Chapter 62

Andrew

“She didn’t say anything about me?” I asked Raven one more time.

“Oh my god,” she sighed. She was sitting on the edge of her hospital bed, stretching her good leg out. It was one of the simple exercises the nurses had given her to do each day so that her muscles could stay in working condition.

Raven scowled. “Don’t stare at me while I do this. I already feel stupid enough.”

“I’m not looking,” I answered, though I half-turned away.

“She didn’t want to talk about you, Dad.”

I cringed at the sadness in her voice and pressed my fist to my mouth. “I’m going to make this up to you both,” I promised.

The bed creaked, and I looked over to see Raven getting back under her covers. “I can’t wait till I leave this place,” she sighed.

“Did you hear what I said?”

She gave me a plain, unreadable look. “You’re going to make this up to us both. Okay. How?”
My heart started pounding. “You’ll see soon. Will you be okay here if I run over to Lanie’s?”

Her eyes widened. She was already picking up her phone. “Yeah. Jason said he might be able to come by.”

“Good. Hopefully, I won’t be gone too long.”
“Hopefully?” She looked confused.

“It’s only three. I’ll be back as soon as I can. Maybe I’ll have Lanie with me.”

Raven looked away, making it clear she wouldn’t be holding her breath.

“Love you.” Kissing her on the top of the head, I left.

With each mile I gained toward Lanie’s, the ball of nerves in my core grew. By the time I pulled into her parking lot, my hands shook. The Christmas snow had mostly melted, leaving nothing but small piles of dirty white here and there. Pulling into a spot right in front of Lanie’s, I killed the engine and took a long inhale.

This was it. I’d made a decision, and I was going for it.

The best thing was, I knew I’d never regret this path. Even if Lanie shot me down, I’d die satisfied knowing that I tried.

Jumping from the car, I made my way up her walkway, each step slowing down time more. The curtains in the front room were open, and a light glowed against the panes, but the reflection made it hard to make out anything other than the dark television set and some photos on the wall.

Knocking, I took in another long breath, embracing the flow of oxygen. I would need it.

The door opened, and Lanie’s mouth fell.

“Hi,” I said.

She stared at me, and I took the time to drink her in. Tight jeans. Loose sweater hanging off one shoulder. Dish towel in one hand. The slight scent of vanilla wafted off her, creating a painful hunger deep inside of me.

Yes. I wanted this woman. More than words could say.

“Andrew,” she finally said, her surprise evident.

“I know I didn’t call, but I was worried you’d tell me not to come over if I did.”

Her brow pinched. “How are you?”

“Not that great. That’s why I’m here. Can I come in?”

Say yes. Just one word. That’s all you have to do. I’ll take care of the rest.

Lanie slowly nodded, stepping aside so I could enter.

The small living room was as it had always been, with the exception of a new candle here and a small stack of books there. A hamper loaded with laundry sat on one end of the couch, and a radio played from the kitchen, its volume so low, I couldn’t make out the song.

Lanie shut the door behind me, and I glanced over my shoulder, finding what I had hoped was still there.

“You didn’t throw it away.”

Lanie came to stand next to me, and we both looked at the painting I’d bought her in the fall, not long after we met.

“I thought about it a few times,” she answered.

I looked at her, and her expression became bashful. “But not really. I could never bring myself to do that.”

I gulped. “I’m glad.”

Though I kept my gaze on her face, her eyes kept flicking away. “So you’re here.”

“I really needed to talk to you.”

Lanie cleared her throat. Abruptly, she turned and went into the open kitchen area, dropping the dish towel on the counter before spinning back to look at me. She was putting distance between us, and I didn’t like it one bit.

I fought the urge to stride across the room and close the physical distance between us. That was the easy answer. Lanie wanted more than my embrace. She deserved more. She deserved an explanation, real honesty.

I’d planned this out, and the simplest steps came first.

“I’m going back to the hospital after this. Will you come with?”

Lanie hesitated, but only for a moment. “Okay, yeah. I’d like to see Raven. I have a book she might like.”

Fear bubbled up in me, but I ignored it. The time had come to lay it all out there. There could be no turning back.

“Lanie, I came here to tell you I love you.”

Surprise flashed across her face, and she seemed happy, but a heartbeat later and her features were hard once more.

“I love you, too, Andrew, but it’s not that simple.” Her lashes fluttered, and she bit down on her bottom lip, looking like she was trying not to cry. “I’ve been thinking that I really want to forgive you, but I-I gave you everything I could, and it felt like that just didn’t matter. You threw me away like I didn’t mean anything to you.”

Seeing the pain on her face, hearing it in her words, it made me feel like I was burning from the inside out.

“Lanie, I never meant to hurt you. Please believe that. It kills me to know that I did. I thought I knew what was best for all three of us. But I don’t. That’s why I need you.” I took a step toward her, but only one. “I need you to help me figure things out, to keep my head on straight.”

