Chapter 8

Ava

The polo match was only a few days away, and I was freaking out about it. I couldn’t go with my coworkers because my parents would find out I’d lied about my job. I told my parents I would go with them, but what if someone from work recognized me? I was starting to think it was a better idea to just stay home and relax, especially since everyone else would be there, giving me ample time to get some rest and relaxation. I didn’t know, though. It was almost impossible for anything to be that simple, especially when it came to my father and interrupting family time. I knew with my mother’s constant need to gossip and talk with her friends, I was my father’s only escape. While that was great, it was also a serious liability for me and keeping my secret. Why had my life become so darned complicated? I guessed I’d done it to myself with all this sneaking around, but my father’s past was taking a definite toll on my future.

I had several days to think about it. It was only Wednesday, but I was having a hard time concentrating on my work. Hiding this from my dad seemed a little bit more stressful than I thought it would be. Not to mention there was this insane sexual attraction between Tanner and me, and that did not help my stress levels at that moment. It was strange that as much as he was part of my stress, I almost felt better anytime he was around. All morning, when he would come to my desk to talk, drop something off, or whatever, I could feel my nerves begin to go from boiling to just a simmer in about thirty seconds flat. It was stupid, and I knew I couldn’t read into it, but it was helping for now.

As if he could read my mind, I glanced up to find Tanner looking across the hall at me, leaned back in his chair as if he were contemplating something. I smiled and looked back down, realizing that it was almost time to break for lunch. He got up and walked toward me, smiling as other employees passed in the hallway.

“Hey, there,” he said, ducking into my doorway. “Wanna go grab lunch together?”

“Um, sure,” I said, cheerfully. “Give me five minutes to get my stuff together?”

“Sure,” he said. “Just grab me when you are ready.”

It had been the first time we would have lunch since the second day I worked for the company. Every day, I waited patiently, hoping he would ask me out again, but he was trying to keep quiet the fact that we were somewhat, in a weird way, seeing each other. He didn’t want the others to see us together alone too often because they would immediately start rumors. I realized when I came to work in the real world that the office drama was like being back in high school, except we got paid for it. The last thing I wanted was to be the topic of the rumor mill with the women in the office who had nothing better to do with their time. I was pretty sure it wouldn’t turn out too well for them since Tanner didn’t seem like the kind of guy who would put up with that kind of thing. Either way, first and foremost, I was there to do a job and rumors of a personal relationship would get in the way of that.

When I was ready to go, we walked nonchalantly to the elevator, no one really noticing at all. We walked three blocks south to a small organic deli and ordered some sandwiches. I sat at a small, round table watching Tanner wait for our order at the counter as I sipped on my tea, thinking about how handsome he looked. That was exactly one of the biggest problems. I couldn’t get my mind off him to even start to think of a solution. When he finally sat down, I forced a smile through my trance and sat back, taking a deep breath.

“What’s up? You seem distracted,” he said, picking up his sandwich.

“I’ve just been thinking about the polo match a lot,” I replied. “I don’t regret taking this job at all, but I also didn’t realize how complicated things would get. It’s been more stressful than I thought it would be. I don’t know. Maybe it’s just me making things stressful, but either way, it’s on my mind.”

“I can understand that,” he said.

“I think I’ve decided to not go to the polo match at all,” I replied. “I’m going to tell my parents I’m sick and just take the day and be home.”

“But I wanted to see you,” he said with a pouty lip.

“You see me every day.” I chuckled at his frowny face.

“I know,” he replied. “I meant outside of work, just being whoever Ava really is.”

“I’m pretty much me all the time,” I said, a little flattered that it mattered to him. “Nothing really different except maybe not a skirt and heels.”

“I like the sound of that,” he snickered. “Can’t you just come with work, and we’ll make sure you don’t leave the special tented area for us.”

“I’m sure you do like the sound of it.” I shook my head at how easily his mind was led into the gutter. “I would go with you guys, but that isn’t a very big space, and it’s way too close for comfort.”

We sat there for several minutes, eating our lunches, thinking about the problem at hand. I knew Tanner was trying to come up with a solution, and it was kind of sweet, but it was still completely impossible. I had already racked my brain for days trying to decide what I wanted to do, how I could get around all this, but it wasn’t going to work any way I looked at it. My best course of action was to stay home and deal with it.

