Chapter 32
I don’t know how to say thank you. A text seems impersonal, and besides, I don’t even have his cell phone number. I know I shouldn’t have, but I deleted his number from my call log. Not that James checks my phone, but I don’t want any evidence of our connection. I can’t possibly send him a note for fear Melanie would find it. Nothing with a paper trail. So I guess that leaves calling him at work. I wait until close to five o’clock. Then before I lose my nerve I Google his company and dial his number. A woman answers on the second ring.
“Brampton Hardy Media. How may I direct your call?”
“Luke Harrison, please.”
“Mr. Harrison is in a meeting. Can I put you through to his voicemail?”
Hallelujah. “Yes, that would be fine.”
The phone rings four times then clicks to voicemail. I listen to his deep baritone asking me to leave a message. And then it beeps.
“Hi, it’s Lucy. I wanted to thank you for the star certificate. I don’t really know what to say other than it’s the most perfect gift. Honestly, you know how much I love astronomy and the stars. And now I have one of my very own. I love it and wanted to let you know it means a lot to me. I wish our circumstances were different. I really do. Thank you for the gift.” I’m about to leave it at that but I don’t want him to get the wrong idea. “And thank you for respecting my wishes. Bye.”
After I hang up I think about the universe and how we’re star-crossed lovers indeed. As hard as it is to accept, we’re just not meant to be.
The weeks pass and I haven’t heard from Luke. I’m glad he had the sense not to call me back. What is there to say? I’ve had a busy day of meetings and I’m looking forward to heading home. James is out of town for a conference, so I can’t wait to veg out and binge watch Scandal. My phone rings as I’m walking back to my desk. I check the caller ID and it’s a number I don’t recognize.
“Lucy Chalmers.”
“Lucy, it’s Luke.”
So much for not hearing from him. “Why are you calling me at work?” I ask, making no attempt to hide my irritation.
He’s quiet for a minute. “It’s my dad. He had a heart attack.”
I’m instantly remorseful for my bitchy tone. “Oh my God. I’m so sorry.”
“Will you come with me to the hospital? I don’t want to face him alone.”
“What about Melanie? Can’t she go with you?”
“I haven’t told her about him. Only you.”
I let out breath and say, “OK. Which hospital is he at?”
“Northwestern.”
“I have my car. Where’s your office?”
“Kinzie and Dearborn.”
“Do you want me to pick you up?”
He hesitates. Luke is always the confident one. “Are you sure?”
I’m not sure of anything about this situation. Instead I say, “Yeah, it’s fine. You’re on the way. I’ll swing by in about twenty minutes.”
“I’ll be ready.”
I’m about to hang up but he says, “Oh, and Lucy. Thank you. This means a lot to me. More than you’ll ever know.”
“It’s fine,” I say again, when clearly there is nothing fine about going to visit the sick father of your ex-lover who happens to be dating your best friend. And doing it behind her back. Crap. I finish up some emails then head to the parking garage. Luke is waiting out front when I pull up to his building. He climbs in the passenger seat and my car immediately feels too small. He angles himself in my direction so he’s turned toward me. It’s a bit unnerving, not only that he’s staring at me, but being in such close proximity.
“Nice car,” he says. “It suits you.”
“Really? I’d say a convertible wouldn’t be the logical choice.”
He chuckles. “Yes, you’re practical, among other things. But as I’ve said, you’re often surprising. You just don’t realize it. I hope he does,” he adds quietly.
This conversation seems to be heading in a dangerous direction. To change the subject I ask him about what happened, and he tells me what little information he knows.
“What I do know is that this is my fault,” he finishes. I can hear the regret in his tone.
“Why is it your fault?”
“Because I was working on a deal to take over his company. A deal that included his firing as CEO.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah, oh.”
“And you think he found out?”
Luke nods.
“Were you doing this because his company was beneficial to yours, or for revenge?”
“A bit of both. The board would never have approved it if WH Media Holdings didn’t add value. But mainly for revenge.”
“Is it a done deal?”
“Not yet.”
“Then you still have time to think about if this is really what you want.”
“It is.”
“Well the fact that you’re visiting him tells me you have regrets. I know you had a falling out, but you have a lifetime of other experiences to consider. Shades of gray, remember?” I sense his eyes on me as we’re talking. He never turns away once the entire car ride over. We drive the remaining distance in silence. Luke seems lost in thought and I hope he takes my words to heart. I’m about to turn into the circle drive but Luke motions that I should keep going.
“The parking garage is the next right,” he says.
“Don’t you want me to drop you off?”
