Rest In Paradise, My Brother
Tiffany
The situation with his family being as it was, Matt listed me as next of kin, and decisions I never imagined having to make are now solidified.
I don’t know how to handle it. I don’t know how to let my life go on when his has been cut far too short. The time is now drawing near, yet I’m not ready to lay to rest the one person who really knows me.
My intention at the coast was to respectfully inform Harrison and his family of Matt’s passing. That was all. Within hours, though, he was in the driver’s seat of my BMW, returning home with me.
He doesn’t want me to face this alone. Truth be told, I don’t know if I can.
“I fucking told you; it’s not like that, dammit! Did the last year alone, much less three years I’ve known you, not show you anything about me?” There is a pause. “When I get back, we are going to sort all this shit out. Don’t push me away right now.” Another pause. “Matt wouldn’t want her alone. I’m doing this for him,” Harrison firmly states into his phone then pauses as he listens to the other end.
Damn, I’m messing things up for him.
I hurt him enough in the past. I don’t want to cause him any additional pain. I’m thankful to have him here, but not at the cost of his relationship. He’s only here out of loyalty for Matt. I can’t get lost thinking any of this is about me. It’s all for Matt.
“I call bullshit, Soph. If you didn’t give a damn, you wouldn’t even be talking to me. We have more than just sex. What we have is real, and when I get home, we’re going to face it all together.”
Listening to him talking to her makes my heart ache. I remember when he told me what we had was so much more than sex.
Oh, to turn back the hands of time, to have Harrison back in my arms, my heart, and my bed. That time has passed, however, and it’s obvious he’s moved on.
“Look, Sophia, I gotta go. The funeral is in a few hours. I just wanted to hear your voice, okay? I didn’t call to argue.”
I look up to see him now smiling at whatever is said on the other end of the phone.
Harrison, in general, is appealing. Harrison with his usual hard scowl is tempting. Harrison with a genuine smile is panty dropping, the star of my every fantasy, and a huge turn on.
I always knew Harrison as a tall, hard-bodied, built like a tank, cut-muscle man. When he got out of the military, he let his hair grow out some and added to his previous two tattoos. Looking at him now, I can see that he’s added even more ink than before.
Damn, it’s getting hot in here.
For a moment, my love and lust for Harrison overshadows my grief.
Whoa, Tiffany, get yourself together.
Harrison is here for Matt. He even said so. He’s here because it’s what Matt would want.
My Matt, always looking out for me, and now he’s gone.
It’s time to prepare for this afternoon. Matt’s mom is coming. She called once I returned from North Carolina. The conversation broke my heart. I listened as she reminisced on how much life Matt was able to live, even though he passed so young, how much he was able to see and do by joining the Marines. We shared details of how full of life he was.
For her, this is even harder. She lost her son and learned a harsh lesson at the same time: tomorrow isn’t promised.
How many todays have I wasted?
***
Harrison
Suddenly leaving the morning after Maggie’s wedding to be supportive of Tiffany was not conducive to my hopes of a real relationship with Sophia. After our phone conversation, I’m not sure we can work through everything once I get home.
I will get through today with Tiffany, stay an extra few days to make sure she is settled, and then it’s back to the life I built for myself.
Dressing for this afternoon is full of memories. The first time I wore my dress blues was in basic training, Matt was with me. That first check in to the School of Infantry, Matt was with me. Every step of my military career, Matt was with me. The deployment which shattered my knee was an extremely difficult time, but Matt was there. He took leave to help me once I was back Stateside. Yes, he was my brother-in-arms, but more than that, he was my best friend.
Matt told me his history with Tiffany. They were raised much like siblings. Her mom, unable to live with the asshole she has for a dad, took off when they were little. Matt’s mom tried to be there for Tiffany, but it wasn’t the same. Matt said his dad isn’t as bad as Tiffany’s.
The expectation that Matt would take over the firm was engrained in him from day one by both fathers. Matt went to college for a year, earnestly trying to fit the mold. However, college life showed him how much he didn’t want to be in the family business.
I enjoyed college a little too much. When I couldn’t settle on a major or have a serious discussion concerning my future, my dad sat me down for a talk.
“These are your options: join the military, let them make a man out of you, or get a job. I’m not paying for you to party one more day.”
I had no direction, no discipline. The Marine Corps did well for my dad, so at twenty-one, I joined, meeting a nineteen-year-old Matt. The day we graduated from basic, he introduced me to an eighteen-year-old Tiffany.
She’s beautiful in the tall, skinny, blonde, Victoria Secret model way. At first, I couldn’t believe Matt hadn’t slept with her. She was gorgeous.
Hanging out with them, I learned there are two sides to Tiffany. The person she is with Matt—carefree, relaxed, loving, happy, and easy to be around. And the person she is away from him—judgmental, rude, snarky, snobby, and overall as stuck-up as I have ever seen. That side of Tiffany was challenging for me in the beginning. However, I saw so much of the real her that I slowly ignored the catty side, until I eventually became blind to it.
Matt’s mother is coming today, and Tiffany is concerned both her father and Matt’s may accompany her. The less drama there is for my ex, the better. I don’t know that she is remotely prepared for the emotions today will bring.
Closure, that word again. That’s what they say funerals bring: closure. I don’t buy it for a minute. There is no closure in a tragic, unexpected loss. There is no closure in loss at all. It’s simply a loss.
Matt’s life was cut all too soon. Today will not make that loss any less. It will not close the wound left behind at his absence. This is about honoring a man who sacrificed it all for his country. I will stand at Tiffany’s side, hold and comfort her as best I can, honoring my best friend by stepping in where he can no longer. Matt would never want Tiffany to face this alone.
Today, we lay you to rest. As your casket lowers into the ground, we will mourn your presence here on earth and the impact you made on our lives. Rest in paradise, my brother. Take your angel wings and fly free, soaring above the clouds, watching over us, and know that we are waiting for the day we can fly freely with you.
Tonight, I will pour out a beer for my friend, a drink we will never again be able to share.