Taking Chances
Dina
When Saturday morning arrives, I head to the office to organize a few things for tonight’s MMA fighting event. Maggie walks in an hour behind me and immediately wants details about my date with Ryder. Hello, that’s what best friends do. I give her a brief rundown, leaving out the front porch kiss. We need to work, and I need to wrap my head around the fact that I am actually going to try dating again.
My insecurities have me wondering if Ryder only kissed me back to avoid hurting my feelings. I remind myself this is the man who has seen my poor relationship decisions firsthand. He wouldn’t play games with me … would he?
As the day carries on with no word from Ryder, I begin to question everything even more. Did he really want to have dinner with me in the first place? How fragile does he think I am? He kissed me back, but he didn’t put his arms around me. I am the one who pushed the kiss further, not Ryder. Did he even want to kiss me? Does he feel the passion and fire I feel just by being in his presence? What if he just went along to fix the broken me?
Enough, I tell myself. I cannot spend my time questioning everything. I have to put my big girl panties on, step into my pair of I-am-strong boots, and walk right into taking chances again. I can do this. I will do this.
Maggie and I head over to the complex hosting the cage fight to make sure things are ready. As I look out at the octagon that will later be filled with fighters battling a war for titles and money, I feel the fight going on inside me. My insecurities scream to hole up in the corner and hide from humanity. Meanwhile, the person I once was is screaming to live life once again. It’s a battle where neither side is willing to tap out, and neither will win the war as both sides hold risks of emotional damage.
Brayden walks right up and, without saying so much as hello, takes Maggie into an all-consuming kiss that makes me think, Get a room, people. Then again, no man has ever wanted me to the extreme that he just whisks me into a kiss. Maybe one day I can find what my best friend has found.
When Maggie breaks off their kiss, I manage to nod a hello to Brayden, noticing something seems off in his eyes. He seems to be in a daze.
Since Michael and I split up, Brayden and I have had more time together. Something isn’t right with him tonight, but I don’t know what.
Then my heart begins to flutter, sensing Ryder nearby, striking any other thought from my mind.
He strides up in a Tapout shirt, jeans, and with Valerie attached to him like an extra appendage. She is in leggings and a sweater that exposes one shoulder and dips low to show the swells of her breasts. She is a pretty woman, but not who I picture with Ryder.
Then again, is that a fair assessment since I want him for myself? Probably not.
My smile immediately disappears.
Does this chick ever go away? He said they were just friends, but she clearly sees things differently.
Am I seeing things wrong between us, too? I don’t want to be like her. I don’t want to throw myself at a man who will turn around and tell other people we are just friends. I was the fool with Michael. I won’t be again.
If Ryder is with Valerie, so be it. I’m not going out with him and no more kissing until those two sort out whatever they have going on.
He peels his addition off his side and pulls me into a hug. Against my better judgment, I inhale his scent of Perry Ellis Black and Ryder as he leans down to whisper, “Dina, this is not what it looks like. I promise you.” Then he kisses my forehead with his hands now on my hips.
I’m confused as I fight back the jealousy I feel, and the tears.
I boldly look him in the eye. “It’s none of my business.” I step away from him. “Enjoy the fights tonight. Please, excuse me. I need to go check the merchandise table. I’ll see you around, okay?” With that, I take off before anyone can try to stop me. I need space. I need to breathe. I can’t go backward.
I won’t.
I manage to work the entire event without seeing too much of Ryder or Brayden. Keeping the fighters moving safely in and out of the cage and attending to their individual needs has Maggie and I both on the go. Who knew fighters wanted specific water?
This isn’t some underground gig. There are sponsors and ticket sales that were through the roof. It’s a profitable event, but definitely one where we could use an extra hand.
Maggie seems a little off as the night wears on, but I brush it off, ready to go home and escape it all. She’s probably just as tired as I am. Only, as I see her continually seeking out Brayden, I can’t help the worry creeping into my chest. I hope everything is okay with her and Brayden. His behavior is becoming more erratic. I can’t remember the last time he had his car and she wasn’t needing a ride or to borrow mine. It’s fine, I don’t mind, but things just seem off for them lately and I can’t quite put my finger on it.
