Today I have decided to grab the day by the balls, as Harlin puts it, and go see Connick. We need to talk without any hands touching my body. Maybe I should ask him to come to a public area to keep me safe from having sex with him, because the likelihood of that happening is high every time I’m near him.

I started working last week, and haven’t seen or heard from Connick since before I started. The break has been good. To not have him in my constant presence has been uplifting, so I can breathe again and try to work things out that don’t involve him and his body. I have also not slept with any other man in months, except for Connick. He seems to fill every need and want I have with just him alone. I was always afraid of relationships, because how could someone like me stay with one person forever.

I like sex, and one person couldn’t possibly fulfill all my needs. Could they? He does, though. Every single one of my needs have been met and he has made me more addicted to him than necessary. I’ve forgiven Connick like a teenager forgives their cheating boyfriend. I’ve stayed with him like a wife with children, not in love anymore but afraid to leave. None of these reasons are the reasons I’ve stayed, though. He’s the sole reason, everything about him.

Now I want to know what’s happening. I want the truth to leave his lips.

Pushing open the doors that lead to the elevators which go to his office, I stop before the door closes behind me. Marina is standing at the elevator and next to her is Connick. Her hand is on his arm like they know each other intimately—more than friends—and her body leans forward so they’re touching and she plays with his chin, turning it toward her.

I feel like I’m stuck in a horror film I can’t quite work out as I watch them. The elevator doors ding open and they both walk in without even noticing I’m standing right there. Just before the doors close, I step in front of them. His eyes spot me first, and they go wide at the sight of me and before he can stop the elevator, the doors close, locking them away. My legs start running, running as fast as I can out of there. I run away from it all because that’s what I am good at. My legs take me all the way to a quiet neighborhood where I end up sitting on a park bench, looking out over the green grass. I hear and feel my cell vibrating and know it's him without even having to look at it. It doesn’t stop, and neither does my heart that beats fast or my questions that are flying around in my head.

Why was he with her?

They acted as if they knew each other.

Was this another secret he’s kept from me?

Sitting and playing with it all running around in my head, I know the only way I will find answers is from the source himself. Seeing him is not what I want to do, though it may be the only thing I can do that will make me stop wanting him, once and for all.

Walking out to the street, I hail the closest cab, and on the way there, I try to think of all the appropriate questions I need to ask him. As I come to a stop at the front of his building, it’s quiet and only a guard stands there. It’s late, almost everyone will be going home or has already left for the day. Should I have called first? Too late now.

Walking to the elevator and pressing his floor number, my hands touch my bare legs. They want to dig in to break flesh and ease some of the pain which I know will help me forget about everything. Squeezing them hard, I release them as soon as the door opens and Cherry sits at her desk in front of his office. His office is the only one on this floor. The joys of being a boss, I guess. No smile touches my lips as I walk past her and straight into his office. He is pacing the floor when I push the door open with his cell to his ear. He turns, ready to bark out a command, then his mouth tightens when he sees me.

“I’ve had my people looking for you for hours, Milanka.”

Always so formal, I want to throw that up his ass right now.

“You aren’t going to be asking questions or demanding anything right now, Connick.”

His cell goes into his pocket, his arms cross over his chest, and his eyebrow raises at me. “I’m not?”

Shaking my head, I stay exactly where I am far enough away from him.

“You won’t come further in, Milanka? Too afraid I might touch you?” He knows me too well.

“I told you, no questions. If you ask one more, Connick, I swear this will be the last time you see me.”

Connick immediately shuts up. Looking around his office while he’s finally silent, I notice not one single family photograph sits anywhere. The walls are white and cold, the furniture is bare and minimal. Turning back to him, I notice him watching me, but ultimately listening to me and not saying a word.

“How’s your stab wound?”

He looks down at his stomach then back to me. “Healed,” is his short response.

“How’s your brother?”

His head drops to the side. “Breathing… for now.” His words take me by surprise. I don’t think Connick is an innocent man. Actually, everything has told me otherwise. Yet, his words speak of hatred for Derrick, and no one could hate that man more than I do.

