The streets are buzzing as I park in a back street. I can already hear the hype and energy from the fair filtering over from the next street. Moving my jaw from side to side, I’m a little nervous being here without any security. I know this is dumb. But I couldn’t care less. I know all it will take is for Charlotte to know who I am, and to start fangirling for it to turn into a circus, but to be honest, I don’t get the vibe from her that she’d be the type to make a scene even if she does know who I am.

I’m hoping this will work out, but either way, I’m a fast runner, so I always have that to fall back on if needed. I let out a small chuckle at the thought. I jump out of my car and pull my cap down lower and ruffle the hood around my neck sheltering me a little more. The sun is setting in the distance, sending pinkish hues through the aqua sky, and it makes me think of Alex and how she should be here with me. This is something we would have done together.

Clicking my tongue to the roof of my mouth, I start the walk to the fair to find Charlotte. My shoulders inadvertently rise up, sheltering my face more from the swarms of people, but no one looks at me or seems to care. I look like all the other guys here. I head toward the giant tree next to the candy floss station where we said we’d meet and I notice her there waiting.

Charlotte looks just as I imagined and like her profile pics. Like Maggie from The Walking Dead. I half-smile as I look her up and down while she stands there in her jeans, a wife beater, and a cargo jacket. She looks cute. Stylish. And even though the look is, I guess a little tomboyish, it’s still very feminine on her. Smiling, I walk toward her, and she turns seeming to sense my presence. Charlotte looks right at me and smiles as I approach. I walk up to her as she waves shyly, and I step in front of her and grin watching her big blue eyes as they light up while she looks me over. She furrows her brows almost squinting at me.

“Matt?” she asks, and I nod.

“Charlotte?” I ask, and she giggles with a nod.

“Call me, Charlie. Wow! You really are rugged up there, mister inconspicuous,” she says grinning at me from ear to ear.

I shrug and sigh. “I kinda like to not be noticed.”

She nods, and looks around as if to check if anyone’s within hearing distance, then looks back to me. “I understand that, but you know we didn’t have to come out in public… considering.”

I raise my brow and tilt my head. “Considering?”

She leans in closer. “Considering who you are, you jerk. You should have told me!” She slaps my arm playfully.

I weakly smile. So she knows who I am, but at least she didn’t scream and yell it to the entire universe. Guess that’s one good mark for her. “Sorry, just wanted you to get to know me, not who people see me as in the tabloids.”

She nods. “Yeah, I get that, but don’t worry it doesn’t change anything, Matt. I’m still excited to get to know you, the real you, and I’m willing to listen to everything you have to talk about. I’m here for you,” she says resting her hand on my arm.

“Thanks, Charlie. I haven’t had a whole bunch of luck with this internet dating thing, so to be honest, I don’t even know where my head space is at with it right now. I think I just need a friend more than anything.”

She nods and leans in giving me a brief, gentle, yet calming hug. “I’m here for you, Matt, however, you need me.”

I hug her back, and it’s nice to have someone who’s willing to be a friend. I pull back and look toward the street fair. “Wanna get some food and sit on the grass for a bit?”

“Sure, let’s have a chat,” she says, grabbing my hand and leading me toward the hot dog stand.

We spend the evening sitting on a grassy knoll, chatting about everything. I tell her all about Alex, about what happened, and about my prior internet dating history. I don’t know why I feel the need to unload everything on her, but something about her is soothing and makes her easy to talk to. Charlie’s an amazing listener, and she gives great advice at the right points in the conversation. She doesn’t mind that I keep my sunnies and cap on the entire time, even though the sun has gone down and it’s clearly nighttime. She knows why, she understands, and that just gives her a positive vibe. I feel comfortable around her. An ease I haven’t felt with anyone other than Alex, and it’s nice. Although, she isn’t quite in the same league as Alex. In fact, they’re quite the polar opposite, but Charlie is great, and if I were to refer to my list, she would tick off a decent chunk of the ten requirements I’m looking for in a partner. But right now, I’m not looking for that. No, a friend in Charlie is all I need.

