MATT

 

Standing with my cell in my hand and watching Alex drive away is both utterly confusing and equally devastating. I’m not entirely sure what the fight was about. Is she questioning my friendship with her? Or that I didn’t tell Madeline about her? Or both? Sometimes having a female for a best friend is hard work, but I love her, and I wouldn’t want anyone else as my best friend. And the reason I didn’t tell Madeline about Alex was simple, not because she doesn’t mean enough to me, or because I’m embarrassed about her or whatever, but because I know what women are like when you mention your best friend is another woman. They get defensive and jealous, and I don’t want my relationships to start off that way.

Sighing, as I watch Alex drive off, I grit my teeth as my nostrils flare. I’m angry. I don’t know how such a good day could turn to shit so quickly, but all I do know is I hate fighting with Alex. She means so much to me, and for some reason, she feels like I don’t care enough about her. Which couldn’t be further from the truth.

Turning, I close the door and walk inside to the freezer and grab the tub of ice cream. I slam the door shut, making the freezer wobble as I pull open the drawer for a spoon, and make my way back to the sofa to run over this in my head.

Why is she thinking this way?

The only thing I can think of is that because she’s had me all to herself all this time, and now if I have a girlfriend she’s going to be losing time with me. Is she scared of losing me? And me not telling Madeline about Alex, would only make Alex think that I’m not thinking about her in this relationship at all.

I’ve fucked up.

If Alex were a man, I would’ve told Madeline about him. So why the hell haven’t I told Madeline? Why is Alex being a girl so different? I’m the only one making this an issue. Madeline seems reasonable, so surely if I tell Madeline and she can’t handle that my best friend is a female, that’s going to be a problem anyway. So better to know right now.

I spoon a mouthful of ice cream into my mouth, the gooey, creamy texture hitting my tongue and relaxing me slightly. With my cell in my hand, I type out a detailed message to Madeline explaining who Alex is, and why I hadn’t told her about her before now. That I hope it isn’t an issue that Alex is my best friend, and if it is an issue, well then that’s a deal breaker. Perhaps it should be rule number eleven because Alex is too important to me and is a big part of my life. I hover over the send button knowing I could be dooming this great start to our relationship. But my friendship with Alex is more important at this point. So I hit send. Instantly, my stomach sinks and I clench my eyes shut while gritting my teeth. I feel sorry for Madeline, she’s only just met me, and already I’m giving her ultimatums—accept my best friend or walk. This is not healthy, but it is what it is, and hopefully, she’s cool enough to accept it.

Knowing my luck though, she will walk.

I bounce the back of my head on the top of the sofa trying to calm myself as I wait for her to see the message. It lights up green, and I die a little inside. Shaking my head as I take in another mouthful of ice cream, the little typing bubbles bounce up and down and I cringe in anticipation.

“Here we go, here comes the letdown. Nice knowing you, Madeline,” I murmur and the message comes through shortly after.

 

Madeline: Matt, thank you for being honest with me, but really you have nothing to worry about. I don’t get jealous easily, so having a female as your best friend is perfect. Just means another friend for me!

 

I sit up taller and almost choke on the ice cream in my mouth. I swallow it instead of spitting it out and reread the message twice. “You gotta be kidding me?” I mumble and shake my head in awe.

This chick really is cool.

I type back quickly.

 

Me: Wow Madeline, thank you. This means so much to me. You’ll meet her at the wedding. I’m sure you two will hit it off… thank you for today. I really did have a great time. I look forward to seeing you again on Saturday.

 

I go to my texting area and open up Alex’s number. I swallow hard wondering whether I should text or call, but I figure calling her right now might be a bit too full on. So I decide to go with my first instinct to text and I type out my message.

 

Me: Alex, I know you’re angry with me. I’m so sorry for not telling Madeline about you sooner. Trust me, it’s not because I didn’t want to. I just thought telling a potential girlfriend about another woman in my life was a little strange. But, I’ve told her now, and she’s looking forward to meeting you at the wedding. I hope you can forgive me. We need to fix us, Alex. I don’t know how we got broken, but I need you in my life. You’re my best friend…

 

I hit send and hope that she can find it in her to write back. I hate how we left things, her leaving like that was shit, and I feel like a fucking ass for hurting her. My cell starts to ring in my hand, and I look down to see Alex is calling. I answer it quickly.

“Hey you,” I murmur.

“So Tacos kinda suck without you,” she says, her mouth still obviously half-full.

I chuckle. “Ice cream is bland without you. Plus, you took my corn chips, so I have nothing to dunk into the tub.”

She laughs, and it’s like heaven to my ears. “Yeah, sorry about that. I should have left you some Mexican, I kinda took it all. But in my defense, I’m freaking hungry.”

“You didn’t eat today because of me, right?” I ask, and she exhales.

“I thought you were ignoring me. I don’t know what happened, I thought there was a problem in our relationship, because you always text me back. And then I was anxious maybe something had happened to you… or something like that, then, I thought you were moving on without me.”

“Alex, I’m so sorry. Just know you’re going to be in my life forever. You are not going anywhere without me. I would have you permanently attached to me if that were legal.”

“You already have an identical twin, surely you don’t need a conjoined twin as well?” She giggles, and our normal conversational tone seems to be coming back.

“I always want to be joined at the hip with you,” I say honestly.

“Well, I’m free Thursday evening, we can book the surgery then if you like?” she asks, and I chuckle.

“Let’s not fight again, okay? I hate the thought that I hurt your feelings. I’m so sorry I did that, Alex.”