Before leaving, I send Maggie a text, letting her know I’m tired and plan to ignore my phone on Sunday, and that I will see her for our usual Monday routine. I don’t want or need her sending over a certain babysitter again. The babysitter obviously has plans tonight since the few times I caught a glimpse of him, Valerie was beside him or putting her hands on him.
Once home, I spend the rest of my night tossing and turning. Sleep avoids me as much as I’m trying to avoid thoughts of Ryder. The more I fail to shake him from my mind, the further I get from a relaxing slumber.
Now, here I sit on a Sunday, in my oldest, most comfortable pajamas with a bag of chocolates, a bowl of popcorn, and a marathon of Lifetime movies. I take this day to be alone, determined to get my head on straight.
Okay, so Ryder’s just not that into me. Well, it is what it is. I do still need to put myself out there more. With the way things are going, Maggie and Brayden will be getting engaged soon, and then married, and that whole baby business will surely follow. I’m happy for her. I just wish I had that companionship, love, support, encouragement, and partnership.
I know last night was a little off for the two of them. Brayden hasn’t been himself lately, but it’s not my place to judge or seek out the root of what’s going on, either. He’s not usually one for over-the-top PDA like last night or driving her little Audi A4, for that matter. He likes muscle cars, not imports. At the end of the day, though, my bestie is over-the-moon in love and happy, and I’m overjoyed for her.
This is just an adjustment, a bump in the road for them—whatever it is. After three years together, they will work through this and anything else life throws at them. One day, maybe, I will find the same for myself.
***
Ryder
I desperately want to call Dina, but I don’t want to crowd her. I can’t get the kiss out of my mind. Business is good. Life is good. I have just been so busy trying to juggle everything. Usually, the shop is steady, but Jake, my long-time friend and employee is currently deployed. I never fill his position, though it leaves me and Brayden doing everything until his return. As the business grows, this becomes more difficult to manage.
Brayden had me give him a ride to the cage fight on Saturday. I decided to go since I knew Dina would be there. Who knows, maybe when she is done working tonight, I can manage to get another kiss and really show her how I feel.
I arrive at Brayden’s to find he has company in the form of Valerie. Why is she here?
We are all friends. I met Valerie because of Brayden. Except Bray is blinded in love with Maggie and never hangs out with Valerie anymore, unless the four of us are together. Which really doesn’t last long because I fuck Val on occasion, but I don’t hang out with her that much. And the more time I spend watching Dina get her life straight, the less I fuck Valerie, who doesn’t compare to the blonde beauty that is Dina.
Brayden looks like he is in a daze, simply shrugging in answer to my questioning look and climbing into the car. I don’t get why Valerie is getting into my car, too. My frustration is at a boiling point that Valerie seems to be around more than I’m comfortable with.
I look in the backseat at her. “Val, what’s the deal? Why are you here? And why the hell are you getting in my car?”
She smiles in what I think is her attempt at seduction; however, fails miserably. “Oh, I ran into Brayden this morning and asked if I could tag along to the fight tonight, and he said sure. I’ll be on my best behavior, Ryder; don’t worry.”
I start the car and pull away, thinking the whole way there, What have I gotten myself into? Valerie and I don’t have the best history. I did her wrong. She came up to me at a party Brayden and I were hanging out at, and I gave her all the lines and used every bit of my charisma to get her in bed. I didn’t know until we were in the midst of things that she was a virgin. I wish I could say that stopped me, but it didn’t. I took what she freely gave and walked away.
Brayden was pretty ticked at me for a bit, but when Valerie told him she wanted it, he backed off.
The night I pounded Michael’s face in, I realized that, although I don’t beat on women like he did, I used and hurt them. Therefore, I called Valerie the very next day, apologizing for being a complete douchebag over the years and ending our arrangement. She said she wasn’t in a place for more, so it worked. I planned to walk away and be free of her. However, now I can’t seem to get away. She’s everywhere, a reminder from Karma of just how bad I was to women.
I need to cut her loose completely. It will hurt her for a bit, I’m sure, but what we had is over and what she’s doing now definitely isn’t working for me now.
We arrive at the event, and I immediately find Dina and Maggie. Of course, Valerie decides she can’t keep her hands off me. This is the shit that drives me insane.
