Chapter 43
Lucy
It’s been two weeks since I sent Luke my journal. I’ve heard nothing. Not a word from him. I can’t believe it. I knew it was a possibility, but I never expected silence. I had hoped with all my being my gesture would make him see that I trust him completely. It wasn’t enough. There isn’t anything left I can do that will ever be enough. It’s time to admit defeat. I’ve never felt more exposed and vulnerable—I let him see the real me, all the dark and twisty parts. And I guess he didn’t like what he saw. I’m left with nothing but a hollow emptiness inside.
New Year’s Eve day dawns bright and cold. It’s the biggest day of my career and the eve of my favorite holiday. I should be brimming with endless optimism, but when I look to the year ahead I’m filled only with dread. I arrive at the venue shortly after nine in the morning. Trish and her crew won’t be here for another few hours. I direct the table and chair deliveries, then the caterers. The day passes quickly and the room transforms before my eyes into an enchanted forest. It’s perfect. Veronica thinks so too. She’s told me countless times. The ceremony goes off without a hitch. They make a lovely couple and she’s a beautiful bride in her lace, vintage dress. It’s like something out of a fairy tale. The irony is that I’m here, living out my worst nightmare. We have a big champagne toast planned at midnight. Dancing is in full swing and everything is on schedule, so around eleven-thirty I slip outside. I’ve been running full steam all day and need a break. I’ve just pulled off the wedding of a century with a smile plastered to my face, when really all I want to do is fall to my knees in frustration. How can Luke not forgive me?
I step out onto the balcony, which overlooks a beautiful garden. Well, I’m sure it’s beautiful in the spring. Right now it’s a big, snow-covered lawn dotted with trees. I wrap my shawl around me tighter and look up at the sky to see if the stars are visible. It’s a clear night so I can see them. I try to find mine—I’ve been searching with the map coordinates, but I’ve never been able to find it. I’m sure it’s a sign. Tears fill my eyes and I blink several times. Tonight isn’t the night to fall apart. It’s just that New Year’s Eve has always held so much hope for me, as if I’m the brink of something that’s filled with possibilities. Possibilities that my life will change for the better. I reflect back on this past year and while it was filled with heartache, I also found love. I never thought I was capable of falling in love or letting someone in. But I did—twice—first with Luke and then with Cecilia. In spite of the pain my life did change for the better. Even though it was only for one glorious weekend and the stolen moments spent with Luke, it did. And while that love was followed with heartbreak, I wouldn’t change it. I wouldn’t change any of it. I have Cecilia in my life now, so even if Luke and I can’t be together, I’ve still found happiness.
I hear the door open as someone joins me on the terrace. Damn, I’d much rather be out here alone. I glance at my watch and it’s eleven forty-five. I should head back inside anyway. There are footsteps behind me but they suddenly stop. I turn around and he’s standing before me wearing a tuxedo. I’m so taken aback I let out a small gasp.
“You’re here,” I say.
He nods.
“I take it you read my journal?”
He nods again.
I stare into his dark eyes, eyes the same color as the night sky, and wait for him to say something. He maintains a distance between us but studies me intently. I have no clue what’s going through his mind. But the fact that he’s here is a good start.
Finally he speaks. “I’m the sun, huh?”
“You are.”
“But you’re not the moon.”
“I’m not?”
“No.” He takes a step toward me. “You are a brilliant, dazzling star. The brightest star in the sky and the first one that comes out at night. Do you know what it’s called?”
“The wishing star?”
“Exactly. You’re the wishing star. Because the first time I saw you I wished that you were mine. And now you are.”
I let out the breath I’ve been holding. The breath I’ve been holding since he walked away from me. I can finally breathe again.
“Can we start over?” I ask.
“I don’t know that I can do that.”
“I’m so sorry, Luke. For the situation I put you in. For asking you to stay with her, for asking you to walk away from me. For not trusting you. For all of it.”
He doesn’t say anything. After a pause he turns and walks away.
He takes the air with him. Pulls it right out of my lungs. It’s as if I’m suffocating. I can’t handle him leaving me again, not when we came this close.
Then he turns around and takes a few steps toward me.
“Ms. Coffee,” he says.
I let out a relieved laugh. So relieved that I close my eyes and once again try not to let the tears fall.
“Coffee Guy.”
“Remember when we used to run into each other at Starbucks? Until you deserted me,” he says.
“I did no such thing. I moved.”
“That’s too bad. Seeing you was the highlight of my morning.”
“Mine too.”
“So, is there something I should know about? Do I have something on my face? Some horrible stain on my shirt?” he says as he pretends to inspect it.
“You’re the one,” I say. “You see, me and my friend had a bet. The stakes were that if she won she got to choose someone for me to sleep with. She won. But I did too.”
“I see. So I take it you agreed with her terms?”
“I wasn’t sure at first.”
“Why not? What did you have to lose?”
“Everything.”
“So what happens next?”
“I agree. To all of it.”
He smiles a triumphant smile.
“But I have my own terms,” I tell him.
“Let’s hear them.”
“No names. No personal details. No strings attached. Let’s keep things anonymous.”
“Hot no-strings attached sex with a mysterious woman. Where have you been all my life?”
“Right here,” I say. “Right here.”
I place my hands on his chest so I can feel the beat of his heart. He winces.
“What’s wrong?”
He loosens his tie then slowly unbuttons his shirt.
“Luke, there’s a party filled with very prominent people inside, my boss included!”
“I want to show you something.”
He moves his shirt aside and reveals a tattoo of a drum, right over his heart, with my name in it. He remembered my favorite line from the song “Gone, Gone, Gone.” I tenderly place my fingertips over the words, permanently inked on his skin. I look up and meet his gaze.
“My heart will never stop beating for you, Lucy,” he says, the conviction behind the words evident in his features.
This time the tears leak from my eyes. My heart will never stop beating for him either.
I hum the song in my head, but then realize it’s on for real. It’s coming from Luke’s phone. He takes my hand and we slow dance, cheek-to-cheek, overlooking the beautiful snow covered field as a light flurry begins to fall.
“I swear, I didn’t plan the snow,” he says.
“It’s a sign,” I tell him. “This was always meant to be.”
He smiles and spins me around so I’m surrounded by a whirlwind of snowflakes. I pause and plant my hands on either side of his face. I want to see the look in his eyes as I say the words that I’ve longed for him to hear. “I love you, Luke Harrison. You are the first man I’ve ever said those words to. And you’ll be the last.” He pulls me to him and as our lips meet, it doesn’t surprise me in the least when the sky explodes in a brilliant display of fireworks behind us. Their loud booms match the beating of my heart. BOOM.