Connick stayed even when he shouldn’t have, he should have left when I told him to. He feeds me, cares for me and looks after me, even when I don’t ask for it. I’ve been waiting for the questions to come. But he still hasn’t asked any.

I’m feeling better today, like I want to move. My boss, I’m sure, will be worried where I am. Harlin told me she was going to tell Serena, who in turn, was going to let my boss know I’m sick. My mind and body have needed time to heal, not just from the feeling of the loss. It’s the emotional torment that you put on yourself.

Wasn’t I good enough?

Was it something that I did?

Is this my sin, from all my wrongdoings?

For treating my body badly, instead of how they say it should be treated like ‘a temple.’

It couldn’t be that. Could it?

Rolling over to face Connick, I see his eyes already on me. He’s waiting for me to talk first, for those words to leave my lips.

“You can leave now. I think we’ve both have spent enough time in bed.”

“Are you getting out of bed, Milanka?” He’s still shirtless. I forget how tragically beautiful this man is, even when I’m mad at him, hate him, loathe him. I still see him.

“Yes, I cannot stay in bed forever. I feel better.”

“So can we talk now?” he asks me.

I sit up, and he does the same.

“Ask.” My hands clench in my lap as I wait for the barrage of questions I know are coming my way. I deserve them. Instead, he starts with surprising me with his hands touching mine, holding and squeezing them.

“How come you didn’t tell me?”

“Tell you what?”

He lifts an eyebrow at me. “Don’t play me like a fool, Milanka.”

I drop my head and focus on our hands as I answer him. “It was a shock when I found out. Then we started talking again. I planned on telling you the next day, but then…” I trail off in thought as his hand squeezes and doesn’t let go.

“Even if you thought I didn’t want kids, Milanka, you have to tell me these things. Do you understand?”

Even though his words don’t penetrate through me, I nod my head. He pulls me back down, so my back is on his chest as he kisses my hair. We stay that way not moving, until I know I can no longer remain in this bed for another minute. Pulling myself up, he follows, dressing straight away. I don’t comment on it because Connick should go now, he has work to do, and staying locked away in my hidey place isn’t going to get that done.

After making a coffee, he walks out dressed to kill like he hasn’t been in bed with me for two days straight. He looks like he’s just arrived from a fashion show.

“What do you need?” He sits down to do up his shoelaces and I refuse to answer, rather I just watch him. He looks up and smirks.

“I need things to go back to normal.”

Connick nods his head, stands and walks over to me. His hand touches mine softly. “We have never been normal, Milanka.”

I touch his face. “I know. But we can try?”

He nods his head. “Don’t expect too much. Normal is something I’ve never been.”

I nod my head as he leans in to kiss my forehead, then he walks out, shutting the door behind him. I go to the window, watch as his car leaves, then go straight back to bed. Not intending on leaving there today.

* * *

A loud bang wakes me up later on. Checking the clock, I realize I’ve been asleep for a good four hours. Climbing out and walking to my door, the bang comes again, followed by a voice. Pulling it open quickly, I see Serena standing there with a sad smile on her face.

“Did I wake you?”

Shaking my head, I walk back to the kitchen and attempt to make coffee. My cell is sitting next to it, and with a glance I observe several missed calls, messages, and some are even from Connick.

“I wanted to see if you wanted to get out. You’ve been locked up in here for days. Some fresh air will do you good.”

“I’m not in the mood today, Serena.”

“How are things with him? I take it you told him?”

Closing my eyes, I manage to pour the coffee. “I had no other option but to tell him.” Serena’s lips droop, and I know she’s sad for me. I can’t handle that, too much sadness. “He stayed for two days, I had to lie to get him to leave today.”

She raises her eyebrows at me. “He cares.”

“Maybe.”

My cell starts ringing, Connick’s name appears on the screen. “Hello.”

“I’m about to leave. What do you want to eat?”

“I’m eating with Serena tonight. Maybe tomorrow night?”

He goes quiet, and Serena looks at me skeptically.

“Do you need anything?”

“No, thanks.”

We hang up, and the minute we do, she starts with more questions.

“I didn’t know we had plans?”

“We don’t.”

“Mils, you can’t do that. Don’t push him away.”

