Molly

“Something is different with you.”

“What?”

“I don’t know Molly, but I can tell that something is off. Have you been getting enough sleep?”

“No, but I never do.”

Denise looked at me through squinted eyes like she was going to see what ailed me from changing the angle of how she saw me. She was being nice because I knew it was because I looked haggard. I’d been getting sick for a couple of weeks now. I had an appointment set up with the doc, but it was a busy time of year and I’d already had to cancel once. I was going to get into see him in the next couple of days, but it was wearing on me and I could tell when I looked in the mirror.

I also was having trouble getting enough energy to do my daily tasks. I didn’t feel like myself and I didn’t know what it was that was making me feel this way. I looked like crap. It was that simple.

“Well you need to. Are you sure that it doesn’t have to do with that man that came in here asking about you a while back? He left and you’ve been moping around here ever since.”

I wanted to deny the claim, but more than that I wanted to forget about it. I didn’t want to talk about Chris. I don’t think I ever would be able to without feeling a myriad of emotions rush through me all at the same time.

“It’s not because of him. It’s just been a weird summer and I think I’m coming down with something.”

She didn’t believe me, but she took mercy on me and didn’t bring him up again. We finished out the daily chores for the day and I was counting the money when she waved bye to me. I had some more paperwork to do while I was here, but my mind wasn’t into it and I had to recount the twenties three times before I gave up and set the stack of bills down. None of this was going to matter in a couple of days. That was when the sale was going to go through and I was going to get a whole lot more money than I ever would have made in the rest of my life here.

There were small moments of thought when I envisioned getting out of Nome and never working a day in my life again. I liked what I did, most of the time, but there were also times that I just wanted to run back to my cabin and never come out again. If I ever did run away from it all, I certainly wouldn’t be going to New York City or anywhere like that. Maybe a beach somewhere.

The paperwork was still in front of me and instead of putting it off anymore, I just piled all of the bills together and locked it all up in the safe. I didn’t want to mess with it anymore and I was ready to go home. It was going to be lonely and full of memories, but at least I wouldn’t have to hear his name and answer questions about Chris.

***

I had a message on my answering machine from the lawyer that I’d talked to about the property and the will. He was calling to remind me that he would be in the next week to give me the check and the copy of everything that I needed. It was a slap in the face and it was also the second time that he had come up today. I hoped that he was having as much trouble as I was forgetting. I didn’t like the idea that all of my misery was one sided. I didn’t like to think that he had forgotten about me so quickly when I couldn’t get him off of my mind.

I replayed the message one more time so that I could write down the time and date that he was going to be in town. It was a big check and I should have been more excited about it, but I wasn’t. I wasn’t happy about it at all. When was I going to feel better? When was I going to be able to forget about Chris and move on with my life? It was all that I wanted to do and I hoped for the best.

The phone rang a little after ten and I said hello several times before whoever was on the other side hung up. They didn’t say anything, they never did and this wasn’t the first time that I’d gotten a call like this. I don’t know what it was about, but it didn’t matter. I wasn’t going to worry about it tonight. It was most likely a few teens that had nothing better to do. This was Nome after all.

The phone rang again a few minutes later and I didn’t want to worry about who it was. They were going to hang it up again and I was just going to get aggravated by it all. I was already there in many sense of the word.

Walking to the bathroom, I tried to push out the last morning that Chris was here. It had been magical and I would never forget that shower. Every time I was in here I thought of him and how he had pinned me to the wall to have his way with me.

I was going to have to get rid of this tile. It was the only way that I was going to be able to take a shower in peace. Sometimes it turned me on and sometimes it made me sad. Either way, I was ready to let those emotions go. I was full of way too many emotions and I was getting sick of them coming out whenever and wherever they wanted to.