TILLIE

 

It’s the beginning of the final week of the tour. The guys have been going amazingly well, and the support and adoration of the fans has been unimaginable. These guys are seriously hitting it big. There’s nothing they could ask for and they wouldn’t get, and in all honesty they’re hot property right now, and they only have themselves to thank for it. They put in the hard work and it’s paying off. Not only is their music great, but they’re ridiculously gracious and humble with their fans. They spend time with them, they give them the attention they need and deserve. That is what’s setting Recoil apart from the other bands out there at the moment and that’s why they’re loved and adored. They may not be the all-time number one band in the world just yet, but sure as hell they’re clawing their way up there fast. It won’t be long. My guys will get there, I feel it in my bones!

They give back to their fans like right now they’re doing an intimate show with just two hundred people, mainly competition winners. With the few tickets that were sold, the money went to Lunar’s foundation which she’s running from the road with help from her foundation headquarters. She’s so amazing the way she can run her foundation across two countries, operate the merchandise stalls, keep her relationship perfect, live the life of a rocker’s fiancée and still look perfect every second of every day. She astounds me.

The strobing of the lights catches my attention as the music starts back up again for the encore performance of the night. The beat hits hard as Nate slams heavy on the percussion. A smile forms on my face while the vibration makes my entire body move on the spot. The small room is dark, only lit by the shining lights from the stage—bright yellows and purples strobing out in time with the beats, thumping and thrashing a deep hard rumble.

An electric wave sounds through the air. My hairs stand to attention on my arms sending a tingle down my spine. I can’t see him, but I know he’s on the stage shrouded in darkness, plucking at his guitar sending the haunting sound through the room. The crowd’s in silence as the music fills the space. The guitar filters through with the drums, the rhythm a perfect tune, as Matt’s bass chimes in. They’re in perfect sync. Everything slow, a torturous tempo, a painful dance of anguish and woe.

Suddenly the tempo picks up. Ryan slams on his guitar, the lights shine down on him, illuminating him completely. He’s shirtless, his chest glistening under the heat of the lights. His muscles straining with the movements and the slight outline of abs starting to appear. The crowd erupts into a frenzy, cheering and screaming, jumping up and down in a mad haze of adoration for Ryan. He’s never looked as good as he does right now—in his element, center stage, fitter than he has been for most of his life and looking like the rock god he definitely is.

Taking a deep breath, I attempt to dull the throbbing ache I have for him by moving. He looks delicious, and I know I’m not the only woman in here with wet panties over him right now.

Danger runs onto the stage, the women love him too. They scream even more. This place is going off. And their music is only just audible over the screams. Even so it’s amazing, and as I stand back I sway to the sounds, taking in the melody that my guys create together, and enjoying their sound. For once I’m able to watch, not from behind a cell phone. There’s no live streaming for this concert seeing as it’s an exclusive event. Only the people who are here are able to see the show. It’s only fair seeing as they paid such a hefty fee to come. Even if the money does go to charity.

I’m swaying to the music, loving every beat, every melody, every crescendo when it finally comes to an end. I smile so wide as the crowd erupts into a fit of applause and foot stomps, as I clap along with them. The guys take their final bow and head off the stage. Shaking my head, not because I’m surprised, but because I’m in awe of them. They work the room so well and I’m so happy to be a part of this.

I make my way back behind the curtain and Ryan spots me, he turns racing toward me. I quicken my pace and launch myself at him. He chuckles as I jump into his arms into an embrace. He’s sweaty and sticky but I don’t care, he’s also shirtless and that’s very distracting as I wrap my arms around his neck and press my body against his completely. My lips smash against his and he chuckles kissing me back, his fingers run through my hair gently as he tenderly caresses my scalp.

We’re kissing in the back area where the competition winners will be entering shortly. Hell, they’re probably coming in now, but I don’t care as I kiss Ryan passionately like my life depends on it. Watching him up there on that stage does something to me, he turns me on like no man ever has, and seeing him handle his guitar really gets me fired up.

I’m lost in a deep sensual kiss when suddenly someone clears their throat right next to us breaking the moment. I pull back from Ryan and we turn toward the noise. Ryan’s face falls as he turns pale white looking at the beautiful blonde bombshell like he’s seen a ghost. He lets go of me taking a step back and tenses his body.

“Mel?” he asks as I swallow hard trying to read his expression.

“Hey fucker,” she says and launches herself at him. He thrusts himself at her and they collide in an epic scale hug as they sway each other from side to side.

“Fucking hell, what are you doing here?” he asks, his scared look now changed to utter jubilation.

She shrugs. “Won a competition.”

He slumps his body as I wrap my arms around mine. “If you wanted to see me you could have called.”