She exhales and sighs. “It’s okay, I think I was just being too sensitive to something that wasn’t there in the first place.”

I’m guessing she means about the fact that she thought she didn’t mean as much to me as she actually does. Which is totally not the case. I’ll never let her think that way again. “Okay, please know, no matter what happens with Madeline and me, you’re always my girl. You will always be my bestie, and I have your back no matter what.”

She exhales and goes a little quiet, which surprises me a little.

“You okay, Alex?”

“Yeah, guess I better ask Ronan to the wedding. Or maybe, I’ll just go on my own. Stuff the plus one.”

Furrowing my brows, my stomach sinks slightly. Maybe it isn’t going so well for her and Ronan.

“Alex, ask Ronan. You never know, once you meet him, you guys might actually hit it off. Don’t be scared to take a leap.”

She puffs out a long breath. “Okay, I’ll ask him when we hang up.”

“Awesome. This will be good for you, I can feel it.”

She lets out a stifled laugh. “Yeah, maybe. Anyway, I need to eat this Mexican and have some margaritas then have a siesta, que pasa?”

“Wait! Doesn’t que pasa mean, what’s up or how’s it going, or something like that?”

“Meh, I dunno, it just sounded cool, eh gringo?” And just like that, she’s back to her usual weird chirpy self.

“I love your weird,” I say, and she chuckles.

“Ah… Matthew, you love everything about me. I’m perfect just as I am, remember?” she spits sarcastically, and a genuine smile creeps on my face. She’s right, though, I do love everything about her. Her weird, her quirks, her image, her personality, her bright spark, everything about her, I love…

My heart races a little faster, and a lump forms in my throat as I clear it shaking my head from those thoughts.

“You’re perfect, Alex, don’t let anyone tell you any different.”

“Thanks, but you’re biased. Anyway, I can’t have completely cold tacos now, can I? Let a girl eat, Matt!”

I chuckle. “Sure thing. I’ll just sit here with my tub of ice cream and get fat.”

She snorts. “You have thirty-six abs, Matt. I’m quite sure one tub of ice cream will only drop you down to say thirty-five. Your abs might be a little lop-sided, but they’re safe. Just do an extra one handed push-up or something?”

I burst out laughing. “Thirty-six abs?”

“Don’t think I haven’t seen your abs under your tight shirts, Matt, I know what you’re packing.”

“You been checking me out, Alex?” For some reason the thought electrifies me.

“Matt, c’mon, who wouldn’t check you out. But that was right at the start when I first met you. I mean you walk into the gallery looking like that. What’s a girl supposed to do?”

My mouth twitches and turns upward into a lopsided grin. “Well, so you think Nate’s hot too then?” I ask, and she chuckles.

“Nate’s hot too, yes, no doubt, but he had a sad puppy dog look about him that was never appealing to me. Whereas you walked in and you had an aura about you. You look similar, but you’re both vibing totally differently. Nate’s hot, but I’m not attracted to him. Plus, he’s my boss and my friend’s fiancé, so that would be weird.”

I want to ask if she’s attracted to me, but that’s crossing a line that we can’t come back from. And that isn’t fair on Madeline or us. Plus, with everything that’s happened today, we don’t need something like that thrown into the mix confusing things further.

But I really want to know.

Because the truth is, I find her attractive. I always have.

Everything about her attracts me, and if things were different, if we’d have met under different circumstances, at a different time, we might have been more than friends. But that’s not who we are… is it?

“Yeah, that would be weird,” I finally say and shove another mouth full of ice cream into my mouth to stop me from saying anything further in that regard. “Are we good now?” I ask through a creamy mouthful.

“Yeah, we’re good. Sorry for overreacting.”

“No. You didn’t. I just went about it all wrong. I’ll never put you second again, Alex.”

She sighs. “If you and Madeline become a thing, though, you’ll have to put her first, Matt.”

“Can’t you both be equal in my life?”

“No. She will have to be your top priority. And I get that, I do—”

“Okay, but I’m only going on a second date with her, Alex. Nothing is set in stone, just yet, all right? So you’re still my number one girl, got it?”

“Got it. Tacos… must eat… dying of starvation… fading away… shrinking before my eyes… must… have… Mexican…” she says the last words like she’s dying and then she hangs up the phone making me chuckle.

I look at my cell to see a reply message from Madeline, and I check it quickly.

 

Madeline: I look forward to the wedding. It should be great to meet all your friends. Especially Alex. I can’t wait to meet her and also to see you again. Hope you’re having a good night. I’m going to be busy at work now, so I’ll check in with you again tomorrow. Night xo

 

I don’t bother replying knowing she’ll be busy at work, I don’t want to disturb her while she’s hostessing. Which I’m guessing is a fancy term for a waitress. Sure, it’s not the best job in the world, but hey, she has the ambition to dance in music videos, and it’s in the same industry I’m in. So I can help her with that. It seems we’re destined to cross paths. Even if we don’t work out as a couple, at least I’ll be able to help her career.

Shoveling another spoonful of ice cream into my mouth, I sit back into the sofa and sigh. Today has been one hell of a fucking roller coaster. Highs and mother fucking lows, but it’s all smoothed out in the end. Alex and I are okay, I think, and Madeline and I are fine. Charlotte is none the wiser. I should probably tell her I’m seeing someone, but I’m not going to cut her off completely until I make things official with Madeline. That’s the smart thing to do, right? Keep all my cards on the table? Because Charlotte is a really amazing woman, and I would like to meet her one day. If things go well with Madeline, I guess Charlotte will never be an option.

Only time will tell.