Her lips twitched, and she brought her arms up, wrapping them around her torso in an embrace. “I want things to go back to the way they were,” she whispered, “but I’m afraid.”

“I understand.”

“Do you?” She cocked her head. “Because I don’t think you get how badly you hurt me. How …” She sucked in a ragged breath. “Never mind. Forget it.”

“No,” I sharply said, taking another step in her direction. There was still so much space between us, but I didn’t want to push my luck. “Tell me. Please.”

Her eyes shone from the tears lingering there. “I thought you were the one. The person I’d waited my whole life for. And then, when you broke up with me, I had to deal with moving on from that. With accepting that I’d lost the best thing I’d ever found.”

“I know what that feels like,” I solemnly answered.

Lanie warily watched me, waiting.

“I’ve lost so much, Lanie,” I breathed. “My wife. The most special moments of Raven’s childhood and teenage years. You.” My voice snagged, and I had to clear my throat. “Which is why I know now that I can’t afford to lose anything else. I can’t let anything good slip through my fingers.”

Lanie’s softly-curved lips trembled. I longed to clear the space between us, to pull her into my arms and demand she let me stay, beg her to keep me forever. But, still, that was too easy.

Standing in front of a person, looking them in the eye and confessing from the deepest regions of your heart, now that was difficult.

And, also, the right thing to do.

A tear slipped down Lanie’s cheek. “When did you become so romantic?”

I half-laughed, half-sobbed. “I don’t feel like I’m being very poetic here. I’m trying my hardest, but this is still hard. I’ve never been great with words. Not outside a boardroom.”

Lanie wiped that solitary tear away. “I don’t know what to say. Andrew, I love you. I do. I’ll never stop loving you.”

“Please don’t let there be a but,” I exhaled.

She smiled sadly.

“I figured my words would be shit—”

“They’re not shit,” she quickly cut in.

I held one hand up as I reached the other into my pocket. “I can show you what you mean to me, Lanie. I can prove I want you by my side every day for the rest of my life.”

Pulling out the ring box, I strode forward. The time had come to close that space between us, the physical and the emotional. This woman was what I wanted, what I needed. I would fight tooth and nail until the day I died if that’s what it took to show her what she meant to me.

Stopping in front of Lanie, I dropped down to one knee and flipped the box open. Her jaw dropped, and her gasp sucked all the air out of the room.

“Wh-what?” she sputtered. “Andrew.”

“You’re good for me, Lanie. You’re good for Raven. You’re more than I could ever ask for. I know I’m going to fuck up sometimes. I can’t promise I’ll do everything perfectly. But I can promise I’ll always do my best to make things better. If you’ll be my wife and spend every day and night by my side, I’ll work every single day to show you how much I love you. I’ll try. Honest to god, Lanie, I’ll do my best.”

Lanie lifted her hand halfway to her open mouth like she was going to cover it, but then dropped it instead and took the ring from the box. The kitchen light caught the diamond, making it sparkle.

“That’s my job,” I said, taking the ring from her hand and lightly grasping her left fingers in mine. I lifted my eyes to hers. “What do you say? Will you marry me?”

“Andrew, this,” Somehow, her eyes got wider, “I didn’t expect this.”

“It’s what I want.” I kept my gaze on hers, praying she believed me. “Please say yes.”

Pink spread across her cheeks as she smiled wide. “Yes.”

The word rang in my head. I almost couldn’t believe it.

“Did you just say yes?” I asked.

“Yes, I said yes.” She laughed.

My own laugh bubbled up in my chest and exploded from my throat. With euphoria filling me, I held Lanie’s hand with new confidence and slipped the ring on.

“It’s a little big,” I said, “Sorry. I’ll have it refitted right away.”

“Don’t you dare apologize for anything else. Not today.”

Grinning wide, she took my wrists and guided me to my feet. If my knee ached from all the time pressed against the floor, I couldn’t tell.

Pushing my arms around Lanie’s waist, I pulled her to me. Her face lifted toward mine, her lips parting the slightest bit. I worked one hand up to the back of her neck, relishing the softness of her skin.

“I love you,” I whispered, my gaze jumping between her eyes, unable to settle with looking into only one.

“How much?” she teased, her fingers digging into the back of my coat.

“More than I can ever say,” I seriously answered. “Do you understand that, Lanie?”

New tears entered her eyes, and she swallowed hard. “Yes. I do. And I’m sorry this has been so hard for me, that I’ve had trouble forgiving you.”

I tightened my hold on her. “I’m sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry.” I pressed my hips against hers. “And you better let me have the last word.”

Lanie giggled and tucked her face into the base of my neck. “I love you so much, Andrew.”

I sucked in a long breath, taking in those words, that moment, sealing them away in my heart where I could cherish them forever.