Mulholland
Ellie
It’s been three days since I’ve been back home. By home, I mean home, home.
After that party, Nick and I had a talk. I dare say it didn’t go quite the way either of us wanted it to. He says I’m changing, that I need some time away from all the distractions of New York.
He says he’s going to join me here when he can, but we’ll see if that ever happens.
I know I should be at the store right now, trying to hock what I have for next month’s rent, but I don’t feel much like going anywhere.
I’ve hardly left my room, except to take care of Max and Sammie. Naomi left them with a friend of hers who does that sort of thing for a living. She takes excellent care of animals and all, but the woman can’t get it through her mind that not every animal needs a poodle cut.
Sammie has little puffs of straight, short fur sticking up in the oddest directions while Max looks like a canine social deviant. The way Bernice lets them run around her fenced-in three-acre lot with other animals, though, the two couldn’t care less about the bad groom job.
They’re happy, so I’ve learned to live with the occasional look from people on the street when I take Max out for a walk. Problem is, Max’s walks are the only time I’ve left the apartment since I’ve been back.
Nick says I’m changing, that I’m losing that thing about me that he fell in love with oh, so very long ago. The thing is I know I’m starting to change. I’m getting sick of people walking over me all the time.
How much money I have or what I do doesn’t matter. I sat down with a lot of people who will be talked about for generations, and small-town as I am, we got along just fine.
My door opens and Naomi walks into the room.
I sit up in bed, saying, “Where have you been?”
“You’re not going to believe this,” she says. “When everyone ran out of the party because you were stripping or whatever—”
“That did not happen,” I interrupt. “Along with everyone else, I removed my clothes in a very mature, even ladylike way. Besides, everyone left because of the smoke coming out of the kitchen.”
“Whatever,” Naomi says. “Anyway, so I was looking online because I found Nick’s secret liquor cabinet. By that, I mean, it’s like bigger than this whole apartment and there’s booze—booze everywhere!”
“What’d you steal?” I ask, lying back in bed and covering my face with my blanket.
A moment later, Naomi’s on top of me, pulling the cover back off, saying, “I didn’t steal anything.”
“Okay, what’d you try to steal?” I ask.
“A bottle of Jose Davolos Cognac,” she says. “If that maid lady wanted a big payout, instead of spreading your tits all over the world, she should have just snagged a bottle of that and sold it on eBay.”
“You tried to steal a two-million dollar bottle of cognac?” I ask.
“Calm down, I put it back right after I took it off the shelf,” she says.
I lean up on my elbows and ask, “And why did you do that?”
She looks away a moment, saying, “There may have been an alarm.”
“Okay, so why aren’t you in prison?” I ask. “You know when you’re out on bail you’re not supposed to leave the state, right?”
“Oh stop that,” she says, slapping my arm. “Nobody’s arresting anybody. I did have to play some shadow games with that one maid, though. I think her name is Fern or something old-fashiony like that.”
“Her name is literally Jane Doe,” I respond.
“Whatever,” Naomi says. “The point is, she does not stop looking. After a while, I started to get hungry, though, so I was eating some crackers and drinking some water—”
“What were you really having?” I interrupt.
“Okay, the crackers were imported and I may have slathered them with caviar, but the water was just water,” she says.
“You’re a sterling example of knowing proper boundaries,” I respond.
“I know right,” she says. It takes her this long before she’s looking down at me, saying, “Are you all right?”
“I think it’s over,” I tell her. “That party—I don’t even know if that’s what did it. Ever since I got back there, I just feel like I can’t do anything right.”
“It’s not over,” she says. With a laugh, she adds, “You were pretty wasted, though. I almost took some pictures to show you, but I thought that might be a bad idea after the other thing.”
“How bad was I?” I ask.
Naomi returns, “You don’t remember?”
“I think I remember most everything,” I answer. “Honest opinion: was I or was I not the most embarrassing person you’ve ever seen at a party.”
“No,” she says. “But I’ve been to a lot more parties than you.”
She always has to have the upper hand somewhere.
“It’s not on the news or anything, is it?” I ask. “I haven’t exactly been watching a lot of television the last while.”
“You’re fine. Nobody snitched,” Naomi says. “I kind of do think more people could have seen your naked belly flop into the hot tub, though. That was the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen.” She starts laughing and she grabs herself between the legs with both hands, saying, “Ow, my vag!”
I was hoping it hadn’t been that noticeable. At the time, everyone was kind enough to pretend it hadn’t happened. I guess I got into a false comfort zone.
“You’re not telling me something,” I say. “I said it was probably over, you said it’s not. What don’t I know?”
Naomi giggles, “Well, for one thing, you kind of need to turn your hips before you hit the water, otherwise you’re going to get smacked right in the—”
“Not what I’m talking about,” I interrupt.
“Oh yeah, right,” she says. “So, I was going through some of Nick’s stuff for perfectly valid purposes and I came across something.”
“Did you want to tell me what it was, or …”
“He’s not breaking up with you,” she says.
“Then why would he send me home?” I ask. “If he’s so gaga over me, why am I lying in my apartment in Mulholland while my annoying kleptomaniac sister keeps clutching herself randomly, mouthing that stupid word.”
“You’re the one that said it,” she says.
I snap back, “Well, it hurt.”
Finally, I’m able to let out at least a little laugh.
Naomi climbs on top of me and starts tapping my forehead. “You’re not listening to me,” she says. I’d try to fight her off, but she’s already kneeling on my arms.
“Okay,” I say, thrashing my head and trying to avoid those bony fingers. “What were you going to tell me?”
“I can’t tell you now,” she says. “The moment’s passed. It was supposed to be this glorious thing and now you’ve ruined it by making me discipline you.”
“Just get off of me!” I grunt as I manage to roll my bodyweight enough that Naomi loses her balance and falls onto the bed next to me.
“Now what?” I ask.
“Oh, poor Max,” she says. “He kind of looks like a posh lion, don’t you think?”
I reach over and twist Naomi’s ear, saying, “What was it you wanted to tell me so bad?”
“Ow!” she says, swatting at my hand, but only succeeding in making it worse. “Okay, okay,” she says. “Let go and I’ll tell you.”
“I fell for that too many times when I was six,” I tell her. She’s so focused on protecting that ear, she leaves the other one wide open, so with my free hand, I latch onto that one.
“Fine!” she shouts. “It’s a ring!”
I release my sister from my kung-fu grip. “What?”
“Ellie,” she says, rubbing both her ears, “he bought you a ring.”
“Oh shut up,” I say and smack one of her hands covering an ear.
She pulls the hand away from her ear sharply and she’s moving her jaw around, saying, “That was horrible. Don’t do that to anyone ever.”
“Maybe he had thoughts, but you weren’t there for the last conversation,” I tell her.
“Well, then tell me about it,” she says. “Enlighten me.”
I wince. “I kind of only remember bits and pieces,” I admit. “That hot tub after the liquor was a bad idea.”
“Hey, at least you didn’t pee in there,” she says.
“That’s true,” I agree. “What I do remember, though, it wasn’t the kind of conversation you have when you’re about to pop the question.”
“Say whatever you want,” she says, resting her head on her hand. “He got you a ring.”
“Are you doing that thing where you lie to me just to see if I can tell?” I ask. “This really isn’t the time or the topic—”
“Yeah,” she says, “gotta level with you. I would have taken that course and everything, but then I realized I didn’t want to after all, so I just watched a few episodes of the show they made about it.”
“So you’re an admitted liar telling me to trust you?” I ask.
She jabs me in the ribs just to show me she can and says, “Don’t believe me then. The thing was freaking huge, though. You should have seen it.”