She sighs and winces as I stand back watching the two obvious friends? Exes? Relatives? Interact.

“I know, it’s just… hard.”

Ryan’s face falters and he nods in acknowledgment. “I know.”

“Katie would have been so proud,” she says making me furrow my brows.

“You think?” he asks as I wonder who the hell Katie is.

“I know! Being my best friend and all I think I know her pretty well,” she says gripping his shoulder tightly. Seeing her hand on Ryan’s bare skin is sending a wave of jealousy right through me and I hate that I feel that way.

“Who’s Katie?” I ask wanting to join in on their conversation.

Ryan looks at me, eyes wide like he’d forgotten I was even here. “Just someone I used to know.”

Mel stiffens while screwing up her face. “Really Ryan?”

“Mel, please… leave it,” he chides making goosebumps litter my skin.

There’s more to this Katie person whoever she is.

I want to ask, but I can see he’s shutting down.

Mel frowns shaking her head. “Fine! It’s been good seeing you… I’m proud too, Ryan,” she says leaning in kissing his cheek, then turns and heads off toward Danger.

I glance at Ryan who’s purposely not looking at me. Huffing, I grab his hand and he looks at me with glassy eyes. It worries me completely. He’s on edge and I have no idea why.

“Ryan—”

“Don’t, just leave it.”

I take a breath. “I’m your girlfriend, you can talk to me.”

“And I will, one day… just not today.” He walks off and I exhale wanting to know more than anything who Katie is and how she fits into everything.

He sets up with the other guys to meet his fans and I stand back inwardly dying. Ryan has a secret, a past that he doesn’t want to share, and I’m not sure if that says more about him or me.

Where the hell do we go from here?

 

***

 

After the meet and greet, Ryan did his very best to keep away from me. He managed to find a way to always be talking to someone else, he even sat with Nate on the way back to the hotel, which is weird, because he thinks Nate’s the biggest complainer of all time and he hates hearing him bitch and moan.

Now we’re walking to the penthouse and I’m starting to wonder if he’s going to even sleep in the same room as me tonight.

Lunar steps up to me and raises her eyebrow. “You guys have a fight?”

I shake my head. “No, I don’t think so… I don’t know. I just asked him who Katie was and now he’s avoiding me.”

She furrows her brows and purses her lips. “Katie… you say?” I nod. “Never heard that name mentioned before. What makes you think he knows a Katie?”

“Was something a friend of his said. I think Katie might be an ex or something, maybe the girl that broke his heart. I don’t know, but I pushed a button and I think he’s pissed at me.”

She frowns. “Well, if he decides to be too much of a bitch come tell me. You can sleep in my room tonight and I’ll make Danger sleep with Ryan. Deal?”

“I don’t think Danger would—”

“Deal!” she says opening her eyes dramatically.

“Okay, okay… deal.” I giggle shaking my head. “Thank you.”

“Hey, what are friends for, if not to throw our men out on their asses if our bestie’s man is being a douche, hey?”

I laugh. “Right.”

“It’ll be fine. Ryan doesn’t hold onto temper tantrums for long, I’m sure once you get in the bedroom he’ll forget all about it.”

I nod and fake a smile. “Yeah, you’re probably right.”

She pulls me to her side and wraps her arm around my shoulders hugging me to her as we all walk inside the penthouse. She kisses the side of my head lightly and then giggles. “Right I’m off, let me know if you need me to kick Danger out.”

“Will do, and thanks again.”

“Chicks before dicks, Tillie!” she calls out as she crosses the living room, and all the guys look at her and furrow their brows, especially Danger. I giggle shaking my head as I move down to the bedroom and walk in to start getting changed for bed. It’s late, and I really just want to go to sleep. It’s been a weird night and I can’t be bothered with any more drama, so I pull out my Recoil T-shirt from the suitcase, place it on the bed and start to undress. I strip down just to my panties, then slide on the T-shirt and climb in under the sheets just as Ryan walks into the room. Swallowing hard, I figure I’ll let him talk first so I lay in the bed facing him and watch as he takes off his shirt and jeans, then slides into the bed. I take a deep breath waiting for him to face me so we can talk, but instead he rolls over, his back facing me and moves over right to the edge of the bed as far away from me as possible, not saying a word.

A sinking feeling pounds down on my chest and I feel like I can’t breathe. My stomach twists and my chest aches so much I wonder if I’m having heart palpitations. My bottom lip quivers as hot salty water fills my eyes. The silence in the room is deafening and the view of the back of his head is the worst thing I’ve ever seen. He’s shutting me out, and I have no idea why or what this means.

