She’s right, I don’t know what I want. I want her, though, just possibly not in the way she wants me to want her. Is it just her body I want? Or is it more of her? I miss having her around, I miss laying my hands all over her body like it’s my own personal puzzle. Now she won’t even look at me as if she cares, which I have brought on myself. I wish I knew then what I was doing and how wrong it was.

But the past cannot be changed, only the future can. Slamming my door, I wonder if this day will ever end. First my father, now Milanka. Granted, Father’s news was better than the news I had to deliver to Milanka. Will she ever look at me again the way she used to? With lust written in her eyes and a body that moves with my every touch.

Have I fucked it all up so badly that there’s no going back from what I’ve done?

Marina, her doctor, who shouldn’t have said a word to me about Milanka, told me everything there was to know. Everything she knew, apart from one crucial factor, she is a sex addict.

Who does Milanka go to now for her to fill that need, especially considering she isn’t with me?

The need to place someone on her to watch her is scratching at the surface, but that would just be another thing I would have to tell her. Like the man she killed—no, that will never leave my lips, and I hope she’ll never find out about it either. I didn’t lie when I told her what I knew, I just withheld that one specific part, the part that was for her soul and not for me to gain anything from her.

Marina was here in the hopes that I would be with her again, one last time, in her words. I haven’t been with Marina since that night I took Milanka to her house, I just couldn’t fuck another woman once I had a taste of her.

Are Derrick’s words correct? Is she an obsession?

Or maybe she just isn’t like every other woman out there. Maybe she is more. Leaving my office, I drive straight to Harlin, who I need words with after what Cherry told me. Taking her to her jobs, her jobs that could potentially get her killed, is a no. Yes, Harlin is good, but Harlin looks after one person, herself. She always has, and that’s what makes her so good at what she does. No liabilities for her to fuck anything up. She’s standing out front of her house when I pull up, her bike is in front of her, and she’s looking down at something on it with a tool in her hand. She turns when I shut the car door, smiles, then drops it when she sees me.

“Connick, what a surprise.” The tool in her hand taps on her leg as I walk closer to her. Grabbing her by the throat, my hands squeeze tight and her eyes go wide, then she wallops me in the head with steel. My grip loosens enough for her to get free. Rubbing my head, she stands ready for another attack. “Who fucking told you?” Harlin isn’t even mad. She doesn’t care, she knows why I’m here. She knows who I am, and not to fuck with me. Yet Harlin always does what Harlin wants.

“Doesn’t fucking matter… have you lost your mind?”

She shrugs her shoulders. “I told you I liked her.”

“So you take her on one of your hitman jobs. Seriously, Harlin?”

“Milanka was fine, she knows how to look after herself. Stop thinking she’s incapable of doing so.”

“She is.”

Harlin laughs at me. “You keep on thinking that, and you will never win her back. She didn’t even flinch when I shot the man that held her, Connick, right next to her head, not even a flinch. How many girls you know keep that still when I fire a gun?”

“No one.”

“Exactly. Treat her as your equal. Stop thinking of her as being so fragile. She isn’t.” Harlin turns, not worried by me at all.

Placing my hand on my head, I feel the bump that’s rising. Fucking bitch.

“She knows… everything now,” I say

“She doesn’t know everything. She doesn’t know you're in love with her, does she?”

“I’m not.” My protest is weak

“And I’m a pig’s ass.” I raise my eyebrow at her. “I will hit you again.”

“Fine, whatever. I want her.”

“Yeah, we all know that. Milanka knows that. She just wants you to want her more than for sex, is all.”

“I don’t know how.”

“Good, neither do I. Ask someone who knows. Someone better equipped to deal with that shit than me.”

“You’re a real bitch, you know that?”

“I know. Now fuck off so I can fix my bike. I need these tools for the bike and not your head. Actually, you do have a few screws loose, you want me to fix that for you?”

“Ha, ha.” Turning to walk off, I reach my car and open it.

“No more, Harlin, no more of those places.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. Just brothels then?” I stay quiet, watching her. “Fine, no brothels either. Go away, you party pooper.”

Driving away, I know she won’t do it again. Harlin is a girl of her word, that’s the only reason I let her in, and the only reason I keep her around me.