“I’d rather walk in together.”
“OK.” I maneuver into a space and we head toward the lobby. I stand back as Luke checks in with the receptionist.
“He’s in room seven twenty-one,” he says as he hands me a visitor’s badge.
“That almost would seem like good luck.”
Luke says nothing. As we approach his dad’s room I can sense his tension mounting. He hovers in the doorway, which is open but the curtain is drawn.
“Luke,” I say in a quiet voice, “if you don’t go in you’ll always regret it.”
He nods and takes my hand. I look down at our joined fingers but decide to let things be. It’s a show of support, I tell myself. Luke pushes the curtain aside and walks in with me beside him. His father looks up and he seems stunned his son is standing before him. “Hey, Dad. Long time,” Luke says by way of greeting.
“Luke, you came.” His eyes move to me and our linked hands. “I see you brought your girlfriend with you.”
“She’s not my girlfriend.”
“Could’ve fooled me.”
“I’m Lucy,” I say, moving to his bedside so he can shake my hand. “It’s nice to meet you, Mr. Harrison.”
“Please, call me Warren. It’s nice to meet you too, Luke’s not-girlfriend. Come on, pull up a chair,” he says to Luke.
Luke reluctantly sits on his other side. “Luke’s never introduced me to a girl before. Things must be serious. How did you two meet?”
I look to Luke. “It’s complicated,” he says.
“How you met is complicated?”
“We met at Starbucks,” I interject. “We ran into each other every morning but never spoke. Then I moved and we didn’t see each other for a while until we met by chance at a bar.” I leave it at that.
“And…” he prods.
“And we were together briefly but now we’re both dating other people,” I volunteer.
“Sounds like you skipped the part in the middle where all this makes sense.”
“Dad,” Luke says, clearly exasperated, “It’s none of your goddamned business. Maybe if you had been more of a father than a drill sergeant I would’ve shared this kind of stuff with you.”
If his dad is ruffled by his comment he doesn’t show it.
“I tried to teach you the best way I knew how.”
“Yeah, well your way left a lot to be desired.”
“You seem pretty successful to me.”
Luke gets in his face. “You know where I get my drive from? My desire to be better than you.”
“Well son, it looks like you succeeded.”
It’s so awkward watching this exchange. I worry Luke is putting more stress on his Dad’s heart and will cause further damage. His health is already fragile as it is.
“Luke,” I say, pulling him back, “you’re better than this.”
He takes a minute to compose himself. “Sorry, Lucy,” he says, running a hand through his hair.
“You don’t have to apologize to me,” I say, giving him a pointed look.
He throws up his hands in frustration. “I didn’t come here to fight with you, Dad.”
“Then what did you come here for?”
“I don’t know. Regardless of how I feel about you, you’re still my dad. It seemed like the right thing to do.”
Just then a nurse walks in to check Warren’s vitals. Her nametag says MARIA. She has a cheery disposition and seems to get on well with Warren. When she’s done she asks him if he needs anything.
“You know what I’d love? A blueberry muffin from Corner Bakery. The ones here taste like shit.”
She laughs and says, “Maybe your son will go get you one. My shift doesn’t end for another four hours.”
“I’ll get it,” I volunteer.
“You stay,” Warren says. “I think you’ll be nicer company. A walk will do Luke some good.”
Luke looks to me for affirmation and I nod. After he leaves Warren says, “Now you can tell me the middle.”
I abbreviate the best I can. I tell him we spent an amazing weekend together but then Luke lost my number. “And once we reconnected it was too late.”
“It’s never too late. Let me ask you something. Do you love my son?”
I hesitate even though I know the answer. “Yes,” I finally admit. “But I also love Melanie, his current girlfriend.”
“Luke’s mom left me when he was four, did you know that?”
“Yes, he told me.”
“She walked out on us and I was left to raise my two boys. I thought tough love was the way to go. But I realize now I was too tough on Luke. I thought he could handle it. He was always the stronger one. My point is, there were women in-between. Nice to have as company, but none were good enough to raise my sons. So I opted to stay a bachelor. Life’s too short to be with the wrong person.”
I look up and see Luke standing in the doorway. I have no clue how long he’s been listening to our conversation.
“Why did Mom leave?” Luke asks.
“Your mom had big dreams, like I told you. She didn’t want children, but I convinced her to start a family. She loved you boys; that she did. But she was too much of a free spirit to be tied down. She was unconventional, which was one of the things I loved about her. But it was also her biggest flaw. She wanted a different life than a house and two kids could offer. She loved being in the spotlight and hoped to make a name for herself. She wanted to travel and see the world. Did I agree with her? No. But I understood her. So I let her walk away. I figured it was better to have one committed parent than one who would always let you down.
