Chapter 20

Ava

I slammed my phone down on the bed next to me, tears beginning to fill my eyes. What had I done? I knew last night I shouldn’t have called Tanner, but between the alcohol and the stress of the day, he was the only one I wanted to talk to. However, from that one act of not thinking things through, I had outed myself to my father. Who was I kidding? That wasn’t the only act. It had started long before that phone call ever took place. I knew from day one that what I was doing was wrong. I took a job for a man who my father hated, and I knew it, but still, I walked right into that office like I knew what I was doing. I lied to the one man who had always been there for me. Then, to make matters worse, I started sleeping with Tanner, a betrayal I didn’t know if my father would ever get over. He was a proud man, and though his anger stemmed from the fact that he loved me, he was going through so much, and this was possibly the piece of hay that would break the camel’s back.

I picked up my phone and dialed my father’s number, listening to it ring a few times before he sent it straight to message. He wasn’t going to answer my phone calls. He didn’t want anything to do with me. I wanted to be livid with Tanner, scream at him even, but it took two to make this mess, and it wasn’t his job to babysit me. He tried to hold back early on, the same way I had, but the magnetism between us was too much for either of us to bear. The fault didn’t lie in the moment I slept with him, it started the moment I decided it was a good idea to take the job at MJ. I tried calling my father three more times, but he sent my call to voicemail every single time. It was almost frustrating, and I knew I needed to talk to him.

I took some clothes quietly out of Brianna’s closet and pulled them on, not wanting to track my father down in a dress I had been wearing for two days. I wrote Brianna a quick note letting her know what was going on and grabbed my stuff, heading out to get a cab. I had the cab take me to my place where I jumped in my own car and decided to head over to my parent’s house, hoping I would find my father there. They lived outside of the city, so the drive took a little bit of time, but I was okay with that, needing a moment to clear my head before I faced my father. It was time I started telling the truth, no matter how painful that was for me and him. No more lies could come from any of this. I had made a very poor decision, and now, I had to be the one who paid for that.

When I pulled into the driveway, I put the key code in the gate and slowly pulled down the way. The gardeners were in the yard, raking the leaves and preparing for the fall decorations my mother always like to put up. This was all so messed up. We should be angry with my mother, not focused on the fact that I had done something incredibly stupid. Now my father was sure to feel completely alienated from his life. He had a lying daughter and a cheating wife, and after all the sacrifices he had made for our family, this was how we paid him back.

I pulled the car up out front and hopped out, walking to the back of the house to make sure he wasn’t sitting in the garden like he liked to do when he wanted to reflect on something. The only thing back there were a few of the staff from the house and the decorations they were getting ready to put up. I walked back around the house and walked in through the front door, turning toward his study and walking quietly inside. It was dark and empty, and my father was nowhere in sight. I searched the entire house looking for him, but once I got to the garage and saw that his favorite car was gone, I knew he wasn’t there. I needed to find him, but I had no idea where to even start. My father spent all his free time at home and never really went anywhere.

As I walked back toward the front door, I heard someone walk up behind me. I froze as I got to the front door, hearing my mother clear her throat. She was the last person I wanted to talk to right then.

“Ava,” she said softly.

“Mother,” I replied angrily, turning toward her. “I came to find Dad.”

“He’s not here,” she said, looking down. “Did he tell you what happened?”

“Yep,” I said. “But I don’t have time for that. I need to find him.”

“Ava, I’m sorry,” she pleaded.

“Not now, Mother,” I replied, shaking my hand. “Do you know where Dad is?”

“No,” she said with a sigh. “He left yesterday morning and hasn’t been back.”

“Great,” I said angrily.

“Ava, I’m sorry, really.” She stepped forward as if to touch my arm.

“Mom, I don’t have time for this. I told you that,” I said with irritation. “There are other things going on. We can talk about this later or something.”

