Milanka was up before me. I heard her voice call my name, and the minute she did, I was up looking for her to bring her back to bed. Yet, I found her in her shower with blood. I didn’t think as I grabbed her body to carry her out. My concern was for her and how that could possibly have happened. Then she touched between her legs softly, and I knew what it was straight away.

Cherry has had multiple miscarriages, and each one destroys her a little more. She wants a baby more than I want my businesses, and that’s saying something.

Pacing the front of Milanka’s door with my black trousers on, I wait for him to come. The same doctor I have on call for all my problems. I don’t want to walk back into the room right now, I’m afraid of what will leave my mouth. Yet, I’m also afraid to see her broken again. Last time was too much, and I pushed her away because of it.

He doesn’t take too long and before he can knock I have the door open, walking him in, straight to where she’s curled up in a ball on the bed. She doesn’t even look up at us, sadness covers her face as she looks down at her knees. Dr. Miles starts talking to her, he looks at me to leave, so I do so, looking back one last time to see her eyes on me, lost, then shutting the door behind me.

Pacing is what I do when I can’t work something out. It helps me sort out my issues in my head. This time, it’s not doing a fucking thing. Was it mine? Is this the reason she told me to stop asking questions the other night? Why wouldn’t she have just told me?

The doctor opens the door and steps out. Milanka has a fresh towel under her now with her blanket wrapped around her.

“She’s had a miscarriage,” I state to him.

He nods his head, going on about how she will have to rest, and the medication she will need to be on. I try to pay attention to everything he’s saying, but my eyes are in the room, looking at her.

“Thank you,” I say cutting him off. He nods his head, walking out and shutting the door behind him.

“Milanka…”

She doesn’t even look up, she stays exactly where she is. “Leave, please.” Her voice is muffled by her blanket.

“Milanka...”

“Leave, Connick.”

Grabbing my things, I make my way to her door, shutting it. I sit out front and call someone she may be able to talk to. Then I sit and wait, having no idea what’s going on but having a million fucking questions.

* * *

She turns up not long after I called her. Strutting her stuff as she walks up, typical Harlin.

Looking down at me, she laughs. “Did she kick you out?”

“I guess so.”

“Is she in there? Or are you becoming a stalker?”

“She’s in there. The door’s unlocked, just walk in. Oh, and Harlin…” she looks down at me with her hand on the handle, “… be gentle.”

She winks, walking in and shutting the door. Flicking through my cell, I see Cherry has called as well as Derrick. Yet, Cherry’s was answered. Calling Cherry back and not that dickhead, she answers straight away.

“Hey, I only spoke to Milanka just a bit ago. I told her not to wake you.”

“She was bleeding, Cherry.”

“What? What do you mean she was bleeding?”

“She was pregnant.”

“And she didn’t tell you,” she whispers.

“No, she didn’t.”

“Where are you now?”

“Sitting out front of her door, after she asked me to leave. Harlin is in there with her now.”

“Oh Lord, why would you let Harlin’s crazy ass in there?”

“Milanka likes her.”

“Yeah, and I like tigers, but do you see me patting one?” she harrumphs through the cell. “Maybe you’re right. Harlin is different with her, in a way. Tell me, why did she ask you to leave?”

“I don’t know.”

“You walked out and started pacing, right?”

“I have to go,” I say, hanging up.

My ass is hurting by the time Harlin walks out. She slams the door then bends down and smacks me across the face. Then stands back up and smiles.

“Told her I was doing that, you dickhead. You put her in bed and left her there without even asking if she was okay?” Her hand goes to her hip as she stares down at me.

“Was it even mine?”

Her eyes go wide. “If I hear you say that to her, I will tear that cock you call a penis from between your fucking legs and ram it so far up your ass you will be able to see it in the mirror when you brush your teeth. Of course, it was yours.” She rolls her eyes at me. “She’s sleeping now. Doc gave her some meds.” Then she walks off, leaving me sitting in the same spot.

Milanka was pregnant, with my child.

Holy fucking shit.

How the fuck could she not tell me that? That is not something you keep a secret.

Standing, I open the door and walk straight back in. She’s still in a ball on the bed, but soft breathing leaves her as she lays there. Walking over to her, I touch her hair, she doesn’t even flinch. Then I grab my clothes and leave.

* * *

“Nope, not happening. What are you doing here?” Cherry says as I walk into the office.

“Why the fuck am I surrounded by women?” I mutter, stepping to my desk. She follows me, of course, she does.

“Because you lack a mother’s attention, so you fill it with Harlin and me.”

“Fuck off I do.”

“Seriously, why the fuck are you here? You should be there.”

“She didn’t even tell me. What the fuck am I meant to do with that?”

She shakes her head. “Have you considered she didn’t even know what to do? How to tell you?”

No, I haven’t, the whole drive here I was thinking why the fuck didn’t she tell me. I know she likes to keep shit bottled up, it’s what she’s good at. But this is not something that should be bottled up. No fucking way.

“It’s like a train wreck every time we’re together, something crashes, even when it’s good.”

“Yeah, soon it’s going to be your face. Who does she have, Connick? Who is going to look after her right now? She needs you.”

“She doesn’t need me. She doesn’t need anyone.”

“She does, especially right now. Look, I know you’re hurt, but you will hurt a hell of a lot more if she hates you over this.”

She’s right. I have to try. Something.

“Just look after her. When she’s better and ready, she will tell you. Now leave. I’ve already canceled your meetings for the next two days.” She walks out, leaving me to myself.

I go to my personal shower and get changed into fresh clothes before I leave.

* * *

She has moved and dressed when I arrive back, but she’s asleep again. I sit at the end of her bed, waiting for her to wake, but not wanting to wake her either. She looks so peaceful when she sleeps. Eventually, she stirs as I do some work on my cell. I pocket my cell while turning to her, to see she’s staring at me. Not moving.

“Milanka…”

“I told you to leave,” is all she says.

“I want to be here.”

She shakes her head. “You don’t, and that’s okay. I never asked you to be.”

Standing up, I start pacing the foot of her bed. She doesn’t move, she just watches me, very still.

“You never told me, Milanka. How do you expect me to react?”

She closes her eyes as she answers me. “I don’t want to have this conversation right now, Connick. I want to sleep.” Her eyes open again.

“Fine, sleep.” I start taking off my clothes.

“What are you doing?” She looks shocked.

“You want to sleep, and I could use more sleep. I seem to sleep better with you anyway. Win, win.”

Climbing into bed with her, she turns away from me, wincing when she moves. Curling up around her, I try to be as gentle as I can without harming her.

That’s where we stay for two days, takeout and no words discussed, just silence and sleep.