I can’t believe Lucy is nearly four months old already. Time is flying way too fast. So many people have told me to treasure the time I have with her because she will not be a baby for long. She is slowly coming out of her shell into a right little character. She is my precious little angel, and there is nothing better than curling up in the bed with her and tickling her tummy. She is such a cute little giggler.

I would be lost without her. I can never lose her. I’m worried John is going to try to gain custody of her like he threatened to Jenny. She is my world, and without her, I would just be Megan. Lucy gives purpose to my life. Since Jenny told me what happened, I haven’t slept at all. Well, it feels like I haven’t slept, but I must have slept a bit, and just not realised it. I’m so scared; I need to spend all the time that I can with Lucy. Luckily, I have two more days here in London before I have the long drive back home. I don’t mind driving, which is the one good thing.

When I visit Mark in London, I normally go via train, but he wanted to drive, so here we are. He drove my car, and Mia drove his. It makes no sense at all to me, but it’s a man’s idea, and we all know how men can be. They know best. Well, they think they do; we just let them believe it.

I turn to look at the clock. It’s only 3 a.m. Why can’t I sleep? Mark is lying on his back, wearing only his boxers. The duvet barely covers his bottom. I love the way he lies with his arm resting above his head. It means I can curl up and cuddle with him. Every time I do, his arm wraps around me. I love it; I feel so close to him. My man.

I’m scared this feeling might be love, and that I’m falling in love again. I think I already have because I have never felt like this before, like it’s the real thing and not what I shared with John. Mark is a totally different person than John. He thinks of others, not himself all the time.

I roll over in bed, moving closer to him and placing my head upon his toned chest, feeling his arm slowly coming down to wrap around me. He does it every time, like an involuntary reaction, suddenly making me feel safe and wanted. I slip my leg between his, moving myself over a little bit, ensuring my chest is slightly pressing against his. This is heaven.

Mark has been everything I have asked for and more since the entire ordeal with John. He has gotten a security system placed inside the house to protect Lucy and me, and Connor has been researching my legal options so that I know what to expect. If anything does happen, which I hope it doesn’t since I don’t think John has the balls to start something, then I will make sure his wife and whomever else he has been sleeping with knows everything. The thought of being just one of those girls makes me nauseous. I went through years of thinking I meant something to him; I didn’t though, and this proves it. I was just a sex toy to him when we were together.

“Baby, are you still awake?” Mark mumbles.

“Yes, sorry.  Did I wake you?” I question.

“No, but you need sleep, baby,” he replies, pulling me tighter and rubbing his chin against the top of my head.

“I know,” I admit.  He is trying to look out for me.  I probably should just sleep; I know there is enough security around us.

“You can’t stay awake twenty-four-seven. You will crash when you’re home without me,” he points out, placing a little butterfly kiss on my head.

“Okay, baby.”

“I’ll go get you some hot chocolate,” he states, letting go of me and shuffling to the edge of the bed.

“There’s no need to,” I protest.

“Yes, there is,” he states, rising from the bed and wobbling out of the room.

That man never listens to me. I don’t want him to leave me alone. I’m scared when I’m alone, even though I will not confess that to Mark. It is just the uncertainty of not knowing when John will contact me, or if he will at all.

Annabella taught Mark how to make hot chocolate when someone couldn’t sleep.  He used to make it for Mia when they were younger when she jumped out of her bed and into his. There is one problem with hot chocolate. I don’t like it that much and only drink it if I fancy some. I will just drink a little bit of it to keep him happy.  Hopefully, he will then leave me alone and fall back to sleep.  I know he is doing his best to look after Lucy and me.

I climb out of bed and check on Lucy. She is just lying there unaware of the worries the world offers and all the harm that could come to her. She’s so perfect. Hearing footsteps behind me, I turn to see Mark.

“Hey, she is fine, baby,” Mark states, placing his arm around me and pulling me close.

“I know, but I needed to see her with my own eyes. She is my world, and I can’t have anyone harm her,” I say, feeling a lump develop in my throat.

“Come back to bed,” he demands, laying his hand on the small of my back and guiding me to the bed. I pull back the covers and climb onto the bed.  I jump a little because the bed has gone cold quickly. As I sit up with my back against the metal headboard, Mark climbs in on the other side, sitting identical to me. He pulls the duvet up the bed, covering our legs.

“Here,” he says, slowly passing me the hot chocolate in a tall white cup that has a red heart on it. He bought this cup for me to use when I stay with him.  He will not let anyone else use it.  I’m gutted to see that he has not added any marshmallows to it.  I even got him to buy some for me the other day, so I could eat them. I guess I can’t get mad since I don’t think you’re allowed to eat them at three in the morning. 

I take a small sip, checking the temperature of it. I should have known he would have cooled it down a little to make it drinkable. He is such a thoughtful man.

“Go back to sleep, Mark,” I state, looking at him and acting like a nodding dog. He can’t even keep his eyes open. He has had a really busy week, sorting out some business deals and working late. I didn’t hear much from him for two days; he was that busy. I don’t like it when he works too hard.

“I will when you do,” he replies.

I place the half-drunk hot chocolate onto the handmade wooden bedside table and lie down in the bed as close to him as I can get, placing my leg back between his and feeling his arms wrap around me, pulling me close. I lie there still as I can be; I don’t want to disturb him.  I want him to get some decent sleep.  With me not sleeping much, neither is he.  It isn’t healthy for either of us. With my head resting on his chest, I feel it slowly rise and fall and hear his heartbeat. I close my eyes and let the land of Nod take me away.

*****

I slowly open my eyes. Seeing that the room is still dark, I push myself up slightly,  realising I’m still lying with my head on Mark’s chest. I look up the wall at the foot of the bed to check the time on the clock. What a fancy clock he has.  It’s red and black in the shape of an expresso machine with an attached cup.  The clock piece is fastened to the cup.  It’s very stylish, very Mark.  It’s 5 a.m., so I lay my head back down. Oh, my head hurts, and it’s too early for me to function. I really should check on Lucy, but…