It’s been a long day at the gallery, and after work, Nate and I decided we would hit up Finlay’s for a drink and an after work meal.

We’ve eaten, and Nate got a message from Matt saying he was with Danger and Lunar, and now they’re heading down here to hang out with us. I haven’t met them yet, but it will be nice to finally meet some more members of the Recoil family, officially.

Nate and I are in our usual booth. It’s in a great section of the bar and is kind of like your own room inside a room. It’s a pleasant nook where we can be, and people don’t tend to bother us too much. It’s perfect for celebrities to hide away in. Even though Dwayne and Scott are standing right by the edge looking more like security for the bar than for us, which is how Nate likes it, so they don’t draw attention to him.

Suddenly, three people catapult into the booth quickly like they’re madly rushing to avoid someone, and I look up to see one of them is Matt. I smirk then laugh as they rush in taking their seats with us. Matt looks at me and smiles, sitting next to me, and the sexy bad boy looking guy covered in tattoos sits next to Nate, bumping fists. Then a stunning curvaceous beauty with fading pink to yellow hair sits on his lap, making no qualms about being there, as his hands rest on her upper thighs. I open my eyes wide at their display of affection, but shrug it off as no one else in the room seems to be affected by it.

“Hey!” Matt says leaning into my side.

“Hi, is that Danger and Lunar?” I whisper.

He looks to them and clears his throat. “Hey Danger, Lunar, this is Alex… curator extraordinaire, awesome friend, and lover of Mexican.”

I chuckle as I bow my head slightly and wave in their direction. “Howdy, nice to finally meet you guys.”

Lunar sits up taller on Danger, and he groans like her weight shifting hurt him. “Girl, your hair is freaking bonza, gotta love a woman who knows how to dye.”

Smiling, I grin wide and nod. “Thanks, I love yours, too.”

“Oh God, don’t tell me I came all this way to talk fucking hair. I’m a hardcore rocker. Give me booze and food… or sex. Yeah, gimme sex,” Danger says and Lunar rolls her eyes.

“Urgh, like you don’t get enough of all of that. Let me have some girl talk, you fiend.”

Matt chuckles as Nate sighs taking another sip of his beer and I’m liking these two already. They’re my kinda people.

“Fine, but I wanna tie you up later,” Danger says making me burst into laughter as Lunar grins wildly.

“Oh dear Lord,” Matt groans and Nate does the best exaggerated eye roll I’ve ever seen.

“Are you guys always like this?” I ask.

Nate and Matt both nod.

“Meh, mostly,” Lunar sneers.

Danger kisses her neck sweetly in contrast to his previously sexual nature.

I glance to Matt as he waggles his brows up and down, when he reaches for my stout and takes a large gulp. I purse my lips in fake annoyance, but he chuckles licking the foam from his top lip and shrugs as he takes my beer for himself.

“So, Alex, you’re basically running the lives of Nate and Matt now, right?” Lunar asks, and I tilt my head looking from one twin to the other and nod.

“Well, definitely Nate, but I guess Matt a little too, yeah,” I reply.

“Well, good. Someone needs to sort these douches out. We need another tough ass chick in our gang, and I think you suit the bill perfectly. You’re officially Recoil material, Alex. You’re a part of us now. You gotta look after these twins when we can’t, okay?” Lunar demands.

“I got your back, Lunar. I’ll sort them out, don’t you worry.”

“You do realize we’re right here, don’t you?” Nate asks.

Lunar and I both giggle.

“Yes, mopey Mandy, I do. I mean I’m not Zaria’s biggest fan, we all know this, but you’re one sad, sorry sack of shit without her. But I think Alex here can cheer you up. She’s all right by me,” Lunar says.

I sit up taller, and Matt reaches out placing his hand on my knee giving it a little squeeze.

“Thanks, Lunar, you’re pretty freaking tops yourself.”

“What is this… some sort of mutual admiration society?” Danger mocks.

Lunar jumps on his lap making him groan in discomfort as she squashes him. “Shut up, prick. Oh. My. God. Alex, you have to come to the wedding,” she calls out.

