Chapter 24
Sydney
Eighteen months later
The sun was finally out in Tramore after several days of pouring rain. Spring was slowly turning into summer again, which meant that tourists would slowly begin trickling into our sleepy little beachside town. Business would kick up, the weather would be nice and there’d be more people on the streets.
I hadn’t had any bookings in the past few months because of the poor weather, which had given me too much time to myself. Money was always tight during off-season, but now my booking inbox had filled up again. The B&B was booked up for the next two months at a stretch, and that had put me at ease finally. The past eighteen months had been a rollercoaster, and now I was in a place I thought was a good time to start over.
I was taking a stroll along the promenade this morning, out to buy some groceries for stocking up my kitchen and pantry for the guests. Emilia, my nine month old baby girl, was strapped to my chest by a cloth sling. She liked to be carried that way, so that her head was pressed against my beating heart at all times. She was asleep now and as I walked, I stole prideful glances at her. She was the perfect angel, my pride and joy, and my only source of comfort.
Some of the locals waved at me as I walked along and I waved back. Ever since Emilia was born, I was in a better mood. When I found out that I was pregnant, several weeks after Dane had already left, I was filled with dread. My biggest fear had come true. We hadn’t used protection on either occasions we had sex, and now he was gone and I was carrying his child.
I wasn’t prepared for motherhood. I wasn’t even prepared for the life I had to live without Dane in it. Even though I had known him for only a few days, it felt like I had met my soulmate and then he had disappeared. And I would never be able to forgive him either, for the way he left. For not feeling for me the way I felt for him. I was devastated through my pregnancy. Aware that people in town gossiped about whose baby I could possibly be carrying. I had few friends here and kept myself to myself, so the rumors continued and I stayed away from them.
My parents visited for Emilia’s birth. At least I had some support, but they were getting old and I knew they couldn’t stay for very long. They needed the comfort of their own home. To my parents, I said that the baby was an ex boyfriend’s who I had broken up with recently. Thankfully, they didn’t ask too many questions. They were just glad to be able to meet their only grandchild. When they finally left though, after a month of staying with me, I was relieved.
It was just going to be Emilia and me from then on, and I had fallen in love with her already.
Now Emilia was my world. I was fiercely protective of her, obsessed with her happiness and tried to keep the B&B empty. Because of the off-season in Tramore, Emilia thankfully had the first few months of being born to herself, without outside intrusion. Now, I believed, we were ready to welcome guests. Emilia wasn’t a noisy child. She slept well through the night and never created a fuss. I was lucky to have an angel like her, and I knew she wouldn’t be a nuisance for anybody staying with us. Besides, I needed to start making money again.
I gazed at my daughter as I walked along the promenade. She had her father’s dark eyes and the same wisps of chestnut hair. But she had my chin, and my small button nose and long thin fingers. I couldn’t wait to see what she would grow up to look like, and I was also afraid that she would look too much like Dane and remind me of him.
I had no idea where Dane was. He hadn’t told me anything about himself, and for the sake of my own sanity, I refrained from looking up information about him. I was sure I’d find him on the internet, he seemed to be rich enough to be known by some people. But I didn’t want to do it. The less I knew about him and what he was doing, the easier it would be for me to carry on with my life. Just Emilia and me, living a quiet life in Tramore.
I wasn’t angry at Dane either, because how could he have known? In fact, now that Emilia was born, I was grateful to him for giving me my daughter. I missed him sometimes, missed how he had looked at me when I told him about my past, how he held me and stroked my head and pressed me close to his chest. I had felt safe in those arms, I felt like I could get to know him, like I wouldn’t be afraid to let him get to know me. And now, Emilia would never feel her father’s arms around her, if I could help it, she wouldn’t ever find out who he was.
I was happy nonetheless, more at peace with my existence than I thought I would be. Emilia had given that to me. I was a young mother, but I knew I could make ends meet and make sure that Emilia grew up in all the comforts I could provide her with. I gently touched the top of her head as she slept, and I bent my head forward to kiss her. I loved breathing in her scent. It made me smile.
“Sydney!” I heard my name being called out and I looked up to find Leo walking towards me.
xxx
“Hey, you!” Leo said as he approached me. Leo hadn’t changed a bit. He still played at the local pub and continued to seduce beautiful young tourists who were on vacation in town. He still had the same dirty blond spiky hair falling over his sparkling blue eyes. He was carrying his guitar now, strung across his chest with a strap. He came forward and lightly touched Emilia’s cheek as she slept, she only curled up her small fingers and smacked her lips.
