Prologue

Ava

“Don’t be scared, Ava. Just jump in.”

Dark lake water lapped at the boat dock. Sweat clung to every inch of me as I stared down at the moonlight shimmering off the rippling surface. It was hot, too hot even for a summer night. Or was that my own reaction to Jude Jacobs, who currently treaded easily to the boat dock, completely naked under the water? I couldn’t tell past the pounding of my heart.

Jude reached the edge of the boat dock. He folded his arms over the edge to gaze up at me with that devilish grin of his tugging at his lips, instantly setting off the butterflies in my stomach.

Now that I stood on the dock and Jude Jacobs looked up at me with those piercing blue eyes of his, my nerves rattled my insides so much I trembled. This was Jude Jacobs. The bad boy in our class, the rebel, and the boy who would undoubtedly get himself killed for doing a stupid stunt. He was also my brother’s good friend. Our parents never wanted us around a boy like Jude, but I couldn’t resist him. Neither could my brother.

For months now, I had imagined what it would be like to finally let Jude touch me the way I wanted him to. My fingers clutched at the top buttons of my blouse while I watched a few drops of lake water trail down Jude’s bare shoulders. His wild, loose black hair gleamed with water as he pushed it back from his forehead.

“Jump,” he said. “The water feels great.”

“I’m sure it does. It’s ninety-three out right now.”

It was a sweltering summer in Gypsum, Kansas. The heat never seemed to go away, so it had been Jude’s idea to go skinny dipping after helping me climb out my bedroom window. We had jogged along the dirt road to the lake a few miles down the road with our hands intertwined. I was on the cusp of womanhood. I could feel it in the way my skin itched with anticipation. All summer I had waited for a moment like this, for a time we were alone together.

“Don’t hesitate when you’re about to make a jump,” Jude said. “That’s when you let your nerves take over.”

“It’s not that,” I said. “I’m just—”

“Ava.”

The sound of my name rolling off Jude’s lips, sweet and kind, caused my heart to skip. He looked up at me with a reassuring smile.

“I won’t let you go under,” he said. “You know how to swim. Just do it.”

“I can’t undress with you staring at me,” I said. My cheeks burned when Jude arched his eyebrows at me. “Turn around. I’ll do it if you turn around.”

“What if I close my eyes?” he asked.

“You’ll peek.”

“Yeah, I would.” He winked up at me suggestively. “You’re fucking hot, Ava. You can’t blame a guy for wanting to look.”

I rolled my eyes, despite the rest of my body tingling pleasantly at the compliment. Every girl in school wanted to hear Jude Jacobs say they were hot, and I was no exception. I had gotten lucky, though, since Jude seemed interested in me more than anyone else. He never paid attention to the other girls, despite what I heard he did at the parties I never went to. We were from two completely different worlds.

I didn’t want to be a coward, either. Emily had lost her virginity three months ago. I was the only one out of our friends who was a virgin. In a weird way, I didn’t trust anyone but Jude with my first time.

“Turn around,” I commanded firmly. “You can’t peek.”

Jude sank back into the dark water with an irritated sigh. “Fine. Just hurry up. I don’t want the stupid sheriff rolling down the road with us naked in here.”

My fingers trembled as I undid the buttons of my blouse. I kept my eyes trained on Jude. He floated on his back with a serene expression and his eyes closed. Slipping out of my skirt, I shimmied out of my undergarments to stand completely bare in the moonlight. My nipples puckered, and I closed my eyes as I balanced on the edge of the dock.

One, two, three.

I took the plunge. Cold water rushed up around me. The shock of it startled me, and I kicked my legs up to surface with a gasp. I rubbed the water out of my eyes, and I felt tiny waves of water slap against my neck while Jude approached.

“Bravo,” Jude said, grinning. “Never seen anything more elegant than you jumping in.”

“You promised not to look!” I exclaimed.

Jude swam easily through the dark water to close the gap between our bodies. I could see the faint outline of his muscular body through the water. Suddenly, the water didn’t feel so cold anymore.

Strong hands gripped my hips to coax me forward. I resisted at first, until Jude leaned in to press a kiss against my lips. He tasted of lake water but also of mint gum. He tasted like summers out around the shore of the lake.

“You’re beautiful,” Jude whispered. Our noses bumped in the process of trying to keep ourselves afloat. “How did I get so lucky to spend the summer with you?”

I shivered as his fingers rubbed along the curve of my hip bones. “You were failing English.”

“The oldest trick in the book.”

He pressed another kiss against my lips. This time, it was deeper and more passionate. Our tongues intertwined. Goosebumps covered my skin when he pulled me in close. The first brush of his body against mine sent an electric shock through me. This was it. It felt like my whole life had been leading up to this moment. Blood pounded in my veins.

Jude pulled back after a long minute to suck in a deep breath. “I want you, Ava. More than anything that I’ve ever wanted.”

“I want you, too,” I said, shivering. My eyes slipped closed. “I’m just nervous. I’ve never done anything like this with a boy.”

“You’ve never been with anyone?” he asked.

“No.”

Jude’s hot lips pressed up against the side of my neck, prompting me to open my eyes again. I clutched at his strong shoulders as he treaded water easily to support the both of us.

“If it makes you feel better,” he murmured, pulling back to look at me. “I haven’t been with anyone, either.”

