***
I walked back into the office and Joan stood up, my secretary looking a little worried.
"There you are. Are you okay?" She moved around her desk and clasped her hands together as if she were trying to keep herself from reaching out to me.
"Yeah. I just needed some air. Are we all set to go on the five thirty call with the Bryants?"
"Yes, ma'am." The older woman nodded and pursed her lips. "I was scared you'd walked out for good. You looked so upset when you left."
"I wasn't sure if I was coming back, but then I realized I was being childish. I love my job." I shrugged and walked toward my office, letting the conversation die. There was no way I was letting anyone into my personal life at the office. It never worked out to be a good thing.
After closing the door, I sat down at the small circular table in the middle of my office and pressed the button to turn the video conferencing on. A screen moved down from the center of the ceiling and stopped a few feet in front of me. I leaned back and waited for the call I was sure to get.
Seeing Matt was going to suck royally, but I'd simply focus on Damon or Kent and keep my feelings to myself. Besides, they probably all three knew how I felt. I had been less than subtle with Damon on our call an hour before.
The loud buzz of the phone caused me to jump though I'd been expecting it. Somehow I'd slipped back into my thoughts, letting them go where they always did - right to Matt.
"Erica?" Damon leaned back in his chair and let out a sigh. "I thought maybe... well, never mind. This a good time?"
I lifted my arm and glanced down at my watch. "It's five thirty on the dot. It's perfect."
"Hi, Erica." Matt lifted his hand, his expression tight and filled with tension. It was more than obvious that someone had berated him moments before.
"Hi, Matthew. How are you?" I forced a professional smile and tried to still my beating heart. Seeing him on the screen was almost as bad as seeing him in person. My wine and hot tub night was quickly turning into a full bottle of whiskey. He looked so damn good, his dark blond hair disheveled, his blue eyes filled with sorrow, as if he cared about me.
If he did, he would have called without being forced.
"He's good. I guess." Kent shook his head and turned his dark gaze back toward me. "I know you're busy, so we won't take any more of your time."
"It's good. I wrapped up things this morning, so I have some free time. Let's discuss the arrangement we're working toward and see where we can fit Matt in, hm?" I pulled a folder toward me and opened it, the words on the page jumbling up before me. "I think you guys were talking about twenty hours a week, right?"
I glanced up as Damon nodded. Matt was reclined backward, his arms across his chest, his frown well-defined.
"That's right. Were you thinking of putting him in the think-tank group you have?" Damon glanced over at Matt and looked back toward me, rolling his eyes so that only I could see.
"Um, yeah." I looked back down at the papers and shuffled them around. "He'll be working with Lewis in graphics. Should be a lot of fun. Unless you're still unsure?"
"Are we creating a new position?" Kent butted in.
"No. Celia is leaving on maternity leave next week, so Matt could have her position for three months and decide if this is the place for him." I shrugged and swallowed the hot ball of regret in my throat. I should have never slept with him. What was I thinking? I'd never been the type of woman to sleep around. My heart was too involved in love-making.
"I'm right here," Matt barked and leaned toward the camera, his expression softening a little. "You can talk to me, Erica."
"Okay." I leaned back in my chair as my sorrow turned into anger. I stared at him for what felt like forever. It was obvious that the other two men in the room were getting uncomfortable, but they'd decided to tuck Matt between them and call me. They were stuck, and both deserved the discomfort. "I have a three-month position in graphics that's twenty hours a week. It's an artsy group that I think you'll like a lot, but I need to know if you plan on filling it, or if not, I'll find someone else."
He nodded as his eyes moved subtly, as if he were studying me. "You're so beautiful. Did you know that?"
Everything disappeared but him. I nodded. "I've heard it before, but it's irrelevant. I'm looking for an employee. Nothing more."
"Matt. Not now, dude." Damon's voice brought me from my reverie. "Erica, he'll be up there on Wednesday. We're talking three months as a testing period, right, and when are you wanting him to start?"