I open my eyes wide and gasp. I hardly know her, and Danger even less so, but I feel a kind of kindred spirit to her, and I’m so happy to be a part of the Recoil family. I guess if I plan to be around for a long time, I may as well plant myself in the fabric of their foundations.

“Babe, you can’t invite everyone to our fucking wedding,” Danger scalds, and Lunar scoffs rolling her eyes.

“I’m not inviting everyone! And Alex is a part of our gang now. She’s a part of my girl squad—”

“Your fucking what?”

“My girl squad. My team. You just don’t get women at all, Danger. But we digress… Alex come to the wedding. You will, won’t you?” Lunar begs, smiling so wide, drawing her bottom lip in by her teeth and looking hopeful.

I glance to Matt, who’s trying to hide his smirk as Nate looks lost in his own world, so I nod and chuckle. “Of course, girl squad code and all. I wouldn’t miss it for the world, Lunar,” I reply and wonder what the hell I’ve gotten myself into.

Lunar claps her hands together vivaciously, while Matt bumps into my shoulder and chuckles.

“You’re truly one of us now, Alex. No escaping, even if you wanted to.” His eyes stare right into mine, and something passes between us, a buzz, a crackle of electricity sizzles in the air, and my breath catches as I swallow hard thinking that right now, there’s no possible way I would want to escape this world.

 

MATT

TWO MONTHS LATER

 

The last two months have been crazy. A month ago Ria and Nate finally sorted their shit out, and they’re back together. It’s been a whirlwind, and I’m so happy for them. Ria is seven months pregnant now. Who would have thought? But Alex knew the whole time which was surprising. But I guess they were friends first, so Alex was put in a tough position. Ria regrets doing that to Alex now, but it’s all worked out for the better, and my twin’s got his happy ever after. Not only are they back together, with a baby on the way, but Nate proposed, and they’re planning their wedding. All this and Nate moved out of our home and in with Ria, which is great for him. He needed to do that to start his family, but I miss him.

This house is so big, and it’s so lifeless and empty without him. Sure, I have Whisper over often and Alex too, but I find myself spending most of my time at Alex’s place instead. I feel more at home at Alex’s than I do here now. I’m thinking about moving. This was Nate’s and my place, and now that he’s moving on it doesn’t feel right here anymore.

My mood is depleted, and even though I’m having amazing conversations with two women on Lovepessimist, I’m still not sure that meeting either of them is the right thing to do. Plus, I like both Madeline and Charlotte and having to pick one over the other seems too difficult. They appear equally as good as each other. Neither knows about the other, of course, and I feel like maybe I’m in over my head.

With Jaci, I spoke to her for a week before meeting her. With these two I’ve made sure to extend the talk time to get to know them more first before meeting them. But I keep putting off meeting them, and now it’s been two months. I know them both reasonably well, well as best as you can using text messages. I want to meet them, I suppose, I’m just nervous.

And then there’s Alex. She’s talking to Ronan, and they’re getting along fine, but I feel like we’re all coasting. Too scared to take the leap. I just worry now that I’ve invested so much time into these two women, what if the same thing happens? What if they meet me and fall into the fandom like Jaci did? Then I’ve wasted two months of my life getting to know them. And what if I choose to meet one and I choose the wrong one?

So many variables.

Too many variables.

The only consistent things in my life are music and Alex.

Alex doesn’t go anywhere. She’s always there when I need to talk, and we have Taco Tuesday’s every week, where we stay in eating Mexican without fail. It’s our thing… why? I don’t know, it’s just us. We’re so in sync. I just wish I knew where my life was heading, or which direction to take it in.

Music is coasting. The band is releasing a song every now and then to keep up momentum, but we’re not really doing much. I know that will change eventually, but for now, nothing major is happening and I’m unsettled. I guess I need to do something and take a risk. To take that leap if I want something in my life to change.

I watch Danger and Lunar in their state of bliss, with their wedding fast approaching. Ryan and Tillie are all loved up as humanly possible, and Nate and Ria are already having a family. Then there’s me. The only guy in the band still completely single, and I can’t even say I’m living the rock star life, either. I don’t remember the last time I had sex. Fuck! It might have been on the promo tour, and that was months ago. I just haven’t felt the need for it. I’m definitely in a funk because if there’s one thing I know how to do, it’s fuck. Maybe that’s what I need, something to just release the tension. I’m too busy focusing on finding the one, to find the one for right now.

