Chapter 9

Tanner

I never really was interested in polo at all, and to be honest, the people weren’t much more interesting. But the company had sponsored this, and we wanted to bring some good press in before we started the merger. No matter how good of an idea the merger was, the change was hard for everyone, including the public. The company and the board felt it was proactive to really get the public back behind this business that I had grown from the ground floor. So, we had several sponsored events going on across the country, the first of which was the polo match. I wasn’t sure when I’d started to dislike the event. I used to look forward to it, but now, for some reason, the women in their hats and tight little dresses didn’t hold the appeal they used to, at least not like Ava did.

I tried to push the thought of Ava from my mind, realizing I was thinking about her more than I had anyone else in my life. When I was with her, I was thinking about her. When I wasn’t with her, I was thinking about her, and when I was thinking about her, it was no longer only about sex. I shook my head and ordered a beer from the waiter walking around, needing to distract myself and keep up the look of the company. Even if Ava were here, it wasn’t like I could be alone with her or even act on any of my incredible urges to always be touching her in some way or another. It was increasingly difficult for me to keep my hands off her, and I didn’t mean in a purely sexual way. Like when we walked out of the deli earlier in the week and I pressed my hand against the small of her back, that gentle, natural touch just seemed like the normal thing to do.

I wanted to see more of her, more than I had gotten the entire time I had known her. Yes, she was the same person I was around when she was a kid, but this woman in front of me every day was captivating. No, I hadn’t changed my own personal rules on commitment, but something had to give because I couldn’t seem to keep my mind on anything but her. There was a crazy vibe between us, and we were walking this tightrope together, not knowing what was right and where we stood.

The waiter came back with my beer, and I sat down in a chair next to the field. I watched part of the match, trying to take my mind off things I should have been able to set aside. The breeze was cool that day, and I’d worn a light jacket. I crossed my legs and looked around, seeing Ava’s mother, Lindy, across the yard, talking to a gaggle of snooty women. She was such a bitch, always had been, but Dean loved her, and she loved him but just got seriously caught up in the lifestyle. Dean was smart enough to know he needed a big enough nest egg to keep her happy, and that’s exactly what he had. After we split, I heard he had taken a CFO position for a multinational financial firm and retired just recently from that. He liked to stay busy, but he also liked to have control over his schedule for his family’s sake.

All in all, both of our lives turned out exactly like we wanted them to. I wasn’t sure Dean’s went down the path he’d thought it would when we first started the business. The business world was a tough place then, and it had only gotten tougher as the years passed. With technological changes, constant training needed, and the competition all over the place, it had been a battlefield until I finally got my company above the competition. I knew then, and I would stand by it now, that Dean would have never survived in the world I lived in. It was too centered around constant work and sacrifice in order to make it right. Sometimes, I thought about what my life would have been like if I had thought like Dean, but then again, I wasn’t wired that way, and it wasn’t something I could even picture in my head. Sure, everyone likes the idea of having another person there waiting on them every day, but I didn’t have time for that, especially early in my career.

I let out a deep breath as Lindy turned and walked the other way without seeing me. It was stressful enough having her there, and the last thing I needed was for her to spot me and have one of her fits. I knew if she was there, her husband wasn’t too far away, and an encounter was far from something I was in the mood for. I needed a damn vacation, on an island, where I was not going to run into anyone I knew. I needed a space where I could just relax, take a deep breath and be me. Of course, I knew my brain would never allow it, and after the first few hours, I would be trying to connect to Wi-Fi to check on the company and knock out some work. At that moment, I was just going to have to settle for the cool breeze, the beer in my hand, and the polo match in front of me. In all actuality, it was probably the most I’d relaxed in a really long time. Of course, as soon as I thought that, my phone went off letting me know the executive board was making a speech to all those in attendance.

