Chapter 2
During the meal they talked openly, but they were still holding things back. They were both worried what the other might think. Royce had something deep and dark that he didn’t want to reveal to anyone.
Royce knew all about what happened to Nicole. He had the resources to ferret out any kind of secret. It was kind of ironic, considering that he had one huge one in the closet that he would like to keep there, until the day that he died. He didn’t have any ill will towards Nicole. She had been in a situation to help others and she decided to jump on it before fully realizing that there were still risks in playing that kind of game.
He looked at her and felt this pain in his heart. At first, he thought that he was having some sort of attack, but then it dawned on him that he was feeling something for another. He had tried to avoid the entanglements of the heart. He kept out of the public eye, but he eventually learned that he didn’t hide well enough.
“I have to say that I’m very impressed by how the chef made these things melt in my mouth. I think I can think of something that’s a little better than what I’m eating right here, but I don’t think that I want to give credence to something that is better left behind closed doors. There is a time and place for something like that. We’ve barely scratched the surface of what we’re going to accomplish tonight.” “I’d always been someone that was ready to fly by the seat of my pants. My life was about moving money around, but that was then and this is now. I feel like I’ve lost a step, but maybe I’m regaining that confidence that I had left behind after closing that door on one chapter of my life. Royce maybe another chapter, but I won’t know that until I get a better feel for the man. He’s obviously dealing with something that is preventing him from being here in the moment with me.”
Royce thought that he had her undivided attention, but he didn’t even realize that he was keeping her at arm’s length. He wasn’t sitting by her and he was across from her with his eyes looking at her, but not really looking at her at all. His mind was occupied, but there were times that he found himself casting all that aside for the beauty that was Nicole. She was that light in his life that he never thought that he deserved. He wanted to believe that the letter was a joke and that somebody was fucking with his head. He knew the truth. It was painful, but it was something that he was going to have to accept and deal with accordingly. That was for another day. He couldn’t lament over something that he couldn’t do anything about tonight. It was hard not to, but he needed to be here for Nicole and not just an empty shell of himself.
The dessert was a chocolate soufflé and something that both of them found to ignite a certain other appetite that had nothing to do with food. They wanted to lose themselves in each other and to forget about their past and how crushing it could be to have that kind of secret weighing them down unnecessarily.
“I wouldn’t tell you this if it wasn’t true, Nicole. I know that you don’t know it, but you have given me something here tonight. You might be my golden sun and I want you to let me treasure you. I know that you are reluctant and that you think that I’m only after you for your body. I’m not going to lie and tell you that it wasn’t part of the reason why I decided to pursue you. I know about your secret admirer.” He left that revelation sit there in an awkward silence that had them both squirming in their seat
“I don’t like people spying on me. I can only assume that Tony has been feeding you with all the things that have been going on in my life. I’m not blind and you pretty much already told me that you and Tony have been thick as thieves. You tried to make me believe that you just wanted to invest in his business, but I could see the recognition that the both of you shared out on the street. That was the reason why he didn’t wanna stick around. He didn’t want to alert the others that you had a standing arrangement. You may not have taken advantage of it, but I think that there’s more to the two of you than meets the eye. As for my secret admirer, I think that I’m going to forget you even mentioned that. That’s my business I really don’t like that you think that you know me better than I know myself.”
“I don’t think there’s a reason to make a scene. I never wanted to mislead you, Nicole. I guess the cat is out of the bag, but I still have something to tell you about your…your.” Her smile was making him think of her as that piece of the puzzle that was missing. He was in the process of telling her that he was her secret admirer, but then he saw something that was causing his skin to go freezing cold. His chest constricted. There was a man in a gray trench coat. He was sitting at the bar like that of a phantom. He almost choked on the sentence that he was trying to spit out.
“You have shown me more honesty than any man in my life. Don’t stop now.” The very idea that he can have any knowledge of my secret admirer tells me that he can’t be trusted. I don’t think that matters. I still want what he can give me. It could be just this one night, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. He has me ready and willing to do practically anything he wants. Blindfolds, whipped cream, chains…and anything in between is what I’m waiting for. I used to have limits, but I don’t think that with him I will have any kind of safe word. I won’t need it and I won’t want it.”
“I don’t want to do this, but I need to excuse myself. I see somebody that I need to talk to, even though I really don’t want to. Stay here and enjoy the rest of your dessert. Don’t worry your head about anything. I’m sure that I can handle the situation.” Royce made it sound like a business transaction, but it went beyond that. The man sitting at the bar should’ve been a thousand miles away, but he was right now sitting and drinking what looked like a cosmopolitan. “I wouldn’t do this, unless it was absolutely necessary. I just want to make that perfectly clear. I don’t want you ditching me out the window of the bathroom or the exit at the back of the building. I want you to stay here.” He got up without hearing her response and made his way over to the man.