Or maybe Whisper is messing with my mojo. Fuck knows! Either way, something’s gotta give, and with Danger’s wedding fast approaching I need to make an effort to figure out who my plus one is going to be—Madeline or Charlotte?

Picking up my cell to look over their profiles once more, I glance at the two women. They’re both very different, but oddly similar, and instead of messaging either of them I dial Alex’s number as I slump back onto my mattress. It’s still early morning, and I need to get up for the day, but my head’s already confused, and it’s only seven a.m.

“Matt? You’re calling me early, is everything okay?” Alex asks, and I smile hearing her chirpy voice, she always is a morning person.

“I’m okay, just having a dilemma.”

She chuckles as I hear her rushing about. “Well, how’s that different from any other day? You’re such a drama queen, you know?” she teases, and I exhale rolling on my side and looking at a photo on my bedside of us at the Rosalie House fundraiser all those months ago.

“I know, but how would you get through your day if I didn’t make it interesting for you?” I reply, and she snorts.

“True story. So what’s wrong… you run out of cookie dough ice cream? Need me to stop by the shop on my way over tonight?”

It’s Tuesday… Taco’s tonight… I roll my eyes looking down under the sheets at my stomach. My abs are still there, I’ve been putting in extra workouts to work off all the ice cream I’ve consumed, much to Whisper’s disgust. Plus, the workouts help let off some of the tension inside me. I’m not sure why I’m so tense lately. Sure, I’m happy for the guys, I love that they’re all loved up. I’m so happy that they’re all happy, I just feel a little left out.

The only person not leaving me out at the moment is Alex. She’s here whenever I need her, and it’s nice having someone have your back.

“Matt?” Alex asks breaking my rambling thoughts.

“Sorry, what?” I ask.

“Dude, did you sleep dial me?” she asks through a chuckle.

I stifle a laugh and shake my head even though she can’t see me. “No, sorry. So, I have a question. How do I choose who to take to the wedding?”

She’s silent for a moment, and then the noise in the background stops. “Who excites you more? Don’t go off looks alone. Who makes your skin prickle and your heart race? Who do you want the message to be from when your cell beeps with a text?” she asks, and I glance at the photo of us again taking a deep breath.

“I suppose when I get a message, I hope out of the two, I guess Madeline, which surprises me ‘cause I thought with Charlotte being the Maggie doppelganger, I’d go for her first. But like you said you can’t go on looks alone.”

She’s quiet for a brief moment but then replies, “Then… there’s your answer.” Alex’s tone is somewhat somber like maybe she’s slightly disappointed or something. I can’t quite read it. Gnawing on my bottom lip, I exhale.

“You going to ask Ronan?”

She is quiet again for a pause. “I guess.”

“Alex, are you okay?” I ask, and she starts moving around again making noise.

“Look, I gotta get ready to go into the gallery, we have a heap of collectors coming in today, and Nate has to shoot out for an appointment with Ria. So I have a full on day if I’m going to make it to Taco Tuesday… I’ll see you tonight?”

It’s almost as if she’s avoiding the question… it’s odd, but I let it go. “Okay, have a good day. I’ll see you tonight.”

“I’ll get some ice cream on my way. Later gator.” She hangs up before I have a chance to say anything further.

Sinking back into my pillows, I furrow my brows wondering why Alex shut down like that. Maybe she and Ronan had a bust up? Or maybe they’re going amazing, and she just doesn’t want to tell me, because she doesn’t want to be another one of those happy couples in my life. No, surely she wouldn’t keep that a secret from me, would she?

Swallowing hard, I bring my cell back in front of my face and dial Nate’s number.

He picks the phone up pretty quick, and I hear Ria giggling in the background as Nate laughs as well. I roll my eyes as he answers. “Bro, what’s up?”

“Is Alex fully dating Ronan?” I ask, and Nate scoffs out a laugh.

“Huh? I thought you’d know more about that than me?” he asks, and I slump further into my bed.

“As far as I’m aware they’re just still talking on Messenger, but have they met? Do you know?” I ask, and Nate stops laughing and sighs.

