Chris

“It’s good that you got that taken care of. It sounds like a shit hole, so it is good that you were able to find someone that actually wanted it. Why would they give you land there for anyways?”

“Because it’s where I grew up.”

Brandon didn’t say anything for several minutes and I didn’t either. I was in a foul mood, had been since I came back and that was almost two months ago. I don’t know why I was letting everything get to me, but I didn’t have the same patience that I used to. The job wasn’t giving me the satisfaction that I needed either. All the way around, I was unhappy with the way things were going. New York didn’t have the same appeal as it had before for me. I knew why that was and that just irked me even more.

“I didn’t mean anything by it. I certainly wasn’t trying to offend you.”

Brandon was new and at the moment he was sizing me up and he realized that I had to have him by at least a hundred pounds. No, I bet he wasn’t trying to offend me. It made me think about what Molly had said. Sometimes I felt like I didn’t belong in the business world. It was full of soft hands and hearts. I would have never seen myself here ten years ago.

Feeling the palm of my hand, I realized that the callouses that I had gotten in Alaska were gone and now I was back to the soft hands that I’d despised so much in my twenties. Now I was one of them and it hit me a little harder than it should have. Why did it bother me so much?

“You’re fine. It is a shit hole and that’s why I moved away and came here. Well, it’s not a shit hole, it just isn’t for me. It’s a different kind of life then I have here and I only miss some of it. I sold out because I know that I’m not going back.”

“I’m sure you’ll be happy when all of the paperwork is signed and dotted so that you can get that boat I have seen you looking at.”

He was very observant and I knew that he was going to go far in the company. Kissing my ass didn’t hurt his cause either. He was new and I was getting used to the man’s rather direct and sometimes intrusive questioning. He was curious and unlike most that would keep it in, he didn’t have a problem trying to figure it out and didn’t mind asking the questions that no one else wanted to. I wasn’t sure if he had balls or if he was just unaware of how other people took him.

“I’ll be glad when it is over.”

“You don’t sound too happy about it. That’s a lot of money.”

I shrugged. I didn’t really care much for money. I already had more than I would ever need and if I did somehow manage to lose it all, I had an inheritance that would see me through the rest of my life. That was a guarantee that was never going to go away. It was an ease to my mind and the thrill of the deal is what had kept me here before. I liked to be on top of any field that I was in and here I was now. I don’t know if I was going to be able to get the same enjoyment out of it as I had before.

“Yes it is. I’m sure that it’s all worth it in the end.”

“Isn’t that what we are here for?”

He was catching on to the way the office was, but I wasn’t there anymore. Maybe it was because of my trip to Nome, but it was likely because of Molly. Not only was I thinking about all of the physical things we did and the satisfaction that I’d gotten from it, she made me think as well. I would think about all of the comments she made and a lot of them were right. I had lost my way somehow and I had changed.

“It used to be what I was here for, but I have done what I set out to do. Once you reach the top, how long do you stay there?”

It was a question that Brandon didn’t have an answer to. Most in the office and building would say you stay on top forever because why would you want to be anywhere else, but I didn’t agree. I might have said the same thing a couple of months before, but things change. Damn Molly. She always did have a way of getting under my skin and making me think.

“I don’t know.”

“Me either. I wonder that more and more these days.”

Brandon just shook his head because he didn’t understand. I didn’t get it either. I was at the top of my game and I could have anything that I wanted, except Molly where I wanted her. I wanted her here with me, next to me where I could wake up to her every morning. I would have done anything, bought her a restaurant, whatever she wanted to be happy, but she was stubborn and she wasn’t going to budge. One of the things I admired about her was also a very exasperating trait.

He left me in the office staring off towards the wall where I had pictures of me smiling with a fake smile and shaking hands with rich and famous people. It all just blurred in front of me and again I was wondering what the hell I was doing here. Was this really what it was going to come to? Was this the peak for me?

And if it was, why did I not feel like I was very high?