Chapter 51

Lanie

Standing on the front porch of the house that was already so familiar, holding a plastic shopping bag of groceries, my knees shook. Gulping, I went to ring the doorbell, but the door flew open and Karen stepped out.

“Hello, dear.” She gave me a one-armed hug. “Just in time. I’m headed to the hospital now.”

“How is she?”

Karen’s lips twitched like she was trying to smile but couldn’t. “Oh, you know.”

I nodded. So the same.

“It’s good you’re here,” she said in a lower voice. “He can use the company.”

Patting me on the shoulder, she went down the steps and to her car.

“Hello?” I called, stepping into the front hall.

Andrew appeared from the living room. “Hi.”

“Hey.” I couldn’t stop my eyes from sweeping over him. Tight, long-sleeved shirt. Hair damp and slicked back. The aroma of his soap filling the air. Despite the awful situation, we were in the middle of, the sight of Andrew still brought butterflies to my stomach.

I started to ask how he was, but he stepped forward and took my mouth in a kiss. For a second, I didn’t know what to do. The last time we’d seen each other, he could barely look at me.

As his kiss deepened, his arms went around my waist, and then I snapped out of the daze and kissed him back. Shivers began in my lips and traveled into my toes. I wanted to melt into the embrace, to disappear in it forever.

Too soon, Andrew’s hands trailed across my waist and slipped away from me. “Are you hungry? Dinner should be in the kitchen.”

“Not tonight.” I raised the grocery bag. “I already talked to Karen. Tonight, I’m cooking.”

“Ah.” Andrew smiled, but I could tell it was forced.

“Don’t.” I took his hand. “You don’t have to act happy.”

His throat twitched as he swallowed, and he nodded and looked away. “Let’s get into the kitchen.”

“I have this,” I told him once I’d hung up my coat and taken the bag to the kitchen table.

“Don’t you want any help?” His voice was close behind me, making me shiver. Turning around, I found him just a couple feet away.

“It would be nice.” I worked my heavy tongue around. His gaze was so intense. I didn’t know what to make of it. “Will you prep the veggies?”

He didn’t answer, just got to work pulling the onion and carrots from the shopping bag and rinsing them off. I watched him out of the corner of my eye as we worked, wondering if he would bring up what happened at the hospital.

Instead, the talk through cooking was about everything else, how Principal Stafford sent a card signed by lots of students, how strange it is to be taking so much time off work. Nothing Andrew said even veered close to us.

“How about the dining room?” Andrew asked once the stir-fry was done.

“Sure.” I carried the plates into the long room that I’d only eaten in once or twice. Andrew followed behind, two tumblers and a bottle of whiskey in his hands. As soon as he sat, he filled our glasses. I eyed mine, noting he’d poured about triple the amount I would normally drink.

“Tell me about work,” Andrew said.

I caught my bottom lip between my teeth. School had been awful because of Raven’s situation, but maybe I could focus on the positives and share those instead.

“Well, someone drew a penis on the gym teacher’s car.”

Andrew laughed, and I grinned. Spurred on, I searched for more stories to share while we ate.

“Jason came by today,” Andrew said abruptly, once I’d run out of things to talk about and dinner was almost eaten.

My hand stilled, fork in the air. “What?”

He filled his tumbler to the brim again with more whiskey. How had he managed to already drink that whole thing?

Andrew’s mouth drew into a tight line. “To apologize.”

“Wow,” I breathed. “And how did that go?”

Andrew shrugged a shoulder; took a long drink from his tumbler. “He wasn’t drinking or on drugs.”

I know. That’s what the police said.

I checked that response and instead reached over and touched Andrew’s forearm. “That’s good.”

“He wants to visit Raven in the hospital.”

He took a swallow of his drink, not going on.

“She would like that,” I cautiously suggested.

“Yeah.” His gaze jumped to mine. “I called already and cleared him, so he can go anytime.” His cheeks turned red, an odd sight on him. “I fucked up, Lanie.”

My inhale caught in my throat, and I tightened my hold on his arm, almost afraid he would slip away from me if I removed my fingers for a second. “What are you talking about? No, you haven’t.”

Andrew wore a look of disgust. “I made a bad call, but what else is new? My whole life I’ve made one poor choice after another. I’m surprised I know my damn head from my ass.”

I wanted to plug my ears. “Andrew, stop. I’m serious.”

“So am I.”

“What are you talking about, exactly? Which poor choices?”