“No, they haven’t met. From what I can tell she talks to him a couple of times a day, but that’s it. It’s not serious, Matt, her face doesn’t light up when he messages her. She actually looks kinda disappointed when her phone goes off and it’s him.”

I exhale feeling… relief?

What the hell…

I don’t know why I’m feeling that way. She’s my best friend, I should want her to be happy and not sad in her friendships with other men.

“She does light up when some other guy messages her, though,” he says, and I raise my brow sitting up suddenly in bed.

“She does? Who?” I ask, and he chuckles.

“I dunno, don’t pay much attention, to be honest. You’re her bestie, shouldn’t you know this shit?” he asks, rubbing salt in the wound.

Maybe Alex doesn’t tell me everything.

Maybe I’m not as trusted to her as I thought I was.

“Yeah, I thought I was, but maybe I don’t mean as much to her as I thought I did.”

“Wait, whoa, what does that mean?” he asks.

I slide my legs out of the bed as they dangle off the side to the floor. “Maybe no one is on my side,” I say and hang up the cell throwing it to the edge of the bed with a huff.

It suddenly beeps with a text, and I roll my eyes and pick it up to see a message from Nate.

 

Nate: Are you okay?

 

His messages are getting so good now, Ria’s teaching him to read. Plus, having her there with him will help him immensely.

 

Me: Fine, just need to figure a few things out…

Nate: I can come over? I don’t have to go with Ria to her appointment till later today

Me: I’m good, spend the day with Ria. Thanks though. P.S. You have mad writing skills now bro!

Nate: Ha Ha, Ria might be helping me, but I’ll take the credit!

Me: Hi Ria! But really, I’m okay, sorry to worry you. Also please don’t tell Alex I called you…

 

There’s a long pause, and I know Nate is debating this in his head. He and Ria are very good friends with Alex, and if there’s a problem with our friendship they would want to tell her, but they would want to keep a promise to me, too. I’m putting them in a bind. I know that. I’m an ass for doing it, but I don’t want Alex to know I’m checking up on her.

 

Nate: Only because I love you, but you need to talk to Alex. You guys are too good a friends to let something, whatever this is, fester. Okay?

 

Sighing, I nod even though they can’t see me. I type back my reply.

 

Me: Message received loud and clear. Have a good day guys. Love you both too.

 

I go to throw my cell back on the bed, but instead, I bring up the Lovepessimist app and open up the message with Madeline. Gnawing on my bottom lip, I take a deep breath and type out five simple words.

 

Me: Would you like to meet?

 

I hover over the send button clenching my jaw furiously. I’m going through the options in my head. Weighing up the pros and cons. I can’t decide whether to hit send or not when my cell beeps in my hand frightening me, I jump, causing a ripple effect, my arm jolts, which causes my thumb to tip and hit the screen right over the send button. I open my eyes wide as the five words are sent to Madeline before I’ve truly made my mind up on whether to send them or not, and the little tick symbol shows next to the message as delivered.

“Shit, shit, shit,” I say standing up and pacing my bedroom. I glance at my cell and wonder how the fuck that happened while my heart races.

This could change everything.

It suddenly lights up green, letting me know she’s read it, and I stand up quickly waiting for her to reply. “Fucking hell, I was never this nervous with Jaci,” I murmur as the little typing bubbles appear bouncing up and down.

Shit! She’s typing back.

I pace back and forth waiting for her to reply, and it comes in quickly.

 

Madeline: Do you have any plans today?

 

I choke on thin air as my eyes pop out of my head. I wasn’t prepared for this. I wanted to make this first meeting a big event, but then again I did that last time and look how that turned out. Maybe it is best to do something more impromptu?

 

Me: Only tonight. I have dinner with a friend, but I can do brunch or lunch?

 

I type back feeling some nervous tension in my stomach. I so badly want this to work out. I don’t want another repeat of Jaci. And Madeline ticks so many of my rules it’s not funny.

 

Madeline: Brunch sounds nice, I can come now if you’re free? Would you like to meet somewhere specific? Or shall I come to your place?

