Chapter 28
There’s a flurry of activity going on around me. I watch as the bartender pours a beer into a tall glass, the amber liquid rising to the top. Two men shake hands and clink their bottles in a toast. Peals of laughter ring out from a table nearby. People are going on with their lives, but for me, it’s as though time has stopped. My world has literally just been upended. It’s funny how everything around me is the same as it was moments ago. But my life is forever changed. All these months I’ve been searching for Mr. Anonymous. And now that I’ve found him I want nothing more than to take it all back. I’d rather be left wondering what could have been than face what is to be. If only I could go back to the start. I’d have made different choices. But this new beginning is my new reality. And it feels like the beginning of the end. Melanie places her hand on my arm and I realize she’s speaking to me.
“Lucy, this is Luke,” Melanie says, oblivious to my inner turmoil.
I’ve been avoiding making eye contact, but now I have no choice in the matter. I meet his gaze and try not to flinch as he stares back with those dark eyes of his, an expectant expression on his face. He’s about to say something but I cut him off before he can get the words out. “It’s nice to meet you,” I say, extending a hand, surprised my voice sounds normal because I’m shaken to the core. As much as I’d like to be anywhere but here, I stand my ground. With a look I hope he’ll understand, I implore Luke to follow my lead. Luke. I can’t believe he’s standing before me.
He hesitantly places his hand in mine. The moment we touch I pull away as though I’ve been burned. Technically, I have. By him.
“And this is James,” I offer. The two men shake hands and I want to laugh at the absurdity of it. Then James pulls Melanie in for a hug.
“I’ve heard such wonderful things about you,” he says.
“Aww, you’re a keeper,” she jokes. Then Melanie turns to me with an odd expression. Oh my God. She knows. I think I may vomit.
“Luce, you’re bleeding,” she says.
“I am?”
I look down and there is indeed a trickle of blood flowing from my ankle. As much as I hate blood, I’ve never been more relieved.
“The glass,” I say. “It must’ve nicked me.” I take a deep breath to steady my nerves. “I’ll be fine.”
“You should at least have it looked at.”
I shake my head but Melanie seems oblivious to my objection. I’m already mortified, and this is only making it worse.
“I’ll find someone to help,” Melanie offers. “James, why don’t you go get Lucy another drink. She’s gonna need it. And Luke, you stay here and keep an eye on Lucy.” I’m about to protest but she’s already walked away.
“I’ll be right back,” James says, giving me a peck on the cheek.
Please don’t leave me.
He heads toward the bar. Damnit! I’m alone with Luke.
I turn away from him, not ready to engage in any sort of small talk. He places his hand on my shoulder and spins me around so I’m facing him. “Lucy.” It’s all he says. But the way he says it carries so much meaning. I meet his gaze and he’s looking at me with such intensity, it’s as though he’s drinking me in. My face grows warm from the scrutiny of his stare. It’s unnerving, but he doesn’t relent. I close my eyes in an attempt to center myself. I channel my yoga instructor’s voice as I focus on calming my breathing. I’m still light-headed but I know the blood is flowing through my veins because suddenly it’s pounding in my ears. Or maybe that’s my heartbeat.
“We need to talk,” he finally says, breaking the silence.
I look over my shoulder to make sure no one is approaching. I spy James at the bar and he mouths, “Are you OK?” I nod and it brings me back to reality.
Whatever moment Luke and I just had is gone.
“I have nothing to say to you.”
Luke has the audacity to look upset.
“Lucy, just hear me out.”
The sound of my name on his lips again is more than I can bear. “No,” I say forcefully, taking a step back to put more distance between us.
“It’s not what you think,” he says quietly.
“It never is. Let me tell you something,” I say, jabbing my finger at his chest. “If you hurt Melanie I will rip your balls off. I swear to God I’ll do it. The only thing stopping me is the fact that she’s in love with you.”
He seemed amused by my outburst at first, which really pisses me off. That cocky brazenness was back on full display, until I mentioned the part about Melanie being in love with him. He looked shocked by it. This night just keeps on getting worse.
“Lucy, I—”
“Stop talking. Melanie is coming back. If you care about her one bit you’ll never mention what happened between us. Ever.”
