it. I knew that Jason was worried that I wanted to get back together with Jordan, but that just wasn’t the case. I still wanted Jason just as much as I did at the beginning of all of this, I only wanted him and Jordan to be okay in their relationship. I would never be fully comfortable moving forward if I knew that I had been the root cause of them never talking again. It would change the entire dynamic of the family and cause tension in our relationship.

I went through the rest of the day trying to focus on my work. Jason didn’t come back out of the office after our talk, and I was almost sure that was a good thing. Everyone needed to cool off and take a breather. Even John had stayed locked in his office all day, and after what I heard went down in the parking garage the day before, I was surprised I wasn’t hearing it from him. I knew that it was me driving a wedge in their family, but I didn’t know what to do about it. When work was over, I grabbed my things and headed outside, hopping in a cab and heading over to Jordan’s penthouse. As I stepped out onto the curb, I looked up at the tall building, remembering just three months ago spending my first few days as a married woman tucked away in the rooms on the top floor. It was a strange feeling walking back in and having to ask the front desk guy to let me up the guest elevator. When I got to his floor, I walked over and knocked loudly on his door, assuming he would be there since he didn’t have a job anymore. When Jordan opened the door, he looked down at me with a stern face, a face I had only seen one other time, and that was when he had left me.

“Can I come in?”

He nodded his head and stepped to the side.

I looked around the penthouse, realizing that he hadn’t even moved one thing. Pictures from our wedding still peppered the fireplace, and I wondered if he had ever had Rosalie over to his place. It was a strange feeling standing in the living room of the apartment I used to feel at home in.

“Sit down,” he said gently, pointing to the chair across from the couch he was sitting on.

“I just want to talk,” I said sitting down. “When you left me, and I was all alone, I had zero plans to ever start dating anyone again. I saw your brother in a club that Mona dragged me out to, trying to pull me out of my depression. I had literally built a straw for my wine glass so I could lay down and drink.”

He smiled and chuckled, making me feel more comfortable.

“The next day I asked Jason out to lunch,” I continued. “We had a great time, and it was very unexpected. One thing led to another, and I found myself seeing him almost every day. He found this specialist for me to see. I gave them all my samples, but when the results came back, they told me yes, I had PCOS, but I was also pregnant. It caught me so off guard you could barely talk to me for days. Then it all settled in, and Jason was so wonderful about everything.”

“Do you love him?”

“Yes,” I said after thinking for a few moments. “I do love him, very much.”

“Look,” he said leaning forward and taking my hand. “I know you didn’t do any of this on purpose. You don’t have that kind of anger or revenge in your body. I knew from the first moment I found out that it was literally one of those fluke things that happen that catch you off guard. But I couldn’t help but feel completely enraged by it. It felt like a betrayal on both of your parts, and it was hard to come to terms with the fact that you loved each other. I felt like I had been cheated, but I knew it was because I had walked away. After sitting here today, just staring off into the distance, I realized that you and I were never meant to be. We had a hell of a time together, but we weren’t meant to grow old with each other.”

“I completely agree,” I said, smiling and squeezing his hand. “It was really hard for me to realize that in the beginning, but when I moved past you that day at the lobby of the office, I knew the pain had all gone away. I still cared for you very much. I want what is best for you, and I don’t like to see you hurting. I want you in my life and the baby’s life.”

“And I want to be in the baby’s life.” He smiled. “It just might take me a little bit of time to get used to everything.”

“Well, you have eight months until it’s here, so I think that is plenty of time.” I laughed. “You know, if I had known that I could get pregnant, and it would only take a couple of months, I would have pushed you to try harder. Despite whether we were right for each other, I loved you very much, and I considered you my best friend. I had planned our family out in my head for so many years that I can still see the child I imagined we would have. I know it’s weird, but I’m a girl, so what can I say?”

“You aren’t the only one.” He chuckled. “I thought about what our family would be like and what our children would be like. I imagined a little girl who had your blond hair and pretty green eyes and a little boy with dark hair and dimples like me. I think, though, in the end, it was harder letting go of those dreams than it was letting go of each other. We were living our lives based on dreams of the future not based on our love for each other. It was bound to end at some point.”

“Well, I can admit that I didn’t try to convince you to stay,” I said. “I let you go without a fight and just slunk down in my depression, not even sure what I was depressed over. I didn’t fight for you to stay, and though it wasn’t on purpose, I know it was something in the back of my mind. I think I knew it wouldn’t work no matter how hard I fought, so I didn’t.”

“I know,” he said sitting back. “I noticed that right away. I realized that on about day three that you weren’t going to try to fight for me. I wasn’t playing games, but I guess when you’re in a relationship and you suddenly break it off, you wonder how much they will really fight to keep you. It made me bitter that you had given up just as easily as I had, but I was made out to be the terrible person. People on the outside, especially the ones who have never been married or in a serious relationship don’t understand how marriage is a two-way street. Why would you fight for someone who didn’t even show a tiny amount of sadness when they no longer had you in their life? I knew then, our relationship had never been as strong as we liked to try to make it out to be.”

“I agree with you,” I said. “For me, I just didn’t have anything else in me at that moment. My heart was completely broken, and I didn’t know where to go next, so I just gave up.”

“Well,” Jordan said, standing up and reaching down for my hand. “We had some really good times together, and I want to keep our friendship alive. I want to be an uncle for that baby, too, but you just have to give me some time to adjust.”

“I can do that,” I said, leaning in as he wrapped his arms around me and squeezed, kissing me on the top of my head.

Jordan walked me to the door and smiled as I walked out feeling so much better about everything. I was finally able to sit down and have a conversation with him that didn’t include yelling, screaming, or name calling. In the end, I realized that neither one of us thought we were meant to be, but in the end, we both did things that really hurt the other person. I felt bad about that fact and realized that I truly did give up on Jordan as soon as the waters got rough. I took the elevator downstairs and hopped in a cab, giving them Jason’s address. I pulled out my phone and dialed his number, listening to it ring and ring until the answering service picked up the call. I hung up feeling frustrated at the fact that he wasn’t answering my calls. Where was he? I could feel my emotions start to simmer up in my chest, and immediately, I was worried that after all of that, he was going to be the one to give up on me. There was no way I was going to let that happen.