“Speaking of, I know I let you down. But my plan was always to give you the business once I retired. Why do you think I was so hard on you? I was preparing you for the future. Making sure you knew the ins and outs of the business, how to handle conflict, mergers, whatever might be thrown your way.”
“Why didn’t you ever tell me that?”
“I assumed you knew.”
There’s a knock at the door and Maria’s back. “Time for your pills,” she says to Warren. “And the Doctor will be in soon to give you an update,” she says to Luke.
“I should get going. It seems you and your dad have a lot of catching up to do.”
Luke nods. “I’ll walk you out.”
“Let me just say goodbye.”
“Here,” he says, handing me cash as I gather my purse and coat.
“What’s this for?”
“Parking.”
“You’re not paying me for parking. It was lovely meeting you,” I tell Warren. “I hope you’re back on your feet soon.” I lean over and give him a kiss on the cheek.
“Think about what I said, Lucy. I hope I’ll see you again. You’re a fine young lady.”
Luke follows me into the hall. “Thanks for coming with me today.”
“I’m glad that I did. I like your dad. You should give him a chance.”
“And what about you? Will you give us a chance? Please.”
“Luke, we’ve already talked about this. You’re with Melanie now. And you know I’m with James.”
“Are you in love with him?”
“I care about him a lot.”
“You didn’t answer my question.” He backs me up against the wall and places his hand over my head, leaning in close. There it is again, that buzz of electricity between us, an invisible force that’s so hard to deny. My eyes fall to his lips—those perfect lips that I know can work magic. We’re once again in dangerous territory.
“Remember when we promised we’d always be honest with one another?” he reminds me.
“Fine. What I feel for him doesn’t and will never compare to what I felt for you, OK? But Melanie is like my other half. She’s my biggest supporter, the one I turn to for anything and everything, and my best friend. More than that, she’s family.”
“I can be all of those things. Tell me you don’t feel this insane connection between us. Tell me it’s all in my head.”
I shake my head. “I can’t. I’m not denying any of that. But you can’t be all of those things to me. Melanie already is.”
“So you’re choosing her?”
“Fate chose for me. I was with you. But then things ended, not by our choice, but they did. And then you found Melanie and I found James. It’s a sign. We’re not meant to be together.”
“But we found each other, didn’t we?”
“We did. But it shouldn’t be this hard. I’m sorry.”
“Maybe you’re just not looking at the right signs. When you think about your future, who do you see?”
I don’t reply. I can’t.
He puts more distance between us and I can breathe again.
“I should go,” I tell him. “James will be wondering where I am.” I don’t add that he’s out of town. I just need to get out of here.
He looks pained at the sound of his name.
“Can I at least get a hug goodbye?” he asks.
I allow him to pull me close and I rest my head on his shoulder. I close my eyes and breathe in the scent of him. We stand locked with our arms around each other, neither of us wanting to let go. I try to pull away but he tightens his hold, securing me in his embrace.
“Luke, please don’t make this harder than it already is.”
He shakes his head and I swear I see tears in his eyes.
“Mr. Harrison,” a nurse calls. “The Doctor is here.”
He loosens his grip and I pull away. He won’t meet my gaze as I say goodbye. It seems so final. I want to scream, but instead I picture Melanie and try to calm the rising panic that threatens to overwhelm me.
“Sometimes the best things are what you need to fight hardest for,” Luke calls out as I walk away.
His words echo in my ears.
I stuff my hands in my pockets as I’m waiting for the elevator. I find two twenties Luke must have slipped inside. Typical. He always has to win. I get in the car and lay my forehead against the steering wheel. I sit for a few minutes, trying to get my breathing under control. I know this is all a result of my own doing, but that doesn’t make it any less painful. As I pull out of my parking space I reflect on my conversation with Luke’s dad. “Life’s too short to be with the wrong person.” Is James wrong for me? I don’t think so. It’s just that things feel so right when I’m with Luke.
“We found each other, didn’t we?” His words are still ringing in my ears. I turn up the radio once I exit the parking garage in an attempt to drown out my thoughts. The song “Thunder” from Imagine Dragons comes on. I glance over to the empty space beside me where Luke sat only hours ago. How is it that I was so sure I was doing the right thing before, but now I just don’t know? One thing I do know for certain: this sign would be pretty hard to miss. And I crank up the volume even louder.