DANGER

 

 “Out!” I yell, pushing Effa toward the door.

Effa grabs her shoes with a sigh while she shakes her head. “Geez dude, someone woke up cranky and hungover this morning.”

“Yeah, well, you just slept through my girl walking in on you asleep in bed with me so…” I trail off.

Effa screws up her face. “Oooh, that’s not good.”

“No Effa, it’s not. Now get out!”

“Okay, just wait till I leave before you Hulk smash everything,” she teases.

I don’t find her jokes amusing right now. “Get. Out!”

“Fine!” She pulls open the hotel room door and walks out while I storm back into the bedroom picking up the nearest thing, which happens to be a lamp, and throw it across the room with an almighty bellow. The chord snaps as it pulls out of the wall, removing some of the plasterboard with it as it pops. The lamp shade shatters, breaking into tiny glass fragments against the opposite wall. I breathe heavily in and out of my nostrils, sounding almost like a bull as my chest heaves from the tension.

That didn’t make me feel better, but it did relieve some tension. I pace the floor wondering how I could have fucked up this huge. Walking over to my shirt on the couch, I pull it on and go in search of Nate. He started this fucking disaster last night. I storm out and head down to his room banging on his door hard and fast. He opens it with an excited look in his eyes.

I lunge forward grabbing his shirt and forcing him back into the wall. “You fucking did this.”

Nate grins and shakes his head as Matt rushes down the hall.

“Whatever do you mean?” Nate quips with a wicked grin.

“You’re out of the band,” I yell and thrust him higher up the wall.

Matt steps up, grabs my hands, pulls me back from his brother and stands in between us. “He’s not out of the band, Danger. We all have to decide on that! But what did he do?”

“He kissed my girl!”

“Yeah, she tastes amazing doesn’t she?”

I lunge forward to grab Nate, but Matt pushes against my chest stopping me from getting to him.

“Nate, stop it! Danger, cool it! What the fuck is going on?” Matt asks trying to play the peacekeeper.

“Nate kissed Lunar.”

“Then you fucked Effa and Lunar left. Seems you fucked up, Danger.”

“You don’t even know what you’re talking about.”

“Don’t I? I heard Lunar tell Ryan she walked in on you and Effa in bed together. Seems pretty fucking obvious to me, and to Lunar too. Face it, you fucked up! And now you’ll never get her back. Probably for the best, you and long distance never work, do you?” Nate chides.

I groan shrugging out of Matt’s grip and walk away.

I’ve fucked up!

What Lunar saw can’t be unseen.

But what I saw can’t be either!

Her kissing Nate fucking hurt and now my band is falling apart just like my heart.

Making my way to my room, I know it’s early but I need a drink. I can’t stand the never ending ache in my chest. Knowing Lunar saw Effa in my bed makes me sick to my stomach, but seeing her with Nate killed me. I just need something to take the edge off, so I decide to drink the day away. Sure we have a flight today, and a concert tonight in Western Australia, but it’s not like I’ve never performed off my face before. Tonight I’ll be doing that again because I can’t get through today sober.

 

***

 

The plane ride was fun, Ryan and Luke had to both help me on, and then I passed out. They had to wheelchair me off the plane to a waiting cab. To say I got a little too drunk was probably an understatement.

It’s now a few minutes before the show and my head is pounding ferociously as Luke passes me another cup of coffee. I’m sobering up but I feel like death, and I really want to blow off the show tonight. I know I can’t, the guys won’t let me, especially Nate who says this is all my fault and I should be hurting for hurting Lunar. But she hurt me first by kissing him, so… whatever.

“Dude, drink faster. You need to sober up for the show. Think about the fans,” Ryan says.

I sigh picking up the mug and sipping down my fifth cup of coffee since landing.

Luke shakes his head.

I rest my forehead on my arm on the table in front of me. “I feel like shit.”

“Well, stop acting like a fucking brat and you won’t feel like shit,” Luke chides, then I hear a chair scrapping across the floor and footsteps fading off into the distance. I’m pretty sure Luke’s stormed off. But my head is still relaxing on my arm as my eyes remain closed to the harshness of the world.

