Chapter 13
Sydney
Back in my bedroom, I was pacing the floor. I knew my hair was a miss, my lipstick was smudged and my clothes creased. Sex on a beach, especially ferocious hurried sex like that would do that to you, but I didn’t care. I had so many other things to think and worry about. What just happened was a complete mistake. I knew from the moment the words escaped my lips…I’m going to kiss you to prove you wrong…That was silly of me. I should have been more mature about it. How could me kissing Dane prove my feelings for Leo wrong?
I didn’t kiss Dane because I wanted to prove him wrong, I did it because I wanted to kiss him. I had wanted to kiss Dane from the first moment I saw him. He was charming, handsome and seemingly unattached. I’d also already seen him nearly naked and he seemed to be interested, or at least flirting. He was definitely more interested in me than Leo was, although if history had taught me anything; it was to not trust men.
So when Leo had walked away with the drunk blond girl, and with Dane beside me…I thought it would be a good idea to kiss him. Which led to sex and now I was back in my room, wondering what I could have done differently.
For starters, we could have used protection! I got off the pill three years ago, ever since James fired me and I moved to Tramore. There was no need for it. My sexual encounters since then had been limited to two. An old college boyfriend when I visited my parents over Christmas and a drunken one night stand with a random tourist in Tramore a year ago. Both of those times had involved a condom and I had nothing to worry about.
For some reason, neither had Dane offered a condom and neither had I thought of it. In the heat of the moment, I was so charged up and so involved that I forgot about protection. And now I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I was worried and upset with myself at the same time. An accident resulting from a one night stand with a guest…what could be worse than that? I hadn’t thought about children, or starting a family. I didn’t even know if I wanted to be a mother. Nothing made sense any more. My thoughts were escalating quickly and my emotions were spiraling out of control.
Was I still in love with James? Did I like Leo? Why had I slept with Dane? Those were all mixed up emotions that I couldn’t handle any more. Maybe I was just drunk. But I didn’t feel drunk at all. I knew I had all my wits about me. I remembered every move he had made, the smell of his whiskey scented breath, the strength in his arms as he pulled me up, how his cock had slid into me, slipping in my wetness.
Instinctively, I pressed my legs together. I could still feel him thrusting inside me. He was big and strong and he’d held me possessively to himself. Was he jealous of Leo? Was that why he had challenged me to prove him wrong? Why did I decide to kiss him when I had a crush on Leo?
I shook my head. I had to stop thinking about Dane. But I couldn’t. Even if I’d kissed him and had sex with him because I found him attractive…why was I still thinking about him now? It was over now. He also seemed like the kind of person who would leave soon, he didn’t seem to be interested in attachments. He’d already hinted at it. Wouldn’t it be for the best if he just left as soon as possible? I’d probably even be able to forget him if he did.
What was I thinking? Of course I’d be able to move on. It wasn’t like I was in love with him. I barely even knew him. I was still nursing a broken heart. A heart that James had broken and now Leo was toying with.
I sat down with a thump on my bed, then got up again and turned off the lights in the room. I got into bed still in my clothes. I had no energy to take my jeans or blouse off. I thought I could still get a whiff of Dane’s scent on my clothes and it was strangely comforting.
I promised myself that I would get over it the next day. All I needed was one night’s sleep and I could forget about it. He was simply a guest in my house, he’d be gone soon. I had to keep repeating that over and over in my head in the dark.
In the silence, I pressed my eyes close tightly and then I heard the door creak open downstairs. Dane was home. I drew in a breath and tried to listen for his footsteps as he climbed up. I could hear him approaching the rooms. He stopped outside mine. I could sense him there, listening for my breathing. Was he going to knock? Was he going to say something?
It was like I was frozen in time. I didn’t know what I wanted anymore. A part of me wanted him to hold me, while another part wanted him to disappear. The last thing I wanted was for my life to be complicated.
He moved away. I heard him opening the door to his own room and then the sound of it closing. I sighed, loudly, relieved. I could still hear him moving around in his room but I remained lying, straight without making any movements.
I wished I had never met Dane Forsyth in my life.