A First Time for Everything
Kenna
What do you do when the person you want to marry detests the thought of it? To be fair, he has been honest with me from day one that he never intends to get married. Being young and naive, I thought that my love would make him feel differently. I never dated anyone else, and in my little girl dreams, Jake and I would get married one day. Why did I ever allow myself the illusion that he would change?
Thinking back to when we met, I still get butterflies. That first day he walked into U.S. History class as the new kid, I was smitten. It was a small town, small school, and everyone knew everyone, so he was like a cool drink of water on a humid Carolina day.
I watched him walk past me to his seat, shivers coursing throughout my body. When he smiled at me, I felt the earth turn on its axis. Then I felt like the luckiest girl on the planet when we were assigned to be study partners.
Over time, we developed a close friendship with a more than obvious attraction to one another.
Jake respected that my parents were strict. He didn’t bat an eyelash at the rule that I couldn’t date until I was sixteen. My folks were a bit old fashioned, so our first few dates were at their dinner table, in their presence. Never once did Jake give me a hard time about my nine o’clock curfew. He made sure to have me home on time. Forever the gentleman, he went so far as to always pick me up and drop me off at my doorstep.
My dad’s biggest issue with boys was that they never escorted girls properly. He would tell me, “Kenna, this is a house, not a drive thru. If a boy wants to date you, he will come to the door and greet you. He will open all doors for you. And when he brings you home, he will walk you safely to the door, making sure you are inside before he even thinks of stepping off that porch. The little things, my baby girl, will show you if a boy is really growing into a man.”
Over time, my parents became a little more lenient, realizing Jake was the kind of boy they wanted their daughter dating. Plus, I think they were aware of how serious Jake and I were.
By the time graduation approached, I had watched many of my friends turn in their “V-card,” only to learn that college was going to separate them from their boyfriends. Some ended up dumped because a lot of teenage boys were more interested in the conquest than the girl. Knowing Jake was in love with me and was going to Wilmington with me only solidified my decision to give my innocence to him. I knew what we shared was special and destined to be long-term, beyond a high school romance.
Even though my parents approved of our relationship, I wasn’t sure they would allow me to go to prom. Much to my surprise, they not only allowed me, but also permitted me to spend the night away. Moreover, they surprisingly let us get a hotel for the night. Really, I think they had long assumed Jake and I were already having sex since we had been together so long.
Our senior prom was a special night. Jake was patient with me, understanding that I felt we were too young to rush into sex. At that point, however, we had been together almost two years, and I was ready and wishing for a magical evening, in giving myself to Jake.
Jake’s favorite color was blue, making my choice of dress a cobalt blue, fitted, floor-length gown that was perfect for our evening. It was a halter top with a low back, accented with silver jewels. Meanwhile, he looked stellar in his tux with a blue vest to match my dress.
We stayed at our prom long enough to take pictures, see friends, and watch the crowning of queen and king. Then we left.
Once at the hotel, we slowly began kissing, nervous energy consuming the air around us. By this point in our relationship, Jake and I had spent a lot of time learning one another’s hot buttons in foreplay and oral.
As he tenderly undressed me, he trailed kisses across my shoulders, neck, and collarbone before he gently laying me on the bed, starting a slow, delicate massage of my entire body, taking in every inch, as if burning it to memory.
Once he was satisfied with how relaxed I was, he gently spread my legs. Kissing my inner thighs, he ran his fingers over my folds. Quickly, I became primed and ready for him, crying out, wanting him so much.
While he was drawing circles around my clit, he reminded me that he was making sure I was ready. We had talked previously about us both being nervous in this new experience. I had heard talk amongst my girlfriends about the pain of their first time, and I couldn’t help tensing a little at the thought. Jake had also been anxious about hurting me.
As if sensing my mind had drifted elsewhere, Jake put his tongue on me, working me into a fever pitch. I was quickly brought back to the moment, becoming lost in the sensations of his tongue flicking in and out of me. I felt the orgasm building.
When Jake inserted his finger, he started to gently suck my clit. The addition of a second finger was my undoing as I rode though the waves of my orgasm.
As the aftershocks subsided, Jake rolled on a condom then inched his way inside. Ever so delicately, he stretched and filled me, allowing me time to adjust as he officially claimed my virginity.
There was only one word to describe my thoughts and feelings: full. I was full of him, full of love, full of our future together.
After a few moments, Jake began to move, and my body acted of its own accord, falling into a rhythm with his. I felt the buildup inside me again and was surprised that my body was ready for another explosion. Jake was not far behind.
We spent that night cherishing one another and the gift we had just shared.
Since that night many years ago, I have continued to feel full of Jake. He makes my life feel complete. Now, I am suddenly beginning to question things.
How full is our future? Is this all we have? Is this enough for me?
***
Jake
I was in the sandbox on another deployment when I found myself emailing the jeweler for Kenna’s ring. In all the years we have been together, I never bought Kenna a ring. I bought her everything else—from necklaces to bracelets—but never a ring. In fact, when I go into any jewelry store, I shun the ring department altogether, just to avoid leading Kenna on.
At first, I told myself I was ordering the ring because I missed her so badly. After all, the guys around me were talking about getting home to their wives and kids. And referring to her as “my live-in girlfriend” didn’t seem to do justice to the love I have for her. The pressure just builds, though.
Feeling like I wasn’t being fair to our relationship, I sent the email, not sure if what I was asking would be possible. It was the first time I was able to even think of calling Kenna my wife.
After I received a reply from the jeweler, emailing Ryder was harder than buying the ring. Keeping it short and to the point, I asked him to pick up a gift for Kenna and store it in the safe until my return. Without one question, Ryder followed through.
Maybe I acted a little rashly by buying the ring. When I purchased it, I hadn’t planned to actually propose or get married; I just felt I needed a ring for Kenna, even if I never gave it to her.
Man, I am messed up in the head.
After being home these last few weeks, my thoughts are a little more open-minded on the topic. Dina is right; Kenna does have her own dreams, and I haven’t been fair to her or our relationship. I guess the first step was buying the ring. Now I have to face the first thoughts of actually getting married.