We fucked, yet she somehow thinks she’s entitled to pet me, paw at me, like I’m her fucking dog. It makes me sick. I’m trying not to lose my cool and make this ugly, but she won’t stop the games.
I can see the hurt in Dina’s eyes, yet this isn’t the time or the place for me to try to explain to her the damage I have caused Valerie. Still, I try to push her off and let her get the hint for herself.
I try to speak to Dina, but she’s busy working and is soon swallowed up by the crowd. After the event, I take Valerie home, thankful for the chance to finally get away from her.
“Ryder, can I come home with you?” she asks as we sit in her sister’s driveway.
“Val, it’s not happening anymore. We’re over, and I’ll remind you we never really started.”
“Come on, Ryder; I can make it good.” She reaches out to touch me, but I grab her wrist firmly.
“No. Don’t touch me.”
I see the tears pool in her eyes, glistening in the darkness of my car.
“Don’t end it,” she pleads.
“There wasn’t anything before, and there isn’t anything in the future. Go find someone who can give you what you’re looking for. It’s not me, Val.”
“Okay,” she whispers. “I understand.”
“You said that when we made our arrangement to be friends with benefits, yet you keep pushing.”
“You don’t want me anymore; I get it,” she sobs out then sighs in defeat, getting out of the car.
I fight my urge to tell her it’s me, not her, knowing she would read into it wrong. The last thing I need is to give her any kind of hope. I’m not the man for her. I know it, and one day she will see it for herself.
This night sucks. I didn’t get to find Dina or try to talk to her about a second date. To top it off, I have a tension headache building that no amount of Tylenol will fix.
I don’t know how I’m going to make a go of things with Dina if Valerie is constantly around.
My weekend plans to sort out what to do with Dina are quickly crushed the next morning when I wake up to a phone call from Vanessa, Valerie’s sister. I have dealt with the many ups and downs that are Valerie over the past two years, yet things have gone from bad to worse.
“Ryder, I can’t reach Brayden,” Vanessa says into the phone, out of breath.
It’s Sunday morning and too early to be tracking down my friend.
“What happened, Ness?”
“I need to get Val gone. We have an uncle in Colorado who recommended a treatment facility. I don’t know what else to do with her. We don’t have anyone else,” Vanessa chokes out. “She can’t be around my kids like this. She cut herself in front of my girls.”
“I’m on my way over,” I say, jumping out of bed and throwing on the first pair of jeans and shirt I can find.
Apparently, after the cage fight, Val attempted suicide after I dropped her off. I know she has some deep-rooted daddy issues from her dead-beat sperm donor. I just never realized how strongly they impacted her as an adult.
Getting to the house, I find Valerie sitting in a chair, eyes swollen shut and pale-faced. She doesn’t look up at me.
“I cleaned her up, but she won’t talk to me,” Vanessa explains. “I had to send my kids to a sitter because they don’t need to be around this. I need her gone.”
“What is she on?” I ask.
She shrugs. “I found a bottle of pills. I’m thinking oxy.”
Valerie finally looks at me, realizing I’m here. “It’s your fault. You don’t want me. No one does. I took the pills, but they didn’t work, so I cut myself, and then she stopped me,” she rambles. “I need my pills,” she mutters, no longer looking at me or her sister.
Guilt gnaws at me.
“What do you need from me?” I ask Valerie.
“Support me, love me, be with me.”
“I can’t do that,” I reply honestly, to which she screams hysterically.
“I can’t have you around my kids!” Vanessa yells back at her. “I need to get her to our uncle’s place.”
“I’ll get her there,” I offer, not even thinking about myself, my business, or everything I have going on. I just feel the pain in the room from these two women and need to do something to help.
Vanessa and I pack Val’s things while she sits, strung-out in the chair.. Brayden hasn’t returned any of our calls. I can only hope he takes care of the shop until I return.
I’m not thinking straight. I just want to get Valerie to a place that can help her.
The open road doesn’t calm me as I head toward the airport to accompany Valerie to Colorado. Vanessa claims her uncle will take over from there. Once I get her to him, I can walk away, knowing I did what I could to help.
Then I can get home within two days and sort my own shit out.