Chapter 14

Ava

The bus was waiting at the curb when Jude and I exited the hotel lobby after spending the past thirty minutes together in the shower. Chuck stood impatiently on the curb next to the open door. He looked up from his phone when he heard the sliding glass open. Irritation bubbled in his eyes as he swept a glance over the two of us. It made me instantly grateful that Jude had let go of my hand in the elevator when a young fan came rushing up to him for a photograph in the hotel lobby.

“Where the hell have you two been?” he asked, flicking his wrist up to look at his watch. “JJ, you promised me an hour. It’s been nearly two waiting for you.”

Jude offered a one shoulder shrug. “Just got caught up talking about the article, is all. We’ve got plenty of time to get back to the arena.”

“Not for a morning practice,” Chuck said. “That ended ten minutes ago, in case you forgot.”

“I didn’t forget. I’m fine. I don’t need practice.”

He climbed up the bus steps after winking at me. Chuck swung his gaze directly to me. He took a step closer to me, and I backed away uneasily at the look in his eyes.

“I want you to understand that JJ is a professional,” he whispered, eyes narrowed at me. “He doesn’t need some woman distracting him from his engagements. This is a big year for him. Got it?”

My heart pounded in my chest as I gazed up at the burly man who was now an ominous shadow in my sight.

“I know that he’s a professional,” I said. “I’m not distracting him.”

Chuck snorted loudly. “Oh, you are. Trust me. In the years since I signed this kid, he has not been late once like today.” He gave me a long and assessing gaze. “I wasn’t born yesterday. I know what’s going on between the two of you. I suggest that you get used to never having him to yourself. You’ll be sharing him with millions of fans who want him all the time.”

“I never said that I wanted him to myself.”

“Sure, you do,” he said. “Every female around him does. I suggest you keep to your job as a professional, too. Your boss wouldn’t like to find out you’re sleeping with him.”

He turned and climbed into the bus. I stood there on the curb of the hotel parking lot while my brain tried to process his warnings. I didn’t expect a relationship to form between Jude and me. Up until last night, I’d been dead set against anything at all happening between us. I didn’t even know what Jude wanted exactly, besides just wanting me. Neither one of us were willing to give up our careers, but now, my job was on the line. That much, Chuck had made clear.

I climbed up the bus steps to take my seat at my usual spot near the window. Jude and Chuck sat near the front of the bus to talk about the day’s events. There were interviews to do. There were promotions he needed to fulfill. There were a few fans, as well, who had paid extra for special tickets for a meet and greet.

The glow of last night was gone. It was a distant memory now, with all the chaos that we were about to embrace throughout the day.

I rested my forehead against the cold glass to close my eyes for a moment while the bus rocked beneath me. What am I doing here? The one thing I had promised myself that I wouldn’t do, I had done. Repeatedly. Without protection, too, of all things. I resisted the urge to bang my head up against the window in frustration. This was why I had initially refused contact with Jude. He knew how to get under my skin, and he also knew how to push my buttons in all the right ways to get me to melt into his arms. It happened too easily.

“Did you hear me, Ava?” Jude asked.

“I’m sorry. What?”

Jude stood in front of me with one hand gripping the top shelf to keep himself steady while the bus rocked. He grinned down at me but I could only manage a small smile in return. I could feel Chuck’s eyes on us.

“I asked if you wanted to come see a few shirts from my product line that I’m planning to release today.”

I blinked in surprise. “You’re releasing a product line for clothes?”

“And other merchandise, too,” Chuck added. “Clothes, cups, souvenirs. Things like that. Never thought he would be smart at business, did you?”

Jude shot Chuck a hard glare. “What the fuck, man?”

“It’s okay,” I said, rising up from my seat hastily. “Show me, Jude. I want to see what sort of things you’re going to release.”

He held out a hand for me to take, but I kept my hands tucked behind my back. Hurt flashed in his eyes. Once in the privacy of his room, Jude buried both his hands into my hair to kiss me deeply. I couldn’t resist it as our tongues tangled together in a heated passion. He smashed me up against the door.

I managed to pull away and catch my breath. Jude trailed hot kisses down the side of my neck, while his hands pulled at my bra impatiently. “Jude, we don’t have time for this. We’re going to be pulling up to the arena any minute now.”

“Fuck,” Jude groaned out, lifting his head to gaze at me with frustrated eyes. “This is the first time I’ve ever wanted to skip out on all this shit.”

“So I’ve been told.” I ignored the strange look he gave me by nodding to the bag on the edge of the bed. “Is everything in there?”

“Most of it is at the arena,” Jude said. “There’s a shirt here, though, that I think you’d like to wear.”

He motioned for me to sit on the bed. I perched myself on the edge while he rifled through the bag and pulled out a black tank top. He held out for me to look at. Team JJ was written over it in scrawling bright silver ink that I recognized as his own handwriting. It was simple but also appealing at the same time. Impressed, I took hold of the light cotton fabric and smiled up at him.

“I have to say that I’m actually impressed with you,” I said. “Not that I really doubted you before but you’re doing so well with your life, Jude. You should be proud.”

Jude grinned, visibly pleased with my compliment. He motioned for me to put it on, so I slowly peeled out of my shirt to tug it on over my head. I pulled my hair up into a messy bun while Jude raked his eyes over me. They glimmered with appreciation.

“Sexy as usual,” he whispered, resting his hands on the curve of my waist. “I want you to walk with me, wearing that tonight.”

I stiffened at that. “What? No way. Jude, I can’t do cameras. Not like you can.”

“Just modeling it, Ava. I didn’t say that you had to talk to the press. Speaking of that.” He pulled out a lanyard for me from his bag. “New press pass for you. This will get you in for the rest of the shows.”

