“I STILL can’t believe Jack is leaving us,” Elyse Bradford admitted as she stood next to me at the company’s farewell party. Her dark, short hair was perfectly sculpted and framed her face without obscuring it. “After all these years, he’s the colleague I expected would always be here. He’s rock solid, loyal, smart, creative and generous. We began working at GKV together a decade ago, and he’s always been a good friend with a great mind and a kind heart.”
Elyse paused to suppress her emotion. Her bright blue eyes welled up with unshed tears, surprising more than a few. It wasn’t like her to wear her heart on her sleeve and the room went silent as she raised her glass of champagne for a toast. Our many coworkers followed her lead. Elyse glanced down for a second or two, regaining her composure.
When she lifted her head, she resumed her speech. “Jack is leaving Baltimore for a spectacular opportunity in Oregon, and I know he’s going to excel in his new job.” She turned to face me with a warm smile, which I did my best to reciprocate. “We hate to lose you, and while I’d never wish bad luck on anyone, know we’ll welcome you back should you change your mind about living on that other coast. To Jack.”
The small crowd repeated her toast and sipped the champagne.
Over the next hour, I consumed two more glasses of champagne and exchanged final well-wishes with many. When there was a lull, Elyse reappeared and leaned in close to my ear. I strained to hear her soft request over the raucous conversation of my soon-to-be former coworkers.
“Jack? Could we speak in my office for a few minutes?”
I pulled back to study Elyse’s face and recognized the sadness in her expression. I’d been expecting and dreading the forthcoming conversation, knowing it was all but inevitable. I nodded and followed her as she walked to the stairwell.
Her spacious office was located one floor above. The corridors and cubicles upstairs were deserted and dark. A small prickling sensation ran down the back of my neck and shoulders, but I ignored it.
She entered her work space without closing her door, but I took the initiative to push it shut. I wanted to ensure our total privacy. It would be our last good chance to say a proper farewell. I leaned against the door, uncomfortable with striding too far into Elyse’s territory. I placed my hands in my pockets and waited to see what would happen next.
“Hi,” she began. Her tone registered strong emotion.
“Hi.” In comparison, my tone was robotic.
Elyse absorbed my mood and turned to look out the window of her office. She crossed her arms over her chest, stared at the evening skyline and took a few moments to collect her thoughts. I waited, wanting to give her the time she needed.
“This isn’t my fault, is it?” She swung around abruptly. “I would hate to think I’m driving you away from the company. Away from Baltimore.”
“It’s not your fault, Elyse.”
She nodded. Her anxious sideways glance conveyed she didn’t quite believe my statement.
“There’s so much I want to say,” she told me, “and I’ve run out of time to say it.”
I didn’t know what kind of response she was looking for, so I kept silent.
“Why are you doing this?” she demanded. “I need an explanation. Why such a drastic change?”
“That’s complicated.”
“Try me.”
I resisted. “This isn’t a good idea.”
She tried once more. “Whatever is bothering you, I’d like to help.”
“I don’t need your help with this.”
She locked eyes with me, her expression severe. Her anger barely contained. “I hate that you’ve stopped talking to me. I’m used to it, but I hate it.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Are you?” When I didn’t answer her, she shook her head. “Why do you have to be so damn cold? I’m trying to be your friend.” Frustrated, and fighting a losing battle to resist her emotions, she turned away from the window and strode behind her desk. “Fine. Fuck the friendship. Name your price. Tell me what you need to stay here, and I’ll make it happen.”
I winced at her harsh declaration but answered her. “This isn’t about the money.”
“Do you want my help putting you on the path to partnership?”
“No.”
“What can I do, Jack?”
“There’s nothing you can do. This is something I have to do.”
“Why?” she implored.
I stayed quiet yet again.
“You’re avoiding me for a reason,” she concluded. “Is there something wrong in your marriage?”
I couldn’t lie to her, not with our history, but I couldn’t bring myself to talk about my marriage problems with her. I sighed, painted into the metaphorical corner.
“I see,” she uttered with contempt. She came around her desk and closed the distance between us. She stood in front of me and, with her high heels on, met my gaze at eye level. For the first time since entering her office, I fidgeted. I hadn’t said anything outright, but she understood much more than I wanted her to. Armed with the information she craved, she rediscovered her confidence.
