Chapter 18

Ava

I sat on the edge of the bed clutching my coat for about fifteen minutes after my father and Tanner had left. My weekend had started out with a bang, and now I felt like I had been shot in the chest. Everything was perfect, and I was finally starting to let Tanner in, and then, my father shows up at the door. I had to sneak out of Tanner’s apartment like I was a goddamn hooker instead of a grown woman making her own decisions. Now, though, with my mother having cheated on my father, there was no way I could come out and be honest with him. It would break his heart. Even if I didn’t tell him that I was seeing Tanner and just told him that I worked for the company, he would feel betrayed by both me and Tanner, and all while he was going through one of the hardest things in his life.

I didn’t know what my mother was thinking, sleeping with some young pool boy, but I wanted to give her a piece of my mind. At that moment, though, that was the least of my worries, considering I was about to make the worst walk of shame I had ever experienced. I got up and went in the bathroom, trying to make myself look presentable. I stared at my face in the mirror. My cheeks were rosy, my eyes were sad, and my hair was poufy, great. With a sigh, I pulled my hair back in a high ponytail, letting the curls do their thing. I knew exactly what I needed. I needed my best friend.

I left the apartment, locking the doorknob and pulling the door closed after checking my things several times. I left all the lights on in the house, so it wouldn’t look different when they got back. My father was a smart man and knew when things were off. The last thing I wanted was for him to start getting suspicious. I went out of the lobby and caught a cab, looking around like I was a criminal trying to sneak away from a crime scene. I gave the cab Brianna’s address and sat back, resting my head against the back of the seat and closing my eyes.

How did everything get so messed up? I couldn’t even start to think about what happened, or anything that I had heard my father say. I knew he was being candid, and he would have never acted like that in front of me. He was a tough man, full of pride, and I knew it must have taken him a lot to go to Tanner and ask him for help. At least I knew my father was safe and with someone who would look out for him. I, on the hand, was wandering blindly, not sure where I should land. I knew that Brianna would have some advice, she always did when it really mattered.

When the cab pulled up in front of Brianna’s apartment complex, I paid the driver and climbed the stairs to the fourth floor, stopping halfway to take off my heels. I knew she wasn’t going to be awake yet, but I had a really good reason for waking her up. It wasn’t very often that I had drama in my life. It was usually her with her easy-going personality and fuck-it reasoning. This time, though, I would need her to tell it like she always did, straight and to the point. I didn’t want anyone to continue sugarcoating things to me like I was a child. I was a grown woman, and it was starting to get really annoying having to hide things from people and be involved in this mess of a tryst with Tanner. I was sick and tired of all of it.

When I got to her door, I rang the doorbell several times, listening to her shuffling around the apartment. I waved at the peephole and watched as she flung the door open, her hair a mess but her eyes wide with curiosity. She stepped to the side and let me in, closing the door behind us. I could tell she already knew something big was going on.

“Well, hello there,” she said. “Either you had a seriously fancy breakfast or you are wearing the same clothes as last night.”

“Ugh,” I said, plopping down on her couch and dropping my shoes on the floor. “Hell, that is where I’ve been. Straight hell.”

“Let me start some coffee,” she said, almost too excited.

When she came back with two cups of coffee and handed me one I took it from her and breathed in the aroma. I closed my hands around the hot cup and wished I was home, sleeping happily in my own bed. Instead, I was at my best friends, about to reveal all my dirty little secrets.

“Okay,” she said sitting down. “Spill it.”

“I was at Tanner’s last night and ended up staying the night,” I said.

“What? Wait, you’re sleeping with him?”

“Yeah,” I said. “But the bigger problem was that my father showed up at the door this morning before I was even awake. He had come to talk to Tanner.”

“About what?”

“Apparently, my mother cheated on him with the pool boy,” I said shaking my head.

“Miguel?” She scrunched her nose, and I laughed.

“No,” I chuckled. “Miguel was like eighty. I’m assuming it’s the new guy I saw last time I went over. Regardless, my mom is a whore, and I was stuck in Tanner’s apartment sneaking out like you used to at your boyfriend’s in high school.”

“Wow,” she said, shaking her head. “As the world, fucking turns.”

“Tell me about it,” I sighed, leaning back.

I really wanted a pair of pajamas, a pint of ice cream, a fifth of vodka, and some really cheesy chick flicks. I knew, however, that it was not a good idea to go breaking down into full girl mode. I had to get my shit together.

“I don’t know what to do,” I said. “I can’t be with Tanner now. It’s too weird.”