Nicole craned her neck to see what was going on and why he seemed, so troubled. She wanted to be there for some kind of support, but it didn’t look like he wanted her to stand by his side. She could barely make out Royce through the crowd and then he vanished like he wasn’t even there in the first place. She got the sense of abandonment and it brought to mind a painful memory that had her thinking that she had done something wrong. Leaving that life was not the only thing that she left behind. There was a man.” I think that I was ashamed of who I was. I did love Gregory, but what I saw in his eyes was not something that I wanted to live with for the rest of my life. I’d made a mistake by making things personal. I’d taken money from him and his family and they lost everything in the one day that I didn’t predict what was going to happen. I convinced myself that I made a mistake because I was too personally involved.”
Royce got over to the bar and had his hand on the man’s trench coat to turn around to face him. He didn’t want to do this, but it didn’t look like he was going to have any other choice. He swiveled him in his direction, but the face that greeted him was not the one that he was expecting.
“Let me guess, you’re here to give me $1,000,000.” Royce found that to be a strange thing for him to say and decided to question him further on that particular statement.
“Would you and like to elaborate on what you mean by that?” He breathed a sigh of relief to see that he was only imagining things. He was starting to see his face everywhere again. He thought that he was over that, but it was like this deep seated memory that he couldn’t shake.
“This man gave me his barstool and even his trench coat. I found about $300 in the pocket and I guess I would consider this to be my lucky day.” Michael was the crown prosecutor. He had been invited to this opening by the mayor of the city. He didn’t want to come. He was never comfortable in these situations. He knew that if he wanted to jump on the political bandwagon that he was going to have to learn to be amongst the people.
Royce got this sinking feeling. He thought that he was imagining things, but now the truth was right there. He looked around frantically to see where this man had gone, but there was no sign of him anywhere. The letter and now his presence were causing him to think that the life that he had known had come to its inevitable end.
“I can see why you would think that, but maybe you can tell me more about him. What he sounded like and any other distinguishing things that might give me an idea of who that might be.” He was grasping at straws and it felt like he was flailing in water and going under every few seconds with no way to breathe.
“No way. He said that somebody would come over and ask me about him. He told me that you should hold onto that letter, because that is the only thing that you’re going to have at the end of this. That was kind of weird, but I would say from the look on your face that you know exactly what he’s talking about. If you’re in any trouble, I’m sure that I could help you with the resources in my office.” Michael was always after the next hard luck case, but he didn’t think that Mr. Hamilton would be that hard luck case. He probably wiped his ass with $100 bill every night before going to bed. He could imagine that his mattress was covered in money and that he lay amongst his fortune with a smile on his face.
“I think that it’s time to get back to my date. If I am in need of your help, I’ll be sure to reach out, but I wouldn’t hold your breath.” Royce didn’t like that he could show up at a moment’s notice. He was no longer that dirty little secret. He was sickened that he allowed it to go this far. It was like he was dealing with the devil himself.
“I can tell on your face that things didn’t go exactly as you predicted. Is this something that you need to tell me, or are you still under the impression that I have no idea what makes you tick? I’ve known that there is something holding you back from letting go all evening. If I didn’t know any better, I would say that it was a matter of life and death.” “I want him to lay his head on my lap and tell me all those things that keep him up at night. I have no doubt that he has enemies that are willing to push back like animals to take what is his. He will fight with every breath that he has left. I really do feel like I have found my best friend and lover rolled up into one nice neat little package. I just wish that he could open up. I know that he doesn’t want tell me because it hurts, but I’m here to listen and I would never look at him differently.”
“I told you in the limo that I was ready to tell you, but I’m not sure how to say the words. I have only a handful of words and all of them are in response to the breathtaking beauty that has walked into my life. I told you not to worry about me. I don’t need anybody’s help. I have everything well in hand.” Royce felt this crushing blow and the only way that he was going to rid himself of those thoughts was to concentrate on something more pleasing.
“I don’t know what you’re thinking, but I’m willing to take away your pain. Can you let me do that for the night? Put yourself in my hands and I will not disappoint you. You may not want to talk about it, but you need someplace to go other than to dwell on something that you can’t possibly do anything about tonight. Let me take your body and give you a memory that can overshadow the one that you are allowing to have that power over you.” “He thinks that he’s hiding something from me, but I can see the angst and worry written on his face. I sometimes forget that there’s no reason to pity him. We all have our own regrets. Some are bigger than others. I want him to give me those worries. He’s allowing it to chew him up inside.”