Chapter 3
He hailed a taxi with his shirt half open. The taxi driver gave him a knowing glance like he had known exactly what he had been up to. It wasn’t long before he arrived at the Airport going through customs and stopping for those that wanted to take a picture. Most were very cordial and friendly, but there were a few that weren’t exactly happy with the way their team was playing lately. They weren’t adverse to getting in his face and telling him that the pride of the town was on him shoulders.
“I don’t need this. I know that you fans think that you own me, but you don’t. I know that this sport is very important to all of you, but you have to realize that we’re doing our best. We only need a few more wins and then we can get back on track towards the championship. Be patient and be vocal at the games and maybe you will receive that miracle that you’ve been looking for.” He realized that he had made a huge mistake. He back pedaled the best that he could, but he was afraid that the damage had already been done.
He got on the airplane and was escorted to first class with champagne and caviar waiting for his approval. The light jazz over his headphones lulled him into a relaxed state of being. He opened his wallet and found a worn picture of himself and Lynn when they were happy together. He touched his finger to his lips and then brought it down to the lips of the woman that had never been too far away from his thoughts.
He had gotten away from his small town, but it was only an hour away by plane. He liked big city living, but the quaint country upbringing of his youth really did make him feel like his mother and father had done their best. With that in mind, he had bought them the biggest house that could be found in such a small town. Apparently, his sister had gotten permission from those that owned his old house to have the wedding right there in the backyard underneath the huge apple tree. He had no idea why he was so afraid of seeing Lynn again.
Looking at this photo he knew that nothing could stay forever. Things changed at the drop of a dime. He caught himself looking at old photos from time to time during these last five years. He lived through those photos, because he had never found a woman quite like Lynn. She was that rare jewel that shone untarnished. He wanted to keep in touch, but he knew it would be painful to be that close and yet so far away.
“I know that look. It’s always about a woman. I was going to try to seduce you, Bailey, but maybe talking would be better. I’m not big on small talk, but for you I will make the exception.” Marcia Crosby was a very successful ad executive who had the world on a string. There were at least five employees underneath her at all times and sometimes even more when she required a bigger workforce than what she currently had. Nobody would know looking at her that she was a big football fanatic. “I’m a pretty good listener and I really don’t mind hearing about what’s on your mind.” She was blonde bodacious with the kind of hourglass figure that had a lot of men vying for her attention.
“I’m returning to my past. I thought that I would never step forth into that town again. It’s not like I have bad memories, but I knew that I had to get out. I’m sure that a lot of people go through that kind of thing in their lives. My only regret is that I left behind the woman that captured my heart. I couldn’t tell her and I thought that it made me weak to feel anything at such a young and impressionable age. I’m only 24 years old, but I already feel like I’ve lived a lifetime without her.” Bailey couldn’t help, but to look at this woman’s long legs projecting from a short black leather skirt. It left very little to the imagination.
Normally, he would be all over that in a New York second, but this time it was different. She was being kind and considerate and he was taking advantage of her good graces. There were lingering thoughts of the sexual variety, but it was better that he keep it in his pants this time around. He had already gotten his rocks off with the girl this morning. For the last 15 hours it was like one continuous sexual position after another.
“I would say looking at your posture and the way that your eyes light up when you look at that photo that she has never been that far away from you. She may not know that you have this secret longing, but it’s pretty clear to those that have an eye for these things.” She saw this man and she felt a pain of jealousy toward the woman that she didn’t even know. Whoever the girl was that had gotten underneath Bailey’s skin had made a permanent mark on him like a life sized tattoo. His body may be used for pleasure, but his mind and his heart belonged to somebody else. “Let me guess. You’ve tried to call her, but every time that she picks up you would slam down the phone. You probably consider yourself a coward, but really you’re just a man.”
It wasn’t her plunging blouse or the fact that she wasn’t wearing a bra, but it was her kind eyes and the way that she allowed him to bend her ear that had him talking to her most of the flight.
“I wish that there was a way that I could have my cake and eat it too. I’m sure by now that she’s moved on and most likely married with children. I was terrified of trying to find out. I literally cut myself off from those people that might be in the know. Friends that I had promised to stay in touch with were left right after prom night. I don’t want to know that she’s happy, but I want her to be happy. I know that that sounds foolish and makes me look petty and vindictive, but I’m really not. I will say that I enjoy the company of a woman, but sex is entirely different from the kind of love that I shared with Lynn.” He couldn’t believe that he was actually talking about this to a stranger. It was probably better this way and it was almost like he was getting some necessary therapy to heal a broken heart.