Deflated—that’s how I feel. I just want to go back to sleep, forget, heal.

“I just need to sleep… by myself tonight.”

She nods her head slightly in semi-agreement, and then fills me in on her and Von. He’s been trying to win her back. Plus, trying to have her go back to work. She tells me she won’t, but Serena loves that bar. Every shift she was always smiling, and I know without a doubt she loves working with him. She tells me she won’t, but I’m pretty sure she will.

Serena ends up leaving, and I go straight back to bed in an attempt to sleep my troubles away. It’s better than my other options. At least with this I have full control of my body.

* * *

I made an excuse for the next night, then the following night. I went back to work yesterday and told him I was working late and that I needed to rest afterward. The night before I had told him I was with Serena again. That was a lie, but the last one wasn’t. Work is a good distraction, it helps keep me focused, and I actually love everything I’m doing. Coming home is like locking me up after a wonderful day. I remember it all the minute I step back into my house. So each day that I go to work, I try to stay a little longer. Before I realize it, it’s been five days since I’ve seen Connick. I should have realized he wouldn’t let me go much longer without seeing him, so when I come home, he’s waiting at my door for me, with a bag in hand and his driver sitting out front.

“You don’t like coming home, do you?”

I shake my head. I love this place. It’s the biggest I’ve ever had, yet now it feels the smallest. I open the door and he follows me in with his bag.

“Pack this full of everything you need. You’re coming to my place to stay. We can sort everything out here later.”

“What do you mean… sort it all out?”

“Exactly what I meant, you’re moving in with me. Now pack, so we can go and have dinner while it’s still hot.”

“I don’t want to live with you, Connick.”

He looks at me like my words don’t compute. Did I stutter?

“Why not?”

“This isn’t normal…” I wipe my hands around in the air, “… we need to pace it.”

“Fuck pacing it. You hate it here. I hate you being here… by yourself. Get your shit and come to stay with me, Milanka. Easy.”

“I’ll stay, but I won’t move in.”

“Fine, pack your shit so we can go. A cook is preparing our meals.”

“You should have cooked.”

He laughs at my words. “Maybe you should have cooked for me.” He winks at me, but my face stays the same, and he realizes it’s too soon for those words because he gets nothing out of it. His face turns back to straight, hiding his emotions as he passes me the bag. Taking it from him quickly, I walk to my room and pack lightly, enough to last me a few days. He grabs it, feels how light it is, but doesn’t comment.

Then we drive to his home, where there is indeed a woman cooking our meals. They’re ready as soon as we enter. My last decent meal was with him at that Japanese restaurant, since then I’ve been snacking on things. I’m not in the mood to eat much more than that. The food tonight, though, makes my stomach growl, and I can’t help but eat as much as possible. Ribs and vegetables, followed by chocolate mousse.

“Your appetite is back.” He notices so much, it scares me how observant he is.

“Tell me about your family, Connick? About your mother?”

He places his spoon down from his mousse and turns to face me. “Why?”

“I want to know. Tell me, please.”

He nods his head. “She was beautiful… my mother. I don’t remember too much about her, she died when I was a child. She had little to no family at all. My eyes are from her, my skin. I thank her for that because if I were like him, I would be like Derrick. And I despise Derrick.” He notices my wince at the mention of Derrick’s name, and he gives me a half-smile. “She worked in a bar, much like you, when my father met her. He never married her, but he loved her. He tells me all the time that she was it, she was the one who held all of him. He doesn’t speak of her around my stepmother, she hates her. She hates that my mother was it for him and that she could never measure up to her.”

“Do you miss her?”

“I miss that I didn’t have her, yes.”

“Thank you for telling me.”

His lips smirk, but then he drops it. “You don’t want kids, do you?”

“No, but that didn’t mean I didn’t want this child.” My head drops in shame.

“I don’t want kids, Milanka, but if that’s what you want. We can compromise.”

“I don’t think I do… ever again.”

“Tell me why… and I will never bring it up again.”

We haven’t moved from our seats at the table. Instead, we sit there with empty plates in front of us, having a conversation that isn’t leading straight to sex. It’s so unlike us.

“Because I don’t want to be like her.”

“You could never be her, you two are completely different,” he says it as if he means it, but doesn’t he understand a part of me is already her?