Chapter 37 – Xander (Friday)
“Yeah, okay that sounds good, thank you,” I said happily into my cell phone. “That’s great, so I’ll see you next week? Right, bye.”
I pumped my fist with happiness as I hung up the phone. This was all going so much better than I was expecting. It wasn’t easy to get this album out as quickly as I wanted, but I was powering through with it, regardless. To be honest, I liked the distraction; it gave me something to focus on other than Lila’s illness. If I wanted to be there for her in the best way that I could, then I couldn’t let it consume me.
“Who was that?” Michael asked curiously. “The production team?”
“The marketing guys. They’re getting things banged out to our schedule, luckily.” My heart was racing – this was bringing back out my love of music in the best way possible. “So, it’s all going well.”
“Well, that’s awesome. I’m pleased.” He truly was being very supportive. “This album is going to be huge, so it’s good to get it out sooner rather than later.”
Whether he was saying this because he believed it or he just wanted to be kind because of Lila, I wasn’t sure, but I appreciated it all the same. He was making a real effort with me recently, and it felt good to have things back to how they once were.
“So, what’s new with you?” His whole attitude was a lot different these days. Just because I’d been so involved with Lila didn’t mean I hadn’t noticed it, this was just the first time we’d been alone for us to talk about it. “You seem happy.”
“I actually think I might’ve met someone.” As he smiled, his cheeks flushed brightly. I was so glad for him! It was unfortunate that the first time he opened his heart he got shot down, but at least it hadn’t put him off love forever. “I don’t want to say too much because I don’t want to jinx it, but it looks like it’s going well.”
I nodded slowly, trying to keep the happiness toned down on my face. I didn’t want to make this too much of a big deal; I didn’t want Michael to shut down forever. This softer side to him made him so much easier to work with. I was willing to wait to find out the details.
“Well, that’s awesome,” I said as I patted him happily on the back. “I’m pleased for you.” He deserved this happiness, more than anyone I knew, and I hoped this time it all worked out.
“God, if that goes well and this album makes us the money that we think it will, then we’ll have no problems whatsoever. Everything will be solved. We might not even need to make any cuts after all.”
I didn’t tell him because I hadn’t yet decided, but the cutbacks might become essential anyway. I wasn’t going to be able to dedicate all my time to the recording studio and Lila, too, and right now her health was my main priority. I wanted to do both, and I was going to try my hardest, but if it came down to it, I would always choose her.
I loved her and that made her the most important thing in my life.
“Yeah, well, we’ll see.” I stood up and glanced around the room. “Are you still all right with everything this afternoon? I have to be at the hospital because it’s Lila’s first round of chemo.” God, I hated the way that spiked ice cold terror into my chest. As long as I could keep it all inside, then it’d all be okay. I just didn’t want Lila to notice what I was going through. This was all about her.
“Yeah, you go. Don’t you worry about a thing. You know you can trust me, right?” Was he actually doubting that? Just because we’d hit a rough patch not long ago didn’t mean I didn’t believe in him anymore. He knew this company inside and out and wanted it to succeed as much as I did.
“Of course, I do! Thank you, Michael, I appreciate it.”
We smiled at one another for a second, a happy moment flowing between us. Throughout all this mess, our friendship had survived, and I had a feeling that meant that we’d be in each other’s lives forever.
“Anyway, I’ll see you later, okay? I have my phone with me if you need me.”
As I walked out of the studio and hopped into the car, my heart was racing noisily in my chest. I was meeting Lila at the treatment center. She wanted to have her initial meeting with the doctor alone, which I respected, but now it was time for me to step in and be a hero. It was just a shame that I didn’t feel like a hero. I felt like a quivering mess doing his best to hold it together.
Even when I pulled the car up outside the hospital, I hadn’t yet managed to calm down, but there was no point in holding off any longer. I just had to hope that it’d get easier as it went on.
Come on. I nodded to myself, as I breathed deeply. Be there for Lila, that’s all that matters.
I forced my legs to walk, I made myself get into the treatment center, and as I finally laid my eyes on Lila in the waiting room, I instantly noticed that she was more confident and steady than me.
“Hey.” I slid next to her and took her hand in mine. “Everything all right?”
“Yeah, I’ve just been weighed and had my blood pressure checked. Before that, they took my blood for a white blood cell count. Everything’s looking good right now, so I’m just waiting to be called through.”