I smiled up at him.
“How’ve you been, Leo?” I asked him and he was nodding his head.
“The usual. How are you guys? She gets cuter everyday,” he said, smiling at my daughter. I smiled at her too. I was a typical mother, my daughter was the cutest thing on the planet to me.
“We’re good. Summer’s here…so business begins again,” I said, enjoying the way the sun was falling on me.
Leo continued to smile. We had spoken very little since Dane left. When he found out I was pregnant, he tried to be friends with me, probably because he pitied me…but I kept my distance. The last thing I needed was a distraction in the form of Leo. I was certain though, that he knew Emilia was Dane’s baby.
“Sounds good. The pub is going to fill up again. I’m looking forward to that,” he said and shaded his eyes with his hand. I watched Emilia sleeping in silence, because I didn’t have much to say to Leo any more. I’d never called James. I’d never found Leo the contacts he was so desperately after. And by the looks of it, his record had gone nowhere.
“When are you going to come and see me perform again? It’s been ages,” Leo said and I squinted as I looked up at him.
“I can’t bring Emilia to the pub. It isn’t exactly the best atmosphere for a baby,” I told him and Leo nodded.
“Of course. But I can get my sister to watch her for the evening. I know she’s looking for babysitting jobs. You should take a night off, before the guests start pouring in. We haven’t had a chance to catch up in ages,” he said, with the same boyish smirk on his face that I had a crush on some time ago. I was quick to notice it again, to notice how good he still looked.
“I’ll give her a call if I need her to look after Emilia. Right now I have no plans of going to the pub,” I said, a little apologetically. I knew I wasn’t going to be talked into going to watch him perform again. It would mean having to watch him flirting with other women. I had no interest in those games any more. I felt like I had suddenly matured a tenfold in the past eighteen months.
“Okay…how about just dinner then? You and me? Cora can watch Emilia for a couple of hours and we can catch up,” he said, shrugging his shoulders. I looked back at him, and then at my daughter. I hadn’t gone out once in the past eighteen months. Since Dane left I had dedicated all my time to the B&B and then Emilia. Having one night to myself didn’t sound like such a bad idea. I wasn’t too concerned who with. At least Leo was harmless.
“Sure, why not,” I said and Leo clapped his hands like he was very excited.
“Brilliant! And don’t worry, I won’t be bugging you to get me a record deal or anything. This will be just about you and me. Like a date,” he said and gave me a quick hug.
“A date?” I said with a laugh and Leo shrugged. I didn’t want to date him. I didn’t want to date anybody.
“Yeah? Like a casual first date. I never had a chance to ask you out properly before. You’re more than just a friend to me, Sydney,” he said in a more serious tone but I just burst out laughing. I couldn’t help it. Did he actually expect me to believe that he was attracted to me? I rolled my eyes at him.
“Sure, Leo. Whatever you say. I’ll see you around and let you know when I can go on this date with you,” I said and started stepping backwards, away from him. He looked slightly offended. His brows were crossed and he was looking at me quizzically. Leo had probably never got this reaction from a woman before. At the mention of a date with him, I was sure that girls drooled and jumped with joy.
“I’m serious, Sydney!” he said, by the time I had already put some distance between us.
“Yeah, right! Call me,” I said before I turned from him and started to walk away. I was still laughing, at him and at myself. Eighteen months ago, before I met Dane, I would have been just like everyone else around Leo. He would have made me weak in the knees by saying what he had just said. But not any more. I had grown out of that phase. The only reason I’d agreed to going for dinner with Leo was because I was bored and it would be a good break for me.
I kissed the top of Emilia’s head as I walked back towards the house again. She was still asleep, still the picture of the perfect angel.
“Leo thinks mommy is a silly billy, doesn’t he?” I cooed to her, just as she began to blink her eyes open. Emilia smiled up at me, just like she always did and made playful gurgling sounds. I laughed, completely mesmerized by this human being I had given birth to. She was nearly a year old now and she was already beginning to try to walk.
“Lets go home and practice those steps, why don’t we? Are you hungry, baby?” I said to her and Emilia laughed some more. Nothing in the world was more precious to me than my daughter, not even the feelings I harbored for Dane.