“DAD!” HEIDE charged full speed into the entryway as soon as I opened the front door, the incoming breeze lifting her blond hair from her shoulders. I had just enough time to drop my shoulder bag to the floor before she leaped into my eager arms. I kissed her forehead and lowered my own to rest against hers.
“What a nice surprise.” I smiled at my blue-eyed little girl. “I thought you’d be fast asleep by now.”
“Nope. No way. Not until I saw you.” Heide wrapped her arms around my neck and offered the strongest hug she could. I stood still, reciprocating her affection. Her love and high spirits reinvigorated my own after a long day of cross-country travel. By the time Allison joined us and closed the front door, I felt like a new man.
My wife leaned in for a quick, chaste peck on the lips. “How was the flight?” she asked with a subdued tone. Not “What was Bend like?” or even “Did the interview go well?”
“Both flights went well. I had a two-hour layover in Vegas.”
“Oh yeah? What did that cost us?”
“I actually won a little bit on the airport slots. It was great. We should go sometime.”
“Maybe.”
I studied Allison’s face for a few moments. “Are you feeling all right?”
She shrugged but smiled at our daughter who clung to me like a koala bear to a eucalyptus tree.
“Mom’s ready for bed,” she declared.
“So am I,” I commented with a wink in my wife’s direction.
“Jack…” Allison’s chastisement was punctuated with a frown.
I decided to turn off the charm and be of some help. “I’ll get Heide settled and read her a story. Why don’t you go relax?”
Allison’s mood shifted slightly in my favor. “I’ve been dying to take a shower.”
“Then go do it,” I encouraged. “I’ll get everything squared away out here and we’ll catch up after you’re done.”
Allison smiled gratefully and hugged Heide and I both as she wished her good night.
After I put Heide to bed, I entered the master bedroom and smelled the perfumed scent of Allison’s bodywash. The water was off, and the smallest bit of steam lingered from her shower. The door to the bathroom was mostly closed so I unpacked my bag and then stripped down to my green boxer briefs.
I was in a good mood. Despite the small hiccup in my back-and-forth with the young woman, Kathleen, I believed the interview in Oregon had gone well. If I was fortunate enough to reach the final round of the hiring process, I’d decided I would bring my family out to Bend with me. Once she saw the majesty of Oregon for herself, I was convinced my wife would find the enthusiasm for the move.
Allison came out from the bathroom, her blond hair mostly dry and her face devoid of makeup. Her radiant beauty was intact no matter the circumstances; however, she wore a simplistic pajama T-shirt and bottoms, and I was deflated. Over time, I’d come to accept this nightwear as uninviting. It was equivalent with declaring she had a headache.
Sex was completely out of the question.
Allison pulled back the covers of our bed without a word. With nothing better to do, I went into the bathroom to dispose of my laundry, remove my contact lenses and brush my teeth. By the time I returned, she had settled herself in bed. Her bedside lamp was off, and her back was to my side of the mattress.
I removed my briefs and replaced them with a new pair. She didn’t want me to sleep naked in our bed now that Heide was older. Our daughter was in first grade, but still entered our bedroom at night when the need arose.
I turned off my lamp, reclined on my back and waited. Allison’s breathing indicated that she wasn’t yet asleep, but she didn’t initiate conversation. After a few minutes, I could no longer stand the silence.
“Are you awake?” I prodded.
“You know I am,” she mumbled.
“Is everything okay?”
“Yeah. Just tired. I started my period this morning.”
“Do you need anything?”
“About a week’s worth of sleep.”
I rolled onto my hip and reached for Allison’s lower back. I began to lightly massage her muscles, knowing she tended to have back aches during her cycles.
“That feels great,” she said. “Thanks.”
“Of course.”
I focused on the task until my wife was relaxed.
“Can I tell you about Oregon?” I ventured.
“Hmm,” she murmured.
“The interview went well. The CEO and I have some common interests and he realized it. I’m sure I’ll be a finalist.”
At this, Allison moved onto her back with an exasperated sigh. The tension between us was profound, but we kept the conversation going.
“That job is such a big change,” she began. “Aren’t you nervous about that?”
“What’s to be nervous about? The job would be a step up in my career—both in responsibility and pay. With my track record, I’m confident I can negotiate my asking price.”
Allison was quiet.
My annoyance set in, but I spoke with careful deliberation to keep my wife from noticing. “We’ve talked about doing this many times,” I reminded her. “I don’t understand your hesitation.”
“I don’t know.” She sighed and took in a deep breath. “I assumed that you’d look for a job on this coast. I never expected to move to the other side of the country. And besides, it’s Oregon. Who lives in Oregon?”
I rubbed an eye in mild frustration. “Bend is bigger than you realize. It’s just as large as any of the suburbs here, but not as congested. The mountains are nearby. You can see several at once. And if you must get to the city, Portland is only a few hours away. You could even get to Seattle or San Francisco within a day.”
“What about Heide?” Allison challenged. “She just started school.”
Bringing up Heide’s well-being was a good tactic. If I were having any doubts about moving away from Maryland, they would have to do with her.
“If this goes according to plan, Heide can finish the first grade here and start second grade in Bend. If we’re going to do this kind of a move, now is the time. We should do this before she becomes too attached to things here. She makes friends everywhere she goes. She’ll be fine. Besides, Bend is an outdoor paradise year-round. We could keep her busy with different activities.”
Allison’s silence deepened.
I tried to fill the void in our discussion. “I could be home more, like you’ve asked. I wouldn’t be commuting as much, and we could buy a bigger house. Maybe we could even think about having another baby once things are settled.”
Allison’s head whipped in my direction, her hair brushing loudly against her pillow.
“Another baby?” Her tone was harsh. “Since when have we been thinking about another baby?”
“I know that’s a big step, but I’m open to the idea. Giving Heide a sibling is something we should consider. I’m not getting any younger here.”
She chortled. “I beg your pardon. Is your biological clock ticking?”
“I just don’t want anyone at kindergarten to think I’m the child’s grandfather. Think of how much it would embarrass the poor kid.”
“Good to see your priorities are intact.”
We both chuckled at the thought, but her tone grew somber once more. “This is happening so fast. Something about this idea just makes me nervous. We don’t know anyone out there. You’ll be at work. Heide will be in school. Where does that leave me?”
“You could go back to television,” I suggested.
“A new job and a new baby? Be serious.”
“I am.”
“I don’t imagine Bend has a plethora of television studios, Jack.”
“Actually, there are a few.”
She was dubious. “You’ve already considered this? Why would you do that?”
The question was ridiculous, and my patience waned. “I work in advertising,” I snapped. “I needed to study the local market for the interview.”
“Who’s going to hire me, Jack? I haven’t worked since Heide was born and I don’t see any station manager putting a forty-two-year-old woman on the air when he can have his pick of young college graduates who will work for much less money and put up with a lot more bullshit. Besides, I’d have to start over in a new market. I’d be doing the weather. Or the traffic. Or those god-awful four a.m. live stories. Out in the woods. With bears. Or Bigfoot.”
She shook her head, huffed, and rolled away from me.
“It’s too much to think about tonight. You just need to take things one step at a time. Don’t start making life-altering plans right now. Wait and see if you get another interview before you start figuring out how the rest of my life is going to go.”
“Our lives,” I muttered, hurt.
Allison never responded to this. When it became clear the conversation was over, I pulled away from her. She fell asleep after a few minutes while I continued to lie wide awake, furious.