“You can’t fall apart on us now. We’re just starting to make it huge here in Oz. Luke’s talking about taking this tour onto Asia after we finish in Australia, Danger. That’s what would be ahead of us if you don’t fuck this up here and now. I know losing Lunar is hard, and yes you fucked up, but take it on the chin and learn. Fuck man, maybe have a break from women for a while?” Ryan suggests.

I raise my head and nod. I don’t think I could go near another woman anyway. She’s all I can think about, and the hurt in her eyes is scorched into my soul, burning me deeply. Picking up my coffee I take another sip, I still feel terrible but I know Ryan is right. My luck with women is not good. So I’m going to keep my distance from them all from now on.

“Right guys, let’s go,” Luke calls out.

Ryan stands pulling me up with him. “You can do this, Danger,” he murmurs into my ear. I chug back the remnants of my coffee and walk to the back of the stage. The crowd is at capacity and the roar is deafening, hurting my head. I don’t know how I’m going to pull this off, but I know I need to fake it as best I can. I must give the crowd the show they paid for—the Recoil they love and want—even if it kills me.

Ryan, Matt, and Nate all rush onto the stage and into the dimness of the lighting. The crowd erupts making me cringe as I take a few deep breaths, and Luke stares at me from across the way. I nod, and he exhales, nodding back to me as the music starts and I run up the stairs putting on a pretend smile while I wave out to the crowd. Ryan leads in with his guitar and I move over to the mic. The first song doesn’t call for me to use my guitar, so I grab the mic, letting all my emotion flow into the words of the song. It’s one of Lunar’s favorites, and it makes my heart race frantically as I think of her. I know my performance is off, I’m lacking, but I’m trying and I’m working the crowd like I need to. I just don’t have the usual stamina and energy I’m accustomed to. The music just doesn’t seem right, it doesn’t fit anymore for some reason.

I hate that nothing feels the same without her here. And knowing she will never be here again, is only making me feel worse as the performance goes on. I’m fading and I can’t help it.

My performance is derailing.

Nothing is working and I can’t seem to get a feel for my music like I once had.

I’m getting worse and worse.

I’m drowning in a pit of despair without her.

I’m nothing without her.

 

LUNAR

FOUR DAYS LATER

 

It’s been four days since I walked in on what I saw and the memory is still burned into my brain. Nothing I do can stop the nightmare image from seeping into my memory every chance it gets. Awake or asleep it haunts me and so I suffer, alone in my childhood bedroom at my mother’s house. I haven’t gotten out of my bed for anything other than the bathroom, and I try to limit that to two or three times per day because the warmth of my bed is far more comforting than the harshness of reality.

Mum comes and talks to me every day, and every day I tell her I’m fine when I’m not. I’m drowning in a sea of misery and she knows it, she isn’t stupid, that’s why she’s keeping a close eye on me I think.

My eyes are so sore and puffy from the endless amount of tears I’ve shed and continue to cry over him.

The prick that broke my heart.

I can’t shake the feeling of betrayal and loss, and the fact that he just let me walk out of the hotel room where I caught him in bed with not just another woman, but of all the women to choose from… Effa.

A fresh wave of nausea hits me while a river of tears stream down my face as I curl into a ball under the covers. The image hits me full force, I clench my eyes tight trying to rid the thought of what Danger and Effa must have been doing in my absence.

A gentle knock on my door makes me flick open my eyes. I sniff and wipe my cheeks.

“Go away,” I call out, but the creak of the hinges on the door tells me that whoever it is, is coming in anyway. Asshole.

Pulling back the covers slightly to see who it is, my eyes open wide and a gasp escapes me as I see Mum in the doorway and next to her is… Danger?

What the hell?

Swallowing hard, I look to Mum, and she gives me a look of ‘Do you want me to kick him out?’

I love her for that, but as I glance back at him looking at me with his brows furrowed and his stance slouched like he’s in pain at seeing the state I am in, it softens my hatred just enough to hear him out. He’s flown to Adelaide to see me, I should at least hear what he has to say.

“It’s okay, Mum.”

