Chapter Thirty-Eight
Jackson
C.J. had gone from being as happy as I’d ever seen her, including after her big win, to sad and closed off. It had to have been something I said. Tucker’s office was only a few blocks away, but with the doom clouds that had suddenly appeared on my horizon, I decided to drive in case she wasn’t up to meeting any more family.
We stopped at the front desk for our “visitor” tags and the security guy called up to tell Tuck we were there. Matt had been the front desk security since before Tucker was employed by his firm, so when he looked C.J. over on the sly and gave me the thumbs up, I just chuckled and nodded my head. My girlfriend looked a little better than she had, but the light had vanished from her eyes and I could see her jaw working as it clenched and unclenched.
I took her hand and kissed her knuckles as we waited for Tuck to appear through the elevator doors. Suddenly, there was a hand on my shoulder, and I jumped a foot off the floor in fright. Eyes wide in panic, I glanced over at C.J., who was pursing her lips to keep from laughing, with one hand over her heart.
“Damn you Tuck!” I cursed at him, trying to get my bearings. C.J. stood off to one side, tears in the corners of her eyes. I figured if they weren’t because she was sad, I could forgive Tuck for scaring the ever-living hell out of me, and I wrapped him in a bear hug.
“You must be C.J.,” he said, holding out a hand to her. She reached out and he captured her hand between his own and bent over it as though he was going to kiss it.
“It’s nice to meet you, Tucker. Jackson has told me so much about you,” she replied, looking at him quizzically until he released her hand.
“So, other than getting to meet your girl before the big family shindig, to what do I owe the pleasure, Bro?” I motioned him to one side of the foyer and C.J. followed, and we sat in the oversized armchairs by a table covered in magazines.
“Danny’s worried about some trouble you’ve been having, and wanted me to see if there was anything I could do to give you some leverage with Carl,” I started.
Tucker sighed and looked at the floor between his knees. “I don’t want your help Jackson. I have to handle this on my own,” he said. “I mean, who’s the older brother here? You going to break into Equifax and give me perfect credit, too?”
“Don’t be stupid. Perfect credit would, in and of itself, raise flags.” He arched his eyebrows at me. “I was asked to come offer my assistance. I was just going to look at a few emails and see if there was any information that would be useful to you. We want to help you, Tucker. You’re our brother, and you don’t deserve this.”
C.J. sat across from us, arms folded in front of her. She looked unhappy again, and Tucker hadn’t missed it.
“What do you think about his, C.J.?”
“I hate it.”
I stared at her, mouth gaping. “I don’t mind him playing at hacking to help people protect themselves from real hackers, but I don’t want him going to jail. I see all of you together, and I’m so mad I could cry. Who risks everything that Jackson has for a high?”
“I don’t think I’m going to get a high off some email espionage,” I argued.
“Then you need to look in the mirror, because you are as lit as Christmas morning.” She shook her head. “You asked, I answered. It’s not up to me, and I’m not going to go storming off just because you don’t care. But, you should. I have no one. If I died, Shelby would care, and a few people I’ve never even met in person, and then, because they were paying me for entertainment and there’s no one to give them a refund.”
I didn’t know what to say or do, but Tucker reached out and put his hand on her knee. “I’ve already heard from two brothers and two sisters-in-law today, talking about how beautiful, and sweet, and funny you are. You don’t have to have no one. You have us. Hell, it sounded like the guys would trade Jackson for you in a hostage situation.”
I coughed out a laugh and nodded at her when she looked at me. “I’d put my money on that being a true story. Why didn’t you just tell me that before?”
“It’s who you are, Jackson. You’re a hacker, and you’re not a white hat, either. You like the darkest side of grey you can skim across without actually crossing the line,” she asserted. I opened my mouth to argue, and she held up her hand and leaned forward. “If you could, would you use Jameson’s credit card to order two hundred pizzas, sent to a sorority, or make it look like he embezzled from his company for his last vacation?”
I laughed. “Those are pretty good ideas, but Tucker would get mad if he won the fight with such an obvious cheat.”
“It’s my fight to win or lose,” said Tucker. “I’m not sinking to his level, I won’t give him the satisfaction.”
“We can’t stand watching him do this to you anymore,” I told him. “And I feel confident speaking on behalf of the guys who asked me to fly home just to take care of this.”
Tucker looked at C.J., who was carefully ignoring us both. She picked up a magazine and stared down, but didn’t seem to be reading, and never turned the page.
“Go home, Jackson. I’ll see you for dinner.” Tucker stood and C.J. put the magazine down and stood up too. “I have to take care of this my way. But, I will. I’ll tell you all about it when I get there tonight.”
I stammered and grabbed his arm. “If this is going to come to blows, don’t you think I should be there?”
Tucker laughed and smacked at me, shoving me off him. “If I beat the guy up, it won’t be in this building. Go on, get. I’ll see you soon.” He took C.J.’s hand and held it. “It was a real pleasure meeting you, miss C.J.”
He walked us to my truck, while I tried to think of something else to say. “Don’t, Jackson,” he cut me off when I tried. “I got this. I let it go too long, and I shouldn’t have put my family in a position where they thought they had to protect me.” He turned to C.J., and pulled her into a big hug. “I will see you later, beautiful. Thanks for being honest. You have a lot of integrity. I like that.”
“Thanks for being so nice to me. I’ll see you later,” C.J. replied. We climbed in the truck and I sat quietly, without starting it.
“I don’t want to endanger what we have, C.J.”
“I know you won’t on purpose. But, I don’t think it occurs to you when you’re in that space in your head. All you see is the puzzle, and you can’t help but try to solve it.”
I nodded. “I’m glad you like Austin, it makes me happy to see you enjoying yourself so much.”
“I can’t believe you ever wanted to leave. It feels like home here.”
I chuckled. “Yeah, it does. But, for a long time, it didn’t. Maybe what it was missing, is you.”
She shook her head. “I learned that people are too temporary in life to make them your home,” she replied sadly. “You have to take life one day at a time, and do what’s best for you.”
“That’s an awful bleak outlook for someone who seems so happy all the time.”
“That’s how I stay happy. I don’t depend on somebody else.”
I started the truck and backed out to the road. “Well, you best start learning how to depend on people. Because you’re one of us now, and, as you might have noticed, depending on each other is part of the bargain.”
“I’m not asking…”
“I know you’re not asking. I’m telling you, right now, to knock that shit off. I know I’ll let you down, but I’ll lift you up a whole helluva lot more often. So, take it in stride, sure. But don’t ever think you can’t depend on me and mine to help you, hold you, and be there for you. I’m so mad at you right now for thinking I would ever walk away…” I broke off before I could say too much.
“Do you love me, Jackson?” she asked quietly.
I slammed my hand on the steering wheel. “How could you not know…” I took a deep breath. “Yes, Carina Jade Rivers, I love you.” I stared straight ahead, trying to not get us killed before I could introduce her to my parents.
“I love you too, if you care to know.”
I shook my head. “You show me that just about every minute of every day. I didn’t need to hear it. Guess I haven’t been doing a very good job.”
“Or, you’ve never been with someone for whom every relationship, ever, has been about what she can do for them.” She tapped the window with her finger. “I make it hard, sometimes, don’t I?”
“Yup. But, you’re a beautiful woman. I expect you have to be a little more cautious than I do.”
She chuckled. “Yeah, you’ll only be talked into leaving paradise for a dirty city full of liars and fakes. I could be really hurt.”
I didn’t have a response, so we didn’t talk the last half of the drive. What she said really bothered me, though. I’d already started to question whether I needed Stanford. How much of my choices had been based on being with her?