Chapter 55

Matt

I stood in my studio on Friday morning, staring at a blank canvas with a million emotions plummeting through my chest. I missed Erica so bad it fucking hurt to breathe. If I thought I knew what love was before her, I was wrong.

"Hey. I need to run up to the studio to do a quick shoot. You need anything?" Sophie walked into the room and crossed her arms over her chest.

"No. But thanks." I turned back to my canvas. “I feel like I could stick my hand inside my shirt and have enough red to paint this whole fucking city."

"Matthew." She moved up behind me and wrapped her arms around me. "I wish I could take this from you."

"I wouldn't give it to my worst enemy." I patted her arm. "Go do what you need to do. I'll be fine. Seriously."

She hugged me again and walked toward the door. "I'll be back in a little while."

"Sounds good." I glanced over my shoulder to find her watching me. "What?"

"You want to come with me in January to Saudi? I would love to have you with me."

"I don't know. I'll think about it." I turned my back to her. She had a long assignment overseas to check out the newest prince of the middle east. Seemed stupid to me, but she was pretty excited about it. Being a big-time reporter was her dream, and she'd done it. Crazy enough, painting for a living was mine. And I was doing it.

It was intensely fucked up that it felt like a personal hell now that my love life had fallen apart. Having all the free time in the world to create something only left me with endless time to think. To hurt. To regret.

I closed my eyes and ran my hands down my face as my chest pulsed, my heart beating in slow, painful throbs. It amazed me how emotional pain could become physical suffering so fast.

"I miss you, baby." I pressed my palms against my eyes tightly and tried to breathe through the pain. My first time seeing Erica in Seattle was the memory that haunted me the most. We were at the Blink 182 concert, both of us still so unsure of whether we wanted to make a move. Who would be first to step forward and say something, do something, demand something? It was her. Of course, it was. She was brave and fearless, strong and independent. All of the things I wanted to be. My voice echoed in my ears.

"You've had a crush on me for two years? Why didn't you say something? I could have been taking advantage of your weakness for me a long time ago."

She laughed and pushed her shoulder against mine before turning back to the stage and hopping up and down.

I leaned down and picked up my beer, draining half of it as thunder cracked against the sky. A storm was headed our way, and with the roof open and the band singing their guts out, it was perfect. The heavens would open up soon, and I couldn't help but wonder if Erica would be willing to dance in the rain with me. Something told me she would enjoy it as much as I would.

I downed my hot dogs and finished my beer by the time she dropped down in the seat next to me, covered in sweat.

"I like you like this." I reached over and gripped the back of her head before pulling her in tightly and kissing her several times in succinct fashion.

"I like you however you come." She glanced up at the sky and blinked a few times. "It's going to start storming soon."

"Good. I can't wait to see what color your bra is under that pretty shirt you got on." I chuckled and released her as she gave me a shocked look.

"You're not at all the guy I thought you were." She turned and slid her hands up my chest. "Or maybe you're exactly who I expected to encounter when you let your guard down."

"I'm still me." I cupped her face as big fat rain drops fell from the sky. "I'm just another part of him."

"I like it." She lifted up on her toes as I moved down to meet her. The kiss was deep and so fucking right. It left my insides in knots, my body tight and cock rock hard.

"You sure, Erica?" I kissed her again. "I've been holding myself back for so damn long."

She ran her fingers down my cheeks and brushed her nose against mine before licking my lips. "Get me out of here. I've been waiting for this night for two years. I'm sick of pretending I'm not tripping over myself to have you above me."

"Yeah." I kissed her a few more times and slid my hands over her hips to grip the top of her perfect little ass. "Let's go."

She pulled from me and reached back. I took her hand and let her lead us to the edge of the crowd before moving out in front of her and pushing through the larger group of people still enjoying the concert. She tucked herself against my back, and everything fell into place. I wasn't a follower. I just needed the right woman behind me to remind me that I was the leader I was born to be. My path just might look a little different than most.