“She isn’t the right woman for you, Jack. She never was.”
I began shaking my head as Elyse finished her statement.
“Maybe you loved her once,” she continued, “but I don’t think you do anymore.”
“Stop.” I raised my voice to gain control of the conversation. I had to cut her off before she could dig too deeply. I paused to give us both a chance to gather our thoughts.
She didn’t wait long to provoke me again. “You shouldn’t stay with her just because of the kid.”
“The kid is my daughter,” I hissed. “My daughter’s name is Heide, and Allison is her mother. We are a family, and that’s never going to change.”
“Allison makes you miserable.”
“That’s your assumption.”
“I know you, Jack, better than anyone else here. Don’t think for a minute you can fool me.”
I held up a hand. “Allison is my wife. That’s all there is to it. What happens in my marriage is none of your business.”
“I get it,” she snapped. “I lost you to her. I’m not trying to lure you away. Can’t you just acknowledge that I once meant something to you?”
My jaw twitched. “I’m Allison’s husband and I need you to respect that.”
She narrowed her eyes and jabbed me in the chest with a finger. “You punished me for being the responsible one. I’ll never respect that.”
A ferocious response flashed through my mind, but I held my resolve. Even if I didn’t like what she was saying, she wasn’t wrong.
She shut down and retreated to another corner of her office to a small leather sofa. I expected her dismissal, but she didn’t offer one. Instead, she stared at me, turning the discussion over to me without another word.
I’d expected a confrontation of some kind before leaving for the Pacific Northwest, and she hadn’t disappointed. Regardless, I softened my stance.
“I don’t blame you for being upset with me, but I don’t want this to be how we say goodbye.” I tried my best to be conciliatory.
Elyse studied me.
Seizing the opportunity, I reiterated my point. “Of course, you mean something to me. I don’t want to leave here with bad feelings between us.” I waited while she considered my words.
Eventually, she nodded. “I don’t want that either. Jesus. I won’t ever see you again, will I?”
“I don’t know. I won’t make promises either way.”
“Can I hug you?”
“Elyse…” Her name escaped my lips with a warning and she flinched.
I drew in a deep breath to release my impatience. “What else can I do to leave this room on good terms with you? There has to be something else.”
“Stay,” she whispered in a pained voice. “Don’t quit the firm. Don’t leave Maryland.”
It was the most vulnerable moment between us in years, and despite my best intentions, it drew me in. Shattered my defenses. I took one step forward, followed by more. When I stood in front of her, I reached for her hand. Her fingers seized mine, her grasp familiar and strong. She leaned toward me, her mouth upturned toward my own, inviting my kiss, but not demanding it. We hovered in this frozen state for several agonizing and uncertain moments until she reached out with her free hand and grasped my belt. Before her hand could drift down, I raised my other hand and took hold of the back of her neck. I tightened my grip and she stilled in response, even as her eyes filled with desire.
“We’ve known each other for a long time,” I began in a strict tone. “I don’t fool you, and you don’t fool me. I could reach up your skirt and rip your panties off right now, and you’d let me. I could toss you on that desk, up against the window or down on your couch. Probably all three. We could fuck for hours and you’d love every second of it.”
She nodded.
“There was a time when I would have done just that, and you remember it well.”
“I think you still want to,” she panted. “You just won’t admit it.”
I allowed her words to sink in. “I can’t. I have a daughter now, and she depends on me to be a good man. What kind of father would I be if I fucked you tonight? What example would I set for her?”
Elyse flashed me a wicked grin. “Your love for your daughter is undeniable. Your wife, on the other hand, I’m not so sure.”
If there had been any uncertainty in my decision to leave Baltimore, Elyse’s actions ended it for good. I couldn’t leave the East Coast soon enough, and I didn’t plan on ever returning to Baltimore.
I didn’t want anything unresolved when I left Maryland, and so I briefly caressed Elyse’s skin. She relaxed. I leaned in and brushed my lips across her forehead, before detaching from her.
“I have to go.”
She stared at me in stunned disbelief as I turned and left her office.