Sniffing back subtly, I roll over and face the wall, wiping the tears now falling silently down my cheeks. I feel deflated, I feel let down, and most of all I feel completely in the dark. I hate this. I have no idea where we stand or what’s happening to us. All I know is a sense of overwhelming dread lies over me, and nothing can fix it except for Ryan, who’s completely ignoring me as I silently cry into my pillow.

 

***

 

The last few days have been horrible for me. Ryan has done everything he can to avoid me during the day, and every night he sleeps with me in the bed, but he turns away not looking or talking to me. Since Mel spoke to him there’s been a rift between us, and I have absolutely no idea how to make it right.

It’s the band’s last concert in LA, and it’s a great show as always. I’m feeling down even though the music is amazing, but I still have a job to do. So I’m live streaming their encore song for the night on their Facebook page. The comments are coming in thick and fast as always, and Hunter’s Girl is here again sprouting her usual crap. But it is getting worse. And I furrow my brows as I read her comments.

 

Hunter’s Girl: I will be with Ryan forever.

Hunter’s Girl: I will make Ryan be with me and I have a plan on how to do it!

Hunter’s Girl: You’ll see, you’ll all see!

 

I nudge Declan who’s beside me, he looks down to see the comments and he furrows his brows. The song finishes so I end the live streaming and take a deep breath as Declan shakes his head.

“What the actual fuck?” he questions.

“I know! Can you be on guard around Ryan tonight when we leave? Maybe put extras on him?” I ask.

Declan nods. “I can take a guard from you if you like and add him to Ryan’s watch?”

I nod. “Yes please, no one ever comes near me. I don’t need any security. Take all the guards off me and add them to Ryan. I’m feeling uneasy about this Hunter’s Girl… whoever she is.”

“Okay, done,” Declan says walking off, I’m assuming to tell his team about the new arrangement.

The guys come backstage and Ryan walks straight past me toward the green room. I exhale and roll my eyes as Danger looks at me and winces.

“I’m sorry about him,” Danger says.

I sigh. “Do you know what’s wrong?”

He nods. “Yeah.”

I pause waiting, but he says nothing more. “Can you tell me?”

He exhales. “No. He really needs to tell you himself. It’s not something I can get in the middle of. I’m sorry, Till.”

“Well, was it something I did?”

He shakes his head. “No, this is all him. Just… give him time. He’ll be okay, just don’t give up on him… please.”

Slumping my body, I nod. “Okay.”

He rubs my shoulder looking at me with creased eyebrows and turned down lips, it’s a sympathetic gesture and I’m thankful for that. But it doesn’t help me understand Ryan any better. I walk with Danger to the green room where everyone’s already packing up. Looks like we’re not staying here for too long before heading to the after party.

I walk in and grab my stuff, moving past Ryan, who casually glances at me before quickly looking away again as I walk by. Gathering my bag and my notebook, I head back out following Oliver and Lunar as everyone else walks behind us. We march through the halls out toward where the Hummer is parked.

I look over at Declan and he nods to me, giving me the signal that my security detail is now firmly surrounding Ryan. I smile as he opens the door. We all walk out to the dark night sky. The air is suddenly filled with high pitched screams and flashes of lights as I turn to see a mob of fans running toward us. Including the girl with purple and aqua hair that normally has her camera with her, but this time she’s sans camera. I find it odd, but we continue to push forward as they all start to swarm toward us.

Declan and the guys move around the band keeping the girls a safe distance from the guys. I’m walking in front of the band when I hear someone call out my name. I look up to see a purple haired girl looking right at me. She calls out my name again and then starts running right toward me.

It happens so quick, I don’t register anything other than the glistening of something in her hand. I tense my muscles dropping my bag and notebook as purple hair breaks past the one guard I have and she lunges forward screaming at the top of her lungs while I’m frozen to the spot. I close my eyes waiting for the impact.

I hear an “oomph” and gasp then a bunch of screaming, but nothing. I feel nothing. I open my eyes to see Ryan in front of me, looking at me. His eyes glassy and he’s pale.

“I love you,” he admits for the first time, but his voice is broken and low. He removes his hand from the middle of his right side and blood oozes out. He stumbles to the side as I scream out and reach for him.

“Shit! No. Ryan… no. I love you, too. But don’t you dare say your goodbyes, don’t you dare,” I say as he falls against me and we collapse to the ground.

Screams and yelling echo all around me as I cry hard holding onto Ryan’s wound. There’s so much blood and he’s so pale.

“I love you, Ryan, stay with me.” I keep repeating it like a mantra but as he looks at me, his eyes gloss over and his eyelids shut.

I scream out as Danger rushes to my side. Chaos ensues around me as he feels for a pulse.

“It’s okay, Tillie, the ambulance is nearly here. He’s gonna be fine… he has to be fine!”