Stop getting ahead of yourself. This isn't a fucking Disney movie.

Doubt raped my insides as I turned and walked through the parking lot with her jogging beside me to keep up. I wanted to stay in the moment, but the same demons that reared their ugly ass heads to beat me down seemed to show up at the worst possible time.

I helped her get into the car and made my way over to my side of the car.

"Just be yourself tonight. She'll love you or hate you in the morning. Any way you look at it, you were true to form." I got in the car and glanced over at her. "Tonight was fun."

"Tonight just started." She worked her hair into a messy bun as I pulled out of the parking lot and tried not to react as she leaned over the console and brushed her cheek by my erection.

"Shit," I mumbled and brushed her hair back as she worked on my zipper.

"I want you." She glanced up as if asking my permission.

"Have me." I unbuckled my seatbelt and helped her work my jeans over my hips. My cock popped out of my briefs as she tugged them down, the bastard thick and happy to be free.

"So hot," she murmured and ran her tongue up my length.

"Stop talking and see how much of it you can get inside of you." I gripped her hair tightly and moved her over to take me in. The aggressive bastard inside of me woke up, and I lifted my hips as she moved her soft lips down my shaft.

Her groan caused my balls to tighten, and I pulled at her hair, forcing her back up before setting up a rhythm that would have me crying uncle sooner than I wanted to. She used her hands, her lips, and warm, wet tongue to bring me to the edge before moving back and pinching the tip of my dick.

"Not yet," she barked at me and glanced up, giving me a warning look.

It would seem that I wasn't the only one hiding a part of myself. I bit my lips and nodded as I tried to get my body to comply with her demands.

She moved back to hover over the top of me and let hell reign down on me as I groaned and thrust as hard as I could. She didn't seem to mind at all.

"Drink it, Erica," I groaned as I threw the car in park on the side of the road and glanced down to watch her finish the job.

The cry that left me filled up the car as I exploded. She didn't stop her assault until I pulled at her hair and let out a shaky sigh.

"Enough, baby. That's enough."

"More." She swatted my hands away and went back down on me.

I nodded and let my head drop back as every cell in my body illuminated with pleasure. My words were barely legible to my own ears as I whispered roughly.

"Whatever you want. Take it. Take it from me."

A knock at the front door pulled me from the reverie. We'd fucked long and hard that night, our bodies melding into one. For the first time in a long time, I'd given myself over to someone.

And guilt had followed me into the morning.

I got up and walked to the door, thinking about how she forgave me for leaving without a word as if she were some whore in the night. She listened to my reasoning and helped me work through it.

Had I given her the same courtesy? Fuck no. I had slammed the door in her face.

My father stood on the other side of the door. Damon was on his left and Mitch was on his right. "Matt. We wanted to come over with Mitch. He has something to tell you."

I didn't hesitate, but reared back and punched the bastard in the face. He hit the ground, and I was on top of him, beating him senseless.

He didn't need to tell me a thing. Everything was falling into place.

I could hear Damon and my father yelling for me to calm down, but I simply kept swinging. If Mitch wanted to take my woman from me, he had one hell of a fight on his hands.

"Get him inside and ice his hands. Dammit." My father picked up Mitch, and half carried him back to the car.

Damon muscled me into the house and closed the door. "That was fucking awesome."

"I'm going to kill him." I growled in my brother's face. "He lied, didn't he?"

"Yeah. He did." Damon sat me down on the couch. "I talked to Erica last night. She's in Canada, and when I asked her if she loved you, she broke down. Something isn't right. I told you that. Mitch isn't saying what, but he did admit to dad that he pushed her into whatever the fuck they have going on."

I got up, ready to beat Mitch's ass into the ground. "Fuck this."

"No. Stop it." Damon grabbed me and put me on the ground, surprising the hell out of me. I smacked the back of my head on the ground hard. The pain brought me back down to reality.

