Chapter 32

Ava

The past three days had passed by in a surreal and terrified blur, sitting in the ICU waiting room with Billy and his team. It was the only way that I could get information from the nurses and doctors. They had no idea who I was, and because it was well-known that Jude didn’t have a wife or girlfriend, they had been quick to dismiss me.

“He’ll be fine in time,” they had told me. “Once he wakes, if he says that you can come in, we will let you come in.”

I refused to leave, though. I didn’t care how long it took for Jude to wake up from the coma they were keeping him in to let the swelling in his brain go down. I would wait here to tell him what I had flown to Chicago to tell him. That I loved him. That I was in love with him. I wanted to spend my life with him. I didn’t want him to give up his career because of my fear. That he was right for moving on with his life, to not let fear dictate his life.

Standing at Jude’s bedside, I realized that those words had tumbled out of my mouth before I could mentally prep myself. I scanned his battered body. IVs were taped to his uninjured arm. There were patches and wires poking out of his hospital gown in every direction imaginable.

The machines next to him were monitoring his heart rate. Judging from the way his heart and blood pressure kept increasing, he felt those words. Even if his bruised face was completely devoid of emotion besides skepticism. Jude was good at masking his emotions when he felt the need to.

“I said that I love you,” I repeated, tilting my chin to look at him. “I’m sorry for what happened in Gypsum. I shouldn’t have pushed you away after you told me that you were going to give up this for me.”

“No, you shouldn’t have,” he said flatly. “Do you understand how fucking painful it was to know that you didn’t think it was good enough for me to give all this up for you? I love my life, Ava. This is what I live and breathe for.”

I didn’t point out that this passion was what led him to the hospital bed in the ICU in Chicago. There were a swarm of reporters outside that wanted the latest on his condition. They were starting to pester me, every single time I came down to the kitchen area to grab a cup of coffee. I didn’t even want to think how dreadful I looked on live television when they shoved cameras in my face.

“I realize that,” I said. “It is enough. It’s more than enough. I just didn’t want you to resent the fact that I asked you to give it up.”

Jude settled back against the pillows with a sigh. “You didn’t ask me to give it up, Ava. I was going to give it up anyway.”

“Why?”

“It’s just a bunch of bullshit at this point,” he said. “Endorsement deals. All this crap. I just want to get on that bike and ride. Not anything else.”

I rested a hand on the edge of his hospital bed. “So, do it. I will be understanding of that. I mean, the fans are your biggest support group. I can see that. I wouldn’t ask you to turn your back on them.”

“The media attention is what will push you away,” Jude said coolly. “You can’t handle the attention, Ava. Not like it matters anyway at this point.”

“What is that supposed to mean?’

“It means that this crash scared the shit out of me, okay?” Jude snapped, glaring at me through swollen eyes. “You were right. About all of it. What I do is stupid and dangerous. It damn near killed me out there in the arena three days ago.”

I held steadfast against the anger because I deserved the whiplash of it all. I had hurt Jude in ways he didn’t like. I couldn’t back out because of the intensity of his emotions. I was in love with him. Spending the past three days in the ICU waiting room had solidified that for me. I didn’t want to lose him.

“You are a talented athlete,” I said evenly. “I never doubted that you weren’t capable of doing those stunts out there.”

“I’m lying in a hospital bed. I can see why you doubt me.”

“I didn’t come here to argue with you,” I said, steering away from the topic. “I came here because while you were on that board in the arena, I thought that I’d lost you, the way I lost Andy. I came here to tell you that I love you.”

Jude blinked a few times as he clicked the button to his pain medicine again. I watched as his eyes rolled a bit for a moment before they focused on me clearly.

“And?” He motioned for me to go on. “And you have something else to say, too?”

“I’m sorry for the mixed messages,” I continued, looking down at his bruised hand next to me on the hospital bed. An IV was taped to the back of it. “I shouldn’t have done what I did, and I can understand if you don’t want to give me a second chance to prove how much you really mean to me.”

“Can you understand my skepticism? We’ve been through this a few times. I don’t think I can go through it again.”

“I understand,” I said. “I’m not going to run away.”

“If you do, I won’t chase you, either,” Jude warned, shifting in his bed. “Not again. You walk away from me, don’t expect me to come after you.”

I nodded. I reached for his hand, but he pulled it away to examine the IV there. His face contorted in pain.

“I have to think about everything,” he gritted out, eyes clenched shut. “I just need some time to get my head on straight here.”

“Of course,” I said and fought back the tears in my eyes. I had expected this type of reaction for good reason. “I’ll just go wait out in the lobby until—”

“I have a townhome here, thirty minutes from the hospital,” Jude said abruptly. “I’ll call one of my drivers here in the city to take you there. Get me some clothes and shit. Take a shower yourself because you stink and look like hell.”

The corner of my lips curved at that, while I handed him the phone. I leaned down to press a quick kiss to his scruffy and bruised cheek.

“You look like hell, too,” I said. “I’ll be back in a few hours to see when they plan on releasing you.”

Jude nodded as he reached for the phone. “Don’t think you’re off the hook yet, Ava. I need to think about everything still.”

“I know,” I said.

I stepped out of the hospital room with a relieved breath. I didn’t expect him to welcome me back into his arms, but I could see that look in his eyes. He was relieved to be alive. He was relieved that I was here, even if he didn’t want to say it out loud.