I SPENT the rest of my work day inside my office. I had no idea what happened between Robert and Kathleen, but I was certain I was the reason she’d stayed in the conference room after the meeting. My guilt grew with each passing hour. From behind my desk, I caught glimpses of those who wandered by my doorway and gauged what I could, but I wasn’t prepared to face anyone. Even so, thinking about what may be happening on the other side of the office was a distraction from my personal troubles.
Barricaded away from the rest of my colleagues, I had some level of control over the unfolding events of the workday. I was grateful when it was time to leave the office to pick Heide up from school. I gathered my things and made a straight shot for the door to the building. I got no more than four steps outside when I ran into Kathleen.
We made eye contact with each other and halted. She was carrying something, and my nosiness got the best of me. She was holding a Chinese takeout box.
I gestured toward the box. “Late lunch?”
She looked down at the takeout. “I suppose, but at least dinner will be taken care of, too. Win-win.” She lifted her head, smiling at me.
While her lightness relieved me, I couldn’t express my gratitude in that moment, so I gave her a polite nod. I wasn’t feeling as carefree as she appeared to, and my anxiety grew as Kathleen’s mood turned serious.
“Is everything all right, Jack?”
“Why do you ask?” My response wasn’t defensive. At least I didn’t think so. I was simply curious about how she knew.
“It’s unusual for you to leave work so early.” Kathleen gestured to my messenger bag and the blazer draped over my arm. “And, you were upset in the meeting this morning.”
I stared at her, unsure how to reply.
As the seconds ticked by, Kathleen became nervous under my scrutiny. “Forget I said anything.” She took a step forward to move past me, and I took one step to the side, effectively cutting off her retreat. She paused.
“It’s fine. Actually, I’ve been feeling guilty about what happened this morning,” I said, making an extra effort to keep my voice gentle.
All traces of Kathleen’s nervousness evaporated, only to be replaced with concern. “Why would you feel guilty about anything?” she asked.
“If I got you into hot water with Robert, I’m sorry.”
“It doesn’t matter.” Her response was robotic. The mention of her father’s name was enough to flip her emotional switch.
“It matters to me,” I replied.
The silence grew between us as Kathleen’s mood shifted yet again, this time into confusion. She shook her head. “It’s finished.”
Not knowing what else to say to her, I waited for a change of subject. I wanted to see if Kathleen would mention our new assignment to me. She didn’t. If anything, she appeared to be waiting for me to say something.
“I hope I didn’t cause you any trouble,” I reiterated, holding her gaze and hoping she understood how much I meant it.
Kathleen was the first to blink, and when she did, she dropped her shoulders, letting go of all her tension.
“Robert was irritated with me,” she told me. “But it’s not the first time and it won’t be the last.”
Kathleen took another step forward and moved past me. Her declaration bothered me, but it was clear she wanted the last word on a difficult topic.
Regardless, she had shared something intimate with me, and so I turned and said to her retreating back, “My wife and I have separated.”
Kathleen stopped just as she reached for the handle on the large glass door. Her hand dropped down to her side, and she turned to face me with surprise and concern.
“That’s why I’m upset,” I explained. “We’ve decided to divorce.”
“I’m sorry.” The sadness in her tone was genuine emotion.
“I told Robert about it after the meeting. You’re the only other person here who knows.”
Kathleen tilted her head. “Why tell me?”
“Because you deserve to know why I was distracted this morning.”
As uncomfortable as the prospect was, I would have to make my divorce known at the office, but I resolved to keep the details private. I was more determined than ever not to jeopardize my career at Aurora. There was more at stake than ever before.
Kathleen waited for details that wouldn’t be forthcoming. When I didn’t elaborate on the situation, she nodded. “I understand. I won’t say anything. Neither will he.”
I returned Kathleen’s nod.
“Where are you going now?” she asked me.
“To pick up my daughter from school. I want to spend some time with her. Make sure she’s doing all right.”
Kathleen’s gaze settled somewhere on the horizon decorated with mountain peaks bright with fresh snowfall. Her eyes glistened in the autumn sunshine. “That’s so good of you, Jack.” She blinked several times. She looked at me once again and offered her bashful smile. “I’ll let you go. You shouldn’t be late.”
My heart stammered in response to her mysterious vulnerability. “Thank you.”
Without another word, she turned and entered the building. I watched until her silhouetted frame disappeared.
Late last night I’d ruminated on an idea for a finicky client. When I’d arrived at work, I’d gone straight to my office, started in on the task and hadn’t come up for air for hours. I paused my work on the new project with an air of satisfaction. I sat back in my chair and stretched.