* * *

I drove past her house twice last night, wanting to go in to see her, and then turning back around. She’s right. Until I know what I want, I can’t keep on pulling her in.

Today, I’m standing out front of Derrick’s house, though. He and I have things to discuss, and I know he won’t like what I have to say, but he will listen. Knocking on the door, it opens straight away. Nicole stands there smiling when she sees me. I’ve always been pleasant to her, now I know who she really is and what a bitch she is, I guess that’s why she’s with Derrick. Two peas in a pod and all that shit.

“Connick, so glad to see you.”

“Nicole.”

She gushes, placing her hand on her chest. “Please, you can call me sister, you know.” I ignore her comment because that will never happen and follow her in. Derrick is lazing on the couch when I reach him. He looks to me then back to the television.

“You spoke to the parents.”

“My father.”

His mother is anything but my mother, mine is dead.

“Yeah, yeah.”

“We need to talk. Now. Alone.” He looks next to me where Nicole is standing, then waves her away with the flutter of his hand like she’s nothing. She huffs before she walks away, and his eyes go back to the television. I wonder what it was in him she saw in the first place. Our looks are completely different. The only trait we have that’s similar is that we’re both headstrong. Other than that, we are nothing alike.

“Hurry up, talk… I don’t have all day.”

Walking closer, I stand just opposite of the television so I can see him better, he looks to me then back to the television.

“No more. No more will you see Milanka. No more will you look for her.”

His eyes find me again and he leans forward on his elbows. “You think you can tell me who to see? You think you have a hold on her?”

“She doesn’t want you. When will you get that through your thick skull?”

“I don’t care if she wants me, I want her. End of discussion.”

“Listen to him, baby.” Nicole walks back through the door looking down at her husband.

He sneers, “Fuck off, Nicole.”

She throws the glass in her hand at him. “If you touch her again… go near Milanka, I’ll kill her.” Both of us face Nicole full-force. She watches the both of us and shakes her head.

“You won’t touch her again. Do you understand?” Derrick questions.

“Neither will you, Derrick.” My voice is low but very serious.

He turns to me. “You’re not the boss of me. I don’t work for you, brother.”

“If you touch Milanka or come near her again, without her consent, brother, the place you will end up won’t be at home with your wife and child. It will be seven feet under the ground. Do you understand me?”

“You can’t, Father would disown you.”

He thinks he’s protected. Derrick’s protection ended the moment I signed all the contracts, and now I have it all. Well, almost everything I want.

“He wouldn’t know, I’m superb at accidents.”

“Why are you both protecting her? What’s so special about her?” Nicole’s lips lift up in disgust, and I wonder what Derrick even saw in Nicole to marry her and have his child.

“She’s everything you could never be, Nicole,” Derrick says, the look in her eyes is all I need to see before I leave.

Walking away, I go to the door when their daughter comes running up to me, she wraps her hands around my legs, and I wonder how they managed to make her. Two evil souls creating something good, so precious. Thank God she’s with my father and stepmother most of the time, not stuck with these two imbecilic idiots.

“I’ve missed you, Uncle.” So tiny, her big blue eyes smile when she looks up to me. Kids are not my thing, I’ve hardly been around Bianca as much as an uncle should, though I see her on special occasions, and always have something in my pocket for her. She’s so quiet and timid, but I like that about her.

Pulling out a glass unicorn from my pocket I give it to her. Bianca smiles so brightly that I want to grab her and take her away from these insane losers right now.

“I love it. I’ll add it to my collection.”

Scruffing her hair, she squeezes my legs again. “Don’t forget, if they start yelling you call Grandad.”

Our father gave her a cell phone at the age of two. Yes, two, and the only number it calls is him, because deep down inside he knows what his son is like. She calls him every time they fight. Derrick hates it. I love that she has an outlet.

“Don’t come back, brother.”

“Don’t come near her, brother. I mean it.”

Derrick gets off the couch to slam the door behind me as I walk out. Now I have to work out what I plan to do with Milanka. She isn’t an object I can use at my discretion. What we once had has gone, and now it’s time for something new.

Can I handle new, though?