“Thank you,” I said. The pit of my stomach tightened when I looked down at my lanyard. Chuck’s words echoed in my head. “You’ll be sharing him with millions of fans.”

I looked back up as Jude zipped the bag and tossed it onto the floor. The bus pulled up into the arena where a field of fans were already waiting around JJ’s camp. I glanced out the bus window and took all of them in with a sinking feeling.

“Your fans are here,” I said.

Jude came up behind me to look out the window as well. He rested one hand on my lower back as he leaned over me. He smiled down at them as they waved posters up at the bus. A genuine smile, too. Not a cocky or smug smile.

“This is one part of my job that I love,” he said. “The fans. They’re the greatest. The things that people write me sometimes…”

“What do they write you about?”

“Various things. Mainly life stories. Achievements.” He flashed a grin at me as he wrapped his arms around my shoulders. “I’ve also gotten a few marriage proposals in the mail, believe it or not.”

“I believe it.”

“You okay?” Jude pressed a kiss to the side of my temple as the bus came to a stop. “What’s going on with you this morning?”

I reached up to trace one of the tattoos on Jude’s forearm. “It’s just something that was said to me. It’s not a big deal.”

“It is a big deal if you are thinking about it like this,” Jude said. “Tell me what was said to you.”

“Well, it—”

“JJ. Ava.” Chuck banged on the bedroom door. “Let’s get rolling. We’ve got an hour to get suited up and ready to ride.”

Jude’s arms loosened from about my shoulders. “I’ve gotta get going. Do me a favor, Ava. Sit and actually watch this time.” He pressed a quick peck to my lips when he turned me to face him. “We’ll talk about what’s bothering you later.”

I forced myself to nod as I followed him out of the bus. Jude darted out into the mob of excited fans and cameras that waited for him. I walked around the large crowd to take in that charming smile of his. He answered questions patiently and signed autographs while making his way toward the arena. This was his element. The commotion was unreal while Jude walked confidently into the arena. He didn’t spare me another glance.

I could never ask him to leave this sort of lifestyle when he thrived on it. Neither one of us wanted to give up our careers for one another. It was way too early to be thinking about that anyway. One night didn’t mean we had to spend the rest of our lives together.

Maybe it was our past that made me think about our future, but I couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to be with him for real. Would I constantly feel neglected? Would I be jealous of his fans, the way I was feeling now? Could I deal with the crowds when all I wanted was to be alone with him and have him all to myself?

I shook away the millions of questions and took in the table near his bus that had his merchandise neatly placed on it. A group of teenagers spotted my tank top as I headed to my seat in the stands.

“Cool shirt!” one of them exclaimed. “Where did you get it?”

“It’s Jude—I mean, JJ’s new line. Go check it out near his bus.”

They hurried off in that direction while I climbed the concrete steps. This would never get easier with time. I settled into my seat, lost in thought until it was Jude’s turn. His ride and stunts had me on the edge of my seat. My heart pounded with fear. Not adrenaline like the rest of the crowd. I couldn’t stand the sound of that damn bike. It brought back memories.

The stands were vibrating with energy when I finally gathered enough pictures for the article. I hurried down the stairs with a churning stomach, heading in the direction of the bus. My fear stemmed from that damn butterfly feeling I got whenever Jude kissed me these days. For years, I had convinced myself that I hated him for what happened to Andy. All of that had turned out be a lie to myself.

I was in love with him. I had been for a long time, since that night we had spent together on the lake shore. The closer I got, the closer I got to losing him. Those stunts could go horribly wrong. If that happened again, I didn’t think I would ever recover.

The night was balmy and hot when I trekked through the crowded parking lot to the privacy of the bus. I was glad that Jude had given me a tank top to wear but I took it off quickly in the back bedroom to wear a different one. I forced myself to write down a draft of the night on my computer. The click of buttons felt familiar and comforting over the noise of the roaring crowd outside. It was 1:24 a.m. when the door to the bus opened.

Thrumming with energy, Jude leaned over the table with a grin and kissed me. He tasted of salt and dirt as he swept his tongue inside my mouth. I pulled back to gather my composure and stared up into his eyes that were wild with excitement.

“What did you think?” he asked breathlessly. “Damn good ride, huh?”

“From what I saw,” I managed to reply, closing my computer. “I’ve been writing this article and I think—”

“Hold on,” Jude interrupted, holding up a hand. He frowned at me when he realized that I had changed out of my tank-top. “What’s going on?”

“I’ve had some time to think about what happened between us last night,” I said softly. “I just think it would be a good idea if we kept things professional from now on. I don’t want my boss to think that I slept with you to get a good article. I don’t want that sort of reputation.”

Jude’s eyebrows furrowed in disbelief. “Who would say that?”

I didn’t want to go into my conversation with Chuck earlier or what he had threatened to do if my relationship continued with Jude. I was a distraction in his world, just as much as he was in mine. We couldn’t afford that.

Clutching my computer close to my chest, I shook my head at him with a sad smile. “No one, I’m sure. You’re doing great things, Jude. You don’t need me here to distract you. I’m here to write an article about you, so let’s keep it at that.”

Hurt flashed in his eyes. I resisted the urge to reach out and touch him, to apologize for the words. I wanted to tell him the truth. That was I scared to fucking death that I would have to watch another person I loved get crushed to death beneath a bike.

He brushed by me then to slam the door to his bedroom shut. I sucked in a breath to keep the tears in my eyes under control as I went to the bunks. Pulling the curtain closed, I curled up in the darkness with the sound of motorbikes and music thumping in the distance. This was the right decision. It was another lie to tell myself, but it helped. That was all I cared about. I couldn’t watch another one of these damned shows.