Decisions
Maggie
“What do you want to do, Maggie? Do you want me to call the bank, pay to have this caught up or paid off? Do you want to move to my house? I know you don’t want to see Brayden, or do you?” Dina is full of concern, broadcasting her anxiety as she frantically spits out question after question.
“I can’t have you pay this, Dina.” I shake my head. “It’s all been lies. How can I stay here with him? He can’t even answer a phone to explain.” I continue to shake my head, feeling defeated. “Just let the bank have the fuckin’ house,” I sob out.
“Let’s get your immediate needs packed and moved to my house. We’ll get everything else put in storage. It’ll take some time, but we’ll sort this all out,” Dina reassures as we begin packing.
“D, baby, can I talk to you outside?” Ryder asks my bestie.
I have a feeling this is about Brayden, so I continue packing, trying not to think about my boyfriend. I have too much to handle, too many things that need my attention. In a matter of days, I have to find a new place and pack up this one or lose my stuff.
The emotions are too much. I need to compartmentalize what I can so I will somehow continue to keep going instead of drowning in despair.
About fifteen minutes later, my best friend returns with tear-filled eyes.
“Maggie, Brayden asked to see Ryder and not to tell you. Ryder agrees it would be best for you to move to my house until we figure out what Brayden has gotten into and the full extent of this mess.” Dina pauses, letting me take it in.
“Maggie, I need to be honest with you. I don’t have a clue what could be going on. Ryder has his thoughts, but he hasn’t shared his suspicions with me. He feels it’s not his story to tell, but that it’s serious.”
She sighs. “You’re my family, and we help each other. My house is paid for in full, so I’ll sign it over to you if you want it, but I’m not going to move in with Ryder until you are settled, regardless of whether you want the house or not. I just want you to understand my house is yours to stay in for as long as you want.” Dina searches my eyes, waiting for a response.
“I appreciate the offer,” I tell her. “I’ll live with you until I can sort out everything, but I can’t just accept a house from you.” For Pete’s sake, I already drive a really nice car because Dina paid for it. I have my dream job because she paid for it. I can’t let her give me a house, too.
Dina merely smiles and shrugs her shoulders.
We have never discussed money or her inheritance. For all I know, maybe she can afford it, but I would never let her.
Dina has always taken care of me: from my first heartbreak in high school to my college party days. Needing someone to hold my hair after I drank too much to buying my car and now this.
***
Brayden
Ryder arrives with stress, anger, frustration, disappointment, and confusion radiating off him. Welcome to my daily hell, the continuous grind of emotions that circle on repeat in my mind.
I shouldn’t feel this way. Ryder certainly doesn’t deserve to be tied up in all this. Misery loves company, though, so he can join the club.
He walks in and immediately begins the lecture. “What the hell have you gotten yourself into? Maggie is hysterical. She doesn’t understand why you’re losing the house or why you won’t answer the damn phone! I left her packing to move into Dina’s house. Is that what you want?” he yells.
Stress fills me. “Fuck no, it’s not what I want, but it’s what has to happen. I lost the house. The question is: do you think Dina will let me stay with her, too?” Desperate times call for desperate measures. Maggie most likely hates me, but I need to be close to her to hold on to what we have, if there is even a little hope left.
Ryder begins pacing, running his hand through his hair, agitation and anger evident. “You will not, under any circumstances, ask Dina that. I don’t know for sure what you’ve gotten yourself into, but dammit, you will not involve my girlfriend anymore than you already have.”
My instinct reaction is anger, but I have to look at it from his point of view. He doesn’t know my problems, and after what he’s just gone through, I’m not about to tell him. I wouldn’t want to have my girlfriend tied up in my friend’s mess, either, so I need to find another solution.
I look at my longtime friend, begging, “Can I crash at your house?”
Ryder gives a harsh, sarcastic laugh. “Hell no! You need help, not to be bailed out. You can stay here and sleep on the couch in the lobby. You can shower at my house when I’m home.” He shakes his head like I am unbelievable or something. “Val and I talked in one of her sessions, so I know about your past, B. If you’re into that stuff again …” He pauses, looking straight at me with helplessness in his eyes. “If you want help, I’ll get you the help to get clean. This will be your only warning, though: you keep your problem out of my business, out of my house, and away from Dina. Since you won’t confide in anyone with specifics so we can help you, I’m letting you know now … If I catch you or prove my suspicions are right, you’re out on your ass, friend or not. Call it tough love; I don’t give a shit. We’ve all got problems, man. You’ve gotta own that shit and face yours, not try to escape them. Get your shit straight and now.”
Before I can respond, he walks away.
Knowing Ryder, he wants to beat the shit out of me. I deserve it.
I have nowhere else to go. I don’t have the kind of relationship with my mom to call her about this. Hell, I don’t have a relationship with her at all. That ended when I was fourteen.
I don’t want to bother Vanessa with my issues. She has two kids who don’t need to be around the mess that is all me. Valerie is just as messed up as me, so that would be pouring gasoline on a fire. Ryder is my only help right now. Sure, I have other friends, but not ones I would want to share my current situation with. This in itself is a huge slice of humble pie.
I don’t know anyone who is proud to find themselves homeless.