I stood up, rolling my eyes and stretching. I wanted to sit there and do nothing until they made me go home. When I opened my eyes, they landed directly on Dean, and I quickly put my arms down and tried to avoid him. The last thing I wanted was to have a conversation with this guy. It was too late, though. He had already seen me and was heading in my direction. I thought about bolting like a child, but I figured that would just give him even more ammo, so I smiled as kind as I could and stood there with my hands in my pockets.

“Tanner,” he said, stepping up to face me.

“Dean,” I said, not sure whether to offer a handshake or not.

He looked good, very relaxed, and I was almost jealous of that fact. We stood there staring at each other for several moments, the situation both intense and awkward. It had been many years since we had last seen each other, and I didn’t even know what to say. He looked irritated as usual, but personally, I really didn’t care all that much.

“I saw that MJ was sponsoring,” he grumbled. “It’s a shame this polo match has lowered its standards in that way. It seems all the trash has come out now.”

I stood there for a second folding his words over in my head. At first, I almost thought I heard him wrong, knowing there was no possible way that he had just walked up after all this time and made his first full sentence an insult. I must have been going crazy, right? Nope, I was not crazy in the least, and it was almost humorous to me how irritated he was after all these years. He was a man who could hold a grudge.

“Really?” I laughed and shook my head. “All these years later, and you’re still angry.”

“I don’t waste anger on you,” he scoffed. “Just pointing out the facts.”

“Yeah, well, at least my half of the company is still going strong,” I snapped back. “And I recreated your half, probably better than you could have done yourself. In fact, have you heard the news? We’re merging with the number three company. Sounds like this trash is handling itself pretty well.”

“You always have been an arrogant son of a bitch,” he growled, stepping forward. “You never could understand that you didn’t do any of this all on your own. You’ve always stood on the shoulders of greats.”

“Really? And what great shoulders would those be? Yours?”

I felt bad for some reason, and it was in my nature to be combatant. However, after so many years, I didn’t harness the same anger Dean had held on to. I should have just walked away, but he was being such an asshole. We stood there for several minutes exchanging verbal blows like we were in high school.

“I have successfully run one of the largest Fortune 500 companies in the world,” he said. “I have kept a beautiful family in place, raised a strong, independent daughter, been married for over twenty-five years. What do you have to say for your life beyond your company?”

“My life is my company.” I chuckled, thinking about Ava but pushing it from my mind. “I chose the path best for me, and you know as well as I do that picnics and tea parties were never on my list of accomplishments. Hell, if they were on yours, you nailed it, but while you were playing dolls and being the ‘man of the house’ I was making millions, growing a company, and becoming the top person in my field. Doesn’t sound like a wasted life to me.”

“You are so naïve,” he said, chuckling. “When you die, will you bury the buildings you built with you? Will you fill your casket with hundred-dollar bills? I’ll be surrounded by people who love me, people I had personal and beautiful relationships with. You will have your secretary and the gravedigger. Sounds like you are the one who truly is missing out. I’ll tell you what I told you before, Tanner. One day, you’re going to regret pushing everyone aside for your dreams. One day, you’re going to want the time back, but by then it will be too late.”

I stared at him for several minutes, blinking my eyes, trying to understand why those words were hitting me so hard in the chest. Had I gotten so hung up on Ava that Dean was making sense for once? I shook my head and forced a smile, turned and walked away. It was the only thing I could do, since words had seemed to have left me behind. I grabbed my keys and left the match, not wanting to look at any of these people anymore. I knew the execs would have my ass Monday, and I knew leaving would look bad on the company, but I couldn’t sit there any longer and deal with that. I was angry, and I didn’t even know why. Sure, Dean really knew how to get under my skin, but this time was different, his words hit me like a punch in the gut. I didn’t like it, and I needed to get my mind off it or I would obsess for the rest of the day.

I walked straight to my car and jumped inside, gripping the steering wheel and growling. I needed to clear my head, think about something else. I sat there thinking for a few minutes before pulling off and out of the country club compound. I knew exactly what I needed. There was no question about it. I was tired of holding back and tired of skirting the issue. I was going to go do what I wanted to do for a change, and hopefully, it didn’t blow up in my face.