SOMETIME LATER, I stirred awake, realizing I never told anyone where I was going or how long I would be gone. The afternoon daylight had disappeared from the spare bedroom. We’d been sequestered from the world for some time. I carefully detached from Kathleen’s arms and retrieved my phone from my discarded blazer. I ducked out to the living room and called Allison.
“Is everything all right?” she asked with a curious tone.
“Yeah. I’m sorry,” I mumbled. “What time is it?”
“Almost eight o’clock. Where are you?”
“I’m with Kathleen, but it’s not what you’re thinking.”
“What is it, then?” Allison’s voice was playful. Her teasing surprised and disarmed me.
“We were talking this afternoon, and we’re both just worn out. We’ve been sleeping for hours. She’s still asleep. I’ll wake her up and come home soon.”
“Things are fine here. Don’t stress it.”
“What do you mean?”
“It’s good that you’re both talking. You should stay. Please don’t rush out of some misplaced obligation to me.” I detected no sarcasm in Allison’s voice. She was speaking with sincerity.
“What about Heide?” I asked, amazed.
“She’s fine. We’re having a girls’ night.”
I sat down on the arm of Kathleen’s sofa. “I don’t understand.”
“What don’t you understand?”
I ran a hand through my mussed hair and glanced in the direction of the spare bedroom. “You’re both being so good me. Why?”
“What happened today?”
“I told her everything, Allison. She knows what I did to you.”
“That sounds like progress to me. Good for you.”
“How can you be so nice to me when I did such a horrible thing? I was an awful husband.”
“No one here is awful, Jack. We got in over our heads. We did the best we could.”
“I’m sorry I couldn’t do better.”
“You were there for me when I went back to Maryland. You never blamed me for leaving. You never belittled me or made me feel guilty for not coming back.”
“I care about you. I always I will.”
Allison ignored my declaration and charged forward. “Do you want my advice? If Kathleen knows everything and still has this big decision looming in front of her, then wait. Stay there until she’s ready for you to go. Don’t storm off and don’t slink away. Help her make the right choice.”
“I don’t want her to leave.” My voice cracked as I vocalized my fear.
“Then tell her that.”
“Would you have stayed if I’d asked you to?”
“No.”
I couldn’t help but chuckle at her swift answer. “Why not?”
“Because I know you, and I know when you don’t believe what you’re saying.”
“I would have stayed with you.”
“I know that, too. But you would have fallen in love with Kathleen anyway.”
I couldn’t confirm her hypothesis any more than I could deny it.
“What you need to realize, Jack, is that she never would have fallen in love with you if I’d stayed.”
“You’re right about that.”
“No matter what happens, support her the way you supported me.”
Once again, I couldn’t respond. I was a million times more frightened of losing Kathleen than I ever was of losing Allison. I couldn’t tell Allison that, and I was terrified of what Kathleen’s departure would do to me.
“Life is unpredictable,” she went on, unfazed. “We found that out when we got pregnant. We were reminded of that when Heide almost died. Some marriages work. Some don’t. Ours didn’t, and that’s okay because I think we’re better friends for it.”
“We have Heide,” I said. “And I’ll always cherish you for bringing her into this world.”
“Thank you. And thanks for checking in with me. I’ll see you sometime tomorrow?”
“Yes. Kiss Heide good night for me?”
“I will. Good night, Jack.”
“Good night.”
I disconnected from the call and let my phone drop into my lap. I stayed on the sofa, thinking about the surreal turn my life had taken over the course of a single day. I’d left home that morning thinking Kathleen was still in Denver and wondering if I would ever figure out a way to win her back. By afternoon, Kathleen had welcomed me back into her arms, and I’d told her everything I’d been holding back since the day we first met.
Did I dare hope that the worst was now behind us?
“Jack?” Kathleen called my name from the guest bedroom. Her voice was strong, but frightened.
I moved quickly, standing back up and taking long strides across the living room.