"Yes on the three months, and Monday would be good." I glanced over at Kent. "I need to meet with you soon to discuss the final ads on the advisory project. I met Mitch this morning. We're going to dinner tonight, but I know you like to have a final review done by you. I assume I'm still walking you through those images?"
"Yes. Plan on coming down for the weekend maybe in a couple of weeks. Would that work?" He glanced over toward Damon.
I nodded. "Perfect. See you on Wednesday, Matt, or Monday when you come in." I nodded at the other two and clicked the button to end the call. Tears blurred my eyes, and I stood up, moving toward the windows in my office. I needed to feel the sunlight on my face.
Why in the hell had I mentioned Mitch? What an asinine thing to do.
A knock at the door saved me from my self-deprecating thoughts. "Come in."
Mandy opened the door and paused at the entrance. "I was looking for you about twenty minutes ago. Everything okay?"
I turned and stood up, letting out a soft snort. "I guess news travels fast. I just got upset over something that didn't go my way. Typical response from me, I guess."
"Oh, good. Nothing to do with the team or something that we turned in that wasn't up to your specifications?"
"What? No. Not at all." I wrapped my arms around me as a thought bubbled up. "I'm going to dinner with Mitch Roberson tonight. I'd really love for you and Lewis to join the two of us. You're my most senior ad agents, and you'll be working with Mitch alongside me. Can you check your calendar to see if that will work?"
"Oh." Her eyebrows raised. "Really? Yes. I would love to go."
"Great. See if Lewis is up for it too. Mitch will be by in a couple of hours to pick us up. Just stick around and I'll grab you when he gets here. That all right?"
"Absolutely." Her smile was radiant. "I'll go tell Lewis now."
"Great. Close the door behind you, please." I turned and walked back toward my desk.
There. I felt better already. Going to dinner with Mitch almost seemed too intimate. I was most likely overthinking it, but either way, I was uncomfortable. The new Director of Advisory was fifteen years my senior with streaks of grey in his dark hair and a body that left anyone with a pulse drooling. He was dangerous in more ways than one, and yet why was I protecting myself again?
As if Matt were going to grow up and become the man I saw peeking out of the edges of his persona last weekend? No way. Not in a million years. I loved him with every ounce of my soul, but for the first time in a long time... love didn't feel like nearly enough.
I spent the rest of the afternoon, working on a graphics project that wasn't mine to do. One of my new artists would have usually been given the opportunity to sketch the first draft of a new logo we were working on, but I needed somewhere to focus.
"Erica?"
I glanced up to find Lewis standing at the door. His smile was wide, and his dreadlocks a hot mess. He was perfect, and the best employee I had outside of Mandy.
"Come on in." I sat back as he walked toward the desk and pointed to my drawing.
"Wow. That's righteous. Can I see?" He extended his hand toward me.
"Yeah, sure." I handed it to him. "It's just a mockup of-"
"The new logo. I love it. It's brilliant." He studied it for a minute and handed it back. "And that's why you're the boss."
I chuckled. "Why is that?"
"Because, it's perfect. I can't even offer a suggestion."
"You're just kissing ass, but don't stop on my account. I love it."
He snorted. "Not at all. I'm an art-snob. We never kiss ass. It's against our culture."
My turn to smile. "Are you going to dinner with me and Mitch tonight?"
"Absolutely. He's downstairs. That's what I came to tell you."
"Oh good." I stood up and grabbed my bag. "Let's go make the best of this."
"Are you expecting something less than pleasant?"
"No, but it's good to err on the side of caution, right?"
"Sure, if you're done living." He moved back and let me go through the doorway first. "You're not done with big risks for massive rewards are you?"
"I'm not sure anymore." I shrugged and walked toward Mandy, lost in my thoughts. Risk seemed like a fun word when I was younger, but after longing for a life I'd almost given up on years ago... it seemed more prudent to be cautious - safe.
Matthew Bryant was anything but safe.