THE SUN hadn’t risen quite yet, but ebony darkness had given way to predawn light. There was a scratching at my bedroom door, and I realized it was Kitty Hawk trying to find a way into the room. She was accustomed to sleeping in the master bedroom and roaming between my office and my bed during the night time. Worried that the cat’s neurotic actions would rouse Heide from her own sleep, I pushed back the covers. I stood up from the bed and put on a pair of boxer briefs.
I opened the bedroom door quietly and the cat wandered in. She offered a few chastising meows before pausing in the middle of the floor. The cat stared up at the bed where someone had taken up residence.
I rolled my eyes and decided to check on Heide while Kitty Hawk worked out her own issues. I found my daughter sound asleep and smiled at her before returning to my room and closing the door. The cat was now lying at the foot of the bed, although not in her usual spot. Her ears were flat and her posture was tense. I scratched under her chin, hoping to lull her into a better mood. As I finished, I swept my gaze up the mattress.
Kathleen had pushed the covers aside, her naked body radiant in the emerging light. I was transfixed and nervous she’d leave my bed soon, never to return. I wanted to remember her forever and began taking a mental inventory of her body.
Beyond her appearance, I wanted to remember every emotion of our night together. Every whisper. Every moan. Every caress and kiss and thrust that gave her pure pleasure and emboldened her to encourage me further. I wanted to remember every time she said yes or spoke my name with desire.
Daunted by the mental task of preserving the details of our first time together, I sighed and pulled my gaze away from her long enough to spot my tablet resting on my bedside table.
Everything I yearned to remember about the magical night could be recorded there. And I could return to my memories any time I needed to. I’d worked in advertising long enough to know how to hone my creativity, but I’d never tried to write anything so detailed, so essential and so personal.
It was going to take some time.
I went back to my side of the bed and climbed back in with care. My worries were for nothing, however. Kathleen was sound asleep and unaware of her surroundings. I adjusted my pillows, leaning back against them and pulling the covers back up to my waist before reaching for the tablet. Recording my memories any other way meant I would have to turn on my bedside lamp or leave the bed to write in my office. With the tablet, I wouldn’t have to leave Kathleen’s side, and I was certain I was doing what I should be in that moment. I could study her with leisure and allow myself time to come up with the perfect words that would freeze this moment in time forever. It was the type of exercise I had always wanted to take advantage of, but never did. Until experiencing Kathleen’s delicious kiss for the first time.
I wasn’t a young man. I’d slept with other women. I’d been another woman’s husband, but I’d never been so determined to hold on to anyone like I wanted to hold on to Kathleen Brighton. I didn’t quite understand the fascination, but I adored her. My life had been in chaos for years. One exquisite night with her had changed everything. In her loving arms, I felt her want wrap around me. In her embrace, my worries evaporated.
I began typing about my feelings, not knowing if I would communicate everything that needed to be said in three sentences or three thousand. I refused to check myself. I just allowed the words to appear as they hit my consciousness. The more I wrote, the more I had to say. The process of molding my thoughts into something tangible was cathartic.
At first, I paused every little bit to check on Kathleen. I didn’t want to wake her. From all indications, her night had been an emotional one as well. I took pride in the fact that she was exhausted from our lovemaking. She deserved hours of good rest. I realized that my actions wouldn’t disturb her and turned my full attention to my project. The sunrise infused the bedroom in soft light, but even so it wasn’t enough to break my focus on my essential task.
I wrote until I recognized that I was using new descriptions of illustrating what I’d already recorded. So, I went back to the beginning to examine my writings. I moved slowly, making changes here and there as it suited my mood. I thought about each sentence carefully, racking my brain to make sure nothing was being left unsaid. I was lost in the task, consumed by my desire to recall it with perfect clarity.
At some point, Kathleen rolled toward me. Except for one startled breath, I held stock-still, fearful that I’d disturbed her sleep. I waited, not even daring to look at her face, just in case it would jar her awake. She didn’t sit up or speak, so I returned to my thoughts, seeking to complete my mission before more pressing matters intruded. Kathleen’s breathing returned to its steady rhythm, confirming I’d made the right choice in not pulling her out of a much-needed sleep.
The oncoming day was bright and warm, and I looked around my bedroom, taking inventory of the various ways the sunshine flowed through the space. There was a tangible feeling of happiness that surrounded the two of us, and I was drawn into my electronic journal yet again, wanting to record it and ponder its meaning for the days to come.
I read and reread my newest observations until my daughter’s familiar knocking on the bedroom door signaled that my time was up. I avoided turning toward Kathleen once again. I detected no movement from her side of the bed and was relieved. Neither of us had prepared for such a wake-up call.
“Yes?” I answered Heide’s call for attention and prayed that I didn’t sound cross.
“It’s me.” Her mother had taught Heide never to barge into our bedroom. It was a lesson I appreciated at that moment.
“Do you need something? Are you all right?”
“Can I play the Wii?” We never allowed her to play on the gaming system on school mornings. The rule sometimes made it possible for me to take a little bit of extra time getting dressed on the weekends. Yet another godsend this Saturday.
“Sure. Go ahead. I’ll be out in a little bit.”
She turned and ran toward the living room before she could offer up a response. “Okay!”
I set the tablet aside and rose from the bed, knowing that if I squared away a couple of things, I could return to wake Kathleen within a few more minutes.
We’d both been swept away by our passions the night before. We’d been fortunate to enjoy one another’s bodies without interruption or distress. But as I was aware, everything had its moment. Every experience, no matter how joyous, had to end. My reality had knocked on the door, signaling it was time to resume my responsibilities.
As I dressed, I thought about what was to come. Kathleen would have questions about how to move forward with our morning. I was prepared to give her anything she needed and hoped like hell she wouldn’t bolt from my house at the first opportunity. I wasn’t ready for her to go home for the weekend, although it was inevitable. I wanted to do whatever I could to ensure that she would see me again. And soon. She hadn’t yet left my bed, and I’d glimpsed how much I would miss her once she was gone.
I would offer her the chance to shower or bathe—by showing her how much her personal comfort was important to me. I would not make demands on her to lie to Heide about anything. Kathleen had brought me such ecstasy and such enjoyment. I would do nothing to make her feel unappreciated. I cherished her and wanted to do anything within my ability to prove to her just how much she was revered.