Chapter 36
Melanie
I am in a complete state of shock. I would never have expected this from Lucy. I’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact that she slept with him. Let alone that Luke is Mr. Anonymous. All this time we’ve been together, and she didn’t say a word. Not one single word. No wonder she dropped her drink that night at the bar. I thought it was weird because Lucy is not the least bit clumsy. She shook his hand and made it seem as though they were perfect strangers. I can understand her not saying anything then, but not after. It’s the ultimate betrayal.
It makes me wonder what else she’s lied about. Because she was that good. For months she kept this secret from me. And I had no clue. It makes me question the foundation of our entire friendship. Even if I wanted to, how could I trust her again after this? I feel like the scorned wife, the one whose husband cheats on her. Everyone knows, but no one has the balls to tell her. Then she finds out and tries to make things work. They go to counseling, he buys her gifts, they go on a romantic getaway. But the doubt still lingers. She wants to be with him because she loves him, but she knows all’s lost because she can never trust him again. I’m the scorned wife.
As for Luke, I’ll get over him. I fell hard, but deep down I knew we wouldn’t end up together. I already sensed things were headed down that path. He pulled away from me. I tried to deny it at first, but at some point you know. And I don’t want to ever settle. The man I end up with should be just as crazy about me as I am about him. That’s the irony. If Lucy had known I would’ve been fine maybe things would’ve been different. But this whole situation has shown me her true colors.
She can claim to be a loyal friend all she wants, but lying to me and then sleeping with my boyfriend doesn’t scream devotion. She said that she chose me, when in reality she chose him.
I don’t know where to go from here. I want to be open to love. But this past year has tested me. First my parents’ separation, and now this. How do I go about trusting someone when the two people who were closest to me broke mine? And I didn’t even see it coming. That’s what scares the crap out of me.
There’s a knock at my door and I realize it’s time for my session with Alanna. I normally have an open door policy, but lately I’ve been wanting to be alone.
“Hi, Miss Baxter.”
I force a smile and tell her to sit.
“How’s your story coming along?” I ask.
“It’s good. But Colby doesn’t think I’ve nailed the ending.”
“Why’s that?”
“He said it’s too predictable. He told me I need to shake things up. Throw in a twist that no one saw coming.”
“What do you think?”
“I think people want the predictable. Like in a romance everyone expects a happily ever after. In a fantasy people want to see good trump evil. That’s just the way people are. They don’t feel comfortable when you deviate from the norm.”
“I agree that’s what most people think. But I didn’t ask about most people. I asked about you. It’s your book. You get to decide.”
She nods.
“I’d like to add an element of surprise. But I also want to keep my ending traditional. What do you think about throwing in a twist? Do I need it?”
I want to tell her she doesn’t need a twist. Real life throws enough curve balls at you, things you didn’t see coming. Instead I say, “It only matters what you think. So there’s your answer. Keep it traditional.”
She still seems unsure so I add, “I prefer conventional endings too.”
This seems to satisfy her.
“How have things been with Colby?”
“Fine. He’s still with Abby. He thinks I’m OK with being friends. But really I’m just biding my time.”
Alanna learned shortly after she met Colby he has a girlfriend. I never told Lucy. When she asked me about it I said they were happily dating. At the time it seemed like the right thing to say. I guess I was trying to protect her too and didn’t want to ruin her illusion, when really she was the one using smoke and mirrors.
“You know what, Alanna? Don’t waste your time waiting for him. If he can’t see what a great person you are, you need to find someone who does.”
“Oh, I’m keeping my options open. He just happens to be one of my options.”
I laugh. “I’m glad you’re keeping your options open. Have you met any new guys this year that interest you?”
“Not yet. But we’re not that far into the school year, so there’s still time. I mean, what with how big the senior class is, there are so many possibilities that I’m not limiting myself.”
“I’m glad you have such a positive outlook.”
“I’m a Phoenix, remember?”
I smile and tell her that I do.
I used to think Alanna was like Lucy. Now I realize she’s more like me.
On my way home from work I get a call from Luke. I’m so surprised to hear from him that instead of ignoring the call I answer.
“Hello.”
“Melanie, it’s Luke.”
“I know. I haven’t deleted your number just yet. But I should have.”
“Just hear me out. I wanted to apologize to you.”
“Luke, there’s really nothing you can say.”
“I know. But I felt I owed it to you. You’ve done nothing wrong but somehow ended up the wronged party. When we met I was getting over Lucy. You know how things ended between us. She gave me her number, and then I lost it, and I didn’t know how to find her. That night at the benefit you were a breath of fresh air. I really enjoyed your company and being with you gave me a glimpse into my old life. Because I hadn’t been myself since she left. I told you I wasn’t looking for something serious. And I wasn’t. Not because of you, but because I wasn’t ready to feel that way again. There’s a high with loving someone, but then there’s the ultimate low.”
“I know. Been there, done that.”
“Point taken. Anyway, I’m sorry I strung you along. While I didn’t agree with her intentions, Lucy was doing what she thought was best for you. She told me countless times not to pursue things because of her relationship with you. She said you already filled that place in her life—everything I wanted to be to her. You were all of those things to her already. But I didn’t listen. I pushed and pushed and finally she gave in. I know it was her choice, but she fought me every step of the way.”
“Thanks for sharing your side.”
“I hope even if you can’t forgive me, you can forgive Lucy.”
“Goodbye, Luke.”
I’m not going to listen to this for another minute. Luke asking me to forgive Lucy—it’s not his place. This is between me and her. He no longer has a place in my heart or in my life. So he doesn’t get a say. As for forgiveness, I’m still at anger. It’s much too soon to go there. I’m still mourning the loss of our friendship, a loss she was responsible for. I hope I’ll get there someday. As much as I’d love to forgive Lucy, I don’t know that I’m capable of that right now. Hopefully with time. I just don’t know what the future holds.
It’s funny because Lucy had a crystal ball to see into her future. She knew what was coming and tried to avoid it. But it was no use. So perhaps it’s better off not knowing. Because when you do, it seems that what’s meant to be will be regardless.
I take a detour on my way home. I find the address I’m looking for, which was a recommendation from one of my co-workers. I’m not deterred by the looks of the man behind the counter, with his leather-clad outfit and unconventional piercings. He passes me a book but I tell him I already know what tattoo I want.
“A Phoenix, please.”
Lucy never did get one. I’m glad for that. This can be mine and mine alone.
I too will rise above. And this will be my constant reminder.