Another drink. The tumbler was half empty, and he’d only refilled it a minute ago. “Does everyone else have their shit together? Am I the only one floundering around?”

It was like he hadn’t heard my question. “No. They don’t. People act like they’re doing great all the time, but you know that’s not the case. Andrew. Hey. You have a giant company and an amazing, smart, creative daughter. You haven’t screwed up.”

And you have me.

The thought made me pull my hand back. I would be by Andrew’s side no matter what, but he had to invite me over first. And I didn’t know what this evening spent together meant. At any moment, he could open his mouth and announce he wanted to be alone again, and I would have to respect that.

“Sit with me on the couch,” he said, his eyelids heavy.

I nodded and stood. Andrew took my hand, leaving his drink behind.

In the living room, he pulled me into his shoulder and ran the back of his hand down my face. “You’re so beautiful,” he murmured.

Tears filled my eyes, but I didn’t know why. Maybe they were the result of the all-around emotional week. Or the result of mine and Andrew’s entire relationship, which had been a roller coaster from nearly the beginning.

“Is this all right that I’m here?” I asked, the question having been burning in my mouth since I walked through the door. “You said you wanted some time alone, and I want to make sure—”

“I know.” Andrew dropped his hand and looked at the cold fireplace. “I needed that time to myself. Thank you for giving it to me.”

“Of course,” I murmured. I wanted to rest my hands against his chest, but I held back. After the days spent apart, things felt different. Falling back into our natural rhythm didn’t seem possible—especially not with Raven’s absence constantly looming above our heads.

“Lanie.” Andrew took my hand in his, our fingers interlacing. “You’ve been the best thing that’s happened to me in a long time. I want you to know that’s the truth.”

“It’s the same for me,” I choked out. The tears threatened to resurface. “I had basically given up before I met you.”

He guffawed. “I had given up. I thought all women were the same.” His demeanor quickly switched again, and he sighed. “You’ve done so much for me and Raven. I don’t know how to thank you.”

“You don’t have to thank me.” I turned more toward him, bringing my legs onto the couch and finally gathering the courage to rest my hands on his chest. His warmth filled my palms. Just going a few days without talking or touching had been horrendous. I never wanted to go through that again.

“You changed me. You changed Raven.”

“All I did was give you some suggestions. You were the one who implemented them.”

“You’re one of the few people who isn’t afraid to boss me around.” His lips twitched their way into a smile.

“I’m not so sure that’s a good thing.”

“It is,” he whispered.

Andrew’s hand found the back of my neck. I closed my eyes and collapsed against his chest, my face nuzzled against his firm pecs. His face swept across the top of my head, and he pulled me closer, bringing me into his lap. For a long time, we just sat there, breathing in and out together.

With Andrew’s arms around me, I almost forgot the rest of our world was up in flames. In a reality where his touch existed, nothing bad could.

Eventually, I pulled back slightly so I could look into his eyes. “I’m surprised you want to talk about all of this.”

His eyebrows pinched together. “I want you to know that when I take space, it’s not because I don’t want to see you.” He pressed his palm to my cheek. “It’s never because of that.”

“Everyone needs time to think and be alone. I get that.”

Andrew lethargically nodded. “And to focus on what they need to.”

Without warning, he pulled my face to his. His lips nearly swallowed mine up with a hunger, but I was only too happy to comply. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I kissed him back. There was a desperation in my touch, but I didn’t care. The same aching need was in Andrew as well. It simmered in the air between us, seeped from our skin and our gazes. We were in a bad way, but we got a little bit better when we came together.

Andrew broke the kiss but kept his hands on me. Dropping my forehead to his, I closed my eyes. Maybe when I opened them, everything would be different. Raven would be awake, Andrew would be back to his best self, and we would all laugh and watch a movie together. Life would be the perfect way it was supposed to be.

“I don’t know what to do,” Andrew painfully whispered.

My heart must have shattered. What could I say? I had nothing to offer but myself.

“I’m here,” I earnestly replied.

His hands pressed into my back so hard it started to hurt, but I didn’t care. He could cling to me as tightly as he needed to. I wasn’t going anywhere.

“I just want to forget about everything for a while,” Andrew murmured.

I ran my thumb down his lips, and he kissed it back. Forgetting sounded perfect. If only it was that easy.

“I know,” I answered. “I want the same thing.”

“Come to my bedroom.” It was more of a desperate plea than anything else. “Let’s just be together for a little bit and forget about everything else.”

“Can we?” I sadly asked.

Andrew squeezed my waist. “We can try.”