I looked up at her face, which was riddled in confusion. I forgot that I hadn’t talked to her about anything that was going on, keeping everything very close to my chest to keep my father from finding out. Between work and Tanner, I hadn’t really had the time to even call Brianna, much less fill her in on all the craziness that was now my life. I didn’t feel like explaining myself, nor did I have the luxury of giving in to my feelings for Tanner. I had let my guard down the night before, thinking that life was finally going to let me have a break, but I had been setting myself up for another dramatic event. I should have listened to myself and stayed home from our date. I should have just put on some pj’s, told Tanner I was sorry that we couldn’t do this, and stayed at home. Instead, I decided to be a flirty young girl and give in to something I wasn’t even sure Tanner felt the same way about. Sure, he had me spend the night, but that was hardly an open invitation to a relationship. A relationship I didn’t even know if I wanted in the first place.

“What do you mean with him?”

“I don’t know,” I said, shaking my head. “Sexually, I guess. I don’t think I can be with him sexually anymore.”

“You have feelings for this guy,” she said with a gasp. “Like real ‘let’s have a relationship’ feelings.”

“No,” I said sternly. “It was lust, not love. We had been attracted to each other since day one, and it was intense. I won’t lie about that, but in the end, that’s all it was.”

“You are lying to me or yourself or someone.” She shook her head. “You wouldn’t be so upset if it weren’t true.”

“I’m upset because of everything,” I said defensively. “Tanner isn’t the kind of guy who falls in love. I don’t have time for a fling, no matter what my feelings are. The reality of it is, I slept with him, I got involved in something I shouldn’t have, and now I am in deep shit. My father is there with him, getting drunk because my mother is a crazy whore, apparently, and I’m here after sneaking out of his apartment like a hooker.”

“At least he got you out.” She laughed. “You could be spending your weekend in the closet, having meals brought to you.”

“True,” I said, trying not to laugh.

“Look, you need to relax,” she said looking at me. “You need to take a deep breath and just take the rest of the weekend to think about everything. Right now, your feelings are really raw.”

“You’re right,” I sighed.

“And to do that, we are going to do some serious drinking,” she said slapping her hands on her legs. “Come on. You can wear some of my clothes.”

I smiled, realizing that Brianna was right, I needed to just have a normal twenty-five-year-old weekend where I started the day with a glass of mimosa and ended it passed out on the bed. Brianna and I hadn’t spent much time together lately, and it would be just as good for me to spend time with her this weekend as it would be for her. I followed her into the bedroom and changed my clothes, listening to her change the subject and start to get super excited for the day she was dreaming up in her head.

After I was dressed, we hit the town, starting with brunch where we ate, drank mimosas, laughed, and started our weekend dive into total annihilation mode. After that, we did some shopping but not without Brianna’s signature move of a water bottle filled with whiskey and diet coke like we were teenagers sneaking alcohol. After brunch, I was already feeling good, and I let loose, allowing myself to really enjoy the day with laughter, jokes, and all the things I loved about being best friends with Brianna. We went from bar to bar through the city, having a drink, taking a shot, and then moving on to the next spot like we didn’t have a care in the world.

By the time we got home, it was dark outside, and Brianna went straight in, passing out on her bed. I was wasted, and I stumbled into the spare bedroom and lay down on my back, staring up at the ceiling. I pulled my phone out and dialed Tanner, not giving a shit at that moment. It was amazing how inhibitions could be completely forgotten when you had an entire day of drinking under your belt.

“Hellllooo,” he sang with a laugh.

“Well, hello there sexy pants,” I said. “Still getting wasted with my dad?”

“Ah, the old guys have folded,” he said, obviously tipsy. “You sound like you’re feeling good though.”

“Brianna has all the cures.” I giggled.

“I don’t know,” he said. “I’m pretty confident my dick would be a good cure right now for you.”

“I’m pretty sure your dick was a pretty good reason I got drunk in the first place,” I replied laughing.

“Ouch,” he said. “I thought I was better than that, Ava.”

“Trust me, you were phenomenal,” I replied with laughter.

We talked for a little bit longer, sending little flirty and dirty quips back and forth to each other. When the ceiling started to spin with the fan, I said my goodnights and hung up the phone, dropping it in the floor and rolling over in the bed. Before my eyes collapsed shut under the weight of whiskey, I thought about Tanner and tried desperately to let the feelings inside of me float away with the alcohol. Whether I liked it or not, it was pretty obvious I had it bad for this guy.