We’ve been talking, and while most of the night has been about me, which has been cathartic and nice to release some built up tension, I’ve learned a little about her too. About her family, about her lifestyle. Charlie’s an up and coming writer, and she pens columns for an independent LA paper. That’s how she knew who I was. She’s seen articles about the band in the papers, plus obviously, she’s heard our music. She’s excited that I am who I am, but it doesn’t seem to affect the course of the relationship, which is good.

It’s been a few hours and the evening is getting on. Charlie came here by cab, so I’ve suggested that I drive her home. I’d hate to think I let her cab it home, when I can easily drive her. So we’re walking back to my car, and we’re in the back street where it’s dimly lit with hardly anyone around. We’re laughing about the size of the foot long hot dogs, and that one kid trying to eat it in one go when a bunch of teenagers run down the street toward us. I tense up as they swarm around us completely, running full pelt, laughing maniacally and pushing between Charlie and me.

My hood falls from my head in the chaos as someone bumps into me, abruptly making me fall forward. My glasses descend down my nose and fall off to the ground. My body tenses, and I turn just in time for my eyes to lock with one of the teenage girls. She focuses on me, her eyes widening as her fits of giggles stop, and she stands stock still staring at me. My muscles clench and I shake my head knowing that look. It’s an awed look of recognition.

Fuck! Why didn’t I bring Scott?

“Holy shit!” she yells, making her friends halt their fast pace, and they all turn to look at me as I quickly try to pull my hoodie back over my face, but she yanks it back down and lets out an almighty scream. “It’s fucking Matt from Recoil!” Her ear piercing tenor makes me squint, as I slump my body glancing to Charlie who’s gnawing on her bottom lip, standing back from me as I’m now suddenly swarmed by teenage fangirls.

Fuck! This is not how this was supposed to go!

“Matt, oh my God, Matt, is it really you?” she shrieks, pulling at my top.

“Yeah. Look I’m kinda here with someone and we’re just leaving so, I’ll take some pictures and sign some autographs, but I can’t stay too long, okay?” I suggest, and they all start screaming which makes more people look down from the end of the street, and I wince as I glance to Charlie who’s standing back, wrapping her arms around herself and taking this all in.

“Okay, pics first? Phones everyone?” I ask, and they all yank out their cells, including Charlie who giggles taking snaps of me with my fans. I smile and shake my head, rolling my eyes at her making fun of me. But I take a picture with every girl, plus a couple more that appear.

“Can you sign my iPod?” one girl asks.

“Ah, sure, but I um… don’t have a Sharpie,” I say, and Charlie throws her hand up gesturing ‘one minute’ as she rifles around in her handbag, pulling out a sharpie. Smiling at her, I nod, as the girls thank her and start turning toward her, while I sigh the random shit they pull out of their backpacks.

“So you’re here with Matt, right?” one girl asks Charlie.

Charlie nods. “I am.”

They all giggle and cheer off an immature “oohing.”

“Are you his girlfriend?” one girl asks, and I tense up stopping mid-signature to look at her.

She looks to me with a smirk and lets out a bemused laugh. “I’m his advisor and friend,” she replies.

I wink at her as I continue to sign shit, including someone’s arm.

“Speaking of advising, I think you’re a little too open out here, Matt. Time to finish up,” she says very authoritarian, and I chuckle with a nod.

“Sorry girls, the boss has spoken. You don’t want to get me in trouble, do you?”

They all groan but nod. “No, but it was sure good to meet you. Thank you for hanging with us,” one of the girls says.

“My pleasure, ladies. Have a good night.” I lean in hugging them all, throw my hoodie back over my head, pick up my shades, and grab Charlie heading back to my car.

She exhales and looks to me with a smirk as we get in quickly. “Well, that was relatively calm for your type of fans.”

Nodding, I let out a small groan. “I know, they were great… I was an idiot tonight coming out without security, wasn’t I? If they went ballistic and a huge crowd had swarmed in, it could’ve been a whole different ball game. I’m a fucking dickhead. I’m not thinking clearly lately.”

She rests her hand on mine on the gearstick and sighs. “Matt, look, I think you’re going through some stuff in your life right now, and as much as I was just trying to throw the kids off about me being your advisor, I am actually really goodat listening. So if you wanna get some stuff off your chest, then please go for it. You can talk to me, with no worries of judgment or criticism.”