“I’ll be in the kitchen if you need me.” She shuts the door gently behind her. I sit up in the bed wiping my cheeks and then gaze down looking at the array of used tissues sprawled across my bed, floor and side table. I quickly start to gather them up as Danger walks to me and sits down on the edge of my bed right near me.

“I hate seeing you so upset.”

“Well, you caused it by sleeping with Effa,” I don’t hold back.

He exhales shaking his head and grabs my hands to stop me from my tissue hunt and stash. It makes me glance up at him, and he looks deep into my eyes catching me off guard.

“Lunar, I didn’t sleep with Effa.”

A slight gasp echoes through the room and my heart leaps into my mouth as I slowly shake my head in disbelief. “You didn’t?”

He shakes his head ever so slightly. “No.”

Furrowing my brows, I don’t miss the tingle that’s spreading through my hands from his skin touching mine. “Then why was she in your bed?”

He looks away from me and my chest tightens waiting for an answer I don’t want to hear. “We were drunk. She couldn’t make it back to her room, I told her to crash in mine. There was nothing sexual in it… at all. She was fully clothed under the covers, Lunar.”

I think back and the covers were pulled right up to her neck, which is probably why I thought she was naked underneath. “Why was she in your room in the first place?”

“After I saw you kissing Nate, I went to the bar. Effa was there and we got drunk to drown my sorrows.”

I jolt my head back in confusion. “Wait! What?”

“After you kissed Nate, I got drunk. Just wanted to wipe that image from my mind.”

Shaking my head, I think back to when Nate cornered me in the hall. “Hold up! I think you left too soon, Danger, because Nate leaned in to kiss me and then I pushed him away and slapped his face.”

His eyes open wide in obvious shock and he shakes his head. “What? Really? You don’t have a thing for my drummer?”

Rolling my eyes, I shake my head adamantly. “Oh my God, no. I pushed him away and went to find you, but I couldn’t find you anywhere.”

“So you’re telling me that the past four days we’ve both been living on misunderstandings?”

I shrug and exhale with a sniff, wiping my cheeks from the leftover tear residue. “We’re idiots.”

He nods. “I should have stopped you from walking out of the hotel room when you saw us. I knew how that would have looked, but I thought you were having a thing with Nate behind my back, so I let you go.”

Sinking into the bed, I exhale. “It looked so bad… you and Effa together. I know you compare Effa to Ella as well. So I guess I just thought you missed Ella so much you went back to what you know.”

Danger sags and scowls. “Effa and Ella are similar in some ways, but mostly they’re nothing alike. Effa is a good friend, that’s all, Lunar. I promise. You’re my girl. You always were. I would never cheat on you.”

I move closer to him. “Am I still your girl?”

“Most definitely.”

I rush forward, embracing him, pressing my puffy lips to his. I don’t even care that my face is a swollen mess and that I must look terrible. I need to feel him, and right now as his hands lace up into my hair, while his thumb gently strokes the back of my neck pulling me closer to him, and his tongue ring teases my tongue, I couldn’t feel more like everything is shifting back to where it’s meant to be. Being without him has been hard, it’s been nearly a month without him by my side. I don’t think I could handle any more time apart. I’m a fucking mess.

He pulls back panting for breath as he looks me in the eyes still holding me tightly. “Pack your stuff, you’re coming back with me on tour. Not only because I miss you, but the merch stands suck without your input.”

I laugh genuinely for the first time in a while, but then my face falls to a frown. “But what about the press? They’ve turned a corner recently, but what if they turn against me again and bring your band down, Danger? I can’t risk Recoil suffering because of me.”

“I’ve talked to Luke and we’re going to send out a press release saying that you’re my girl. Yes, you were associated with the club, but you’re not now, and if we need a statement from the club I’ll get Techie to draft something up.”

I look into his eyes. “Are you sure you want me to come back? What if I damage the tour further?”

“Not gonna happen.”

“But—”

“If it does then we deal with it together, as a team. We’ll show the world what happens when you mix beats with bikers.”

Grinning, I tilt my head. “Beats with bikers?”

He smiles. “Yeah, I just made that up. You like it?”

I chuckle. “It’s interesting that’s for sure. You’re definitely a musician.”

He smiles standing up and pulling me with him. “Okay, pack your things.”