Shock filtered through me. “You haven’t?”

“No. Never been this close.”

I had a hard time imagining that Jude had never been with a girl. I searched for any sense of deception in his eyes, but they remained genuine. Jude Jacobs was a virgin, too. The boy who fought, drank, smoked, and basically lived on his own was a virgin. The thought did strange things to me. It felt right that we would have this secret together on this hot summer night.

I relished the feeling when I leaned in to kiss him. I could do this as much as I wanted. We were together. That much Jude had made clear throughout the summer—he wanted me as his girlfriend. We kissed until we were both out of breath from the intensity sparking between us.

“I take it that you’re okay with this?” he asked.

“I’m ready,” I said, nodding. “I’ve been thinking about it lately. I’m ready.”

Jude nodded. Together, we swam to the edge of the lake where he had thrown down our towels and bags. He didn’t bat an eyelash as he rose from the water, completely bare. I followed slowly behind him, my heart pounding as he squeezed my hand comfortingly. We walked along the grassy shoreline with the hot wind blowing all around us.

The moment we reached the towels, Jude kissed me again. Hard. Harder than before. His hands were doing the most incredible things wherever they touched and grasped. It made it that much harder to believe that Jude had no experience with any of this.

Jude laid me down on my towel and braced himself above me. The stars and moon were shining above his head while I clasped his shoulders to steady myself. The intimacy of him pressing up against me, surrounding me in every possible sense, brought tears to my eyes. After fumbling in the dark for protection in his jean pocket, he leaned in to press a kiss to my cheek. Then he pushed into me quickly.

The sting of it drew a gasp from my lips. I squirmed beneath him to adjust to this completely new sensation, but it wasn’t physical pain that I shied away from. It was the emotional side of it that I never expected.

“Ava?”

I forced my eyes open to find Jude’s gaze fixated on me. His hand cradled the back of my head while the other one drew soothing patterns on my upper thigh. The tension on his face was visible, but he remained motionless. He wanted to wait for me.

“I’m okay,” I whispered. “I’m fine. Keep going.”

“Hey,” he said, gently coaxing one of my hands from his shoulders. Our fingers threaded together naturally as he held my hand above my head. “Everything is going to be fine. I promise you that nothing is going to change after tonight.”

“I hope you’re right,” I said, smiling nervously.

“Of course I’m right.” He drew himself into and out of me, slow and rhythmic, like he was considering my comfort in all this. The heat built with our pace, and even though we were both quiet, our breath grew choppy and our brows grew sweaty. His thrusts came harder and were less considerate, but I didn’t care anymore. There was no pain anymore as a wave of shimmering warmth broke through my body, followed quickly by another one.

“I think I just came,” I breathed, shuddering around him. His manhood seemed to be getting bigger and harder inside me.

“I’m coming, too,” Jude groaned. “Oh, fuck.” He lost himself inside me, and we clung to each other afterward, dazed and proud of ourselves. Jude drew me down against his naked shoulder so that we could gaze up at the night sky together. I rested my cheek against his chest, and I heard his heart racing beneath my ear.

“Were you really a virgin?” I asked, tracing patterns along his chest. “You weren’t fumbling around like I imagined you would be.”

Jude laughed at that. “It’s called faking confidence, Ava.”

“I just can’t imagine you haven’t had anyone else before me. Do you know what the girls say about your parties?”

“I don’t care what they say. They are just desperate to make themselves look cooler is all.”

“Maybe,” I said because I couldn’t argue with that. “I guess I’m cool now.”

“You’re much better than any of the girls in this town,” he corrected, squeezing me tightly. “But your brother is going to kick my ass if he finds out what we did tonight.”

I bit my lip to keep myself from giggling giddily. “We better keep it a secret, then. Don’t want my daddy coming after you, either.”

“Wouldn’t be the first time. Your parents hate me.”

“They don’t hate you,” I said. “They just don’t know you is all.”

“Right,” Jude said darkly. “They know my parents, though, so they make assumptions from there.”

I sat up to gently cup Jude’s cheek in my hand. His eyes slipped closed at the contact, and he nuzzled against my palm with a content sigh.

“It doesn’t matter what anyone thinks,” I said. “We’re together. That’s all that matters at the end of the day.”

“You’re too good for me, Ava. I know that. I’m not going to amount to anything.”

I shook my head. “You’re good with your dirt bike. I’ve seen you pull some scary moves.”

The sound of truck tires coming down the dirt road interrupted us. I sat up quickly to watch in horror as the sheriff’s patrol car approached the lake.

“Crap,” Jude groaned, jumping up to his feet. “Wrap a towel around yourself, Ava. We have to leave your clothes behind.”

“What about our other things?” I asked, wrapping a towel around myself while Jude stumbled around in the dark, getting back into his jeans. “We can’t just leave them there.”

“It’s better than getting caught naked by the sheriff. Let’s go!”

He grabbed my hand. We crouched down in the underbrush until the sheriff’s car rolled by slowly. As soon as he was past, we jogged down the dirt road with our bags in hand. Rocks cut into my bare feet, but I’d never felt happier with Jude’s hand in my own while we laughed together down the road. Nothing would ever take this night away from me. I had Jude Jacobs. Nothing would change that.