“HI, JACK.”
I looked up with a start. I was unaccustomed to hearing this woman’s voice inside my office.
“Tracie.” I stood to greet her.
“Do you have a couple of minutes?”
“For you, always.” I smiled and gestured to the chair in front of my desk.
“Can I close the door?”
“Please.”
I didn’t retake my seat until she sat down.
“What brings you by?” I asked.
Tracie looked down at her lap and clasped her fingers. “It’s quiet here this week. I don’t have my break buddy.”
The acknowledgement of Kathleen’s absence had been an uncomfortable subject all week. I never knew when it was going to be brought up, only that I could expect it to be. Mostly, I withdrew from the gossip, but Tracie was an exception to the rule. I struggled to come up with the right response, so she continued without me.
“I can fake it for a day or two, but I miss her.”
“So do I,” I admitted with unexpected relief. It was nice to let my guard down a bit with someone outside of our families. “How did you handle it when she was away in Portland?” I asked.
Tracie shrugged. “She still had to work, so we e-mailed a lot. And we chatted on the phone enough. It felt like she was still down the hall.”
“This is different,” I added.
“I suppose so.”
We both fell silent and I contemplated the situation.
“I don’t want to think about Kathleen leaving here,” she continued. “People come and go. It’s part of the office routine. But Robert and Kathleen are the constants.”
She lifted her head and leaned back in her chair. “She especially. I mean, Robert has been here for decades, but we expect him to retire soon. She’s supposed to be the future of this company.”
I tilted my head and made eye contact with her. “I’m sure she’s taking that into consideration. She cares about everyone here.”
Tracie appeared unconvinced but didn’t argue with my assessment.
“How long have you been at Aurora?” I asked her.
“Eight years,” she answered. “It’s a good job. There’s just enough responsibility to keep me interested, but not so much that I can’t walk away from it at the end of the day.”
“And you’re excellent at what you do.”
She laughed self-consciously. “Thanks.”
“I should have seen this coming, but I didn’t.” This was not an easy confession for me. I shifted in my seat just as soon as I said the words.
“I know what you mean.”
“Yeah?” I’d expected Tracie to rebuke me.
“Kathleen’s great at the job. She always knows what to do. But she hasn’t found happiness like most do.”
I had no response to this, because I was ashamed to have contributed to Kathleen’s sorrow.
“Something was changing in her, though,” Tracie went on. “She wasn’t so cautious anymore. She was more open to just… feeling things.”
“How so?” I pressed.
“She was soaking up some of the awesome sunshine for once. She was taking more risks and they seemed like the right ones.”
Tracie looked at me pointedly. “She told me about you two when your daughter was hurt. It was the first time she uttered a word to me about something so personal.”
“I’m surprised to hear you say that. You’re good friends.”
“We are, but there are just certain things she won’t share. She had boyfriends here and there,” she said. “I met a couple of them, only just because I bumped into her when she was on a date or something. But she never spoke of any guy with me. Until you, she wouldn’t have dropped everything to go be at someone else’s side for weeks on end.”
Yet another silence took hold as I processed this information. Her declaration was significant, and I owed her a great deal for sharing her thoughts.
“Between you and me?” I ventured.
Tracie nodded. Her gaze was razor sharp.
I held eye contact as I said, “I never wanted to make her sad.”
Tracie’s scrutiny was undeniable.
“I want her to stay at Aurora,” I elaborated.
She continued to watch me without speaking. Or blinking.
“I want to earn her trust back.”
Tracie didn’t respond to this. Instead, she stared at me with dubious eyes. “I love her.” The emotion I always experienced when I spoke of my love for Kathleen broke through. Tracie won the staring contest when I looked down and brushed a tear from the corner of my eye.
“I nearly forgot,” Tracie announced with her usual bubbly voice. “I came in here for a reason.”
I lifted my head and furrowed my brow in confusion. “What?”
“Have you heard from Kathleen?”
“Not really,” I admitted. “The last time we spoke was when she got on the plane to Denver.”
“She told me you called her. She didn’t share the details, but whatever you said had a lasting impact.” Tracie crossed her legs and leveled another stare at me. And it occurred to me that she was waiting for me to ask her a question.
“When did you hear from her?” I prompted.
Tracie grinned. “Yesterday morning, she texted me and asked me to go into the conference room to call her from my cell phone. She wanted total privacy.”
What Tracie said resonated with me in an unexpected way. “You disappeared yesterday after lunch.”
“I told Robert I was having bad cramps and wanted to go home. That kept him from asking too many questions.”
I nodded at her ingenuity. “That’s a good one.”
Tracie’s expression grew playful. “It was, but that’s not the point.”
She leaned forward with a knowing grin. “Kathleen was getting on a plane to Eugene. She asked me to pick her up at the airport, but she didn’t want Robert to know she was coming back. She said she still needed some time before she saw him.”
I was speechless.
“I drove her home last night,” she said. “She’ll be at her place for the rest of the day. She’s not coming in to work until tomorrow morning.” With that, Tracie rose from her chair and walked to the door.
“Did she say anything about me?” I blurted.
“She was pretty tired. She didn’t say much.”
I made no effort to hide my disappointment.
“She also didn’t tell me not to tell you she was back in town.” Tracie opened the door and raised her voice as she stepped into the corridor. “I don’t know. You look a little peaked to me, Jack. If you want, I can reschedule your appointments this afternoon? You should take the afternoon off. Go and get some… rest.”