Chapter 49

Lanie

“So.” Erica settled onto her couch, curled her legs under herself, and looked at me with a dramatic pause.

I raised my eyebrows, waiting.

“What do you want for dinner?”

“That’s what you were gonna ask me?”

“Yeah. It’s Thursday night.”

“I remember.”

“I have that recipe for white bean stew.” She ticked it off on her finger. “And then we could make lasagna.” Another tick. “If we want anything else other than frozen waffles, we’ll have to go to the store.”

“Ugh. The store.” I grabbed the folded blanket hanging from over the back of the armchair and tossed it over my legs. “It’s so cold out there, and the store is so far away.”

“True. A block.”

“Don’t you have some leftover candy from that Halloween party you went to?”

“I don’t want to die.” She pulled her phone from her pocket and started scrolling, eyes on the screen.

“That stuff has, like, enough preservatives to make it last for the next century.”

“I’m ordering pizza,” she announced, clicking away.

“No arguments over here.” Pulling the blanket up to my face, I snuggled deeper into the chair, wishing the cushions would suck me up.

“Do you want some wine?” Erica asked, putting her phone down.

“No, thanks.”

Erica gave me a sympathetic look. “Hey. It’s going to be okay.”

“That’s what everyone says.”

“It’s true.”

“I don’t know that for sure.” I shook my head. “The doctors said she’ll likely wake up, but still, what if she doesn’t?”

“Then you’ll cross that bridge when you get to it.”

Pain filled my chest, and I pulled the blanket all the way up to my nose. “It’s comfy in here.”

“The blanket?” Erica laughed.

“Yeah. Send pizza and ice cream. I live under here from now on.”

Erica ran her hands through her hair and got more comfortable on the couch, stretching her legs across the cushions and looking up at the ceiling. “Have you heard from Andrew at all?”

I grimaced. “No. He told me to get lost.”

“That’s not what he said.”

“You weren’t there.”

“Yeah, but I heard the entire story about two minutes after it happened. He said he needed some time. He didn’t tell you to get lost.”

“I’m worried about him,” I whispered. All week long, my heart had ached so badly, I thought it would crack in two at any moment. Somehow, it persevered and kept right on throbbing. “I’m scared for both of them. If Raven doesn’t come out of this, I don’t know what to do.”

Erica didn’t chastise me again for speaking of the worst possible scenario. Instead, she lay still, watching me.

“His wife died, Erica, and Raven is all he has left. I don’t think …”

I couldn’t even go on. I didn’t know what I thought. The world was falling apart, and all I could do was stand there and watch it collapse.

Erica sat up, her brows knitted together. “Lanie, you’re doing everything you can.”

I sighed. “Yeah, but is it selfish of me to want him to open up right now?”

“No.”

“It kind of is,” I said at the same time, answering my own question. “He told me he needed space, so I need to respect that.”

“Yeah.”

I studied Erica. “Are you just agreeing with everything I say?”

She collapsed back against the cushions. “Okay, look. As I already pointed out, you’re doing everything you can. You’re providing Andrew with all the support you can. Whether he takes it or not is up to him. But just because you’re not hearing from him doesn’t mean he doesn’t want you around, you know?”

“Yeah.” I fingered the edge of the blanket. “I know.”

There was a knock on the door, and we looked at each other.

“That was fast pizza,” Erica commented.

Jumping up, she checked the peephole before opening the door. A heavily-breathing pizza guy stumbled in.

“Sorry,” he gasped. “I tried the elevator, but it wouldn’t work.”

“Yeah. It’s messed up right now.” Erica made an apologetic face.

“Hm.” Wearing an unhappy face, he shoved the pizza box at her. “Have a good night,” he dryly said before turning and going back down the stairs.

“Jeez.” Erica closed the door. “Like stairs ever killed anyone. Shit.”