“What if—”

“Tanner,” I said, cutting him off. “I have thought of all the different options, and it just seems too dangerous for me to do. If I go with you, someone could recognize me and tell my father they saw me. If I go with him, someone from here could completely blow my cover. It is just too complicated.”

“But I wanted to see you there,” he said still pouting.

“You are impossible.” I laughed.

“I know,” he said. “But at the same time, I understand. You have to do what you have to do, and if not going keeps you working for the company, I can be okay with that. I don’t want you to hurt your father, no matter how much we dislike each other. We were best friends once. I also don’t want to put you in jeopardy of having to choose between him and your job. I know family is important to you and so is your career. I don’t like putting anyone in impossible situations like that.”

He reached out and covered my hand with his, looking into my eyes. As soon as mine latched to his, it was like we were in our own little world, caught up in something neither of us was expecting. We probably would have sat there forever like that, but his cell phone rang, shaking us back to the present. He pulled his hand away quickly and looked down at his call, answering the phone and walking outside. I watched him walk out the door and stand on the sidewalk, talking to whoever was on the other line. It was work related, as always, and though I wanted to get my own mindset back to work, it was nearly impossible. This man had done something to me, and I think, in the back of mind, I was more worried about him getting hurt than I was my father. I knew he wasn’t a commitment kind of guy, but at the same time, he was also acting differently toward me than I had ever seen him act toward the girls he’d brought to our house as kids. He was always distant and course with them, but never with me.

When he returned from his phone call, he sighed and rolled his eyes. He returned to sit and finish his sandwich. I rested my chin on my hands, smiling at his reaction. He was always wanted for something, but I knew he loved that because he had created such an important business that ran with or without him at that point.

“See, work will always be there, and luckily, I work right across the hall,” I said. “You’ll see me every day at work.”

“True,” he said, “but I was hoping to see you outside of work.”

I smiled with no response, watching him finish eating and then take our dishes back to the counter. I gathered my things and threw away any trash that was left before meeting him at the front door. As I passed out to the sidewalk, his hand pressed against the small of my back, sending waves of electricity through my body. I turned and looked around before looking up into his eyes. He smiled, and I leaned forward, slowly and softly kissing his lips. He immediately relaxed into my touch this time, and it felt almost natural and normal.

“What was that for?”

“Lunch,” I said, smiling. “And to hold you over for a while.”

“That will hold me over for...” he looked down at his watch, “whelp, the time has passed. I need more.”

I laughed and slapped him in the chest, turning and walking toward the crosswalk, looking back over my shoulder at him as he pulled his jacket on, chuckling and shaking his head. I turned back, waiting for the signal, the smile fading from my face. What had I gotten myself into? I had started a job against my father’s wishes, and then I had gone and fallen for the boss. I knew from the beginning that he wasn’t the man I needed to have my mind on. In fact, I needed to have my mind on work and not men. There I was, though, standing at the intersection that seemed to represent more than just the walk back to work. It symbolized my struggle of direction, the understanding that one path led in a completely different direction than the other, but most likely, both led to heartbreak. It was too late to get him off my mind. That would be impossible unless I quit, and that wasn’t in the cards.

When in school, everyone made life outside of college seem so perfect and easy. They acted like the hardest part is getting through school, but in reality, once you have the job, work is the least of your worries. Suddenly you had to balance your choices, and there were no instructors or professors there to help you do that. It was almost impossible not to make mistakes. You just hoped your mistakes weren’t so monumental that it affected the rest of your life. I was standing there far beyond making a choice and now faced with the consequences of my choices. For once in my life, I was extremely excited to have a Saturday where everyone left me alone. I was going to be able to enjoy the peace and quiet of my own thoughts without any outside influence. No matter how much I wanted Tanner to be there, this was going to be a moment where I really needed to decide what I wanted and whether taking the chance on Tanner was even worth it in the long run. I was pretty sure I already knew that answer, but every time I thought I did, he would do something sweet, or look at me lustfully, and I knew I was in over my head.

Just as that thought crossed my mind, he came up next to me and flashed a charming smile. There I was again, melting into a giant puddle on the sidewalk. This just might be completely hopeless.