Pressure on my shoulder wakes me with a start, and I thrash up in alarm. I choke on a loud gasp, causing me to cough a few times before I realize it was Micah’s hand that was touching me.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“It’s okay.” I take a slow blink and exhale against the heart that’s thumping in my chest. “What are you doing?”
“You’ve been sleeping all day. I thought I’d come wake you. You’ve got to be hungry.”
My eyes find the window, and I frown. The sky has dimmed to a deep, fiery orange with the setting of the sun. “I didn’t mean to sleep so late.”
“Are you feeling okay?”
“Yeah. Why?”
He takes a seat on the edge of my bed. “I hardly ever see you because you’re always in here sleeping.”
I force a laugh, shake my head, and brush him off, saying, “No, I’m not.”
His brows rise. “Yes, you are.”
“What can I say? I guess I like napping.”
He looks straight through my fakery, though. “Seriously . . . what’s going on?”
“You know what’s going on.”
He eyes me for a beat too long, making me worry about what it is he’s thinking. “Not buying it.”
My defenses fly up. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You broke up with Kason two months ago. I mean, how long does it take to get over someone you dated less than two years?”
“That isn’t fair.” But he’s right. It’s already December, and even though I still think about Kason often, the pain is starting to lift. No longer do the thoughts spark immediate tears. Micah just doesn’t know that Kason has never been the reason for my new sleeping patterns. Those are a product of something far worse.
“I know something is off.”
“Because I nap during the day?” I give him with a roll of my eyes.
“And because I know you aren’t sleeping at night.”
My eyes deadpan on him as my spine stiffens. “What are you talking about?”
“My room is right across from yours. Sometimes, I wake up in the middle of the night, and there’s always a light shining out from the bottom of your door.”
“I fall asleep with the lights on,” I lie.
“You cry in your sleep, too? Because I hear you. You’re quiet, but I can still hear it.”
The chill of the truth streams beneath my skin, and I grow nervous that he’s seeing through cracks I thought I was masking. Not wanting to even entertain this conversation any longer, I toss the covers off me and crawl out of bed. “I have to get ready. I overslept and I’m supposed to be going out with Kate.” I walk over to my closet and start pushing through the hangers to find an outfit to wear.
“What’s going on?” Micah eventually asks, now standing a few steps behind me.
His suspicion irks me, and I wish he would just drop it. “Nothing. I already told you.”
“You wouldn’t be getting pissy if it were nothing.”
I yank a top off a hanger and turn to face him. “Pissy? Seriously, Micah?”
“What do you do all night when you don’t sleep?”
I had grown used to Kason tiptoeing around me, and that has only been reinforced by my mother continuing to do the same, so having to face Micah, who is throwing his concerns in my face, knocks me off guard. I stammer, my tongue dancing behind my lips to find my next lie, but he’s quick to cut me off.
“I’m not trying to be a dick.”
“Try harder.”
I walk over to my dresser and get a pair of shorts, but when I walk past him, he grabs my arm. “You’re one of my best friends,” he says, his face lined with seriousness. “All I’m saying is that I’m worried about you.”
“Don’t be.”
“You don’t get to control that. If I say I’m concerned, then I’m concerned.”
“There’s no reason to be. I’m fine.”
He tugs my arm, forcing me to take a step toward him. “If you don’t want to talk, cool. Don’t talk. But you don’t have to lie to me. At least give me the decency of saying, ‘Yeah, I’m dealing with shit, but I don’t want to talk about it.’”
He’s treading too close to the flame, and although he doesn’t deserve my petty lies, I’m scared to give him one shred of the truth. So, I avoid both and opt for silence. After a moment, his fingers loosen from around my arm and drop down to my hand as he says, “I’m here. If ever you want to talk.” Then he lets go and walks out of my room, closing the door behind him.
He leaves me alone and entirely rattled with his spot-on observations of things I thought I had been hiding so well. But one thing I’ve gotten good at is deflection. It’s what I’ve been doing since I moved out here two months ago. I’ve embraced avoidance, and in my efforts, I’ve befriended Kate. She’s been the perfect distraction for me. When I’m with her, my mind rarely ever drifts, and the newfound friendship has given me something to focus on rather than the disaster that is my life.
I take a quick shower before fixing my hair in a simple, sleek ponytail. By the time I’m slipping on a pair of sandals, I hear her voice when Trent answers the door.
As I walk into the hallway, I glance into Micah’s room to see he’s sitting on his bed with his face buried in his phone. He looks up, and our eyes lock. There’s no expression on his face, but there’s still tension lingering.
“Ady, come on,” Kate calls from the living room, and I break the contact, dropping my eyes away from him and walking to the front of the condo. “You ready?”
“Yeah.” As I step farther into the room, I’m shocked to see Trent reading one of his textbooks. “What are you doing?”
“Studying.”
I crack a humorous smile. “Have you ever done that before?”