“I’m here,” I called, just as she stepped into the hallway, still clad in her underwear.
She flinched at the volume of my raised voice, and her hand covered her heart. “You scared me.”
Her choice of words was poignant. I’d managed to trigger her fear twice within a matter of seconds.
“I didn’t leave you,” I replied in a measured and contrite manner.
We stared at one another and endured a prolonged silence as the implication of my statement settled upon us. Although I was an expert at it, Kathleen was the first to change the subject.
“How long did we sleep?” She dropped her head and raked a hand through her long hair, avoiding eye contact.
“All afternoon.”
“Are you sure? I should feel more rested.”
“You do look tired,” I agreed.
“I want to go back to bed,” she confessed.
“Do you want me to go home?”
Kathleen lifted her eyes to mine and we exchanged another look of significance.
“I want you to stay,” she said. “But I guess you need to go.”
“Only if you need me to go. Otherwise, I want to stay.”
Kathleen absorbed my offer with a fair dose of confusion. “Heide needs you more than I do.”
“Heide is fine.” I lifted a hand and showed Kathleen my cell phone. “I spoke to Allison. They’re having all kinds of fun without me.”
Kathleen kept her thoughts to herself, but the nervous state of her posture shifted into a more relaxed stance.
“I’d like you to eat some dinner,” I said.
A grin, albeit a shy one, appeared. “I don’t have anything here.”
“You look too tired to go out.”
“I am.”
“I’ll go to the store and get us something for tonight.”
“Something for breakfast, too?” Kathleen’s timidity was in stark contrast to the boldness of her statement.
I smiled and approached the greatest love of my life. I caressed her face with rapt attention, my smile fading away as I lost myself in the soft touch of her cheek. Soon, my fingers descended to brush against the strap of her bra. I watched her expression as my cautious fingers slipped underneath the thin line of silk. She didn’t object in the slightest when I tugged the material down and away from her shoulder. I lowered my lips to her bare skin and allowed my experimental kisses to linger on her body. She didn’t push me away.
After a summer of uncertainty, my confidence where she was concerned was strengthening. I wrapped my arms around her slender back and unclasped the bra. Then I retreated a step as she allowed her lingerie to fall to the floor. I couldn’t help myself. Overwhelmed by the heady mixture of the uncertainty of our future along with the certainty I had regained her trust, at least for this incredible moment, I fell to my knees in front of her and pulled her close in a tight embrace.
Kathleen reciprocated my hug. I trembled inside her arms as she leaned down and rested her cheek on top of my head. We held one another, both weary and emotional. Neither of us spoke, yet we understood one another. Minutes ticked by as I experienced the first peace of mind I’d had in months. We stayed this way for some time and I cherished every single heartbeat of it.
When my soul was fully nourished, I brought myself back to my feet.
Kathleen’s posture remained unchanged. Her arms grasped onto mine after I rose from the floor. She kept her eyes lowered. And it was then that an epiphany struck me. Kathleen had known precious little about emotional security. She’d been denied something fundamental since childhood. I wanted Kathleen to feel every bit of happiness I was feeling right then, but now I understood something essential. Her peace of mind would take years, decades, perhaps the rest of her life to restore.
I processed this realization as I studied her exhausted body. I wrapped an arm around her waist and guided her down the hallway toward her own bedroom. She didn’t fight me. She complied. We paused at the side of the bed and held on to one another as I pulled back the sheets with my free hand. I moved her to lie down on her back and she lifted her hips in complete submission as I removed her panties. I stared at her naked body without shame while I dropped her underwear to the floor. Then, I pulled the flat sheet up over her torso until it covered her breasts.
“Get some more sleep.” I ran a finger through a stray lock of her long, blond hair. “Dinner will be ready in a little while.”
Kathleen rolled onto her side, facing me. “Thank you,” she mumbled as her eyes drifted closed.
Her slow, rhythmic breathing set in just as I closed the bedroom door behind me.