I couldn’t answer. That awful knotting feeling was back in my stomach. I’d tried to focus on everything Erica and the pizza guy were saying, but thoughts of Raven and Andrew hovered in the background the entire time.

“Hey,” Erica gently said. Quickly crossing the living room, she put the pizza box on the coffee table and perched on the end of the couch closest to me.

“It’s just …” My voice shook, so I took a deep breath and tried again. “She’s more than a student to me. She’s someone I love.”

“I know.” Erica touched my hand.

“God.” I shook my head bitterly. “This waiting, it’s awful.”

“Yeah.” She nodded. “But it’s going to end. It has to eventually. She’s not going to be in that coma forever.”

“Sometimes people are in them for years.”

Erica rapidly blinked and shook her head, as if trying to shake off what I’d said. “Yeah, but her doctors didn’t say that might happen to her. They said she’ll likely wake up soon.”

“Mm-hmm.”

“There.” She stood up and walked into the kitchen. “Settled.”

“Hardly,” I muttered under my breath.

If Erica heard what I said, she ignored it. With plates and paper towels in hand, she returned to the living room and ceremoniously dropped slices onto the plates.

“Thank you,” I said as she handed me my plate. “I mean, not for the pizza. For everything. For being here. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

She smiled. “Hey, it’s the same for me. I depend on you big time. We’ve been best friends since before we could write. If that hasn’t already changed, it never will. We’ll be hobbling around the retirement home together, hitting on the cute male nurses, and raiding the vending machines.”

I laughed. “Do retirement homes have vending machines?”

“I’ve heard some do.” She shrugged. “And maybe even a swim-up bar.”

“Wow. I didn’t know it was that fancy.”

She nodded as she took a bite of pizza. “Oh my god,” she mumbled with a full mouth. “This is so good. We should do this every week.”

“Lay on the couch and eat pizza?”

“Or every night. Whichever.” She took another hearty bite and picked up the remote control. “The only thing this is missing is reality TV. Any preferences?”

“No.” I picked at my pizza, my appetite still MIA. I had no preferences for anything anymore. I didn’t care what happened as long as Raven and Andrew were all right.

“Lanie?”

I grunted a little to show I was listening.

“If Andrew’s absence is really getting to you, call him tomorrow.”

“Why tomorrow?”

“Because tomorrow is Friday, and Andrew said he needed a few days of space. Tomorrow makes three since he said that.”

“Wow, that’s astute.”

“I try.”

I nibbled on my thumbnail. “The hint I got was that I should wait until he gets in touch with me.”

“Lanie.” She put her pizza down and stared at me like I was missing some crucial point. “This isn’t the time for gender games.”

I frowned. “I’m not playing games here.”

“Just do what’s best for him.”

“I am!” I cried, starting to get angry.

Erica held her hands up in surrender. “Chill out. I’m on your side.”

“Sorry,” I sighed, rubbing my pounding temples.

“All I’m saying is you should check in on him. If he still doesn’t want to talk, then let him be. It’s what you want to do anyway.”

“Yeah,” I conceded.

My stomach rumbled, and I looked down at my pizza. Had I eaten lunch that day? I remembered packing it, but when I tried to think back to the hours at school, nothing came. The day, just like the whole week, was a blur.

“I’ll call him,” I decided out loud. Just saying the words made my soul feel lighter. Picking up the pizza, I took a bite. My stomach growled for more. I guess I hadn’t been taking care of myself that well.

“Good. Now let’s lose our minds in this crazy shit.” Erica nodded at the television as she clicked it to a reality-show network.

I stared at the screen, but the images blurred and all the words turned into one long buzzing noise. What was Andrew doing right then? Was he at the hospital?

I hoped he was getting enough sleep, eating what he needed to.

And I hoped Raven was doing all right as well. It didn’t matter that we were in the same city. I felt a million miles away from the both of them. In a short amount of time, they’d become almost like family to me. I never wanted to be without either one of them.

For the millionth time that week, I prayed I would never have to be.