“Right, okay.” How was she being so brave? I felt like I was losing my shit! “Did they say how long it’d be?”
“Any minute now.”
Any minute and this process would all begin...
***
“Did she do okay?” Kyle asked me quietly as we finally got Lila into bed. The four hours of sitting in the same chair having a cocktail of drugs pumped into her system had taken it out of her, but she had been so brave throughout. “How did it affect her?”
“She felt a bit dizzy and sick, but mostly she was okay. Just tired, I think.” I didn’t tell him how it’d affected me. It had absolutely drained me to see Lila going through such a rough time. She was doing well, facing it bravely, but I feared that I couldn’t. It made my chest physically ache as I watched her body get ravaged.
“Thank you for going with her. I did ask if she wanted me there, but she didn’t.” I could tell that it hurt Kyle because he wanted to be there for his sister, but he was doing what she wanted, just like we all were.
“Oh, no, I totally understand; you know how stubborn she is.” I smiled reassuringly at Kyle, hoping that he’d see I didn’t blame him. I knew that this was Lila’s journey, and it would all be what she wanted. “She’ll do this her way.”
“Of course, it’s just so... worrying.” Kyle sat down at the kitchen table, the stress etched across his features, and my heart went out to him. He was so close to his sister. This must’ve been just as bad for him as it was Lila in a way. “Oh, God, and now I have to move this weekend and I’m not ready for it.”
“You don’t have to go,” I insisted. “I know that you want to, I know you want your freedom, but you’re always welcome here. Even if you do move, I want you to have a key so you can come and go as you please. Lila will want you around, and you want to be here.”
“You are a great guy,” he told me sincerely. “My sister is so lucky to have you. We both are. I am grateful that she met you.”
“Trust me, so am I. Now I’m just going to check in on her, see if she wants any water or anything. The doctor said to keep her rested and hydrated.”
“Yeah, I need to get all my stuff organized anyway... So, thanks again.”
We shared a moment, a connection, and a shared love for Lila. I felt like Kyle and I had a mutual respect for one another now, one that we’d both earned. I hadn’t just gotten Lila in all of this, I’d gotten myself a whole family, and that was all I’d ever wanted.
Then I made my way back to where Lila was lying, entangled in the sheets. Her eyes were flickering, and I noticed she wasn’t totally asleep, which snapped me right back into caring mode.
“Hey, Lila, are you okay? Is there anything I can do for you? Do you need water? More sheets? Less sheets? Pillows?” Oh, God, was I panicking now? Judging by the silly, slightly weak smile on Lila’s lips, I wasn’t doing the best job.
“No, I’m okay,” she croaked, moving herself into a sitting position. “I’m just sore. I might like a hug, if that’s possible?”
“Now, that I can do!” I moved into the bed next to her and wrapped my arms around her. Her body was hot and sticky, but I didn’t care about that, as long as she was doing okay. “So, how are you feeling?”
“I’ll be all right.” She shrugged. “It sucks, but it won’t be forever. They think I might only need four sessions every two weeks, so we’ll see.”
I hated the way her whole body tensed up as she thought about that. It made me fear that she was about to shut me out again. I didn’t want her to close me off, not when we’d made such progress, but luckily, she didn’t say anything. She fell against my chest instead, allowing her weary body to rest against mine.
“Well, I’m here for whatever you need,” I replied firmly. “So, there won’t be anything to worry about on that front.”
“I know you will.” Her voice was becoming dreamy and soft; she was drifting back off again. I sighed as her breaths became deeper and louder, showing that she was out.
I was doing my best to be strong, but I knew I could do better. I needed to do something bigger, something better to prove how incredible I thought she was. I needed to surprise her, to do something to make her life even better. I just wasn’t sure what...
Wait! As an idea floated into my brain, happiness screamed through my chest. Yes, that’s it! I could do this. Not only would it show Lila how strong I thought that she was, I also felt like it would solidify our future even more. We were solid. I knew with utter certainty that we were going to last forever. I just wanted to show her that in the best way possible.
I lay Lila back down gently on the sheets and slid out of the room as the excitement from my idea filled me. I needed to get started now, while I had determination buzzing through me. This was the happiest I’d felt ever since I’d heard that Lila was sick, and I couldn’t wait to get going.