Melanie approaches with a man in tow carrying a First Aid kit. I let him tend to my ankle while Melanie, James and Luke make small talk. I don’t hear a word they’re saying. All I can do is focus on not throwing my new drink in Luke’s face. I guess I’ve channeled all of my sadness into rage. Who the hell does he think he is? That he can just talk his way out of what he did. There’s no explanation that will ever excuse his behavior. They say there’s a fine line between love and hate. I’ve never understood how that could be until this moment. Because I hate Luke Harrison with all of my being.
The man finishes wrapping gauze around my ankle then I have to fill out some forms. I don’t read a word. I’m guessing it says I won’t sue the bar. They don’t have to worry about me ever coming back. This place will always be associated with my worst nightmare. I don’t know how I’ll make it through the rest of the night. Hell, I don’t know how I’ll make it through the rest of my life knowing my best friend is dating my ex-lover. I can’t stand to be near him for another minute.
“I’m not feeling well,” I tell James. “I have a terrible headache. It could be a migraine.”
He looks at me, his face filled with concern.
“I think that’s why I spilled my drink. I’ve been dizzy since we arrived.”
“Luce, you should’ve said something. I’ll take you home,” he says.
I nod even though all I want to do is be alone.
“I’m so sorry, Mel. I think I’m getting a migraine. James is going to take me home.”
“You poor thing. She hates the sight of blood,” Melanie tells Luke.
He nods like this is new information. James says goodbye then goes to fetch my coat. I only brought it because it might rain.
“I’m glad I finally got to meet the infamous Lucy,” Luke says, taking my hand in his. It takes all my willpower not to snatch it away and slap him. “We’ll have to find another time to get together when you’re feeling better.” His dark eyes bore into mine. I’d shoot daggers at him if I could. I pull my hand away but his warmth is left behind. I immediately stuff my hands in the pockets of my coat James just handed to me.
Is Luke serious with this raincheck business? I made it perfectly clear I want nothing more to do with him. He’d better not make this into some kind of sick game. But when I think back to the things Melanie told me about him, Luke’s been nothing but good to her. I’m so confused that I really am getting a headache. I steal a glance at Luke as we’re walking out, and I swear I see disappointment etched into his features.
Sure enough, it’s pouring. There’s a loud crack of thunder that makes me jump, followed by a flash of lightning that lights up the sky. Go figure. I remind myself it’s never thunder you need to be worried about. I was wrong.
I’m quiet on the cab ride back. I tell James I feel nauseated and that I’d rather be on my own. He’s insistent about staying with me, so I tell him it would be mortifying if I got sick while he was there. I promise to text him before I go to bed, and eventually he relents.
I let myself into my apartment and head straight for my closet. I find Luke’s shirt on the top shelf where I left it months earlier. I march to the garbage room and this time I have no issue stuffing it down the chute. Good riddance.
I crawl into bed, fully dressed, and replay the night over in my mind. Should I have told Melanie? No. Not then. That would’ve been quite an introduction. “Luke and I actually know each other. He’s the one who smashed my heart to pieces that you helped to pick up.” Maybe I should tell her tomorrow—warn her about him. But the more I ponder it the more I realize I can’t bring myself to do it. She told me she’s crazy about him. The second I tell her the truth she’ll end things with him. I know she would. He and I don’t have a future, so why ruin hers? She deserves to be happy. And as much as it pains me, I can’t take that away from her.
I think back to details she’s told me about their sex life and it makes me sick to my stomach. I want to vomit. James. I should focus on James. My sweet and thoughtful boyfriend who cares about me is the distraction I need.
So why can I only think of Luke? Damn him. The way he looked, the way he smelled, how he carried himself resurfaced memories I’ve tried so hard to bury. And the way he was looking at me made me think what we had was real. But there’s something about that look that’s been nagging at me.
I put on my pajamas and wash up. Then I text James that I have a migraine and I’m going to bed. He texts back he’s surprised it came on so quickly and hopes I feel better. That’s it! As I power down my phone it dawns on me. Luke didn’t seem surprised to see me. His look was expectant because he was waiting for my reaction. He knew who I was. That sonofabitch. I run to the bathroom and this time I do vomit until there’s nothing left in me.