"I need to find her." I rubbed my head and sat up slowly as Damon helped me.

"I know. I think Lanie is our best bet. You have her phone number?"

"Yeah. I might." I blinked a few times slowly as the room spun around me. I had to go after Erica and find out the truth. If she cared about Mitch and had slept with him, all bets were off. I wasn't the man for her. Trust mattered way too much to me. If not... maybe there was still hope. I'd have to live off that alone until I found her.

Damon handed me the phone. "Call Lanie."

"It's the middle of the day. She'll be in class."

He gave me a look. "Really, right now?"

"Right." I took the phone and walked toward my back patio. After closing the door behind me, I dropped down into a lawn chair and dialed her number. My knuckles were red and swollen from beating the shit out of Mitch. Crazy enough, hurting him didn't make me feel anything. There was only one thing that could heal my heart.

Getting Erica back.

"Matt?" Lanie's voice was a soft whisper as if she were hiding somewhere.

"Hey. I know this is a bad time, but I need to find Erica."

"She's not here." Her voice hardened a little. "And even if she were, she doesn't want to see you. Asshole."

"Me?" I stood up as anger raced through me. "She slept with some old bastard at the office and-"

"She didn't sleep with anyone. If you would have let her explain, but no! You jumped to a bunch of stupid ass conclusion."

"Jonathan-"

"I don't care what Jonathan said!" She was not quiet at that point. I almost wished she'd go back to whispering. My head was splitting open thanks to Damon knocking me to the ground.

"Lanie. I need to find her, okay? I'm sorry. With all of my goddamn heart, I'm sorry. I saw what I saw and heard what I heard. My mother cheated on my father for years and ruined my childhood. Excuse me for overreacting." I ground my teeth together. "I love this woman with every cell in my body. Tell me where she is, or I'm coming up to the school and causing a scene."

"You'd do that for her?" Her voice softened a little again.

"I'd do anything for her, Lanie. She's everything to me. Please tell me how to find her. I just want to hear her side of the story."

"You're not going up there to hurt her, right?"

"No. Never. Tell me where up there is. I'm begging you." I ran my fingers through my hair and leaned against the railing of the balcony. "Please. This woman means the world to me. I've loved her for two years and suffered quietly about it because I knew the minute we gave into each other that our lives would forever change. And they have. Don't deny me or her the chance to fix this. Help me."

"Okay. Yeah. You're right. She's so happy because of you, but if you hurt her, Matthew Bryant, I swear to God I’ll come after you!"

I loved the little nerdy thing even more for loving Erica the way she did.

"Deal. Where is she?"

"Vancouver."

"That's a big area to search. You gotta do better than that."

She sighed. "She didn't tell me. She wanted to be left completely alone."

"You don't have 'find my phone' on her or anything?" My mind was racing through the possibilities.

"Oh yes! I do!" She sounded overjoyed. I knew the feeling.

"Good. I'm going to head up I-5. I have about two and a half hours until I hit Vancouver. Text me where she is around that time?"

"Okay." Her voice broke. "Matt... please be good to her. Her family is so horrible, and all she has is me. Don't hurt her any more than she's already been hurt. Please?"

"I would never hurt her. No matter how many arrows she throws at me, Lanie. I swear it. I'll just keep going if there is a chance at all that she's the woman I believe her to be."

"She is."

We hung up, and I grabbed a bag and got in the car. Damon stood beside the window, his eyes filled with a pride I'd seen all my life. "Hey man. I'm proud of you. Push through this shit and go get your girl."

I nodded. "Yeah. I plan to."

"Call if you need me." He tapped the window and moved back.

"Thank you for helping me."

"I'll always be here to help you. It's what brothers are for, Matt."

"I love you, man." I rolled up the window as he flipped me off and turned away from the car. He hated getting emotional in front of anyone, even me.

He didn't need to say a damn word. I already knew how much he loved me.

And he always had.