Chapter 14

Ava

Talk about frustrating. I had spent the rest of work the day before stewing in my own irritation because Tanner had made plans for dinner on Friday and given me absolutely no choice in the matter. I was supposed to be in charge of all of this. I was supposed to be the one who called the shots when it came to us having any kind of relationship beyond a professional one. However, I couldn’t deny that I found his arrogance almost sexy. I lay in bed that night thinking about how mad I wanted to be, but I couldn’t deny I was extremely turned on. So, turned on, that I considered calling him, but I turned over and forced myself to sleep instead.

When I woke up, I was groggy and frustrated, more sexually frustrated than anything else. I took a hot shower to wake up and got ready for the day. I wondered what crazy things this day would bring, especially since I couldn’t seem to go even an hour without some kind of drama. When I got to the building, I climbed into the elevator and leaned back against the wall. Before the doors could shut, Tanner shoved his arm in and climbed inside next to me, breathing heavily as if he’d made a run for it. I cleared my throat and smiled at him, moving over to the corner and leaning back. I didn’t want to make a big deal about him being there with me, but his cologne smelled so damn good.

Instantly, I could feel desire start to raise up to my chest. I crossed my legs at the ankle, feeling the heat coursing between my legs. It was raining outside, and Tanner had water dripping down his neck. I followed as a drop moved from the edge of his hair and slid slowly down his smooth, tanned skin, falling beneath his collar. I imagined it continuing down his large muscled back, his shoulders flexing as it tickled his skin. I rolled my eyes and took a deep breath, leaning back and trying to ignore the fact that I wanted to hit the stop button and fuck him on the elevator. Instead, I ran the pictures of our meeting the other day through my mind to remind myself how cold and collected he could be. Before I could get through them all, I sensed him scoot closer to me. I opened my eyes and looked at him. He was staring at my face, his back pressed against the elevator as well. He looked like he wanted to say something, but I thought if I opened my mouth, he wouldn’t hear anything more than my lust for him and that had to stay buried deep inside of me.

“I have something to tell you,” he said, looking down. “I met with your father for dinner last night.”

“What?” My eyes got bigger and I stood up, all lust completely washing out of my system. “Wait, you did what? Say that again, please.”

“Your father sent me an email yesterday,” he explained. “He apologized for our fight at the polo match and wanted to meet so we could talk. I agreed. It was so good, Ava. We talked through everything that happened between us for the last ten years. We talked about the split of the business, our animosity, our anger, and the fact that we always considered each other family. It was like a weight off both of our shoulders.”

“Did you tell him I work for you?”

I was stunned and confused, and I barely knew what to say. That was something he should have told me about. What if he felt so comfortable, he told my father about us, about me, about everything? I couldn’t believe I was standing there having this conversation with him. So much for a morning without any damn drama. It was like I was a pawn in this whole situation and what happened to me made no difference to Tanner. He was looking out for himself at every pass, completely oblivious to how things would affect me.

I put my face in my hands and groaned, not wanting to hear whatever answer he had. My life was beginning to crumble around me and I was given no choice in any of it. Maybe I should have taken the job in Sweden I was offered instead of this one. Maybe I had made the wrong choice in all of it.

“Of course not,” he said, turning to me. “That isn’t my business to tell him, but now it might be easier for you. I thought maybe if your father and I were back on good terms, then you could let him know everything and stop feeling guilty for lying to him. I know how much that bothers you.”

“You want me to tell him I’ve been lying to him this whole time?” I started to get angry. “You want me to tell my father that I betrayed his trust and on top of it all, I was fucking you? Are you out of your goddamned mind? You didn’t think that this was something you might should have warned me about? Like maybe sent me a message or walked across the hall and told me you were having dinner with my father, so I could be prepared. It’s like you don’t ever use your damn brain unless it has to do with business. Lord, this is a mess.”

“No,” he said shaking his head confused. “I mean, don’t tell him then. I thought it would be a good way to have a clean start. I don’t mean to hurt your father. I mean to take some stress off you.”

“I’m sorry,” I said, shaking my head. “I know you didn’t mean any harm, but damn, this just makes everything more complicated, and it adds you to the mix. You just rekindled your friendship with my dad, and now you are going to start it off by keeping something from him.”