“I’m going to give you some advice. If I was anybody else, I would tell you to move on and hopefully move on to getting me into your bed. I would be remiss if I didn’t say something. You may have let this go a little too long, but that doesn’t mean all is lost. You never know what you’re going to find. Sometimes all it takes is a huge declaration of love to get your point across. If I were you, I would go to her and plead your case. Beg her forgiveness for not allowing your love to bloom. You were young and you didn’t know what you had until you were missing it. Believe me, I had one ex husband exactly like that, but I couldn’t get over his constant carousing and drinking to excess.”
Bailey had found out that this woman’s name was Marcia and for some reason he felt like he had found his best friend all over again. He had never had any friends of the opposite sex before, but maybe there was room to change things. It would be nice to have the unbiased view of a woman that knew how a woman’s mind worked. Having that kind of information should be in the vest pocket of every man and he had the opportunity to see things through the female perspective.
“I really don’t know how to thank you for this. You’ve given me a lot to think about, but I’m still not sure that I’m willing to crash into her life. She may not even want to see me and it’s possible that she has a life outside of pining for me. How can I possibly believe for a second that I had that much an affect on her? I think that I will play it casual and see how things play out.” He could see that she was shaking her head in disbelief. “I know… I know that it’s the coward’s way of doing something, but I just don’t know if I want to risk my heart for something that is unattainable.
“When you feel that hope is gone, then all you have to do is run into her arms. I have this feeling that she’s going to be there for you, but I can’t tell you what to do. I am going to give you my card with my phone number on it. I would really like to know how everything works out. It’s been refreshing to get to know you on a more intellectual level instead of just a physical one. I don’t think that I ever had a male friend that I didn’t sleep with. It a little hard to adjust to, but I think I’ll live.” They continued to converse and it was almost like they had found a kindred spirit. There were no feelings other than a deep affection for one another.
Bailey did finally fall asleep and in that instant there was that memory of their final night together. The soft kisses under the moonlight and her hand lingering along the left side of his leg had kept him on the edge of his seat.
“Bailey, you’ve always been there for me, but I think it’s time I let you go. I know about your contract and how important it is to you for making this pastime your career. I will not stand in your way. I will not ask you for anything that you can’t give me freely and willingly. I will say that I will always love you and no matter where we are and what we find each other doing, I will always look towards the sky and see your face in the stars.”
“I don’t know what to say, Lynn. The only thing that comes to mind is that you will always hold a special spot in my heart. I would never try to force you to leave those that you love with everything in your being. I know that your mother is sick and that leaving is not an option. I was willing to stay and stick it out with you, until the end, but I don’t think that I can let this opportunity pass me by. I’m glad that you understand, but I don’t really think that you know how hard it is for me to let you go.”
Bailey was sitting in first class with the drone of the engine of the airplane underneath him, but he had essentially gone back in time. This was the one moment in his life that he wanted to do over. What he should have said was that he wanted to make this work and that long distance romances didn’t have to be the death knell.
“We’ve had a wonderful time together and the feelings that we have shared have been mutual. I look at you and I know that you are the kind of man that I’ve been searching for all of my life. You’re that fantasy of a wedding in white. You’re that picket fence with the kids, but I’m not sure that is what you want. I could tell you what to do, but I don’t want to be that woman in your life. You already have too many people telling you what you should do. There are too many cooks in the kitchen.”
“I thought that I had all the time in the world, but now time is slipping through my fingers. I want to tell you that I will come back for you and that I will have a ring on bended knee to give you. I really don’t know what the future holds and sometimes this kind of love can get lost. I’m not going to tie you down. I don’t want you to think that you need to wait for me with a light on over the porch. I do have deep feelings for you, but my main focus is to help my family rise above poverty. I can help them do that and I have an obligation to my family that I can’t shirk.” He couldn’t say three little words.
Bailey’s body was in the present, but his mind was still playing over the many facets of the best and the worst time of his life. It had to have something to do with coming back home after all this time that had stirred things to the surface.
“I don’t care if you say it back, but I do love you with all of my heart, Bailey. I know that I’m young and I probably don’t know what that word means, but I think I do. It’s that feeling of not being around you and waking up in the middle of the night to see that you’re not with me. There’s this deep and residing ache from knowing that I can’t keep you from leaving. I’m giving you permission to move on. You have no idea how hard it is for me to say that with a straight face and mean it.”
“I know that this is hard, but maybe we can make the time that we have left count for something. I know that I have never pressured you into anything, but I think that we deserve this one moment to treasure forever. Let me show you what you’ve been missing. Let me be the one that you measure all others against. I know that I’m asking a lot, but I’m hoping that you can trust me.” It was the last thing that he said before the jolting reminder of the plane touching down on the tarmac.