Although the work was progressing, I stepped away for a few minutes. I’d brought some leftovers from home to heat up in the break room. I’d intended to eat at my desk and work through the lunch hour, but decided it was best to come out from isolation and interact with other adults, as I’d secluded myself away from my colleagues for a second straight day.
When I arrived in the break room, Kathleen was there, preparing a cup of tea. I ate lunch earlier than most, and always broke away from the office to do so. We’d never crossed paths like this. She looked over her shoulder but returned her attention to her beverage without a greeting or smile.
Her coolness was unusual and unmistakable. I went to the refrigerator, retrieving my lunch and placing it in the microwave. Having worked with her for a few months now, it had become easier to gauge her moods, but this lack of reception was a new experience.
I was tempted to say something but settled for watching the green digital timer as it counted down. When the oven beeped, I pulled out my food and took a seat at a nearby table. I pulled a discarded newspaper close enough to glance over the day’s headlines.
“Jack?” Kathleen called.
I looked up just as she pulled out the chair across from mine.
She sat down with both hands wrapped around her mug. “May I speak to you for a minute?”
“Sure,” I replied. “What’s up?”
“I think you know the answer to that.” There was a slight tremor in her voice. She was worked up and I held my tongue, afraid to trigger her further.
“After you left the office yesterday, Robert spoke to me about the Portland event.”
She sounded annoyed, and I needed to figure out why. Or at least, who she was upset with.
I pushed the newspaper aside. “What did he say to you?” I asked without preamble.
“He made it clear to me that we’re both project managers.”
I nodded. “That’s exactly how he presented it to me.”
“You’re telling me this was his suggestion?” Kathleen was incredulous, and her attitude made me self-conscious. I hadn’t done anything wrong, but her reaction made me question my own actions from the day before.
“It was,” I responded with a grim tone that matched my internal turbulence.
She leaned forward and fixed me with a hard stare. “You didn’t campaign for the assignment?”
I shook my head. “I didn’t even know about the luncheon until Robert brought it up yesterday morning.”
She rocked back in her seat. “He assigned this to you yesterday?”
“Yes.”
“Before or after the meeting?”
I hesitated. Robert had offered the assignment after she had upset him in the conference room.
“It was after,” I admitted. “But he mentioned he’d been considering the idea for a while.”
“I see.” She lifted her tea and took a thoughtful sip.
She had blindsided me with her accusatory assumptions, and there was a part of me that wanted to be angry with her. But at the same time, I saw her point of view. If Robert hadn’t insisted on such a condition in earlier years, she was right to wonder about what had spurred the change now. I watched as she ruminated and found the need to help her process this unexpected development.
“I asked him how you felt about the idea,” I offered.
“What did he say?”
“He admitted he hadn’t spoken to you about it yet.” It was now my turn to lean forward. “Do you mind if I ask a question?”
“Go ahead.”
“Did Robert pass along my thanks for the opportunity to work with you on the luncheon?”
She angled her head. “No, he didn’t.”
“I have no interest in taking anything away from you. If it’s important to Robert for us to be perceived as co-managers, then let him. But from what I understand from Robert himself, you’ve done a great job with this event, and I have no intention of fixing something that isn’t broken. Consider me your backup, nothing more. Use me wherever you think best. I trust your judgment.”
I sat back and returned to my lunch, hoping what I’d said was enough to soothe things between us. I stirred my food with more force than necessary. I was irritated, but not with her. Robert had mishandled the opportunity to strengthen my working relationship with Kathleen, and I didn’t appreciate seeing our progress erased.
“I apologize,” she said. “He gave the luncheon to me five years ago. He’s never insisted on something like this before. I assumed you’d approached him with the idea.”
I couldn’t bring myself to make eye contact with her. “I promise you, I didn’t.”
“I guess he doesn’t believe in me enough to manage it on my own.”
Her admission pierced me right through the heart. If Heide had ever said such a thing about my confidence in her, it would shatter me. I set my fork down with care, pondering how to make Kathleen feel better about the whole thing.
“I didn’t get that impression at all. And if he had said something like that to me, I would have strongly disagreed with him.”
Kathleen nodded, but didn’t elaborate further. In the end, she accepted the situation with a lukewarm reserve and left me to finish my meal alone. Her lack of enthusiasm made me uneasy. Her opinion was important.
Despite a few warm exchanges over the months, we didn’t know one another outside the confines of our careers. It was clear I was navigating some turbulent emotional territory when it came to the Brighton family dynamic. Until I was on more solid ground with Kathleen, I decided it was best to be brief in our exchanges and focused on the task at hand.
After all, I had my own personal problems to deal with. I didn’t have the capability to take on hers, too. I just wanted to get through the event without any major fuckups.