“Nothing about this is simple, Ava,” he said quietly.

“No shit,” I said.

As soon as the doors opened, I stomped out of the elevator, not stopping at the lounge. I went straight into my office and slammed the door, leaving him standing in the elevator as if he had actually done something wrong. I was so freaking confused at that moment. He hadn’t told me anything about his dinner plans with my father, nothing. This all could be extremely messy if we didn’t play it safe. Why, after all these years, did he pick now to decide that my father was so damn important to him? Why did he go to dinner like it was top secret and not even give me a heads up? Everything was a damn mess, and I didn’t even know where to start to fix it. Part of me wanted to quit, to say screw it and start over somewhere else. If I was going to lie about this, I could lie about why I left, too. At that point, lies seemed to be the name of the game in my life, either me dishing them out or me receiving them from everyone around me.

I looked down at my cell phone, and it was Tanner calling. I pressed the ignore button and tossed my phone on the desk. I didn’t want to hear anything from him at that point. I needed to breathe. I felt like I was starting to suffocate in my own damn life. I couldn’t decide whether I should be mad at him for lying or mad at myself for allowing myself to get into this position in the first place. I was a grown woman, and I couldn’t blame Tanner for all of this. I had lied to my father before I even started my first day at MJ, and Tanner had agreed to go along with it, not that he had much of a choice if he wanted to keep me on staff.

From there, it had continued to snowball out of control until it landed right where I was, sitting there not knowing what my next move should be. I wanted to stop playing games, to live back in the real world, to not lie to my father anymore, but I had dug myself a hole that I didn’t know how to get out of. The fact that Tanner was exasperating the situation was frustrating as hell, and I couldn’t figure out how I felt about him from one minute to the next. It was like my heart was taking both sides of the fence, and I was stuck in a mean tug of war battle with my own emotions.

I threw my phone in my purse, grabbed my umbrella, and stomped back out of the office. Tanner’s door was shut, and I leaned around the corner, looking at his secretary. She smiled at me and then scrunched her eyebrows as I whispered.

“I have to leave,” I said. “Please tell Mr. Johnson I had an emergency. But wait until I'm in the elevator please.”

“Okay,” she said, confused. “Hope everything turns out okay.”

“Thanks,” I replied before turning and walking toward the elevator.

I hope everything worked out okay, too. My mind was all over the place, trying to figure out how I felt. Nothing really had changed as far as my father was concerned, except for the fact that Tanner was now going to have to lie to keep my existence there at MJ a secret. Telling my father that I was sleeping with Tanner wasn’t even something I would tell him if he knew I was working there, so I wasn’t worried about that part. I just didn’t even understand what I was doing with my life. I had thought I’d figured it out, but after Tanner showed up at my place on the day of the polo match, everything I had figured out just drifted away in a ball of ecstasy and sweat.

I stepped into the elevator and turned around. As the doors shut, I watched Tanner step out into the hallway, looking at me as I left the office. I caught his eyes but looked away, glad that the doors shut before he had a chance to say anything. I just needed some time to myself, some time to figure out how I was feeling about everything. I knew there was a part of Tanner that did what he did because he truly thought it would help my situation, but he didn’t seem to really understand how that parent-child relationship worked.

When I got out of the office, I opened my umbrella and walked along, not wanting to jump into a cab just yet. When I reached the opening to the park, I decided to go for a walk, watching the other umbrellas peppering the sidewalk and lawn. I loved when it rained, especially in the fall. The vibrant colors of the leaves exploded next to the gray of the sky. It was like one of those doctored photos where everything was black and white except for the leaves on the trees. As I walked along, listening to the water hit the umbrella and trickle down, I could feel my shoulders beginning to relax.

This was my life, no matter how much I seemed to have screwed it up, and I couldn’t take back any of it. I was disappointed in myself for going against my gut instinct from the beginning, but beating myself up was not going to solve anything. I still had an amazing career and a bright future, and MJ was going to give me that resume boost that would really get me going in this financial climate.

Now, all I had to figure out was what to do with Tanner.