“Why was Marina here to see you, Connick?” I use his name like he does mine, even in the same tone. Cold and formal. No emotion.

“You want the truth?”

Nodding my head, he walks to his desk and leans on it while he watches me. The distance is good, but he feels even colder now. “She was here to see me.”

“Why?”

“Because she wants more of me.”

“What did she get from you, Connick?”

He shakes his head. “Wrong question, love, it’s what I got from her.”

“What did you get from her?” I ask.

“You.” It takes me a moment to wrap my head around his words, then my eyes bulge. “You don’t tell Marina everything, do you? I thought you would have told her about the sex, but you never did.”

Taking a step back, my hands touch a wall. “What did you do?”

“You didn’t honestly think I knew all about you from Derrick, did you? He didn’t even know where you lived until that one night you ran into him. Marina talks, it’s her specialty, you should know that.”

“She wouldn’t have, she’s not allowed to.”

“Again… wrong questions, love.”

“Stop calling me, love.”

“Milanka…” he says, cold again.

“What questions.”

“You should be asking… why was I seeing her?”

“Why were you seeing her?”

“Initially, it was to learn a bit about you. Read her files. Fuck the information really. Then I saw you one night, do you remember? You were covered in blood, just after I had first spoken to you. Do you remember, Milanka?”

Shaking my head, he steps away from his desk and takes a step toward me. “You ran into him that night. Derrick. He said it was the first time he’d seen you in almost five years. He told you about that knife he had. And you… well… kind of switched. You became his, and an entirely different person.”

“My episodes,” I whisper. Connick nods his head. “They’re under control now.” I’d gone for years without one. The episodes were a thing of my past, or so I thought. Then they were back for a short amount of time. But now they’re done and never returning, I hope.

“They are, she told me that today. You most likely will never have another one again.”

“You were fucking her for that information?”

“She’s your doctor, she understood you.”

“Did she know about you and me?”

He shakes his head. “She came for me today. Wanted to see if there was a chance, but you see a black-haired beauty has worked her way under my skin.”

“What happened that night?” I want to know, I need to know. I still remember all the blood.

“You passed out. I saw you and drove you to the hospital.”

“You’re lying! You said you wouldn’t lie to me, Connick.”

“I’m not lying. That’s what happened when I reached you.”

“Where did the blood come from?”

He shrugs his shoulders. “Have you come to speak about more than that? Or was it just that?”

I don’t even remember the reason I’ve come to see him in the first place.

Then Connick speaks again before I can. “Stay away from Harlin, Milanka.”

I laugh at him. “You have to be fucking with me, right?” I look around his office. “Do I look like one of your employees who you can boss around?”

He steps forward, cracks his neck to either side and straightens his posture. “I know where she took you. Stay away from her.”

“Fuck off.”

“Milanka.”

“Connick,” I whine back to him. “You think after following me, stalking me, and fucking with my life that it gives you the right to make orders when it comes to me?” I laugh dryly at him.

“Milanka…” he growls this time.

“You’re more fucked in the head than I am, and that’s saying something coming from me.” I turn to leave, but before I can reach for the door handle, his hand is on mine and he holds it closed.

“You could get killed.”

“Like I could have gotten killed twice by your brother, who you gave information about me to? That, you mean?”

“Do you want me to kill him right now?”

That’s so tempting, oh so damn tempting.

“Why do you care, Connick? You don’t do this… ” I swing my hands around in frustration, “… didn’t you say? Us, or relationships. Why do you keep pulling if you don’t do any of it?”

“I do you, Milanka.”

“I told you, I won’t be your sex thing when you need me, Connick. That won’t happen anymore.”

“I can’t give you what you want, Milanka.” His eyes have lost their hardness.

“You don’t even know what I want because you’ve never asked. Now move so I can leave.”

Connick stares at me then nods his head and lets me pass. He watches me as I walk away, out of his office to the elevator, and as the elevator doors shut, all I see looking back at me is a lost man.