Chapter 41
Dane
She was in my arms again and nothing mattered any more. I could smell her hair, her breasts rose and fell sharply against my chest as I held her close to me. In my other arm, Emilia was giggling and pointing and making sounds, distracted completely by the sights of the carnival around us. If anyone else was watching us, I didn’t care. The very fact that Sydney hadn’t pushed me away yet, was enough for me.
She hadn’t said anything for several moments, after my ground breaking confession. Those weren’t words I exactly dispersed to everyone I knew. Other than my mother, and to our family dog when I was growing up; I couldn’t remember the last time I’d used that word. It was called the L bomb for a reason.
“I’m in love with you, too, Dane. Even though you may not believe me,” she said and I felt myself breathing again.
“I have no other choice but to believe you, Sydney. Because I don’t know if I can live my life without you in it,” I said and a flicker of a smile appeared on her face. I couldn’t help but smile either.
“I trust you, Dane. I’m sorry that I pushed you away before. I just thought that I was protecting Em, but that was wrong and I know that now. Not a day has gone by since we first met that I haven't thought about you,” she said, and I recognized the tear in her voice. I moved my hand up from her waist and cupped her face. Gently, I traced her lips with my forefinger and she closed her eyes for a few seconds, savoring the moment.
“I came back for you, Sydney,” I said hoarsely and she opened her eyes again.
“I know, but I was so scared that you’d find out about Em and hate me for it. Hate her for it,” she said in a soft voice and I shook my head in disbelief.
“How could you ever think that I would hate her! How could I ever hate you? I lost my temper at you, I was confused and angry…but not for a moment did I even remotely dislike you,” I told her and now Sydney laughed. I could see that her eyes were brimming with tears. I looked at her intently, I didn’t want her to cry even though I knew they were tears of joy.
“Dane…I’ve missed you. I barely spent any time with you, but I felt a connection with you that I’ve never felt with anybody before,” she said and then slowly, she wrapped her arms around my waist. I smiled at her, amazed at how happy I was really feeling.
“I’ve missed you too, Sydney and I didn’t even know I was missing this amazing thing,” I said and then for the first time, I kissed my daughter’s cheek. She giggled and clapped her hands. I couldn’t believe that I’d been missing out on this, just because of my pride.
I lowered my head to kiss her, but Sydney had beat me to it. Our lips met with a sizzle and I had to do everything in my power to still keep holding onto Emilia in my lap. The sounds and smells and crowds around us wasn’t going to stop us. This kiss was tender and urgent at the same time. I parted her lips with my tongue and our mouths were fused together. She had pressed herself to me, with her arms tied around my waist while I kissed her back, with as much force as I could. I still had the baby in my arms, which restricted me and suddenly Sydney broke away from me.
“What are we going to do, Dane?” she asked me, while tucking in stray hair behind her ears. She sounded like she had no clue either. Our lives were so different, we were so vastly apart as well. The truth was that we didn’t really know each other, she didn’t even know what I did for a living till this morning. The first step surely had to be to get to know each other first.
“I don’t know yet, but we’ll figure something out. The last thing I want to do is uproot you or Emilia. I want her to grow up in Tramore, in a small town with a normal upbringing. Away from the pollution, noises and craziness of New York,” I said to her and Sydney nodded her head enthusiastically. Her long brunette hair was blowing in the breeze. She was in a thin cotton racer-back top, through which I could just about see the traces of a bright yellow bra. Her knee-length cotton skirt fluttered in the sea breeze. Her small nose was a little red from all the tears she was trying to hold in.
I wanted her again. I wanted her more now than I had ever wanted her before. I couldn’t get over how beautiful she was. Or how I had to travel all across the country to find the love of my life. I was so glad that Matthew had fired me, he couldn’t have done anything better for me.
I grabbed Sydney’s hand in mine again and without giving her an explanation, I started pulling her in the other direction.
“Where are we going?” she asked me and I turned to throw her a smile.
“To find Leo,” I said, while Emilia waved her small hands at her mother as we ran, weaving through the crowds of the carnival. I had no idea where we could find Leo, but Sydney didn’t seem to care either. We were laughing as we ran, with a baby in my arms who was enjoying the breeze in her hair.
I had never felt more alive before. Fatherhood was definitely suiting me.