I figure I may as well tell her everything. I’ve already been honest about most things, I may as well tell her about T-Dog and my stint in the slammer too. I told her about Madeline and how that went south, but I didn’t tell her she turned out to be a prostitute and I went into custody for it, but now I guess I want to.

So on the way to her place, I open up, tell her everything. All about Madeline, about T-Dog, about the watch, everything. She takes it all in like a champ, and when I drop her at her home she doesn’t get out and walk away. Instead, she smiles and takes a breath.

“Matt, you’ve had a rough couple of months, and tonight has been a huge night for you. Plus, having fans accost you when you were trying to go it alone… is not helping your situation. Come inside for coffee, and we can talk some more,” she offers.

She’s not running.

She’s not freaked out or scared off.

She is accepting of everything.

Who the hell is this girl?

The swarm of fangirls should have freaked any sane woman.

“Okay, thank you. Thank you for everything over the last few months. You’ve been really supportive since I met you online, and honestly, you’re the only good thing I have right now.”

She reaches out, grabbing my hand and squeezing. “I’m not going anywhere, other than inside for a coffee. So c’mon let’s go.”

Charlotte opens the door and heads off. I take a deep breath and follow her inside, pulling my hoodie down from my head and finally feeling like I can relax a little for the first time tonight.

 

***

 

I spent a further two hours at Charlie’s talking and hanging out. It wasn’t the same as hanging out at Alex’s. Charlie’s house, while beautiful, lacked the funkiness and flair of Alex’s home. Charlie’s is more modern and Betty Homemaker.

Nothing happened, I stayed steadfast about being friends. I’m sure she would have liked the idea of a goodbye kiss, but I wasn’t keen on the idea of taking it to that level. Not yet. It’s far too soon, and I’m pretty sure she understood that.

I came home, and all I could think about was how I had a good night with Charlie, but how I wish I were there with Alex. I miss her, I miss everything about her.

I haven’t checked in with Nate lately, so I wanna see how he’s doing. I pick up my cell and dial his number as I wander aimlessly around my empty home. It feels so barren without him here. It rings a couple of times and then he picks up.

“Bro, how you doing?” I sigh exasperatedly, and he chuckles. “That good, eh?”

“Yeah, just trying to get by a day at a time.”

“What, are you in some kind of anonymous meeting place?”

I chuckle and shrug. “Maybe I should be, M&M and Ben & Jerry’s anonymous.”

“Dude, lay off the saturated fats. We rockers have a rep to uphold you know.”

I drop on the sofa. “Yeah, yeah… so, I have news.”

“Oh, you’ve come to your senses and decided to talk to Alex?”

I clench my jaw. “No, she doesn’t want me to. She made that abundantly clear—”

“Man, you two are as stubborn as each other. I swear—”

“My news!”

“Oh right, please proceed, oh wise and sensible brother of mine.”

Rolling my eyes, I take a deep breath. “I met up with Charlotte, and we had one hell of a wild night let me tell you—”

“Wait, Charlotte… the internet girl?” Nate interrupts.

“Yeah, the one Alex chose for me from the internet dating site.”

Nate groans, letting out his obvious frustration. “You don’t waste time do you?” he murmurs.

“No, that’s not what I meant—”

“How do you think Alex will feel when she finds out you waited… what… one fucking week to meet what’s her name… oh yeah, Charlotte?” I can feel the sarcasm dripping through the phone line.

I sit up taller and pause thinking this through. Alex will probably think I’m moving on, getting another girl. That’s not what this is. “Shit,” I murmur and Nate mumbles all sorts, of what I assume, are expletives incoherently under his breath.

“Good going, dick head. Way to royally screw everyone over,” he says, and I shake my head.

“Wait! What does that mean?” I ask, but the hang-up tone sounds in my ear before I can say another word.

“Fuck!” I curse, throwing my cell onto the cushions beside me.

Now Nate’s angry at me, even more. I seem to be fucking up with every step I take.

Surely now it can’t get any worse… right?