I wasn’t even sure that my father knew that I knew about mom, but she was the least of my worries at that point. I couldn’t help fix the situation she had gotten herself into when I was knee-deep in my own pile of shit. I wasn’t going to tell her what happened. It would only make her feel like maybe she could get off the hook for sleeping with the pool boy. My mother did not deserve to be off the hook any more than I did. Everything was so completely messed up in my life, and I had let that trickle over to the point where it completely destroyed my father. He didn’t deserve any of this, not one bit of it. Not Tanner betraying him, not me lying to him for weeks, not my mother cheating on him, none of it. But there we were, two lying women standing in one room together.

“You can’t ignore me forever,” she said, a bit angry.

“Oh, Mother,” I said snidely. “Not everything is about you. Get over yourself.”

My mother has had this way of making me feel incredibly guilty anytime I didn’t react the way she wanted me to. She had done it my whole life, even when I was a small child. She never raised her hand to me physically, or even raised her voice to me in anger, but she would set a serious guilt trip on my shoulders and wait for me to buckle under the pressure. It became harder and harder to get to me as I got older, though, and after a while, she just let my father handle me, knowing she couldn’t get through to me even if she tried.

This time, though, I didn’t even want to start that conversation with her. She wanted me to forgive her for sleeping with that guy, but it wasn’t for our relationship. It was for her own damn conscience. She felt terrible about it, and knowing her, she would call her girlfriends and they would console her, telling her she wasn’t at fault. My mother was never at fault for anything in her life. That was why, when I found my father, I didn’t want to make any excuses. I wanted to take full responsibility for everything I had done to hurt him.

I stood there in the entryway, staring blankly at my mother. She dropped her arms and shook her head, realizing I wasn’t going to stand for any of her bullshit. As usual, she gave up, and walked away, not wanting to admit to anything or take responsibility for anything she’d done wrong. She wasn’t worried about comforting me. She was worried about comforting herself, sitting back and waiting for my father to come home. There was no proactive nature about my mother, and I blamed the lack of empathy for her inability to move forward in any tough situation. She had to be pushed, otherwise the issue would go by, unresolved, and later rear its ugly head again. This situation, though, didn’t bear repeating, considering she cheated on my father. I didn’t know if she would learn anything from it or not.

My mother was the least of my worries at that point, and I wasn’t going to spend another minute thinking about whether or not she was okay. I looked around the room thinking about my childhood, remembering how close my father and I were. My heart was aching, and it was my own damn fault. I had screwed up my relationship with my father, and I wasn’t even sure there would be anything I could do to fix it. At the very best, it would be completely changed for the rest of my life, something that was inevitable but I didn’t want to accept. I took a deep breath and turned toward the door, ready to leave and go figure out a way to find my father. My phone began to vibrate in my pocket, and I pulled it out, seeing my dad’s name on the screen.

“Dad,” I said frantically. “Where are you?”

“It doesn’t matter,” he growled. “How could you do this? What were you thinking? You weren’t, and that is the point. You lied to me about everything, and to make matters worse, you got involved with Tanner knowing he was not a good man.”

“I know,” I said trying to find the words. “I’m so sorry, Dad.”

“I am so sick and tired of being told people are sorry,” he yelled. “You and your mother are full of ‘I’m sorry’ and it makes me sick. Maybe, if you were that sorry, you should have thought about it beforehand. This is a betrayal I cannot look past. I don’t want to see you ever again. Do whatever you want with your life.”

“Dad,” I cried out as he hung up the phone.

I stood there with the phone to my ear, like he was going to magically be on the other end. Tears flooded my eyes, and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. My father had disowned me, and all because I couldn’t make a smart decision from the beginning. My father was a proud man and stubborn as hell, and the thought of not having him in my life was absolutely terrifying. I looked up as my mother rounded the corner, a look of concern on her face. Before she could say a word, I turned and ran from the house, jumping in my car and speeding down the driveway.

Everything was swirling around me so fast, and I couldn’t catch my breath for even a second. When I reached the gate, I stopped the car and got out, grabbing my stomach and screaming loudly. The cold air whipped around me as tears streamed down my face. I was in complete agony, unable to even fathom what had just happened. I was alone, completely alone, and I didn’t know where to turn. I needed to go home and sit in the quiet. I didn’t want to talk to Brianna or Tanner. They would only fan the flames and tell me lies about how everything was going to be okay. I didn’t need coddling. I needed to get my life back together.