He drops the book onto the coffee table and flicks his highlighter, sending it spinning down to the floor. “Shit’s got me stressed out.”
“What are you talking about? Nothing stresses you out.”
“My mom has been up my ass lately about her expectations of decent grades.”
Kate walks over, picks up the book, and reads the cover. “Macroeconomics. Who do you have?”
“Carson. Tuesday and Thursday. Why?”
She hands the book to him. “I have Carson Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. So, if you need help . . .”
“You actually understand this?”
“Enough to be managing a B.”
“I have a C . . . barely. Can you stop by tomorrow morning? I don’t have class until noon.”
Kate’s eyes brighten, but when I look over to Trent, I can tell he doesn’t even notice.
“Nine?”
He nods and then heads into the kitchen with a casual, “Cool,” before opening the fridge.
“Let’s go,” I sigh, pushing her toward the door.
Kate’s had a maddening crush on Trent ever since she laid eyes on him. It was evident to me when I first met her last month at Deerfield Beach. I’ve never said anything to Trent because, whether or not he thinks she’s attractive won’t change the fact that he has no interest in girls beyond the physical. Of course, I’ve already told her that, but she’s still holding out hope.
We head over to Lulu for dinner, opting to sit outside to enjoy the bearable warmth of winter. The night glows from the white twinkle lights that are wrapped around the trunks of the palm trees. This will be my second Christmas here in Florida, and I still can’t get over the fact that it’s December and I’m outside, wearing shorts and sandals.
“Were you able to get any of the classes you wanted?” Kate asks.
I decided to enroll in the University of Miami. Sitting around the condo with nothing to do was only making everything harder for me to deal with. It didn’t take me long to realize that things would never go back to normal unless I start to get back to normal. So, I told my mom my plans to enroll when she was here last month for Thanksgiving.
“I mean, I didn’t really want any classes in particular. I only enrolled in gen eds.”
“I’d die of boredom if I only filled my schedule with gen eds,” she says before taking a bite of her salmon.
“Well, that’s because you already know what you’re majoring in. I have no idea.”
“We should check to see if there are any seats still open in some of my classes. Who knows? You just might find an interest.”
I take a sip of my iced tea. “In communications? What is that anyway?”
“Advertising . . . public relations. You know, marketing and helping people promote their businesses. And Miami is the perfect place for that. Just think about all the night clubs and parties.”
“I’m not the partying type.”
She smiles. “Maybe not now,” she says, adding a wink for emphasis. I just laugh.
It isn’t as if Kate is a party animal, by any means. For the most part, she’s laid back and goes with the flow. She also surfs, which is how she initially met Micah and Trent. But she’s social and has a lot of friends. On several occasions, she’s tried to get me to come out with her when they all get together, but I always find an excuse not to go. I used to love going out to parties back in high school, but now, just the thought of being in a crowd can trigger a wave of panic to come crashing down on me.
“So,” she eventually says, inquisitively dragging out the word with a smile.
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
She drops her fork and leans her elbows on top of the table. “What’s up with you and Micah?”
“What do you mean?”
“Oh, come on!” she exclaims while rolling her eyes.
“What?”
“You’re kidding me, right? Tell me you aren’t blind to how he looks at you.”
It’s my turn to roll my eyes. “Oh my god. No,” I tell her. “It isn’t like that at all. Like, at all, at all.”
She purses her lips with a doubting glint in her eyes, to which I defend, “I’m serious. We’re just good friends. And if he’s giving me looks, it’s only looks of concern.”
“Concern?”
“I used to date his best friend. We broke up right before I moved here,” I tell her without going into any details.
“So, he was your shoulder to cry on?” she says with gossipy intentions.
She makes me laugh, and I blow her off. “Does it look like I’m crying on anyone’s shoulder,” I tell her, giving her the illusion that I’m much stronger than I really am.
Even though I’ve been vague about my recent past, just the fact that I have someone new to talk to, and a girl, has made life a little bit easier. With Kate comes a breath of fresh air I’ve desperately needed. Ever since I left Texas, I’ve struggled to make girlfriends. I miss the closeness I used to have with Molly, but that friendship is long gone. Then there was Lana, and let’s face it, we never really had anything in common. But with Kate, it’s simple and easy. She may be teasing me about Micah, but the girl hardly pries, which has been a blessing. Our friendship has been building on the here and now, rather than delving into our pasts. Heck, this is the first time I’ve even mentioned having a boyfriend prior to my move here.
“Well,” she says, picking her fork back up and stabbing it into a spear of asparagus, “it would be an attractive shoulder to cry on. You know? If you ever do decide you need a good cry.” She then pops it into her mouth, and I have to shake my head at her while she chews.
If she only knew how much he was irritating me before she showed up at the condo, I’m sure she’d be singing a different tune. But that’s nobody’s business, and I’m quick to change the subject when I suggest, “How about we walk around and do some last-minute gift shopping whenever we’re done. I still need to pick up a few things for my mom.”