 

I let out a stifled laugh. Wow, trusting. That’s kinda strange, but she obviously can’t come to my place. No way. But I figure we can go somewhere they know me, and don’t tend to bug me. Plus, I’ll take Scott from security with me to stand in the background.

 

Me: Do you know Finlay’s Irish Pub? The one with the green shutters?

 

The little typing bubbles appear, and I flare my nostrils hoping I’m doing the right thing.

 

Madeline: I do, see you there in 30?

 

I let out a heavy sigh, and a smile creeps on my face.

 

Me: I’ll wear a black hoodie and jeans. I’ll sit at the table by the bar with the booth seat. Looking forward to meeting you, Madeline xo

Madeline: I’ll be in a red dress. See you soon. xo

 

I swallow hard. This is actually happening! I send off a quick text to Scott to ask him to pick me up in fifteen minutes, and I head to my wardrobe to get dressed. Once dressed, I splash on some cologne, not a lot just a spray, and grab my wallet and keys heading for the door. Scott’s waiting for me.

“So we’re doing this again, are we?” he asks.

“We’re trying. If she starts screaming or asking for my autograph, get me out of there, okay?”

Scott chuckles in answer as we walk to the car. The drive isn’t long, and we pass the gallery on the way. I see Alex as we drive past, standing in the window positioning artwork, and my chest squeezes that I haven’t even told her what I’m doing. But it all happened so quickly that I haven’t really had a chance. Plus, I’m not really sure what’s going on with us right now. So I’m not going to talk to her until tonight, and I’ll fill her in on everything then.

“So are you excited?” Scott asks as I turn to him, his shaved scalp making his head look unusually large and shiny.

“Nervous. I don’t want another Jaci.”

“Hmm… and no Alex to save you this time. I can promise you, I won’t be having a romantic dessert with you. I love you and all, but bromance only goes so far,” he says, and I chuckle.

“You’re a dick.”

“Yep, but I’m a buff dick, and I’m good at my job. That’s why you keep me around.”

I groan. “True. What’s Dwayne doing today?”

“Pretty sure, this afternoon, he’s going with your brother and Ria to the doctor. Nate’s being very protective.”

I chuckle. “Hmm… yes, I can imagine.”

“Okay, we’re here. Want me to pull in out back like normal?”

I nod, and he pulls the car down the side street and into the back parking lot where the staff park. We know customers aren’t supposed to park here, but Finlay’s know us, and they gave us the okay to park in here on occasion. And if I need a quick getaway this is a good way to do just that.

We step out and walk in through the back entrance. The pub is quiet. Not many people come in during the morning hours. Plus, it’s a pub, so most people come here to drink and not for the food. But the food here is exceptional, so that’s another reason I chose it.

Walking in, I nod to Tamika, the usual bartender, and she smiles while gesturing to my usual booth. The one I said I’d be in. It’s got high walls surrounding it, so people don’t tend to look to see who’s in there. That’s why we always like this booth. Privacy.

I take a seat, and Scott grins at me and sighs. “Good luck, bro. I’m just gonna be over here if you need me.” He pats my shoulder then heads to the tall table and stool opposite the booth. It’s far enough away that he won’t be able to hear our conversation, but close enough to know if anything’s going wrong.

I’m tense.

I’m nervous.

As I lean back in the booth, I wipe my sweaty palms on my jeans while wondering what she’s going to be like.

Will she look like her picture?

Will she know who I am?

Will she fangirl over me?

I have no idea. I just have to wait.

“Matt?” a deep, husky voice calls out from beside me breaking my thoughts.

I look up to see Madeline. She looks exactly like her picture. Exactly like the freaking redheaded goddess of every man’s wet fucking dreams. Her figure is curvy but proportioned. Her face is model perfect. Her lips full and plump covered in red lipstick. Her eyes the brightest of bright green. Her lashes go on for days, and she’s wearing a red dress that isn’t revealing but is figure-hugging enough to make my cock twitch, reminding me that I am a man and I have needs. Needs that very much haven’t been met in a long, long, while.

“Jesus,” I murmur.

She smirks and bats her eyelashes. “Not Jesus, just Madeline, but it’s so nice to meet you. Finally. I was beginning to think you were never going to ask.”